Modelling mojo and state of mind

[33C]

Most companies seem to be taking the issue of mental health seriously these days, cynics may say they do not want a lawsuit on their hands, but healthy, happy employees make for better business. My company, with the help of the unions, has completely changed our yearly roster and personally, I love it. Slightly longer shifts but more blocks of time off which means I can relax better and get s#+t done! My modelling has improved? I sleep better and the wife loves having me about! A small change within the framework of the company but a big change for everyone's mental wellbeing.  I do not speak for my colleagues, it's just what I have observed. 

[Ben B]

5 hours ago, John M said:

 

I worked in relatively high pressure roles for most of my working life and developed a tendency to absorb stress without apparent affect ill effect until I experienced burnout on completion of a task, received assistance or a colleague told me they could not understand how I could keep my head under such pressure.

 

The problem became more persistent after moving from the private to the public sector about 10 years ago with very high levels of personal workload and problems with IT system reliability a recurring problem. Stress management was based on 'building resilience" and providing 'stress leave" while failing to resolve the underlying problems, a workplace culture developed of people working long hours and taking work home to cope with increasing levels of workload as the office operated under strength and system problems remained un-filled, a close analogy is boiling a frog.

 

Going back to Ben Bs post, I began to experience joint pain and fatigue shortly before my 60th birthday and continued to develop physical symptoms including chest pain and a trip to an Emergency Room where the doctor suspected that I had Costochondritis. My physical symptoms continued to worsen as the year progressed deterioration in an underlying condition, taking longer to recover from colds but the penny failed to drop.

 

Pressure increased in the second half of the year more pressure to increase productivity under a new Business Plan and a new younger manager trying to impress his boss. 

I thought I had things under control (for that is what I do), that I was in the right, had faith in the "systems and processes" had the union behind me and above all did not want to walk away until our finances were in a better position  when we closed some business deals.

 

The situation with my manager continued to worsen, my symptoms become more psychological in nature, I began to realise that I was in a 'no-win" situation over Christmas started to become obsessed with the whole situation and experienced difficulty sleeping but still  continued to believe that I was in control and would not back down until the penny finally dropped four weeks later I experienced a panic attack and had to literally runout of the office to avoid breaking down and crying.

 

I returned after 3 weeks stress leave and went 'through the motions" for another 6 weeks before the deals were closed and I felt that I could afford to 'walk away"

 

It was a crazy hectic year my relief from the stress at work was renovating a house one of our business deals.

 

The most ironical thing about the whole episode was that I left the construction industry 20 years ago at the peak of my career as a project manager to become a health and safety inspector in order to get "a secure pensionable job" and avoid the booms and busts of the construction industry and ended up finding out that it was pretty much do as I say not what I do when it comes to managing stress in the public sector, my employer was apparently not prepared to consider stress unless I produced a specialist diagnosis

 

In hindsight I should have walked when my instincts told me regardless of the consequences, its taken me four years to recover mentally and physically and we may never recover financially but at least I am beginning to accept my limitations.

 

I should have turned to specialist help earlier or insisted on a referral when I sought medical attention after the anxiety attack , I ended up changing my GP he showed little interest I told him that the emergency doctor suspected Costochondritis and apart from granting a medical cert was of limited help in responding to my stress.

 

I guess my best advice is follow you instincts and get out if your gut tells you, change your GP if you believe that they are not providing a good service, get a union involved or an employment advocate involved in case your employer decides to play hard ball. 

 

 

 

Thanks for posting all that- it's amazing being able to see the parallels to what I went through.

 

Costochondritis is a bloody weird one, especially having to explain it to people because it's just not widely known about.  It's one of those strange conditions that's easy to mistake for something else, which leads to more stress of course...

 

Incidentally I had a very stressy last few days having some medical tests done and things for a related condition, and looking down at my chest, you could actually see the knobbly bits of swollen cartilage.  One of my problems is I'm recommended model-making as a calming technique, but being hunched-over a table gluing kits together isn't a pose naturally designed to help a chest swelling condition.  Have to see what happens now, I've just been offered a full-time job, so I'll see if returning to work help ease the condition.

