Dating, women and the 'hobby'...

[Rivercider]

Mrs Rivercider first got to know me through her sister who worked with some of my group of friends.

At the time me and my brother, (who also worked for BR), were known as the 'railway children',

and got more mickey taking than others in the group which included several estate agents, a car insurance seller,

and one who worked for the tax office!

I have been with Mrs Rivercider since 1992, and in 2007 when I took redundancy from the railway after 30 years 

she suggested I get myself a model railway, so I took over much of our spare bedroom.

And she can correctly identify an Exmouth Junction concrete fence from a fair distance, bless her,

 

cheers 

 

[The Johnster]

I once had a squeeze who could accurately differentiate between a single and a mulitple point cable stay bridge; she had a friend who was in an objectivum sexual relationship with a preserved Routemaster bus.  Girls, when they are obsessed with this sort of stuff, are far more seriously involved than we are!

[luckymucklebackit]

When my ex-wife and I split up, there was about six months before we got divorced, I went round to get the papers signed up and she told me I had clearly left a legacy.  She had been at the station waiting for the train to Glasgow when a freight went through and she told me that she knew it was a class 37 at the front, despite having no interest in railways, real or model!

 

Jim

[Chamby]

When I was dating my now wife, we went on a railtour with a friend who was a real railways nut.  It was a Deltic that took us up to Newcastle, across to Carlisle and back south via Shap.  

 

After the event she kept referring to it as a "Dripcott" !  The name stuck and she still uses it... it is our Ruby anniversary later this year.  I think part of the reason why it works for us is that we share a large hobbies room.  I model, she crafts and paints.  Still haven't managed to persuade her to do me a back scene though.

[tomparryharry]

I always, always, keep a day spare for Mrs Smith. She may not use it, but it is available. If she wants to do something else, that's fine.

 

It's easier to get a day off if I want it.

 

However, it's important to remember that 'you make the spare day' first....

 

The odd cup of tea, at unexpected times, goes down a treat, as is the odd 'something nice'. It doesn't have to be much: Small box of chocolates, that sort of thing.

 

Another little tip is to always have the kettle on the boil when she comes home. After all, I'd like that cuppa as well.

 

Never talk trains after a mutually agreed time. Remember that you converse on a semi-professional level (I know; I can, and do). That way, I can't bore the ar$e off other people. It is OK to reply to questions, but only the subject in hand.

 

Off now. It's my turn to make that cuppa...

 

Ian.

 

PS. She has 'put up' with me for 30+ years. Still learning the ropes....

[rockershovel]

I don’t really know, although I see no value in enquiring, because I don’t doubt that it is somewhere amongst my perceived failings, both of omission and commission.

 

That said, having lately become a grandparent, I might get a “bye” on the matter in due course..

Edited February 3, 2018 by rockershovel

[Dava]

Off to Pandora this morning, Mrs Dava collects the charm bracelets which I sponsor sometimes and keep her happy, observations such as 'do you really need a 5th bracelet?' would be just too similar to the 'do you really need another layout/gauge o loco' which might come the other way.

 

5th bracelet bought for Valentine's Day❤️

Edited February 3, 2018 by Dava

[D854_Tiger]

If they really like you, a model railway isn't going to get in the way.

 

If they're so so, it will be a problem, every little thing will be a problem.

 

My teenage sister always used to moan about my interest, even telling me to grow up, then one day one of my six foot, built like the proverbial, rugby playing crank mates walked through the door and blimey you should have seen her eyes light up.

[rob D2]

I always, always, keep a day spare for Mrs Smith. She may not use it, but it is available. If she wants to do something else, that's fine.It's easier to get a day off if I want it.However, it's important to remember that 'you make the spare day' first....The odd cup of tea, at unexpected times, goes down a treat, as is the odd 'something nice'. It doesn't have to be much: Small box of chocolates, that sort of thing.Another little tip is to always have the kettle on the boil when she comes home. After all, I'd like that cuppa as well.Never talk trains after a mutually agreed time. Remember that you converse on a semi-professional level (I know; I can, and do). That way, I can't bore the ar$e off other people. It is OK to reply to questions, but only the subject in hand.Off now. It's my turn to make that cuppa...Ian.PS. She has 'put up' with me for 30+ years. Still learning the ropes....[/

 

Jeez, sod that. I pay the mortgage......take the trains or take a hike woman...

[88D]

I used a form of drip-feed culminating in my future wife realising how many holidays involved a visit to the nearby preserved line. Now, my wife and her friends say: ‘oh, love him, he’s off to a Railway show’

[jamie92208]

The Ex Mrs Lofty hated my models.

Often got poked with the derisory "oh, are you playing with your trains again ?" line.

Funny now we've split she is VERY interested and won't allow me access (though legally she has too but thats another story) because she wants them valued as she wants half the value!

Money grubbing <censored> .

At least she hasn't sold them at a knock down price to a dealer like the wife of someone I know did.

 

Jamie

Edited February 12, 2018 by jamie92208

[MarkC]

Exactly

Edited February 15, 2018 by MarkC

[OnTheBranchline]

Or you be sure of who you marry first...

[The Johnster]

I am wondering it this lack of support from some women for their men's interests (and it isn't just railways; friends into fishing, golf light aircraft, cars, and so on say their partners are not totally supportive in a range from grudging bemused tolerance to outright contempt and hostility) is a British thing.  Women are, I think, much more grown up and sensible than men, in general, and our hobbies are often regarded as childish and an irresponsible way of spending money that the partner says she needs to maintain the household (sorry it this view is a little traditional for some; it's not as if I agree with it, and we are a bit childish sometimes in our attempts to escape the daily grind).  

