Modelling mojo and state of mind

[The Johnster]

You are certainly not alone in exposing yourself to online fraud or ID theft.  The scum that take advantage of people in this way are clever, resourceful opportunists, and it only takes a momentary letting down of your guard.   But they are to blame for this situation, NOT YOU!!!

 

You have shown that you are on the ball enough to have realised the danger, and can allow yourself due credit for this.  

 

Paranoia is part of my life as well, and is a very tricky customer.  The problem is that many of your fears and suspicions are rational and justified, and Mr P is a past master at blurring the distinction between rational and irrational fear and suspicions, in the same way as Mr S, your subconscious, knows exactly how to most effectively destabilise you self regard and self confidence.  These gentlemen cannot be trusted, but their presence is continual and they are very, very, persuasive!

 

My own brain chemistry is questionable at best in the aftermath of a brain cancer, specifically a Pituitary Adenoma, a while ago.  This was a benign (!) tumour, but damaged my pituitary gland to the extent that I have had to accept that I need correctional medication for the rest of my life. 

 

This happened after a period of extreme stress which I am convinced was a major cause of it.  I’d respectfully suggest that you accept whatever help you GP can offer you in terms of medication and referrals before your body reacts in this sort of way.  You might need to rethink your work situation as well, though I accept this may be difficult. 

 

Take care, mate, and take it easy!

  

 

 

[south_tyne]

Ian, 

 

I'm very sorry to hear of your predicament. It is very easy to say as an outsider, but try no to dwell too much on possible and probable scenarios. It sounds like you have the support of a good partner, which is so important. Hopefully you have some methods to try to keep the anxiety under control. I understand this is so difficult though and I in no way want you to think that I am belittling the circumstance. Remember, try to talk, but you did the BEST possible thing by sharing with your wife straight away, rather than bottling it up. 

 

2 hours ago, woodenhead said:

I'm not getting any pleasure from modelling at present...

 

On the modelling front, don't put any pressure on yourself. I am sure that once you have sorted the house arrangements and made a start on reorganising your space, then the drive and enjoyment will return. Hopefully having a fresh project to get your teeth into will spark your mojo. If that takes 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years, it doesn't matter. Sometimes a break does us get and allows us to clear out heads. At its best, modelling can act as a release from the problems of the real world and the most important things in life. However, at other times it can have the opposite effect and exacerbate problems. I know at certain times it has heightened by anxiety levels, even the thought of modelling or planning anything has been debilitating to my health. Thankfully, I am definitely in the former mindset at the moment. Remember this is a hobby which we undertake for fun - if you aren't getting that enjoyment at the moment then pack the trains away and come back to them later. 

 

Hopefully you don't mind me sharing my thoughts and, if you do, please feel free to tell me to shut up!

 

All the best and take care,

David 

 

[Tricky]

I can only echo my above fellow posters in wishing you the very best outcomes to all this. Definitely a problem shared really is a problem halved.

On the modelling front, if all else is packed away, buy a plastic wagon kit and make it on a tea tray in front of the tele. Not that there’s anything worth watching apart from some really good documentaries on Channel 5 catch up on (amongst other things) good old 4472, or whatever her number is this week...

Take care...

[didcot]

Again I can only repeat what others have said. One thing I have learned from CBT and my local mental health team is to find a bit of time to do something for you each day. It doesn't have to be much or time consuming. Just something to help do a reset.

I also find a cognitive shuffle helpful. You have to think of different things that are not related. So for example start with a brick, then say space shuttle. So it would go something like a brick, space shuttle, a sun flower, a phone, water, balloon and so on. It takes practice but it's a useful distraction tool. I find it useful lying in bed. It's stops me going over and over the same thing and calms me down.

Tomorrow is a new day and a clean slate. I hope you feel better.

 

Matt

Edited July 26, 2019 by didcot

[woodenhead]

5 hours ago, Tricky said:

I can only echo my above fellow posters in wishing you the very best outcomes to all this. Definitely a problem shared really is a problem halved.

On the modelling front, if all else is packed away, buy a plastic wagon kit and make it on a tea tray in front of the tele. Not that there’s anything worth watching apart from some really good documentaries on Channel 5 catch up on (amongst other things) good old 4472, or whatever her number is this week...

Take care...

I've a few kits to do and that is exactly what I intend to do

[south_tyne]

2 hours ago, didcot said:

One thing I have learned from CBT and my local mental health team is to find a bit of time to do something for you each day. It doesn't have to be much or time consuming. Just something to help do a reset.

