Jump to content
 

Please use M,M&M only for topics that do not fit within other forum areas. All topics posted here await admin team approval to ensure they don't belong elsewhere.

How to get lynched at a model railway show

BR60103

By BR60103,
in Modelling musings & miscellany

 Share

Recommended Posts

Black Sheep

Black Sheep

Posted
Posted

How about a layout in a rucksack ?

 

How about in an old metal framed (frame on the outside) backpack, it'd be very suited to a swiss mountain railway.

 

Just build a 'conventional' layout, whether it be 00, P4, N etc.

 

Someone somewhere will take issue with it...

 

just exhibit your son / daughter's first layout, or better still, the Hornby track mat with Hornby ready to place buildings plonked on top.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Jon020

Jon020

Posted
Posted

Quite independently I wrote a version some years back:

 

“Ouch, that stings a bit,†said Thomas.

 

He couldn’t see what was happening behind him, but had a real pain in the bunker region. This and the fact that he had been staring at the back of James tender for three weeks with not a sign of his driver and fireman had put him in a bit of bad mood.

“Nothing to worry about†said a voice from somewhere behind his bunker. “Just a bit of work required here on your buffersâ€. Thomas thought to himself that if only his crew had made a nice fire up in him, he could give the man fiddling with his buffers a bump to show him his place.

 

‘Where are Annie and Clarabell?†asked Thomas. “It will soon be time for the summer traffic, and they will be stiff after sleeping all winter. I really should give them a run or two to make sure they are ready to goâ€. The voice replied, “Didn’t they tell you? They have retired as a holiday bungalow for the thin controller. He’s had them placed in a nice field with a sea view, and a roof over the top, they are really enjoying it very much.†Thomas thought about that and then asked, “Well what will I do then?†The voice replied “Don’t worry, the fat controller has given special instructions for all you most valuable enginesâ€.

 

Thomas felt very pleased, he knew he was a valuable engine, and the fat controller was of the same opinion. “Where are the other engines then?†asked Thomas. “Wellâ€, said the voice “Gordon, Emily and Spencer were so valuable that they have gone to a special home for really important engines at York. Henry was really pleased to be allowed to retire to Bootlitz holiday camp, he is going to get a new coat of paint, and children from all around the country will come to admire him on his plinth. James is here with you, but won’t talk to anyone since his brass fittings were removed for safekeepingâ€.

 

“I see†said Thomas, who really didn’t understand what was going on. “Then what about the others like Edward, Percy and Duck?†The voice replied, “They were a bit too valuable for me, and went off with Cutter and Smelt. I think most of the rest like Toby, Dugald and Donald and so on went with them as wellâ€. “Does that mean our family has been broken up?†Thomas blurted out. “Afraid soâ€, said the voice, “They are big operators, and had everyone who went with them broken up inside a monthâ€.

 

Thomas thought a bit more, and said, “But that’s not right, the fat controller was keeping us here together forever as a happy family, what has happened?†The voice sighed and said, “Look even fat controllers have bosses, and the incredibly corpulent imperial controller had different ideas, that’s allâ€. Thomas would have blown off steam if he could and said, “Can you bring this incredible controller here for me to talk to?â€. At which point, fearing he would either go hoarse or insane from the non-stop questions, the man walked round to Thomas’ front and cut his face off with the gas axe to shut him up. It also made it easier to get at the nice heavy fittings in the smokebox that would bring in a good price for scrap.

:chok_mini:

I think that post should be X-rated; I'd hate my kids to read that... almost as bad as suggesting that Father Christmas doesn't exist

  • Like 10
Link to post
Share on other sites
woodenhead

woodenhead

Posted
Posted (edited)

Doing a Copenhagen Fields in N with Poole Farish A3s, A4s and that generic 0-6-0 they had plus generic Farish coaches, plonk on lots of folded cardboard buildings and then take it to a 2mm finescale exhibition.

 

That will really upset people.

Edited by woodenhead
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • RMweb Premium
kevinlms

kevinlms

Posted
  • RMweb Premium
Posted

Clockwork P4? ;)

 

 

There ARE those who advocate that the power supply should be INSIDE the loco, then you don't have to rely on nasty pick ups - so an ideal power source.

 

Kevin Martin

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Invicta

Invicta

Posted
Posted (edited)

Saw one like that at Canterbury show a few years ago featuring Thomas and Gertie the Gas axe. There was a brief 'script' for the scene as well.

 

Colin

 

Yes, I remember that one as well- think I might have seen it at a couple of other shows around Kent as well- a little diorama in a box displayed over the layout.

IIRC, the script went something like: 'Hello Thomas' said Gertie, 'I'm Gertie the Gas Axe'. 'Oh b*gg*r' said Thomas...

 

I also remember wagons loaded with bits of a cut-up Ertl diecast Thomas which appeared from time to time in a goods train- possibly the same layout.

 

 

I guess you could also build a layout featuring every known layout cliche known to man, from buses on bridges to fairgrounds, gypsy caravans, fire engines attending fires, weddings happening at a church while there's a funeral going on in the churchyard etc... Trouble is, I suspect it's already been done....

