Guest Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 My wife said to me last night, "shall i go upstairs and put on a black lacy number" I said "I'd rather you didn't, I bloody hate Aggadoo" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve K Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 I don't bloody believe it. 13 weeks until pancake Day and the shops are selling eggs, flour and lemons already ! That's nothing. I'm starting to think that I'll never win the lottery, but Sainsburys have got millionaire's shortbread in stock, just on the off-chance. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 14, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 14, 2018 That's nothing. I'm starting to think that I'll never win the lottery, but Sainsburys have got millionaire's shortbread in stock, just on the off-chance. Won't be as good as the honourable Mrs Phil Bullocks I'll wager! Mike. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Won't be as good as the honourable Mrs Phil Bullocks I'll wager! Mike. Hear, hear! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Alex TM Posted December 14, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2018 Do not laugh! I was in a local supermarket yesterday and they had a display of packs of hot cross buns. A case of someone getting their festivals mixed up? It depends on which religion (or culture) we are talking about ..... hot cross buns go back more than two thousand years! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buhar Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 Parked my car in Glasgow city centre last night and left my bagpipes visible on the back seat. Came back this morning to find the window smashed and the back seat filled with bagpipes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted December 14, 2018 Share Posted December 14, 2018 I can't wait for christmas, then I can start buying Cadburys Creme Eggs. Mike. Some years ago now, as an HGV driver, my last load one Xmas eve was indeed, a trailer full of Easter eggs. 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 14, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 14, 2018 HOLE.jpg Maybe it's time to combine two threads. http://www.rmweb.co.uk/community/index.php?/topic/62412-things-that-make-you/page-468&do=findComment&comment=3393964 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted December 15, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 15, 2018 Maybe it's time to combine two threads. http://www.rmweb.co.uk/community/index.php?/topic/62412-things-that-make-you/page-468&do=findComment&comment=3393964 That was my thought when that one was started. Splitting hairs in many cases. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
billbedford Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 ...and one from the Groves of Academe Professor Anthony Seaton, who researched climate change and air pollution at the University of Aberdeen, believes Brexit is just one of the repercussions of the failure to halt rising temperatures and sea levels. Seaton argues that climate change is causing a “tidal wave” of migration with voters in the UK opting for Brexit because of a fear of being swamped by migrants and refugees. He believes civilisation will disintegrate into widespread warfare unless climate change is halted. “We are seeing civilisation breaking down in little bits already but people are not making the link with climate change,” he says. “We have got to make the connection.” If climate change continues this will all break down in warfare, he believes. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurenceb Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 The doctor gave me some tablets and said that I would need to thake them for the rest of my life. I am worried, he only gave me ten! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted December 15, 2018 RMweb Gold Share Posted December 15, 2018 My doctor gave me two weeks to live, I asked him for the last week in July and the first week in August. Mike. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Wife texts husband "Wndows frozen, can't open" Husband replies "Pour lukewarm water down, and tap edges gently with hammer" A while later she texts - "Well, that's really bu**ered up the computer now" Brit15 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted December 16, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 16, 2018 I was thinking of putting this in the football focus thread. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 (edited) van driver.JPG Or just block the road like the wancer fecking driver did to me today. The only place in our narrow road where there was a car parked and he stops, (note not parked), opposite. Wasn't even near where he was delivering. After 5 minutes then tries to apologise. I told the feck-wit to be more considerate. Mr Angry Bustard, Lundun. Sorry I thought I was in "The Things That Make You....." Edited December 16, 2018 by andytrains Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Storey Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 Or just block the road like the wancer fecking driver did to me today. The only place in our narrow road where there was a car parked and he stops, (note not parked), opposite. Wasn't even near where he was delivering. After 5 minutes then tries to apologise. I told the feck-wit to be more considerate. Mr Angry Bustard, Lundun. Oops. I did say I was sorry. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndrewC Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 BAR.jpg I'll see your Lynn Johnston and raise you another. https://www.fborfw.com/stripcatalog/indexkeywords2.php?q=train < if you want more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
shortliner Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Wife texts husband "Wndows frozen, can't open" Husband replies "Pour lukewarm water down, and tap edges gently with hammer" A while later she texts - "Well, that's really bu**ered up the computer now" Brit15 Speaking of windows........ A hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk answers, "May I help you?" The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858. You need to send someone to my room immediately. I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she's going to jump out the window." The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry, sir, but that's a personal issue." The man replies, "Listen, I cant get the window open and that's a maintenance issue. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
leopardml2341 Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 (edited) Just popped into HMV and asked the young assistant if they had anything by The Doors. She looked puzzled and said only their Christmas display of DVD's and a fire extinguisher. Groan! :D Edited December 18, 2018 by leopardml2341 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted December 20, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 20, 2018 Have you heard of the movie, 'Constipation'? Not surprising really, as not out yet! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Alex TM Posted December 20, 2018 RMweb Premium Share Posted December 20, 2018 Please spare us these jokes .......... ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 Have you heard of the movie, 'Constipation'? Not surprising really, as not out yet! Not surprised - they turned down Sheila Hancock for the leading lady role..... She was going to reprise her famous role as Senna Pod! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 Does Santa really live at the North Pole? Lets look at the evidence. 1 Wears red and white. 2 Good at breaking into houses. 3 Has loads of electrical goods that nobody can trace. 4 Drives an unlicensed vehicle. 5 Only does one days work a year... Lapland my arse! He's a bloody Scouser ! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 One night a couple of years ago, I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph barged into the room out of nowhere, tripped and fell over, breaking a glass table with his face. Totally ruined the mood. Now, I didn't know Joseph THAT well, don't even remember where he was from, but let's just say I put my plans on hold to help him through his injuries. Joseph had got a big glass shard in his eye, making him completely blind in that eye. He was walking around with one of those cotton pads on his eye for a couple of months. Then suddenly, he disappeared, along with my girlfriend. Apparently they'd bonded during the time after his injuries, and eloped together, left me behind without as much as a note. I tried to track them down, but never could. In conclusion, if it hadn't been for cotton-eye Joe, I'd have been married a long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton-eye Joe? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Two_sugars Posted December 20, 2018 Share Posted December 20, 2018 Oh Dear . . . . That's Dire. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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