 

I couldn't agree more with this. Over the last few weeks I have decided that I am going to try and do 'something' practical relating to modelling every day. To be honest this normally amounts to a maximum of half an hour, and sometimes has only been 5 minutes, but it is absolutely amazing how much better I can feel just for completing the most minor task. Setting short-term, small and achievable goals is what works for me. For example, today's task was weathering the sleepers on my micro-layout; two stints, each of no more than 20 minutes apiece, but another little tasks ticked off the list. 

 

What I have ensured though is that, if I have a day when I don't get anything done, whether that's down to shortage of time lack of motivation, then I try not to beat myself up about it. I have been keen try to not dwell on those days in order to stop the anxiety levels getting out of control; remember, tomorrow is another day. 

 

I know this kind of approach won't work for everyone but it is certainly helping me at present. 

 

2 hours ago, woodenhead said:

I've a few kits to do and that is exactly what I intend to do

 

Great  A positive attitude can really help move forward. Take care!

 

[Bill_J]

south_tyne said  "I have decided that I am going to try and do 'something' practical relating to modelling every day. ... today's task was weathering the sleepers on my micro-layout; two stints, each of no more than 20 minutes apiece, but another little tasks ticked off the list. "

 

This is excellent advice, something that I'm trying to do myself, with some success and a lot of indecision. I have to keep reigning in both my doubts and my enthusiastic flights of fancy and remind myself of the original aim of my current project. Whenever I start to doubt it all, want to throw in the towel and give up this modelling lark altogether, I just go back to the plan and do a little more.

 

Regards to all

[didcot]

Its also important to be kind to yourself. I have always set myself high standards. Part coping mechanism, part drilled into me as an apprentice. If it wasn't right it went in the bin. So that kind of sets you up for a fall. But let's face it if something isn't quite right, no one gets hurt. So you have to be kind to yourself, take a step back or walk away but don't beat yourself up.

 

It's taken a lot of practice to rewire my brain. Beating myself up was second nature, but that is changing slowly.

 

I also deliberately steer clear of social media, with this exception, I don't watch the news, it scares me.

 

I've also learnt that some people just aren't worth it and let them go. Not always easy due to family ties, but I don't need there toxic poison in my life anymore.

 

So be kind to yourselves.

 

Matt

[chuffinghell]

3 hours ago, didcot said:

Its also important to be kind to yourself. I have always set myself high standards. Part coping mechanism, part drilled into me as an apprentice. If it wasn't right it went in the bin. So that kind of sets you up for a fall. But let's face it if something isn't quite right, no one gets hurt. So you have to be kind to yourself, take a step back or walk away but don't beat yourself up.

 

It's taken a lot of practice to rewire my brain. Beating myself up was second nature, but that is changing slowly.

 

I also deliberately steer clear of social media, with this exception, I don't watch the news, it scares me.

 

I've also learnt that some people just aren't worth it and let them go. Not always easy due to family ties, but I don't need there toxic poison in my life anymore.

 

So be kind to yourselves.

 

Matt

 

Thats pretty much me in a nutshell, it’s almost like I wrote that myself

 

I’ve been a little low this week but it’s because I’ve got a bad back and it’s stopped me doing the stuff I wanted to do on the layout

 

However I’ve tried not to let it get me down too much by concentrating on building my pump house instead (which hasn’t involved any lifting, bending or twisting)

 

So instead of doing my usual stopping all together and being fed up I’ve just shifted my focus onto that which has definitely kept the black dog at bay

 

Edited July 27, 2019 by chuffinghell
Winky face added to raise a smile

[The Johnster]

I also learned the hard way that high standards can lead to low self-opinion if you can't always attain them, and if they're high, you inevitably won't always.  But if you adopt lower standards and still can't achieve them, your self worth will be even lower...

 

Try to regard any achievement, no matter how irrelevant and trivial, as an achievement, and give yourself due praise for it, and at the same time try not to beat yourself up when you fail (accept responsibility by all means, but don't beat yourself up).  Your subconscious will tell you that this is cheating and that you should be ashamed of yourself, but remember that your subconscious is an enemy trying to destroy you.  A good technique IMHO is to set small, easily achievable targets for yourself and give yourself as much credit as you can when you achieve them; modelling, especially kit or scratch building, is perfectly suited to this.  Ignore Mr S, and after a while you will realise that the sum of several small achievements is a big one of which you can and should be proud.  