[Northmoor]

@John M; as well as my sympathy, thank you for giving the lie to the myth - well-rehearsed by many in the private sector (especially those who run their own businesses) - that the public sector is one big skive and there is no pressure, etc. 

 

My career has been split fairly evenly between public and private sectors and there have been relaxed and stressful periods in both.  I saw plenty of money wasted in the private sector on people who achieved very little of value, but were too expensive to make redundant (or possibly friendly with the right senior people).  In the public sector, yes there were a few skivers but I worked with more people dedicated to doing a good job for their customer (without expecting huge pay rises, promotions or bonuses) than I even saw elsewhere.

[MrWolf]

I've only worked briefly in the public sector but I have worked more often with a number who do and a several of my friends have always been employed by the public sector. 

It is stressful, there's always constant change and not always for the better. In many cases you get a lot of flak that should be directed at those above you and whilst there are skivers as in any job, many of the public sector people I have dealt with have had to go beyond the bounds of their remit on an almost daily basis, just to get their own job done.

The office politics side of things is much the same as anywhere else with some coasting along by how they manipulate the system and their contacts.

It always makes me laugh when people say "it wouldn't happen under X party's government" it's the same people making the decisions in your local city / county council office.

One of my friends is a social worker and thanks to lockdown she ended up working seven days a week. I'd rather sweep the streets than do her job.

[TravisM]

Yesterday I got hit with some devastating news, that my skin cancer has come back, is now more aggressive and the prognosis is about 50/50.  I’ve tried to remain optimistic as lying awake at night worrying about it, isn’t going to make it go away.  
 

What’s really knocked me for six is that I’ve had to cancel several items that I was really looking forward to and asking for refunds because I need the money because I live on my own, for additional expenses such as taxis, cats in cattery etc.

 

For some obscure reason, I’m more upset (in some cases, really angry) in having to let some of my model railway go than I am about my own health. You would think it would be the other way round.

Edited December 16, 2021 by jools1959
Spelling

[rob D2]

20 minutes ago, jools1959 said:

Yesterday I got hit with some devastating news, that my skin cancer has come back, is now more aggressive and the prognosis is about 50/50.  I’ve tried to remain optimistic as lying awake at night worrying about it, isn’t make it go away.  
 

What’s really knocked me for six is that I’ve had to cancel several items that I was really looking forward to and asking for refunds because I need the money because I live on my own, for additional expenses such as taxis, cats in cattery etc.

 

For some obscure reason, I’m more upset (in some cases, really angry) in having to let some of my model railway go than I am about my own health. You would think it would be the other way round.

But models and stuff are essential to your mental health, so hang on to as many as possible !

 

 

 

 

Edited December 15, 2021 by rob D2

[woodenhead]

On 15/12/2021 at 23:32, jools1959 said:

For some obscure reason, I’m more upset (in some cases, really angry) in having to let some of my model railway go than I am about my own health. You would think it would be the other way round.

I think you are going through a Kubler-Ross cycle and you are angry about the situation, rather than be angry directly at your health it is coming out in the model cancellations.

 

As @rob D2says, you need, where you can, to keep modelling to help you take your mind off things and remain positive, but being mindful of the extra costs for other things you need to ensure you fight this cancer.

[TravisM]

1 hour ago, woodenhead said:

I think you are going through a Kubler-Ross cycle and you are angry about the situation, rather than be angry directly at your health it is coming out in the model cancellations.

 

As @rob D2says, you need, where you can, to keep modelling to help you take your mind off things and remain positive, but being mindful of the extra costs for other things you need to ensure you fight this cancer.

 

Thanks @woodenhead and I agree whole heartedly with both you and @rob D2 of finding distractions to take my mind off my present health issues.  I underwent surgery yesterday and the consultant is pretty sure they removed the tumour and any signs of any secondary growths.  I'm now undergoing radiotherapy which is far less evasive than chemo, which means I should bounce back sooner and allowed to escape before Xmas

 

Edited December 18, 2021 by jools1959
Spelling

[laurenceb]

Fingers crossed

[Blandford1969]

This time of year is never the best, the darker shorter days do not help my mood and with pressure of work the seems never ending with 'You need to provide this by tomorrow morning' The end result is I end up not taking my lunch breaks, often not taking the dog out or even doing any modelling. I has also meant that I have not made sure my pills did not run out or getting a blood test as directed or the follow up. Needless to say all modelling has gone by the wayside and I was feeling thoroughly down. 

