RMweb Gold 97406 Posted November 14, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 14, 2021 (edited) When it came to anxiety and depression with me, the gamechanger was the realisation that basically, I have an introvert personality. This means that I rapidly lose the ability to function and think rationally if I try and cram too much into my schedule, especially through interaction with others through work or socially. The solution to this is quite simple, and involves allowing myself some quiet time to recharge. It is far from being a time of inactivity, instead I'll nip out into the countryside on the bicycle, tinker with my models, or even just sit in my favourite armchair in silence facing the garden, having a good old think! Allowing myself that space gives me time to process all the information I've received in the big wide world out there, and I plan my next manuevres out there. It is also lovely to live in the moment for some of the time. I appreciate that many of you will have busy schedules and family commitments, but if the above rings true, then do consider allowing yourself some 'you' time. There are plenty of good articles regarding introvert and extrovert personalities on t'internet if you fancy a surf. Edited November 14, 2021 by 97406 3 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold john new Posted November 14, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 14, 2021 19 hours ago, Poggy1165 said: The problem with stress and depression (and probably other m.h. issues that I know nowt about,) is that they are insidious and sneak up on you. (This does not happen with a broken leg, for example.) You may be unaware you have them and/or you may be in denial until a crisis hits. As eventually, given the pressures of life in general and working life in particular, it almost certainly will. My wife spotted I was ill (or nor right) months before I realised. She kept telling me to take time off work, but I wouldn't, as I was convinced that there was either nothing wrong with me or it was just a low mood that would pass. I wasn't having time off with that! But if I had gone with her advice I might not have become as ill as I eventually did. They do, and as blokes too often we don’t listen early enough. I had a week in hospital back in August (kidneys issue) that might have been prevented had I acted earlier. Cause now diagnosed and awaiting long term solution. 1 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben B Posted November 15, 2021 Share Posted November 15, 2021 On 13/11/2021 at 13:09, woodenhead said: It was for me, many occurrences during my time with the company, stopped when I left. It was crippling pain, not helped by a hidden condition with my brain that wasn’t discovered until my early forties, but by then the stress related triggers had been resolved. My brain cannot regulate the pressure within it so if I get stressed or my blood pressure is raised it can lead to problems. I was very interested reading this- thanks for sharing the information. Over the last few years I've developed a couple of stress-triggered medical conditions myself (I had an unpleasant job which got very much on top of me, and some very unsupportive management who wanted rid of me). I had a couple of fainting spells from the stress, but when I left that job and started a new one which I enjoyed, those medical issues vanished. Interestingly, they came back with a vengeance after I'd left the newer job and ended up in my current circumstances... Without going into too much details, I developed insomnia, when I did manage to drop-off I sleepwalked, and one night I tumbled down the stairs and injured my chest. It triggered a condition called Costochondritis where the cartilage swells and forces my ribs apart. Stress is known to set it off, and in turn I picked up a stomach problem too (thought to be the result of some of the meds they put me on whilst thinking my chest was a heart condition). It also has to be said that having a stress-induced chest condition isn't helped when you're having to wait 8 months for a Cardiac MRI on the assumption you've a malfunctioning heart aged 33. All it means after the barrage of tests is that when my chest is stinging, I can at least try and re-assure myself that it almost certainly isn't a heart attack, as I've had all manner of tests to show my heart is generally fine. The interesting thing is that after years of mis-diagnosis and investigations, a pain-management study got hold of me, and they reckon that whilst I do indeed have a physical condition, the years of stressing about it (and the other stuff) have effectively re-wired my nervous system to mis-interpret pain levels. My brain therefore thinks pain is worse or non-existent depending on the injury or even my mood at the time. So when I'm stressed, my chest aches abominably, and increasingly I get horrible pressure headaches with it too. It interprets a relatively minor pain as a major one, which makes me more worried, which sets up a kind of feedback loop until I'm practically passing out. But then my nerves have odd moments where I don't register any pain at all; I can use a hot-glue gun for example, and not notice at all me accidentally getting molten glue on my fingers. The doctor on the study gave me a set of exercises to do where I tense, in sequence, the muscle groups starting with my fingertips, working up and down my body, to try and effectively re-wire the relays and normalise how my brain picks up feelings. The doctor also said do practical and relaxing things like model-making, which is more of an issue of course, as I have to get over the tremendous mental and physical guilt that whilst I'm gluing model kits together I ought to be getting a better paid job, or at the very least doing more housework and DIY... I've yet to master the balance. 