 

Confucious him say journey of a thousand leagues start with one step.  I'd listen to him if I were you; he's cleverer than me!

 

 

[Bill_J]

Just watched this Kathy Millatt video on YouTube. I found it helpful, maybe others will too...

 

 

[Mallard60022]

5 hours ago, Bill_J said:

Just watched this Kathy Millatt video on YouTube. I found it helpful, maybe others will too...

 

 

That was quite good, however the other Vids offered resulted in me wasting a load of time listening to top 20 Acoustic and Electric Guitar intros!!!!!!

[tomparryharry]

As before, the modelling side has stopped. But I'm pleased to report that the 1;1 civil engineering aspect is now firing on all cylinders.  In the last couple of days, I've taken delivery of a diddy 1/3* cement mixer, to help me through the project. Today's afternoon progress  allowed me to mix 2 cubic metres of concrete for the retaining wall footings. Naturally, I'm very pleased, but my back.... OUCH! 

 

* the 1/3 cement mixer is capable of working a capacity of 1/3rd bag of cement. I don't overwork the mixer, so I've downsized the capacity, to (what I call) a 1/4 bag.  63 litres? Yes, that's it. 

 

If the weather (and my back) holds up, tomorrow sees me starting on the second set of footings. I'll post some photos, but only if you're intent on looking at a trench...

 

 

 

 

[Coldgunner]

Update on my situation I suppose...

 

Basically I was laid off and given my weeks notice (its awesome being a contractor.... not). Finished with the company last week and a massive weight seemed to be lifted. It made me realise how much I hated the job when I was happy to be, essentially sacked. I was laid off for not performing as I should have and this was after a couple of warnings. I can do the job, its not a hard one but the fact of the matter is, I didn't actually care about it. I've obviously been looking, but I've still got some cash in my pocket to see me through for a little while.

 

The loss is theirs not mine. I'd warned them about what would happen, they refused to heed my warnings and those issues came to fruition. Screw them

 

On the plus side, I've taken this time out to do a couple of things I've been wanting to do. Went to visit Bressingham last week and had a fantastic day.

[tomparryharry]

On 27/07/2019 at 19:01, chuffinghell said:

 

Thats pretty much me in a nutshell, it’s almost like I wrote that myself

 

I’ve been a little low this week but it’s because I’ve got a bad back and it’s stopped me doing the stuff I wanted to do on the layout

 

However I’ve tried not to let it get me down too much by concentrating on building my pump house instead (which hasn’t involved any lifting, bending or twisting)

 

So instead of doing my usual stopping all together and being fed up I’ve just shifted my focus onto that which has definitely kept the black dog at bay

 

 

That's neat work. What scale, may I ask?

[Mallard60022]

14 hours ago, Coldgunner said:

Update on my situation I suppose...

 

Basically I was laid off and given my weeks notice (its awesome being a contractor.... not). Finished with the company last week and a massive weight seemed to be lifted. It made me realise how much I hated the job when I was happy to be, essentially sacked. I was laid off for not performing as I should have and this was after a couple of warnings. I can do the job, its not a hard one but the fact of the matter is, I didn't actually care about it. I've obviously been looking, but I've still got some cash in my pocket to see me through for a little while.

 

The loss is theirs not mine. I'd warned them about what would happen, they refused to heed my warnings and those issues came to fruition. Screw them

 

On the plus side, I've taken this time out to do a couple of things I've been wanting to do. Went to visit Bressingham last week and had a fantastic day.

Well done for getting out of somewhere you hated.  There will be other things to find I am sure. All the best and enjoy some 'me' time.

When did that thing arrive at Bressingham? I don't remember seeing it a couple of years back. Beast!

Phi

[Coldgunner]

As far as I know its always been there. Unless it was out on loan when you went.

[chrisf]

My history of depression began in the summer of 2005 when I went to see the GP about something else entirely.  It was clearly work related but I stopped the doc signing me off because I felt that being home alone would not have helped.   I was issued with anti-depressants in which I had no faith and stopped taking them when I took early retirement in 2006.  From then till last year I coped but last spring I was conscious of the black dog scratching on the kennel again.  I saw a counsellor who helped me with the depression, confidence issues and a problematic relationship.  I had to stop seeing her when I went on the holiday of a lifetime and since I returned things have been better so we have not reconnected.  My missing mojo is pretty much down to confidence issues.  I don't know how others feel but I find that I have spikes of confidence which enable me to do something unexpected.  I am also quite busy with other things!

