The Rivet Police Part 3 - An Offer I Cant Refuse

[Ducking Giraffe]

https://www.rmweb.co.uk/community/index.php?/topic/149940-the-rivet-police-part-1-dawn-raid/

 

https://www.rmweb.co.uk/community/index.php?/topic/150030-the-rivet-police-part-2-banged-up-inside/

 

The story so far.

After years of playfully browsing eBay, buying up all sorts of mismatched 00 gauge  model railway track and rolling stock and putting it on parliamentary expenses, the chickens finally come home to roost in our hero's herb garden. Grassed up by person or persons unknown for crimes against finescale modelling, the charges are severe. They include TWO Evening stars, mixing  Eastern  and Western region coaches in the same train, getting the buffet car in the wrong position, running a DCC sound loco on DC , using  foam track underlay and the heinous crime of  Tracing (train racing). Our hero now faces seven year's hard modelling , the only prospect to get out early is to get up to exhibition standard, building from scratch. Then one day he gets a call from the Fat Controller, AKA Grouty, a man you don't cross lightly.

 

 

The Fat Controller, AKA Grouty was the “Mr Big” on our wing and not much got done without him knowing about it. You could tell he had power and influence because he had a 55-inch TV instead of the usual 50-inch and a few more channels on his Sky box.

As I walked into his cell he was carefully arranging two Land Rovers and an Austin Loadstar next to a railway bridge. He had a delicate touch for such a hard man.

I tried to keep the conversation light and fluffy.

“Nice layout Grouty, early 60s?”

“Yeah” he said, looking up and smiling with pride, “West Coast mainline, Leighton Buzzard to Tring, August 1963”

 

The obvious schoolboy error stuck out like a sore thumb. Before I could stop myself I blurted it out, instantly regretting it.

“That’s a really nice Class 55 Grouty, but weren’t the mail coaches in the Great Train Robbery pulled by a Class 40 diesel?

He looked at me with daggers.

“You’ve been paying too much attention in class. Watch ‘yer mouth, comments like that make your nose bleed”.

 

His mood changed back again to a more friendly demeanour.

“What do you know about the Tri-ang Battlespace Turbo Car?”

I thought for a moment. I was surprised. You had to be careful talking about the turbo car, even here.

 

If the Battlespace Range was the forbidden Satanic Cult of finescale railway modelling,  then the Turbo Car was its antichrist,  since it resembled nothing ever made or seen on any railway.  Anywhere. Originally it had the stock number of R666, but this was hastily reallocated to the articulated car transporter when the mistake was realised. Strangely enough the articulated car transporter was stocked entirely with blue Ford Anglias, foretelling the rise of Harry Potter over 50 years later. Looks like Eric Von Daniken was right in his book “Prophecies of the Tri-ang Hornby Catalogue 1962-69.”

 

If the Rivet Police caught you with a Turbo Car  in your eBay watch list it was 6-months minimum. They were getting increasingly clever to catch you out on eBay, posing as innocent 14 year olds  "selling off their  Grandad's collection". In the early days it was easy to spot these as it was "collection only" in some dodgy lock-up down at Heathrow, but lately they'd changed tactics and started hiring Airbnb's in Henley-on-Thames. You could get Turbo Cars occasionally on the dark web  from international sellers with less scruples, but the trouble was smuggling into the country since they had specially trained sniffer dogs at all ports.

 

 

“Hmmmmm. Heavily streamlined, totally propeller driven, 1966 to ‘73, vicious spike on the front,  fastest thing that Tri-ang  Hornby ever produced, clocked at scale speeds of over 300 mph.  Literally blew everything away, including plastic people, plastic cows, plastic trees, plastic fencing,  in fact anything that wasn't glued down. Why do you ask?”

 

“A little birdie tells me you know about Eurostars."

"I might do…." I replied cautiously.

"Just speaking hypothetically, how would you take on a Turbo Car with a mk1 Eurostar?"