 

My mood was lifted briefly by a wonderful 'Steam in Lights' turn and on the last run with no assistance from the rear and 360 odd tare tons, nice acceleration , it sounded great followed by a couple of pints with friends and then breakfast with friends this morning and all the banter that goes with the mess room. 

 

Then back to grumpy child on the spectrum and the hard work that can go with that and a disabled wife who does not mean too but her own challenges can feel  Hopefully tomorrow I might manage to actually do something. Next year I am going to finish some things.  At least there is a bit more of the best drugs going on Monday with a final steam turn for the year. 

 

Please just bring back the lighter nights soon

[woodenhead]

It's been a strange old week, on Tuesday I couldn't cope with a training session and had to bail from the meeting as I could not face dealing with anyone, my boss asked if I wanted a couple of days off but I declined as I felt being busy at work was better for me and I had a plan I wanted to plough on with.

 

By the end of the week I had achieved my targets for the week, to finally get my head around a Blazor SQL connection for a small CRM I need to develop - this is something that had been troubling me since the summer when I was looking at .Net Core and trying to follow the Microsoft tutorials.  Other work got in the way and I had put it to one side until this week, I found a useful ally in Tim Corey on Youtube and following his methodology I am away, turning out web pages in about 2 hours rather than staring at .Net Core models and wondering how the heck these SQL connections had gotten so complicated.

 

Then last night I opened a Metcalfe station canopy kit - and today I completed it.

 

Small victories add up and I feel this week that I feel deserved that distinction I got in my software development qualification early in the summer.

[MrWolf]

1 hour ago, Blandford1969 said:

 

Please just bring back the lighter nights soon

 

 

Tuesday December 21 is the winter equinox, on Wednesday, the days begin to get longer.

 

Keep that in mind. I find it helps no end.

[Blandford1969]

6 minutes ago, MrWolf said:

 

 

Tuesday December 21 is the winter equinox, on Wednesday, the days begin to get longer.

 

Keep that in mind. I find it helps no end.

Indeed, as my wife will say Christmas brings back not having my dad or brother around and my brothers birthday not long after Christmas, She says it takes till March for things to improve. 

[leopardml2341]

1 hour ago, MrWolf said:

 

 

Tuesday December 21 is the winter equinox, on Wednesday, the days begin to get longer.

 

Keep that in mind. I find it helps no end.

It's true, but really odd because although the days are longer, sunrise is actually later for some days after. 

[Blandford1969]

11 hours ago, leopardml2341 said:

It's true, but really odd because although the days are longer, sunrise is actually later for some days after. 

It certainly feels like that. In December we have all the lights and then in January they are gone which possibly exacerbates things too.

[Blandford1969]

My plans to do some actual modelling failed totally. The study needed to be tidied as there are locos, pictures and negs to be sold, plus negatives to be filed. By the time those bits were sorted, the dog walked, shopping got , children fed a stupid cold caught up with me that was then 90 minutes gone. So the only modelling apart from taking the part off which I wanted to replace. On the good side though in putting things away and tidying up I found my cheque book, missing for a couple of years and even better a mislabelled negative.   I'd written on it 'Ilfracombe goods' It was not so went from being down about not getting any modelling done to elation at finding a rear three quarters view into 0395, 3441 latter 30577 . It shows a reasonable part of the backhead and has made up for not getting the front bulkhead of the DJH tender, which I didn't believe was correct. Now its just a case of getting it scanned to look at more closely.

 

 

[The Johnster]

I've had a bout of Black Dog, not for any reason though of course xmas and SADS are never going to help much.  Unusual thing is that this time I can identify the actual time that the blanket of doom was thrown over me, to the second; normally it creeps up on me like the miserable cur it is.  Thursday evening, about 10 o'clock, walking home after a very pleasant xmas drink and pub meal with my friend Lesbian Ann earlier in the evening, and it just hit me, with a force that literally stopped me in my tracks.  I'm on the slow climb back out of the pit now, started feeling a bit more pos yesterday evening, the Squeeze helped by clowning around and making me laugh.

