shortliner

Every time somebody mentions "Bishop" I'm reminded of Marty Feldman, and his "flocking stick". He was a sad loss

In the fun world of the administration of New Zealand Justice, not all the laughs are in the court-room. Indeed, giggles and guffaws can erupt at almost any time or place. For example: On a bitterly cold winter's day earlier this year, on the Desert Rd a NZ Police Constable on patrol came across a motorcyclist, who was swathed in protective gear from head to toe, including helmet, stalled by the roadside. " What's the matter?" asked the constable. "Carburetor's frozen," was the terse reply. Pee on it. That'll thaw it out." Can't." OK, watch me and I will show you." The constable lubricated the carburetor, as promised. The bike started and the rider drove off, waving. A few days later, the Waiouru office received a note of thanks from the father of the motorbike rider. It began: "On behalf of my daughter, who was recently stranded........................"

Re your cobbles - Would this help? http://www.kancali.com/rrhomepage.html

I find that the A1 north of Newcastle turns into a poor imitation of an English B road - for a Main Route it is absolutely appaling. I always use Coldstream simply because, if you get stuck behind a lorry (or even worse a typical Sunday-afternoon-motorist) on the Jedburgh road, that is EXACTLY where you will stay - BEHIND IT! Passing opportunities are VERY limited, because of the bends. BUT also remember that it is CAMERA COUNTRY.

CraigZs post reminded me of this - "Double-Hustler" - built from a pair of Athearn Hustler bodies on a SW1200 bluebox chassis

"Not quite as the History Books Depict", or "If political correctnes had come about somewhat earlier" Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?" Hardy: "Sorry sir?" Nelson (reading aloud): "' England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?" Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting ' England ' past the censors, lest it be considered racist." Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco." Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments." Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the mainbrace to steel the men before battle." Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking." Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on with it . full speed ahead." Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water." Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please." Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir." Nelson: "What?" Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness, and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected." Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy." Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the fo'c'sle Admiral." Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd." Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled." Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of admiral by playing the disability card." Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency." Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons." Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats.. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?" Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy." Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral." Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!" Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks." Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?" Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not." Nelson: "We're not?" Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation." Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil." Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear yousaying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report." Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King." Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life" Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, s####y and the lash?" Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment." Nelson: "What about s####y?" Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir." Nelson: "In that case............................... kiss me, Hardy."

Are you sure they haven't sold you a baby alligator?

Graham - is it worth looking at the Maplins folding studio that comes up on offer quite frequently, or google DIY Light Tent- It really is amazing how effective the softer lighting is Edit:- currently ??9.99 http://www.maplin.co...tudio&doy=20m11

Stephen - I have 17 photos taken 2 Sept 2000, of a puffer, VIC 32, in Caley Marina, Inverness. They are mainly details of things like the winch, and were taken with a very basic digital camera, 640 x480, but if they might be of use, send me an email address This is one that has been brightened slightly in PSP Jack

I had many minis before being forced by changes of family circumstances to get larger vehicles, however I'm back (for the last couple of years) to the modern equivalent, wheel at each corner, point it where you want to go, fun drive - The Ford SportKa - small, fast, and fun is back in driving!

Stu, the travelling might be possible by using something like the method used to move the old tuning dial fitted to radios where the marker moved along - or even better, something like the system for a pantograph arm on a draughting board keeping it parallel. Wheels on inset rails with a slot in the bottom with a rod through the slot fixed to the cord on both sides perhaps

...and, of course the Red Kite - realeased around the Black Isle some years ago and now a big breeding success - It is not often that we go to inverness and don't see at least one on the journey.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they: (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't smoke or drink, (7) don't want to wear your clothes, (8) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (9) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (10) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children...

A quick trip to your local car spares place will get you window tint film in various shades. Applied to the inside of the perspex it should make the interior less obvious unless you are having some of the interiors lit. It is called ECLIPSE Quality Window Film marketed by Castle Promotions, Norwich, NR3 2BS

Lookin' good!

Looks like some people are in for a long wait - quote from the link in Gordons thread - Doctor Who in charge I presume? "Huge lines of traffic were backed up on the A595 Papcastle Bridge and the A66 from Cockermouth to Workington. However they will be soon thrown a lifeline with work beginning this morning on a temporary footbridge 300 years upstream of Calva Bridge. Army engineers began work at the site this morning and hope to allow the first pedestrians to cross it by next weekend."

Red Revelations - Jace Everett

Recipe for buying a freezer - pick the size you think you need, double it, and add half as much again! - The only way we got the size of freezer we need - and there are only two of us!

Mine are left untreated and are fine for storing my issues

And these are almost half the price http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/search/?query=Knuff

May be a silly question - but if the white bit is raised to form a quayside, how will the sticky-outy bits fold up to make a box - surely they will be prevented from doing so by the raised white surface inside?

....but remember that "the camera never lies!" (sometimes tells fibs though!)

The next pandemic I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc. From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu. This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case. Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down. However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD and take some Nurofen (Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu). Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases. If not, then further application of the original liquid, in similar quantities to the original dose, has been shown to do the trick. Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period. Cheers! NOTE If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men and can quickly spread to their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of eye-rolling.

There is a "Layout Topics" section for those who do not want to Blog.

That is realy looking rather good - excellent job with the warehouse! Jack