 

I sucked in my breath through my teeth. “It’s a big ask Grouty, the only thing I've ever seen take on a Turbo Car is a 1974   4-6-0 over-geared Albert Hall with Magnadhesion on steel track. Those built-in magnets stick it like glue to the track round the bends where the turbo car has to reduce speed. The Turbo’s great on straights but rubbish round curves.  It’s got a high centre of gravity due to the position of the fan motor.” 

I thought for a moment.

“Take one on with a  Eurostar? That’s tricky. Purely hypothetically of course, I'd drop the suspension by 3 mm to get ground effect downforce, I'll tape over the pantograph to reduce wind resistance, double motor it, and put in an overclocking circuit with two 12V Tesla Lithium-Cobalt  batteries. When that baby hits a scale 88 miles an hour that’ll  dump in an extra 24 volts and you’ll see some serious sh*t.”

 

“What about the curves?”

“Good point. I’d replace the built-in weights with depleted uranium, its nearly twice as heavy as lead.

“Isn't that leefal?”

“Only if it comes through the side of your tank at mach 5, in which case it bursts into flames”

Grouty motioned trackpin to close the cell door and keep guard outside.

He dropped his voice to a more conspiratorial tone.

“We're digging a tunnel.”

I gasped,  I just couldn't believe it.

“What, you’re planning to escape?!!”

“No, a railway tunnel, we're knocking through to E-Wing, they've got a Turbo Car and we're going to take it on.

“But nobody's won against a turbo car in over 40 years!

“Exactly. We've got great odds for the Eurostar and I’ve got several big ones riding on this. I'm relying on you to bring this in for me, there’s a drink in it for you.”

“Oh no Grouty, don't make me do this, I promised to the wife I’d go straight when I get out, strictly finescale modelling of Redhill to Ashford 1965 to 67”

“Then we'll have to find some way of changing your mind” he said in a menacing tone.

From under the bed he pulled out a long sock filled with something, for a minute I thought he was going to hit me with it. Out of the sock he pulled out a R343 battlespace rocket launcher and a R249 exploding freight car.

He put the rocket launcher on one side of the layout and exploding car on the other, lined it up carefully and let all four rockets fly. They neatly straddled the exploding freight car, which promptly exploded.

 

“That rocket launcher is yours if you help me out.”

“I just can't, I really can't, I promised the wife.” I said.

“I'll chuck in the R249 Battle Space Exploding car too?”

“Alright I'll do it”.

 

On the way back to my cell, pondering that every man had his price, I had a nagging uneasy feeling that grew and grew. All along I thought it was n-gauge Eric at no 52 who grassed me up so he could get closer to The Wife, reeling her in with promises of a layout a third of the size so she could now show off her collection of Princess Diana Franklin Mint memorial figurines in the newly renamed “Summerhouse”. I now had my doubts. How did Grouty know about my passion for Eurostars, was it him that got me banged up for all these years just so he could win against a Turbo Car? Only time would tell.

 

 

If you have been affected by any of  the issues raised , please DO NOT phone our helpline as they are quite frankly sick of old blokes like you banging on about how much better things were in the 70s, forgetting about the oil crisis, the three-day week, 25% inflation, closed shops on a Sunday, only three channels on the TV and above all, the Austin Allegro.

 

THIS IS ALSO AVAILABLE IN AN ALL CAPS VERSION FOR THE HARD OF HEARING.

 

In "Part 4 - The Race" our hero pushes a  souped-up Hornby Eurostar to its limits - and beyond. With catastrophic results.

"We must have more power! " "I'm giving it all we've got captain!"

Stay tuned to this channel.... because I haven't finished it yet.

 

(NB There originally wasn't going to be a part 4 or 5 but I'm having so much fun the story is taking on a life of its own. Sorry.)

[zarniwhoop]

5 hours ago, Ducking Giraffe said:

THIS IS ALSO AVAILABLE IN AN ALL CAPS VERSION FOR THE HARD OF HEARING.