 

It's been the full trip around the bay, glum, tearful, not really connected to anything going on, morose, but able to function, so I managed to tick some of the boxes.  No modelling though, or operating, though I managed to keep up with things here.  I am sort of used to these bouts, and know that they will pass, but this was a wierd one, and a nasty, unpleasant, reminder of my vulnerability and fragility.  I'm still reluctant to go outside, but will do my best to have an hour up the pub later, which should be therapeutic, and treat myself to a Chinese or a Kebab. 

Edited December 20, 2021 by The Johnster

[Hroth]

On 18/12/2021 at 20:58, MrWolf said:

 

 

Tuesday December 21 is the winter equinox, on Wednesday, the days begin to get longer.

 

Keep that in mind. I find it helps no end.

 

Trying not to be pedantic (honest!) but its the Winter Solstice on Tuesday, the equinoxes are the days when the hours of light and dark are equal.

 

Here's a jolly Solstice tune to cheer things up!

 

Edited December 20, 2021 by Hroth
spelin. As ushual...

[MrWolf]

You're right of course, I had one of those brainf@rt moments where the mind juggles two terms and the hand types the wrong one. (Thanks Google, that's the last time I double check my facts before posting!)

I can never get my head around those who announce that they prefer winter. For me, all of the best things happen when the sun is shining and I tend to count the days until they return.

I think that part of this attitude is from the amount of time I had spent in the past working in factories of one sort or another. You go to work in the dark and come home in the dark. I compared it with living underground for six months of the year.

We both have a quiet celebration in this house when the season of gloom turns about, though neither of us are your typical sun worshipper. It just means that we can get out and do more. Last Christmas day was dry and fine around here, so after a lazy breakfast we got our motorcycles out and went for a ride for a few hours.

There was hardly anyone about and we made the most of the bit of sunshine.

I think that it's important to do that whenever you can during winter, otherwise you can become a prisoner of your own routine and feel as though life is very small.

 

Edited December 20, 2021 by MrWolf
Picture no load!

[MJI]

If you haven't been checked for a while pester your doctor for tests, I have found that the reason I occasiobnally go completely pale and no energy is anaema.

 

Only in check stage at moment, they want to repeat tests, but I got some B12 vitamin tablets to try to boost me, still fell asleep this afternoon.

 

Due to this it can take ages before i get modelling but once started great.

[AndrueC]

I need to improve socially as well. Thankfully I don't have any health issues at the moment but it can't be healthy long term to never see anyone other than delivery drivers and golf buddies once a week (albeit more frequently in summer). I've never felt the need for social interaction previously but the various lockdowns have proven that even I do have a minimum level of contact that I need. It's sad to think that 'going to work' was pretty much my entire social life especially since as a programmer I mostly just sit at a desk muttering obscenities to myself  

 

I'm intending to retire in 2023 so I'm hoping I'll be able to foster some stronger friendships at that point. For sure all the advice is that you need social interaction to enjoy a healthy later life. I even promised myself I'd get out more once Covid was gone and that gives me mixed feelings about Omicron at the moment. It's giving me an excuse to stay in my solo comfort zone.

 

On the modelling front I'm progressing well with my new diorama and I'm determined that this Saturday will be 'play with the trains' day. Last time I ran them was after putting some back on one of my yards after painting it and my reward was carriages breaking away. I've been almost dreading running them again for fear of that. Which is daft because:

 

a) I know from summer that breakaways don't have to happen. It's solvable.

b) It's only ever one train anyway. My class 43 is called Miss Behaviour for a reason.

c) I bought some better couplers to replace the Arnolds I'm currently using.

 

But there's something dispiriting about a breakaway on a roundy-roundy layout I feel. I suppose it's because it suggests that the layout is fundamentally deficient. Roundy-roundy, stoppy-stoppy, restarty-restarty

 

But onwards and upwards! ..as the actress said to the bishop

 

Oh and @woodenhead I feel your .NET Core pain. One of the reasons I want to retire now is I'm sick of having to follow Microsoft's machinations with .NET. We currently have active solutions using Framework, Core and Standard with dependencies between all three. Add in that we use both WPF and Xamarin and frankly it does my 'ead in!