 

Chris

[Mallard60022]

8 minutes ago, chrisf said:

My history of depression began in the summer of 2005 when I went to see the GP about something else entirely.  It was clearly work related but I stopped the doc signing me off because I felt that being home alone would not have helped.   I was issued with anti-depressants in which I had no faith and stopped taking them when I took early retirement in 2006.  From then till last year I coped but last spring I was conscious of the black dog scratching on the kennel again.  I saw a counsellor who helped me with the depression, confidence issues and a problematic relationship.  I had to stop seeing her when I went on the holiday of a lifetime and since I returned things have been better so we have not reconnected.  My missing mojo is pretty much down to confidence issues.  I don't know how others feel but I find that I have spikes of confidence which enable me to do something unexpected.  I am also quite busy with other things!

 

Chris

Morning Chris. Yes, I think the 'confidence' thing is fairly typical. The 'spikes' are also very recognisable.

I  have always found socialising difficult and have thus missed out on many things, especially large gatherings where one is expected to get drunk and have a bloody good time eh what! I am probably antisocial, but I would often just sit and have a nice cup of tea and some cake. Strangely though, in my past working life I have enjoyed being a 'performer' in many ways, but often had to take a huge deep breath before 'stepping out'. I agree that it is probably also to do with self-confidence and feeling comfortable with things and I was over protected as a child and never had the experience of having to defend myself at school for example. I did though enjoy my secondary ed time quite a lot.

Weirdly my anxiety and depressive situations still often result in me avoiding social events and even just meeting up with people that I know well. However, these days it is more to do with my various annoying 'conditions' that often rule my life. The situation can actually make me feel quite ill...…..and yet at other times I will be chatting away to folk, especially on holiday, and having a good time when SWMBO who is such a social person, is wondering what on earth I am taking to enable this! Such is life then.

The greatest step that can be taken in considering one's mental health is to talk about it. Can I just say well done for sharing this post. I have met you just the once and that was great fun, but know your amazing knowledge of things GW and am in awe of that skill that you have in sharing things with people and attending so many shows.

Take care buddy.

Phil

[Edge]

I deeply sympathise with the stories told on here and wish nothing but the best for those affected by adversity.

 

for my part, a new job and now passed probation period has significantly turned things around. I am, for the first time in 18 months, able to make detailed financial plans and move forward with clearing the debt that has been weighing down on me for years (technically, I’ve always been clearing it, but I’d rather do it much faster than the ‘official’ plan). It wasn’t until I began getting ‘better’ after starting my new job that I realised quite how ill I had been at my last one.

 

from a modelling standpoint, I am hoping to actually negotiate enough floor space to allow me to begin work on an exhibition layout and tinker. Hobby funds, while limited, will be split between railways, travel and warhammer. 

 

The best thing I can do is to avoid setting yourself firm modelling deadlines - it then becomes work and you will not enjoy it. It then ceases to be an escape/safety valve to allow you relaxation and things just get worse.

Edited July 31, 2019 by Edge
Damn autocorrect on my phone

[The Johnster]

4 hours ago, Mallard60022 said:

Well done for getting out of somewhere you hated.  There will be other things to find I am sure. All the best and enjoy some 'me' time.

When did that thing arrive at Bressingham? I don't remember seeing it a couple of years back. Beast!

Phi

 

2 hours ago, Edge said:

I deeply sympathise with the stories told on here and wish nothing but the best for those affected by adversity.

 

for my part, a new job and now passed probation period has significantly turned things around. I am, for the first time in 18 months, able to make detailed financial plans and move forward with clearing the debt that has been weighing down on me for years (technically, I’ve always been clearing it, but I’d rather do it much faster than the ‘official’ plan). It wasn’t until I began getting ‘better’ after starting my new job that I realised quite how ill I had been at my last one.

 

from a modelling standpoint, I am hoping to actually negotiate enough floor space to allow me to begin work on an exhibition layout and tinker. Hobby funds, while limited, will be split between railways, travel and warhammer. 

 

The best thing I can do is to avoid setting yourself firm modelling deadlines - it then becomes work and you will not enjoy it. It then ceases to be an escape/safety valve to allow you relaxation and things just get worse.