 

I'm sorry, could you speak up, please ? I didn't manage to catch all of that.

[gordon s]

Loving it, but I think you need to get out more.....

[F-UnitMad]

17 hours ago, zarniwhoop said:

 

I'm sorry, could you speak up, please ? I didn't manage to catch all of that.

 

23 hours ago, Ducking Giraffe said:

THIS IS ALSO AVAILABLE IN AN ALL CAPS VERSION FOR THE HARD OF HEARING

 

[Metr0Land]

But what about a Braille version?  Bachmann used to do Mark 1 coach roofs with the panel joins in Braille though that seems to have stopped now.  Railway modelling seems to be less inclusive these days.

[MrWolf]

You might all be sniggering about all this, especially you committed finescale modellers, but have you considered all those people who have been charged with"historical crimes"? Are any of us safe? I have stuck my head above the parapet and come out of the closet as a railway modeller after a 20 year break and I am worried about the sins I committed against historical accuracy, scale and even country of origin! I felt so much weight come off my shoulders when Miss Riding Hood and I first got to know each other. We were sitting having a romantic bacon butty with a bunch of other motorcyclists near Ribble viaduct and she said: "I have a dirty little secret, I used to go to the Harry Potter conventions...." She gave me the Bambi eyes look that said "Please don't laugh at me and leave me stranded by the roadside".

I buckled, I could no longer hide behind the oil stained fingernails and swastikas on my leather jacket. "I like model trains!" I blurted. I expected her to reel back in horror, but she hugged me, "It's okay, I know Hogwarts Castle should have been painted green." So I have started building models again, just something simple we can hide in the privacy of our bedroom - consenting adults and all that.

BUT.

Might this new found joy be short lived if the wrong people find out that as a teenager I ran a Triang Dean single and a Hornby Brittania on the same track? Worse still, a Lima GMC diesel appeared at times, pulling 3 Triang clerestories, 2 Hornby Pullmans and 2 Airfix B sets? Have you ever seen Lord of the isles dragging a re wheeled Hasegawa WW2 German railway gun?

Damn me for using my real name on here. It's not Robert Wolf, it's Neil and I am from Basingstoke!

[ardbealach]

7 hours ago, MrWolf said:

Damn me for using my real name on here. It's not Robert Wolf, it's Neil and I am from Basingstoke!

 

Neil? Basingstoke?  How do we know you are not Nell from Barnsley (AM)

[Ducking Giraffe]

Dear Mr Wolf,

 

We could so badly do with your skills from Pulp Fiction to clean up the mess created in Part 4, and I mean it is serious mess. As it is, we only have either Baldrick from Blackadder or Michael Caine from the Italian Job. It’s a tough call as we shall see….

 

DG

[Phil Parker]

Readers of my blog will know that if this is true, I'm going to be shouting, "You won't take me alive copper!" later today.

 

http://philsworkbench.blogspot.com/2019/12/vote-turbocar.html

 

However, since they will be the finescale police, they will move incredibly slowly and fall off a lot.

[MrWolf]

2 hours ago, Ducking Giraffe said:

Dear Mr Wolf,

 

We could so badly do with your skills from Pulp Fiction to clean up the mess created in Part 4, and I mean it is serious mess. As it is, we only have either Baldrick from Blackadder or Michael Caine from the Italian Job. It’s a tough call as we shall see….

 

DG

I don't see that as a problem, more a task awaiting a solution. Anyone objecting to your storylines, or indeed my decision to mix dare I say it, finescale scenery with code 100 track (albeit with large radius points) so that I can run whatever old junk I choose may take up the matter with Miss R. Riding Hood in our complaints department. She bought me the track.

[MrWolf]

2 hours ago, ardbealach said:

 

Neil? Basingstoke?  How do we know you are not Nell from Barnsley (AM)

Barnsley? I've been there. Once. Even people from Barnsley won't tell you they're from Barnsley. I'd get rumbled straight away.