 

A relationship where you are living with someone is essentially a partnership, and both parties have to pull their weight to make it work, otherwise one will resent the other's lack of apparent commitment and the other will resent one's lack of apparent understanding and tolerance.  A hobby should never interfere negatively with family life or finances, but once those requirements are satisfied is fine with surplus money and spare time.  But we, by which I mean those majority of us who are men, need to take into account that it is societally much easier for us to have outside-the-relationship interests, hobbies, time spent with mates up the pub, interesting and satisfying careers and so on than it is for wives or girlfriends who have committed to relationships with us.  Things are not what they were half a century ago, but traditional 'housewife' and 'home maker' roles still prevail, and it is still all too easy for women to still feel lonely, unappreciated, trapped and isolated in their homes.  No wonder they resent us enjoying ourselves!

 

Of course, they can enjoy themselves just as much without us minding, and many of us will have the sense to encourage them, but I suspect we seldom properly take on board, or even understand, the way they feel about things; by our lights they are being unreasonable and should do more to find outside interests of their own, but there are other lights. 

 

I ask if it is a particularly British thing because my current partner is very supportive and encouraging of my railway (though she sometimes moans that I spend too much time on this site when I should be talking to, by which she means listening to, her; she understands the hobby but not my cyberlife), and it may be that her being Polish has something to do with a different base societal attitude to men's hobbies.  She is the most supportive of my partners yet, and at my age, like the layout, likely to be the last, so at least I get to finish on a positive note.  Well, ish.

[TheQ]

Since SWMBO does weaving , art, stained glass, and furry things that go woof. She doen't have a lot to complain about with me and model railways

[fozzy280472]

My wife Call's my layout " his gimpy trains. " I really don't care as it's my hobby and a nice little get away from everyone and everything when I need to.

I always say to her, take your pick , I can have my models OR go football on a Saturday, place numerous bets and lash the money up the wall in the pub all weekend like a good few of my friends , that puts it into perspective for her.

She has no interest in railways at all , suits me just fine thanks .

[tomparryharry]

I always, always, keep a day spare for Mrs Smith. She may not use it, but it is available. If she wants to do something else, that's fine.It's easier to get a day off if I want it.However, it's important to remember that 'you make the spare day' first....The odd cup of tea, at unexpected times, goes down a treat, as is the odd 'something nice'. It doesn't have to be much: Small box of chocolates, that sort of thing.Another little tip is to always have the kettle on the boil when she comes home. After all, I'd like that cuppa as well.Never talk trains after a mutually agreed time. Remember that you converse on a semi-professional level (I know; I can, and do). That way, I can't bore the ar$e off other people. It is OK to reply to questions, but only the subject in hand.Off now. It's my turn to make that cuppa...Ian.PS. She has 'put up' with me for 30+ years. Still learning the ropes....[/

 

Jeez, sod that. I pay the mortgage......take the trains or take a hike woman...

Aah, not quite. Like you, I've paid the mortgage some years ago. I've done my time on the treadmill.

 

However, as I type this, Mrs Smith has been with me, marking out for a 30x10 railway room in the garden. It appears that the odd little 'something nice' pays off. 

 

Cheers,

 

Ian.

[The Johnster]

Having such a supportive partner is a new, and very pleasant,departure for me.  None of my previous squeezes have been outright hostile, but bemused acceptance and a bit of appreciation that I was wasting time and money on this rather than chasing other women was the best I got before.  

 

Now the only down side is that she wants to drive when I want to drive...

 

Love that woman!!!

[5050]

At least she hasn't sold them at a knock down price to a dealer like the wife of someone I know did.

 

Jamie

Or chucked a very extensive collection of quality HO European models in the bin..........

[Coldgunner]

Now the only down side is that she wants to drive when I want to drive...

 

Look on the bright side, it means you get to sample a lot more of the local fermented vegetable drinks when out and about

[tomparryharry]

Mrs Smith has said that when I die, she'll flog the lot. I guess that's ok, after all, I'll be gone.

 

However, if Mrs Smith passes first, then I'll need to extend the railway room.....Quite a large extension, I think....

 

Ian.

[Dava]

Pandora charms seem to work. There is a female collector motivation. Apparently some women buy every charm produced. How crazy is that, like Hornby slave guys?

 

Each to her own.

 

Dava

[tractionman]

Pandora charms seem to work. There is a female collector motivation. Apparently some women buy every charm produced. How crazy is that, like Hornby slave guys?

Each to her own.

Dava

These things?

 

 

http://www.pandora.net/en-gb/products/charms/silver/796373cz

 

 

It's a whole new world!

 

 

Each one seems to be around the price of a coach... ;-)

 

 

Cheers,

 

Keith

[Dava]

These things? http://www.pandora.net/en-gb/products/charms/silver/796373cz

It's a whole new world!

Each one seems to be around the price of a coach... ;-)

Cheers,

Keith

Or a Gauge 0 wagon or kit. 1 bracelet = A whole train!

 

Dava

[jamie92208]

My Sister in laws were well trained. At Christmas I just used to send a text with a Slater's product code for a new wagon kit. Beth just says "You need something for your trains don't you".

 

Jamie

Edited February 24, 2018 by jamie92208