Allegheny1600 Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Jack: We went to the best restaurant last night! Jerry: What's the name of it ? Jack: Oh, I have such a terrible memory. What's that red flower called? Jerry: Carnation? Jack: No, the one with the thorns. Jerry: Rose? Jack: That's it. *turns to his wife* Hey Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night? 2 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
gordon s Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 ...an old 'un, but made me chuckle again... 3 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Gopher Posted April 25, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2020 This joke carries a PG rating. Will remove if required --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- God visited a woman, and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven. The woman said she would try her best. God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on. "Not bad" said the woman. "I've given up smoking and drinking, but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer, and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my knickers to one side and made love to me right then and there". "They don't like that in heaven", said God. The woman replied "They're not too happy about it in Lidl, either". 3 21 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugd1022 Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 1 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted April 25, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 25, 2020 17 hours ago, newbryford said: This may be true. I wonder just who he is referring to? 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Rumour is he's currently Kim Jong Ill.... Jason 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold The Johnster Posted April 25, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 25, 2020 7 hours ago, F-UnitMad said: I have often thought that if women wanted men to do more around the house they'd only need to infiltrate some feminist types into the design departments. Your washing machine, Hotpoint 2000 Gti turbo, in red and black with loads of dials and pointless leds, and go faster stripes; we'd never let a woman anywhere near it! 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 What? Yours isn't like that? Even the average kettle is some kind of strange shape with lights. Or looks like Adolf Hitler.... 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted April 26, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devo63 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 From the Adelaide 'Sunday Mail' 3 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ikks Posted April 26, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 26, 2020 During the Endeavour’s great voyage up the east coast of Australia in 1770, James Cook has been naming everything after himself: Cooktown, Cooks River, Cook Reef. The list goes on and on, much to the chagrin of the aristocratic botanist on the voyage, Joseph Banks. One day, the two are ashore, marveling at the strange wildlife, when they see and hear a previously unknown bird. It’s a bit like a Kingfisher but with a strong beak and a strangely magnetic, laughing cry. Banks, as ever, wants to name it a “Banksoburra” but Cook, as ever, overrules him. 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 5 1 12 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 18 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 7 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 1 1 19 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 1 15 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 5 minutes ago, Baby Deltic said: Hi There, That may also work for the Remembrance society. Gibbo. 1 1 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 22 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 1 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buhar Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Devo63 said: From the Adelaide 'Sunday Mail' But your sense of smell means you're probably not infected. Cabbage or baked beans every few days helps when testing is scarce. Alan 1 2 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Kingzance Posted April 26, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted April 26, 2020 1 hour ago, Baby Deltic said: Does it answer to the name “Olive” I wonder? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopher Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 1 3 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gopher Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 2 2 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 44 minutes ago, Gopher said: Hi Gopher, What you need to do is master the art of saying, "Do you know,..... you're probably right.", and then saying absolutely nothing else before continuing on with the half done job that she was lecturing you about being somehow wrong. I have on occasion, and only after several days of listening to continued nonsense, pointed to the "box of mystery" and said, "The tools are there if you know any better, I'm off out on my motorbike and I'll sort out your mess later.". This is another phrase that is better left with an extremely long silent pause. Gibbo. 2 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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