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post The Johnster Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted November 15, 2021 We are conditioned by societal pressures to be able to support ourselves and any wives and offspring that might have happened to us along the way, and our parents, living in a time of increasing prosperity, job security, and rising house prices, were pretty good at this. But the world is not as accommodating as it used to was, because:- .Jobs became scarcer and much less secure, so pressure in work has become a serious problem and not everyone is able to cope with it without suffering mental health issues, which are all too often regareded as a failure brought on by weakness and 'not measuring up' by the victims as well as their colleagues and managers. .Divorce became easier and less socially unacceptable, and while this is in many ways a good thing that enables people trapped in joyless, loveless, or abusive marriages to escape them and start again, the devastating fallout is usually another example evidencing one's supposed 'failure' in life. The monetary loss associated with it, and the loss of one's home in many cases, all contribute to stress, and stress is a major trigger of mental and physical illness. Depression is so common after divorce that it can almost be regarded as inevitable, and not a few of us cope by resorting alcohol or drug abuse which contribute to the downward spiral. .House prices and rentals have increased to a level that prevents many people from maintaining anything like their pre-job loss/divorce standard of living; the lonely bedsit worrying about the bills is not conducive to mental health. And all the time we measure ourselves against the achievements of our successful parents, believing that we had more and better opportunities and should have exceeded their achievements when we rarely equal them in the current economy. We are, as I said, conditioned by our upbringings and the examples of our parents, to take responsibility for our lives; we are breadwinners and protectors, and we can't even look after ourselves properly. We are thus made to remain in jobs that are killing us physically and undermining us mentally and spiritually, paying mortgages and bills that are a continual struggle, and terrified of losing our position on the ratrace ladder rung. I was forced to take early retirement by my depression, which followed a brain tumour that I believe to have been stress induced, and the enforced retirement undoubtedly saved my life and at least some of my sanity. By that time I'd been through the divorce/home loss mill, twice, and it was a blessing that I no longer had dependents to worry about. It took my a long time to accept that this situation was not entirely my own fault, though I have to take on board full responsibilty for some of my shortcomings. In fact I am still processing this, and probably will be until they nail the lid on, but realisation that a good bit of the stress was something that happened to me, was done to me by other people who did not have my best interests at heart (and why should they, nobody owed me a living just because my parents had one) (of course, my parents, measuring me by their standards, regarded me as something of an embarrassment as well) has enabled m to deal with it to at least some extent. Early retirement meant a further reduction in my standard of living and a long period of rebuilding it, but at least I was free of committments and able to make decisions that only affected myself it they went wrong, and some of them did. It also meant a lot of time for self-examination and disaster inquiry, and while this has been therapeutic I would not suggest delving too deeply into one's past until one has built a basic level of awareness that it was not all entirely one's fault. This will be of little immediate help to those contributors to this thread who are currently going through the mill in various forms. It's horrible, and it came very close to killing me. But, taking a longer view. there is hope for a better life for you in a future after the storm has passed, though it is difficult to visualise at present. You may not emerge undamaged by it all, I certainly didn't, and it sometimes feels as if your life has become smaller and more restricted, but even bleakness has a beauty and can calm the soul, and you can achieve a level of contentment and peace from your own inner resources. Life may seem to be telliing you that you are a miserable failure who deserves your sufferings and deprivations, but it's not life, it's your own sub-concious telling you this. Your own subconcious is your worst enemy; it knows you better than anyone including yourself and it knows the buttons to push, but it is a concienceless liar that wants to bring you down. You are not a miserable failure, trust me, the fact that you have a constructive hobby and post on a website devoted to it shows that you are creative, imaginative, and have achieved things that not everybody is capable of. It's too easy to allow your subconcious to convince you that every aspect of your life is a self fulfilling prophecy of failure for which you are solely to blame, but a rational view would be that this is only ever partly true, if true at all. You are better than you think you are, and it does no harm to occasionally punctuate the relentless self-criticism and failure-induced guilt that you didn't measure up to your own self-conciousness's ill informed and irrational judgement of you with the rational though that you are better than you think you are, better than you thought you were, and are going to be better than you will think you are in future. In short, stop beating yourself up, there are plenty of others who can do that for you. 5 2 11 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold john new Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 15, 2021 So much truth in the above. 