All stuff that resonates with The Johnster; I'd have definitely killed myself one way or another if I hadn't given up work 15 years before retirement date despite the financial aspect, which turned out not to be as bad as I thought it was gonna be.  I've had debt problems as well, and the relief when you clear them is wonderful.  My advice is to avoid any form of credit, totally.

 

Edge, you might like a squiz at my topic 'South Wales Valleys in the 1950s' topic on Layouts, especially the early parts of the saga.  This is a permanent home layout not intended for exhibition (something I'd find far too stressful deze daze), but is, especially in the earlier episodes, very much an everyday story of modelling folk operating on a limited budget and having to make do and mend.  It cost me about 3 times as much as I'd originally budgeted for, but is fundamentally complete, up and running, and gives me an enormous amount of pleasure; I managed despite my limited and fixed income.  

 

I agreed about deadlines (another reason I don't do exhibitions any more); these need to be kept under control and limited to small tasks easily achieved that you then give yourself credit for.   I try to set tasks to complete in a modelling session, but have learned to allow twice the time I reckon they'll take.  It is then important, if you finish before you thought you were going to, not to start on another job straight away; leave it and either have an operating session or go up the pub and buy yourself a congratulatory beer.   Recognising your limitations and working within them is important, and it is all too easy for a challenge to turn into a problem.  

 

OTOH it's important to keep the momentum, which I've lost in terms of modelling this week because of the warm weather.  I've had a couple of operating sessions, though; this is the great advantage of a permanent erection (!). that you can do a shunting movement while the adverts are on and dip in and out of your little world at will.  Apropos which, it is also important for me that the layout is situated in the general living area of the home, not in a basement, attic, shed, or garage where my mood levels would let it be abandoned to the spiders for weeks at a time...

 

I would rather have a small layout indoors than a big one in a shed.

[Northmoor]

5 hours ago, The Johnster said:

All stuff that resonates with The Johnster; I'd have definitely killed myself one way or another if I hadn't given up work 15 years before retirement date despite the financial aspect, which turned out not to be as bad as I thought it was gonna be.  I've had debt problems as well, and the relief when you clear them is wonderful.  My advice is to avoid any form of credit, totally.

 

A wise aim if not always achievable; I agree with Martin Lewis the Money Saving Expert that not all debt is inherently bad, a debt that you can't afford is bad.

 

We cleared our mortgage last year just under five years early; while that was always my intention it's largely been the result of both my wife and I being made redundant within two years of each other and some inheritance from both of us losing a parent within three.  One hell of a way to clear a debt..... but the day we went to the bank and wrote a cheque to clear the balance of the mortgage was a great day.  Knowing that whatever happens with employment, we keep the roof over our heads, is a great comfort.  We see friends around us with much larger houses and more space for their families but we keep reminding ourselves, we don't know how much of their houses still belong to the bank. 

[The Johnster]

I'm sticking with the idea that all debt is inherently bad, thank you.  In other words, if I haven't got the money to pay for it, I can't afford it and therefore don't have it.  This is not right for everyone of course but bitter experience has proved it to be right for me, more than once.  If you take on a debt, it is on the assumption that your circumstances will remain conducive to paying it off at the agreed rate for the time the debt lasts, in other words a gamble if you don't have a crystal ball and can't see what's coming around the corner.  A divorce, job loss, and serious illness, all matters beyond my direct control, scuppered me big time, and for a long time.

 

Additionally, you have to pay interest, which is simply a method by which you can make people who already have more money than you have even more money than you, for which you pay.  

[Northmoor]

Fair enough Johnster, you have to do what is right for you.  I like your analysis of paying interest....  It reminds me of my riposte whenever I hear people saying what a waste of time renting is, shouting how they "paid £200k for my house and it's worth £500k now".  Except they didn't pay £200k, they paid 25yrs x 12mths x monthly mortgage payment, which works out at rather more than £200k.  Rather frighteningly more if you got your mortgage when interest rates weren't at today's historically low levels.  There are a lot of people out there who will get quite a fright if interest rates ever go back to even normal, low levels of perhaps 4-5%.  And bringing this back to the subject of this thread, few things cause stress for more households than financial worries.

[Norm81]

Just to cheer the rest of you up, if my recently unexpectedly made redundant wife doesn’t get a new job by the end of the year I’ll be forced to sell up to pay the bills and leave the hobby.