Edited December 21, 2021 by AndrueC

[The Johnster]

Much less black doggy today, thank you everyone for your support.  Yes, it might be time for a meds review.  My cancer scare last year (prostrate, all clear now) resulted in a course of radiotherapy, i.e. zapping the locality with powerful x-rays to the extent that, although painless, I am sure I caught smell a whiff of cooking meat in some sessions.  In consequence, my already compromised was destroyed entirely, and as my monthly injection of Sustanon, basically testosterone, was now pointless my GP took me off it.  I may need to go back on for increased general awareness and mood.

 

On the other hand, I came to appreciate St Augustine of Hippo's comment, somewhat eyebrow raising from an early Christian hardliner like him, that when he reached an age at which desire left him it was 'like being unchained from a maniac'.  Mind you, he was also credited with 'Lord, grant me chastity.  But not yet'.  I am distracted less from modelling... 

 

was not part of the party line for some of those early saints; Dewi, Wales' patron, used to stand up to his chest in freezing water for hours to 'calm the demons of the flesh', while the local girls stripped off and taunted him.  This leads me to two conclusions in rapid succession (quite unfairly and from a 21st century atheist viewpoint), firstly, 'what an idiot', and then, 'he had to do it for hours, wow, what a guy!!!'.

 

Managed to successfully sort out some running problems that had developed on the new colliery board yesterday evening, and fix an Austerity Hunslet, both of which fruitful exercises fed in to the positivity bowl, and further proved the value of rewarding yourself for completing small jobs.

[Northmoor]

1 hour ago, MJI said:

If you haven't been checked for a while pester your doctor for tests, I have found that the reason I occasiobnally go completely pale and no energy is anaema.

 

Only in check stage at moment, they want to repeat tests, but I got some B12 vitamin tablets to try to boost me, still fell asleep this afternoon.

 

Due to this it can take ages before i get modelling but once started great.

I will endorse this recommendation completely.  About 6-7 years ago I suddenly got severe stomach discomfort that made me very short of breath and I spent a night in A&E to confirm it wasn't a heart attack.  It wasn't, it was a hiatus hernia (probably stress-related) but by chance, the on-call doctor that night was a geriatric specialist (despite me being in my early 40s at the time), who spotted something in my blood results and diagnosed Pernicious Anaemia.  I was put on B12 injections twice a week for several weeks, which progressively reduced to quarterly which I am on for life.  I also take iron tablets daily, am a bit more careful about my diet (more cereals and leafy green veg) and have swapped some of my daily coffee for tea (which doesn't suppress absorption of iron).  

 

It causes the symptoms you describe and others; I thought I was still run down 12 weeks after a cold, then nearly passed out on the train one morning and had got to the stage where I could barely walk 100yds without feeling exhausted.  For a couple of years, I had found myself getting forgetful of names, not remembering a famous actor's name was one thing but the first name of someone I'd worked across a desk for two years, was another.  It is why doctors, when relatives worry about signs of dementia in elderly relatives, first do a blood test, because many of the symptoms of aneamia and dementia are similar.

 

 

[MrWolf]

That's interesting, I have been talking to a friend of mine today, just turned 66 and suffering from the same symptoms as you. The doctor has put him on Ferric tablets as of today because he has anaemia. He has always eaten healthy, exercised, walks and cycles daily and his only vice is the occasional cigarette, which is a hangover from bored hours sitting in the loco men's mess awaiting a driving turn thirty years ago.

[john new]

On 18/12/2021 at 22:16, leopardml2341 said:

It's true, but really odd because although the days are longer, sunrise is actually later for some days after. 

If you can do it, and your body clock/biorhythms adjusts to the change (some don’t) put the alarm clock forward half an hour, shortens any dark mornings. As I am retired it isn’t generally a forced waking but making big mental adjustment to the time you think you need to be up and dressed (habitual) helps in the dark mornings of winter.