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Popular Post 08221 Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Popular Post Share Posted November 15, 2021 (edited) Fantastic piece @The Johnster, so well written. I was in an abusive and violent marriage for over 20 years before it finally got too dangerous and I had to take action to save myself from further harm - that in itself meant blowing my life and my world apart. Went to take my life once but a friend knew where I’d gone and followed me. He really turned my life around. Sometimes we are all in that place where we can’t see a way out, but over time, things change and we can refocus our lives. I’m now a fully trained mental health first aider and run a support group for colleagues at work as well as for other male survivors of domestic abuse and have rebuilt my life. More than happy to support and chat to anyone on here at anytime to support them in any way - life experiences - however horrid they may be, can make us better and stronger people long term. Take care, blessings Edited November 15, 2021 by 08221 6 16 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 15, 2021 Thank you, gentlemen both. If I am helping in even the tiniest way, I am glad of it. 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 15, 2021 I do not usually recommend retail therapy as a means of dealing with the Black Dog, but it has it's place and uses. I was very depressed on Friday following information from Hermes that they had delivered my eBay order of a Bachmann Ivatt 4MT running chassis which was to be adapted for use with my Collett 1938 31xx project, which included a photo of the package in my doorway. The next part of the story is almost sell-telling; it wasn't there when I went out to collect it and is no doubt in the possession of some drug-addicted chav scumbag of the sort that infest the area I live in, so, gone. Hope he drops it on his toe... I managed to find a replacement on the Bay and order it, but my mood was definitely down and it looked like a bleak weekend, but I was coming home from another thing I do on Saturdays (local samba/latin percussion band, great fun) and, with a bit of a wait for the connecting bus, had a browse in an antiques market with a trains & dinky toys type stall, and picked up a very good Hornby J94 for the colliery for a not unreasonable number of beer vouchers. This has undoubtedly cheered me up no end, saved the weekend, and while retail therapy is at best a false and temporary fix solution, it has worked (for now)! The loco is a superb runner and has already been given a repaint into a freelance grey NCB livery; brilliant! Wouldn't rely on it as a proper approach, though... 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Northmoor Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Premium Share Posted November 15, 2021 I can make one small recommendation for reducing stress. Never Never Never Never Never use Hermes as a delivery choice. Their cardboard packaging has more brains than their entire management team. 1 5 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold john new Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 15, 2021 1 hour ago, Northmoor said: I can make one small recommendation for reducing stress. Never Never Never Never Never use Hermes as a delivery choice. Their cardboard packaging has more brains than their entire management team. Problem is the customer rarely has the choice of carrier, but gets whatever suits the sender. I have had parcels of review books arriving and just being left on the step. 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold 96701 Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 15, 2021 Fortunately our Hermes delivery guy is very good, thoughtful and courteous. I haven't had any need to try deal with the "higher ups". 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
westernviscount Posted November 15, 2021 Share Posted November 15, 2021 4 hours ago, The Johnster said: I would not suggest delving too deeply into one's past until one has built a basic level of awareness that it was not all entirely one's fault. This is refreshingly humane in the age of unrelenting personal responsibility zealots. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben B Posted November 15, 2021 Share Posted November 15, 2021 3 hours ago, Northmoor said: I can make one small recommendation for reducing stress. Never Never Never Never Never use Hermes as a delivery choice. Their cardboard packaging has more brains than their entire management team. I think I should order some beach balls to be delivered, give the Hermes driver some practise punting them over my 6ft gate as he does with all my parcels if I'm not in. A few weeks of it, and he could make the next Olympic Beach Volleyball team 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 15, 2021 Hermes, for all their well publicised faults, are not directly responsible for the loss of my chassis, some nameless local scrote (and we have a comprehensive and varied range to choose from) is. I sort of don’t need revenge, his life is already destroyed and will end badly, but I’d like my chassis back… The photo shows, in fairness to H, that they delivered. It might’ve been better had they tried again next day or given me a collection option, but that’s not how they do their thing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold john new Posted November 15, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 15, 2021 (edited) 9 minutes ago, The Johnster said: Hermes, for all their well publicised faults, are not directly responsible for the loss of my chassis, some nameless local scrote (and we have a comprehensive and varied range to choose from) is. I sort of don’t need revenge, his life is already destroyed and will end badly, but I’d like my chassis back… The photo shows, in fairness to H, that they delivered. It might’ve been better had they tried again next day or given me a collection option, but that’s not how they do their thing. Which failed and in my book they (the carrier) are liable by guilt of negligence by merely abandoning your parcel which was not actually delivered, it was just abandoned. They should be duty bound to replace the product. Unfortunately, as