Edited by Invicta
  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
Boris

Boris

Posted
Posted (edited)

How about doing a scale 7 Thomas layout, that's sure to cause a bit of contention, or you could do a really nice modern image layout where you have an empty station and tell everyone the cable thieves have been out and all trains have been replaced by buses for the day.

 

You could always take a couple of bouncers with you to an exhibition with instructions to shoot rucksack toting space invaders on sight.

Edited by Boris
Link to post
Share on other sites
Boris

Boris

Posted
Posted

Go around the show, wearing really strong deodorant.

Or in some cases any sort of deodorant, perhaps even have a shower beforehand, or maybe put up a sign in front of your layout that all viewers will be subject to a 25 yard sniff test before they approach.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites
Invicta

Invicta

Posted
Posted (edited)

Clockwork P4?

 

Nah! far too mainstream, you want Push Along P4.

 

Actually I think I saw that at a recent show............................. :chok_mini:

 

Finescale wireless DCC Brio - now you're talking :D

 

Stu

 

I don't know if the story's true or an exhibitors urban myth, but I remember either an article in one of the mags, or a thread on here a few years back about people's unusual experiences at exhibitions, in which memory someone described operating at a finescale exhibition and encountering a parent with a young child in tow carrying a Hornby Thomas.

Dad asked the exhibitors if there was any chance they could give Thomas a run on the layout to entertain the child.

 

The operators politely explained that they couldn't as their layout was finescale, and Thomas, being OO, wouldn't fit the track.

'No problem' replied Dad, as he handed over Thomas- which had been neatly re-wheeled to either EM or P4...

Edited by Invicta
  • Like 12
  • Funny 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
eastwestdivide

eastwestdivide

Posted
Posted

How about operators having a large flashing light and warning sirens that built into the frame of their layout which they can operate when anybody comes out with the most pedantic of comments, which I am sure we have all heard at exhibitions

Someone's got a layout with the "rivet counter detector van" in the style of a TV licensing detector van. Was at the Pontefract show recently I think.

  • Like 9
Link to post
Share on other sites
ColinW

ColinW

Posted
Posted

Yes, I remember that one as well- think I might have seen it at a couple of other shows around Kent as well- a little diorama in a box displayed over the layout.

IIRC, the script went something like: 'Hello Thomas' said Gertie, 'I'm Gertie the Gas Axe'. 'Oh b*gg*r' said Thomas...

 

I also remember wagons loaded with bits of a cut-up Ertl diecast Thomas which appeared from time to time in a goods train- possibly the same layout.

 

 

I guess you could also build a layout featuring every known layout cliche known to man, from buses on bridges to fairgrounds, gypsy caravans, fire engines attending fires, weddings happening at a church while there's a funeral going on in the churchyard etc... Trouble is, I suspect it's already been done....

 

That's the one.

 

Colin

Link to post
Share on other sites
Catkins

Catkins

Posted
Posted

I don't know if the story's true or an exhibitors urban myth, but I remember either an article in one of the mags, or a thread on here a few years back about people's unusual experiences at exhibitions, in which memory someone described operating at a finescale exhibition and encountering a parent with a young child in tow carrying a Hornby Thomas.

Dad asked the exhibitors if there was any chance they could give Thomas a run on the layout to entertain the child.

 

The operators politely explained that they couldn't as their layout was finescale, and Thomas, being OO, wouldn't fit the track.

'No problem' replied Dad, as he handed over Thomas- which had been neatly re-wheeled to either EM or P4...

 

I remember seeing that in a write up of a "Railway of the Month" in Railway Modeller, but I can't recall which club and layout it was, but the club was a fairly prominent one at the time so I doubt that it was a publicity stunt.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
DavidH

DavidH

Posted
Posted

Refuse to allow pensioner discounts, in fact, charge double to anyone who complains about its lack :-)

 

Advertise yourself as wheelchair friendly, then make all the gaps between layouts just slightly too small for a wheelchair to pass anyone looking at a layout. Install the wheelchair ramp to the step below the top one on the way up to either the cafe or the toilets.

 

Have the cafe run out of milk and chips at 11.59am on Saturday. Don't get further supplies in until 4.50pm.

 

Arrange the gaps between stalls so that the thinnest stallholders get the largest, and the ones with the erm widest loading gauge get the narrowest gaps.

  • Like 2
  • Funny 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
DavidH

DavidH

Posted
Posted

Another couple potential practical jokes that would cause mayhem:

 

Sell someone a ticket, and within site of ticket desk arrange have ticket checked. Ticket check person now refuses entry because the ticket [hasn't been dated correctly/has the wrong discount/is for the wrong show/isn't a priority ticket]. Tell customer if they have a complaint they have to go to the complaints desk, sited just inside the door. Flatly refuse to allow them through the door until the ticket has been correctly changed/dated/etc. by complaints desk.

 

Launch a much sought-after limited edition model, allow queue to build up to a nice length, then announce over tannoy that entire stock has been sold to eBay collector before show started.

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...