Things that make you :)

[manna]

G'Day Folks

 

 

[Enterprisingwestern]

11 hours ago, Ramblin Rich said:

It's a serious subject, but you just know this place is going to be stuck with the 'temporary' name

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-53240033

 

 

Presumably everything else in Bristol built with his money is to be demolished and the city returned to being a village?

 

Mike.

[raymw]

The best thing about Bristol, is seeing it in your rear view mirror.

[rocor]

4 hours ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

 

Presumably everything else in Bristol built with his money is to be demolished and the city returned to being a village?

 

Mike.

 

This whole scenario might have been avoided if a tiny number of privileged individuals (the society of merchants venturers), had not been in a position to put a stop to an additional plaque being erected on the Colston statue, giving recognition to his participation in the slave trade.

[Mike at C&M]

[SHMD]

...more like side show bob!

 

 

Kev.

[Mike at C&M]

1 minute ago, SHMD said:

...more like side show bob!

 

 

Kev.

You haven't seen what lurks behind the perspex screen on the counter at C&M Models! 

[SHMD]

I pretty much don't mind what is behind a Perspex screen, it's what's lurking close by without a screen I worry about.

(I'm from Australia!)

 

 

Kev.

Edited July 2, 2020 by SHMD

[MarcD]

Why is Bojo living in a railway wagon?

 

Marc

[ian]

[skipepsi]

10 hours ago, Furness Wagon said:

Why is Bojo living in a railway wagon?

 

Marc

Because the fridge was too cold...

[luckymucklebackit]

So tomorrow is July 4th, the day when all Americans celebrate their Independence, we of course do not celebrate the illegal power grab by an army of subversive terrorists.  Just think, if the War of Independence had  gone our way then the colonies would have been under the control of a blond haired buffoon!

 

Oh, wait.......

[Ozexpatriate]

3 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said:

Just think, if the War of Independence had  gone our way ...

Militarily, it easily could have, had Howe moved up the Hudson in 1777 as planned, rather than invading Philadelphia. Instead Burgoyne was isolated and defeated at Saratoga (essentially by Arnold, though Gates took the credit) encouraging the French to join the war.

 

It is an interesting counterfactual to consider, but even with a victory in 1777 the occupation would have been much more awkward than it had become in the early 1770s and the question of slavery would inevitably have led to conflict.

[luckymucklebackit]

[melmerby]

1 hour ago, luckymucklebackit said:

So tomorrow is July 4th, the day when all Americans celebrate their Independence, we of course do not celebrate the illegal power grab by an army of subversive terrorists.  Just think, if the War of Independence had  gone our way then the colonies would have been under the control of a blond haired buffoon!

 

Oh, wait.......

How dare you call the queen a blond haired buffoon.

Off to the tower!

[J. S. Bach]

1 hour ago, melmerby said:

How dare you call the queen a blond haired buffoon.

Off to the tower!

Blonde?? I thought that it was gray.

[manna]

G'Day Folks

[Kylestrome]

12 hours ago, Ozexpatriate said:

..... Burgoyne was isolated and defeated at Saratoga (essentially by Arnold, though Gates took the credit)

 

That Gates guy has a lot to answer for ...

[kevinlms]

16 hours ago, luckymucklebackit said:

Moral of the story - never offer more information, than you need to!

[J. S. Bach]

4 hours ago, Kylestrome said:

That Gates guy has a lot to answer for ...

Yes, Bill sure does!

[Ozexpatriate]

9 hours ago, Kylestrome said:

 

That Gates guy has a lot to answer for ...

 

4 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

Yes, Bill sure does!

Horatio was a real piece of work, and J.S. you are not too far away from where he had his comeuppance in Camden.

[melmerby]

Paraphrasing a Spike Milligan WW1 joke:

 

"American declaration of Independence ruled illegal.

US still part of UK!"

[DavidB-AU]

6 hours ago, melmerby said:

Paraphrasing a Spike Milligan WW1 joke:

 

"American declaration of Independence ruled illegal.

US still part of UK!"

 

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

 

To the citizens of the United States of America,

 

In the light of your failure to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her  Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume sovereign duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy and may it donate to Canada. Your new Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

 

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' on chat shows. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

 

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

 

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Brummie. You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. Except Utah of course, which which will become a province of Canada.

 

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast British actors to play British characters. British sitcoms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

 

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen". You already know the melody, just learn the words. But only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

 

6. You must stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game and a small army of experts from the part of England called "The North" will be sent to explain the off side rule. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2025. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, spitting, collector cards or hotdogs.

 

7. You must declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde.

 

8. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. In fact you may not handle anything even remotely dangerous without consulting several hundred pages of health and safety regulations. You are, however, permitted to refer to these as "health and safety gone mad".

 

9. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

 

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you British cars (which are now mostly made by Germans) you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

 

11. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.

 

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From today only proper British ale and bitter will be referred to as "beer". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Cat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Cat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. The UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 2021) prices with the former USA and you will adopt UK petrol prices of about $7 per gallon.

 

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

 

15. You will learn to write dates correctly. The day comes first. It's not that hard, really.

 

16. You will learn to make and eat proper cheese. You cut cheese with a knife, not spray it from a can.

 

17. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

 

18. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all taxes due backdated to 1776. And television licences backdated to 1946.

 

Thank you for your cooperation.

[kevinlms]

9 hours ago, DavidB-AU said:

 

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

 

To the citizens of the United States of America,

 

In the light of your failure to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her  Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume sovereign duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy and may it donate to Canada. Your new Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

 

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' on chat shows. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

 

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

 

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Brummie. You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire. Except Utah of course, which which will become a province of Canada.

 

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast British actors to play British characters. British sitcoms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

 

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen". You already know the melody, just learn the words. But only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

 

6. You must stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game and a small army of experts from the part of England called "The North" will be sent to explain the off side rule. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2025. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, spitting, collector cards or hotdogs.

 

7. You must declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde.

 

8. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. In fact you may not handle anything even remotely dangerous without consulting several hundred pages of health and safety regulations. You are, however, permitted to refer to these as "health and safety gone mad".

 

9. 4th July is no longer a public holiday. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

 

10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you British cars (which are now mostly made by Germans) you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

 

11. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.

 

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From today only proper British ale and bitter will be referred to as "beer". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Cat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Cat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. The UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 2021) prices with the former USA and you will adopt UK petrol prices of about $7 per gallon.

 

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you’re not grown up enough to handle a gun.

 

15. You will learn to write dates correctly. The day comes first. It's not that hard, really.

 

16. You will learn to make and eat proper cheese. You cut cheese with a knife, not spray it from a can.

 

17. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

 

18. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all taxes due backdated to 1776. And television licences backdated to 1946.

 

Thank you for your cooperation.

Does the UK want them anymore, apart from number 18?

[J. S. Bach]

On 04/07/2020 at 15:11, Ozexpatriate said:

 

Horatio was a real piece of work, and J.S. you are not too far away from where he had his comeuppance in Camden.

About sixty miles or so, it is also the nearest Amtrak station to me.

Edited July 6, 2020 by J. S. Bach