I found out as the innocent party fairly expensively in another past instance, common sense and the small print in rules, regulations, and laws don’t always tally. Hope that somehow you do get recompense and a replacement chassis for the one Hermes have lost whilst in their transit. The carrier business is a farce, just recently promised delivery of an expensive item with a Wednesday time slot, they delivered it on Tuesday when I was out, but luckily a neighbour spotted it. Edited November 15, 2021 by john new 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted November 16, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 16, 2021 Preaching to the choir, John, Problem is that this is Hermes' published standard method of working, and, as has been pointed out, as the recipient I have no control over the delivery service that the vendor chooses to use. Farce on not, this is the Future. We will be encouraged to stay in our homes and order stuff, even our normal groceries, online, and have them delivered. There will be no more supermarkets, only delivery vans, and we can only hope that the savings accrued to the suppliers by not having retail outlets will be passed to us. Do you trust these people, and whether you do or not, will you have a viable choice? 2 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold john new Posted November 17, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 17, 2021 (edited) On 16/11/2021 at 00:30, The Johnster said: Preaching to the choir, John, Problem is that this is Hermes' published standard method of working, and, as has been pointed out, as the recipient I have no control over the delivery service that the vendor chooses to use. Farce on not, this is the Future. We will be encouraged to stay in our homes and order stuff, even our normal groceries, online, and have them delivered. There will be no more supermarkets, only delivery vans, and we can only hope that the savings accrued to the suppliers by not having retail outlets will be passed to us. Do you trust these people, and whether you do or not, will you have a viable choice? Concur and today have just found another flaw in their systems. We may be out tomorrow when a parcel that may be slightly too big for the letter box arrives. The Hermes register a neighbour address system I have just discovered has a big flaw. Our house is at a cross roads I want to add a neighbour four doors away but in the other named street. No option to add that address. Naff company with a naff system. Edit - when I ordered the goods I had expected it to come Royal Mail. Edited November 17, 2021 by john new Add extra note. 1 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted November 17, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 17, 2021 I suppose everbody has to have a system and keep to it once it's set up, even if it's a carp system. The missing Ivatt chassis's replacement has been dispatched and should arrive tomoz courtesy of APC, who I have no reason (yet) to mistrust. One can of course chose the 'click and collect' option, collecting at your own convenience from a local shop or petrol station, and I prefer this option as it reduces the chance of doorway theft and you don't have to stay in to recieve your parcel. But in this case the eBay site ticked my chosen collection shop but, when I pressed 'pay now', the item was booked to be sent to my address, so fingers crossed we'll be ok this time around. But this is proving to be a drawback to ordering from eBay. If the seller does not specify the delivery method, before you pay for the item, how can you make the choice to avoid being at the mercy of dodgy and inefficient operators like Hermes or UPS? UPS used to be one of the best in the business, but since they've started farming out household deliverys to casual labour (they pay peanuts so they ge monkeys) have become one of the worst, and most expensive. 1 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coldgunner Posted November 18, 2021 Author Share Posted November 18, 2021 I'm fortunate enought to have a post office a short walk away, getting stuff dropped in from Amazon and not having to worry about being in is a godsend. Also amazon seem to have free delivery when it'd cost to deliver it home the same day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold 97406 Posted November 18, 2021 RMweb Gold Share Posted November 18, 2021 (edited) I found this today. Most emphatically worth a read! https://getpocket.com/explore/item/11-mental-tricks-to-stop-overthinking-everything Edited November 18, 2021 by 97406 4 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post woodenhead Posted November 28, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted November 28, 2021 I had a bereavement last week, my sister, she was only 65 and had had early onset dementia, she died suddenly in her sleep. Whilst I am sad she has passed, at least she is now free of the mental anxiety of the condition and can suffer no more. Such moments remind us of our own mortality, my other sister is worried herself as our mother also died at 65 and she is 64. However, I remind her, neither of us had the life our mother and sister had, we're generally fitter and probably will last a little longer than them, but nothing of course is a given. However, my own mind is now in turmoil, I am not sleeping soundly and I don't really want to converse with people though when I do I am my normal self oddly - probably a mask. I am looking at clutter around my home office / railway room, particularly at the box of OO gauge stuff that has been sealed up since 2019 and was replaced in the room by my N gauge stuff in late 2020. I also have many many railway books in cases around the room and I feel another need to declutter, the last time was when my father died in 2019 so it was likely a reaction to having to clear out his flat and now it is hitting me again. I am generally happy with the N gauge stuff, it's going nowhere, it didn't go when I had my burst of OO