[Hroth]

1 hour ago, Phil Parker said:

Readers of my blog will know that if this is true, I'm going to be shouting, "You won't take me alive copper!" later today.

 

http://philsworkbench.blogspot.com/2019/12/vote-turbocar.html

 

However, since they will be the finescale police, they will move incredibly slowly and fall off a lot.

 

I'm sure there are many RMwebbers who think an updated Turbocar would be something to pre-order, no matter what!

 

As for the finescale police, they would also pause at each curve to ensure that transition, radius and superelevation were correctly applied.  This would delay them further...

[MrWolf]

Superelevation on curves and the correct angle of ballast shoulder should also be checked as well as sleeper spacings before they proceed. You'll be rebuilding the wobbly sugar cane railways of Trinidad by the time they've got to your house. Probably using secondhand Hornby Dublo three rail....

Hope I didn't offend anyone who is actually from Barnsley. I'm from darkest Shropshire, so it's generally assumed that I can play the banjo with my feet...

[47137]

On 21/12/2019 at 22:34, Ducking Giraffe said:

...

 

“A little birdie tells me you know about Eurostars."

"I might do…." I replied cautiously.

"Just speaking hypothetically, how would you take on a Turbo Car with a mk1 Eurostar?"

 

I sucked in my breath through my teeth. “It’s a big ask Grouty, the only thing I've ever seen take on a Turbo Car is a 1974   4-6-0 over-geared Albert Hall with Magnadhesion on steel track. Those built-in magnets stick it like glue to the track round the bends where the turbo car has to reduce speed. The Turbo’s great on straights but rubbish round curves.  It’s got a high centre of gravity due to the position of the fan motor.” 

I thought for a moment.

“Take one on with a  Eurostar? That’s tricky. Purely hypothetically of course, I'd drop the suspension by 3 mm to get ground effect downforce, I'll tape over the pantograph to reduce wind resistance, double motor it, and put in an overclocking circuit with two 12V Tesla Lithium-Cobalt  batteries. When that baby hits a scale 88 miles an hour that’ll  dump in an extra 24 volts and you’ll see some serious sh*t.”

...

 

Supposing the "Mk1" here is the prototype Eurostar not the models, I'm a bit anxious about part 4 because Grouty hasn't given any hint whether he's expecting a H0 or 00 Eurostar. Perhaps you have a free choice - good. Certainly the smaller wheels of the early Hornby/Joueff model will give you the initial acceleration, but the wheel bearings are going to fry during sustained high-speed operation. The 00 model surely gives you the upper hand because have room inside the unpowered power car for a full-size Dynadrive flywheel and, importantly, an uprated clutch. Run the set with the Dynadrive unit leading and the clutch disengaged; the default train dynamics will cope with starting and initial acceleration with propulsion from the uprated motor at the back of the set. Dump in the extra 24V, wait c.15 seconds for the Dynadrive get up to speed and dump the clutch. I'd advise against Magnadhesion here 'cos there may be track damage, but you will surely get your beer.

 

- Richard.

[Andy Reichert]

On 27/12/2019 at 04:32, Phil Parker said:

Readers of my blog will know that if this is true, I'm going to be shouting, "You won't take me alive copper!" later today.

 

http://philsworkbench.blogspot.com/2019/12/vote-turbocar.html

 

However, since they will be the finescale police, they will move incredibly slowly and fall off a lot.

 

 just like the Prototype,

 

Andy

 

[Ducking Giraffe]

Part 4 is now on general release....

[F-UnitMad]

13 hours ago, Ducking Giraffe said:

Part 4 is now on general release....

It is? Where?  

[Metr0Land]

Wot he said ^^^

[Clive Mortimore]

Is N gauge Eric and his mob working in league with the 0 Gauge Gang in suppressing anymore reports as to hide any investigations of their infidelity to finescale train sets?

 

 

Edited January 1, 2020 by Clive Mortimore

[F-UnitMad]

Found:-