modelling, but whilst I feel guilty wanting to get rid of the OO stuff and replace it with less, I think deep down I know an OO gauge GWR/SR railway is not going to be a part of my life again. The biggest change since my N gauge resurgence has been I went DCC and put sound in to some of my locos, what I think I want is a small OO (or HO) layout featuring sound fitted diesels and I am thinking perhaps that I sell up the OO stuff to allow me to scratch the itch as it were. It's either going to be blue diesels (oddly like my N gauge stuff), North American diesels or maybe something that can support either as I am thinking those little stabling points that used to be good to visit on a Sunday rather than anything too built up. What I don't want is something where I have to be constantly lifting stock on/off the fiddleyard. So my mojo is a little off at present, but I think I need to do something that will make me feel happy, maybe it isn't OO gauge steam any longer. 25 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
John M Posted December 14, 2021 Share Posted December 14, 2021 On 16/11/2021 at 00:47, Ben B said: I was very interested reading this- thanks for sharing the information. Over the last few years I've developed a couple of stress-triggered medical conditions myself (I had an unpleasant job which got very much on top of me, and some very unsupportive management who wanted rid of me). I had a couple of fainting spells from the stress, but when I left that job and started a new one which I enjoyed, those medical issues vanished. Interestingly, they came back with a vengeance after I'd left the newer job and ended up in my current circumstances... Without going into too much details, I developed insomnia, when I did manage to drop-off I sleepwalked, and one night I tumbled down the stairs and injured my chest. It triggered a condition called Costochondritis where the cartilage swells and forces my ribs apart. Stress is known to set it off, and in turn I picked up a stomach problem too (thought to be the result of some of the meds they put me on whilst thinking my chest was a heart condition). It also has to be said that having a stress-induced chest condition isn't helped when you're having to wait 8 months for a Cardiac MRI on the assumption you've a malfunctioning heart aged 33. All it means after the barrage of tests is that when my chest is stinging, I can at least try and re-assure myself that it almost certainly isn't a heart attack, as I've had all manner of tests to show my heart is generally fine. The interesting thing is that after years of mis-diagnosis and investigations, a pain-management study got hold of me, and they reckon that whilst I do indeed have a physical condition, the years of stressing about it (and the other stuff) have effectively re-wired my nervous system to mis-interpret pain levels. My brain therefore thinks pain is worse or non-existent depending on the injury or even my mood at the time. So when I'm stressed, my chest aches abominably, and increasingly I get horrible pressure headaches with it too. It interprets a relatively minor pain as a major one, which makes me more worried, which sets up a kind of feedback loop until I'm practically passing out. But then my nerves have odd moments where I don't register any pain at all; I can use a hot-glue gun for example, and not notice at all me accidentally getting molten glue on my fingers. The doctor on the study gave me a set of exercises to do where I tense, in sequence, the muscle groups starting with my fingertips, working up and down my body, to try and effectively re-wire the relays and normalise how my brain picks up feelings. The doctor also said do practical and relaxing things like model-making, which is more of an issue of course, as I have to get over the tremendous mental and physical guilt that whilst I'm gluing model kits together I ought to be getting a better paid job, or at the very least doing more housework and DIY... I've yet to master the balance. I worked in relatively high pressure roles for most of my working life and developed a tendency to absorb stress without apparent affect ill effect until I experienced burnout on completion of a task, received assistance or a colleague told me they could not understand how I could keep my head under such pressure. The problem became more persistent after moving from the private to the public sector about 10 years ago with very high levels of personal workload and problems with IT system reliability a recurring problem. Stress management was based on 'building resilience" and providing 'stress leave" while failing to resolve the underlying problems, a workplace culture developed of people working long hours and taking work home to cope with increasing levels of workload as the office operated under strength and system problems remained un-filled, a close analogy is boiling a frog. Going back to Ben Bs post, I began to experience joint pain and fatigue shortly before my 60th birthday and continued to develop physical symptoms including chest pain and a trip to an Emergency Room where the doctor suspected that I had Costochondritis. My physical symptoms continued to worsen as the year progressed deterioration in an underlying condition, taking longer to recover from colds but the penny failed to drop. Pressure increased in the second half of the year more pressure to increase productivity under a new Business Plan and a new younger manager trying to impress his boss. I thought I had things under control (for that is what I do), that I was in the right, had faith in the "systems and processes" had the union behind me and above all did not want to walk away until our finances were in a better position when we closed some business deals. The situation with my manager continued to worsen, my symptoms become more psychological in nature, I began to realise that I was in a 'no-win" situation over Christmas started to become obsessed with the whole situation and experienced difficulty sleeping but still continued to believe that I was in control and would not back down until the penny finally dropped four weeks later I experienced a panic attack and had to literally runout of the office to avoid breaking down and crying. I returned after 3 weeks stress leave and went 'through the motions" for another 6 weeks before the deals were closed and I felt that I could afford to 'walk away" It was a crazy hectic year my relief from the stress at work was renovating a house one of our business deals. The most ironical thing about the whole episode was that I left the construction industry 20 years ago at the peak of my career as a project manager to become a health and safety inspector in order to get "a secure pensionable job" and avoid the booms and busts of the construction industry and ended up finding out that it was pretty much do as I say not what I do when it comes to managing stress in the public sector, my employer was apparently not prepared to consider stress unless I produced a specialist diagnosis In hindsight I should have walked when my instincts told me regardless of the consequences, its taken me four years to recover mentally and physically and we may never recover financially but at least I am beginning to accept my limitations. I should have turned to specialist help earlier or insisted on a referral when I sought medical attention after the anxiety attack , I ended up changing my GP he showed little interest I told him that the emergency doctor suspected Costochondritis and apart from granting a medical cert was of limited help in responding to my stress. I guess my best advice is follow you instincts and get out if your gut tells you, change your GP if you believe that they are not providing a good service, get a union involved or an employment advocate involved in case your employer decides to play hard ball. 13 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodenhead Posted December 14, 2021 Share Posted December 14, 2021 I thought perhaps I was back on the up, not so, just had to bail from a course because of the anxiety talking about feelings was bringing. Whilst I am fully employed at work and have lots to be doing I don't need to speak to people that often and they don't need to speak to me, I know this isn't healthy but at the moment it sort of means I don't have to confront my problems daily as I can bury myself into my work. Last night I realised who I am at work, I am that guy in environmental disaster movies that works all alone outside everyone's sphere of vision at some remote tracking station, then when there is a disaster they have to call on him for some really important data which he supplies and saves the day before he is forgotten about again. I've a couple of things gnawing at me presently, one that a job I was promised 18 months ago did not come to fruition because of a change in managers and it was the old manager who was enticing me and my colleague over to his team, and the second that I could be dead in 10 years if like my sister I am carrying whatever gene it is that led to her untimely demise from dementia. The job thing is because it was my own company poaching me for a new role, it would have put me into a team of similar people whereas at the moment I am just one technical person among a sea of people whose focus is customer service, we simply do not speak the same language. Worse, the rejection by the new manager had a knock on effect, I had to give up my direct report because our budget had been adjusted to account for me working elsewhere - so my budget was taken but not me or my colleague who then had to be moved as well to a different role (luckily one that will use his skills and gave him a pay rise too I hope). So there were two of us in a sea of customer service, now there is just me. Dementia is scary and I worry that I also carry whatever it is that brings it on, I have been forgetful for years, not your 'where are the keys' things, large chunks of my past can go. If it wasn't for my wife whose memory is good I don't sometimes know what I might do, I call her my external hard drive of memories. Without my wife my memories are a series of islands of bad events from childhood through to adulthood that I hop between. I am trying currently to see my doctor to see if there is anything they can do to test for early signs and therefore help to stave it off. 1 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted December 14, 2021 Share Posted December 14, 2021 Sounds like you need early retirement to get out in the world, meet new people, do the things you really enjoy and make new, exciting memories if, as you say, your worried about early onset dementia. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
woodenhead Posted December 14, 2021 Share Posted December 14, 2021 1 hour ago, 33C said: Sounds like you need early retirement to get out in the world, meet new people, do the things you really enjoy and make new, exciting memories if, as you say, your worried about early onset dementia. Worried about it yes, but no-one medical has yet looked at me or spoken to me about it so it's a bit early to pack my bags for a world trip . I know I am feeling rather depressed which is the primary issue right now, whether I am at a high risk of dementia can wait till late January, I imagine the doctors are a tad busy this week and next so I will log my concerns on askmyGP and let it takes it course. I guess I should also acknowledge it's good I work for a company where it is ok to say I'm not right and not be looked at badly. I've booked long weekends for every week between now and the end of March to use up my holidays which means a nice 4 day week through winter. Spoke to my boss earlier, his response was take a couple of days off which I've turned down as it won't help whereas getting on with what I planned this week will and he is very supportive of my needs and wants. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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