Popular Post Devo63 Posted May 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 13, 2020 25 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Compound2632 Posted May 13, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 13, 2020 That's for the last one only. 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 (edited) 5 hours ago, kevinlms said: Is your name not Bruce? Well, of all the co-incidences, you should say that..... I am happy to confess that, to my complete and utter delight, err, no...... Julian Edited May 13, 2020 by jcredfer 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Fut Loose in the Forest. Thousands of years ago there lived 3 monster Dinosaurs, called Fut, Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut. They were big Dinosaurs who needed lots of food to keep them alive and lived in a huge cave. They lived happily wandering in the forests and they ate leaves from all the many trees in the forest. Fut said to Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut, “it is lovely in the forest eating all my favourite, tangy, Orange leaves”. Fut-Fut said to Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut,“ I particularly like the Banana leaves, they are so sweet.” Fut-Fut-Fut said to Fut and Fut-Fut, “I prefer Tea Bush leaves they are so refreshing”. And so they passed their days happily - walking the forests, for many hundreds of years. One particularly warm and sunny day, Fut said to Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut, “I think I had better stay at home, in the cave, today, as I don’t feel well”. Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut said, “That is a good idea Fut and we will bring you your favourite Orange Tree leaves to eat while you get better. Unfortunately, Fut got gradually worse and by the end of the week couldn’t even eat his favourite leaves, that Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut had brought for him. Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut became very worried about Fut, because he had become so very weak. Sadly the next day Fut passed away to Dinosaur Heaven and so Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut were very unhappy. Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut buried Fut under his favourite Orange tree, where they knew Fut would be happy. Fut-Fut and Fut-Fut-Fut wandered the forest very sadly for years as they dearly missed Fut , until Fut-Fut said to Fut-Fut-Fut, “I don’t think Fut would like us to be so sad, because he will be happy in Dinosaur Heaven and we will see him there some day”. Fut-Fut-Fut replied to Fut-Fut, “I think you are right”, so they went on their way feeling much more cheerful. Many years later, on a particularly warm and sunny day, Fut-Fut said to Fut-Fut-Fut, “I think I had better stay at home today, as I don’t feel particularly well”. Fut-Fut-Fut said to Fut Fut, “That is a good idea Fut-Fut and I will bring you your favourite Banana leaves to eat while you get better. Unfortunately, Fut-Fut got gradually worse and by the end of the week couldn’t even eat his favourite leaves, that Fut-Fut-Fut had brought for him. Fut-Fut-Fut became very worried about Fu-Fut, because he had become so weak. Fut-Fut-Fut was ever so upset as memories flooded back about Fut, from years ago. Fut-Fut-Fut said to Fut-Fut, “Please get better, I couldn’t bear it if you died, after all we’ve already got one Fut in the Grave”. Hat, coat - gone..... Julian 1 1 12 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geevor Clayton Loco Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 They other day someone said to me ''Coronavirus won't last long.'' ''Why not?'' '' 'Cause it's made in China'' 1 7 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted May 13, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 1 19 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Popular Post PhilJ W Posted May 13, 2020 RMweb Premium Popular Post Share Posted May 13, 2020 11 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 2 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 Ah. The Dingles. Also works for Norwich V Ipswich.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 It was a dark and windy night, while Lightening crashed around, three men sat in a cave... One said, "Tell us a story, Bill." After a pause for thought, Bill started... ..... It was a dark and windy night, while Lightening crashed around, three men sat in a cave... One said, "Tell us a story, Bill." After a pause for thought, Bill started... ..... It was a dark and windy night, while Lightening crashed around, three men sat in a cave... One said, "Tell us a story, Bill." After a pause for thought, Bill started... .... It was a dark and windy night, while Lightening crashed around, three men sat in a cave... One said, "Tell us a story, Bill." After a pause for thought, my daughter said, "Dad, your jokes are pathetic!" Wow, she listened long enough to see the whole thing through....... Julian 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Baby Deltic Posted May 14, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 14, 2020 21 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted May 14, 2020 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted May 14, 2020 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damo666 Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Colin_McLeod said: Top of this page Colin. Sorry. Edited May 14, 2020 by Damo666 Thumbnail 2 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 57 minutes ago, Colin_McLeod said: Repeated FROM THE TOP OF THIS PAGE...!!!???!!??? You're kidding, right ???? 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted May 14, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 14, 2020 I blame the lockdown...... 1 2 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post raymw Posted May 14, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 14, 2020 Ajoke from another time, or another place... So, I was in the McDonald’s drive-through this morning and the lady behind me honked at me and flipped me off because I was taking too long to order. Wow. “Take the high road” I thought to myself. So I paid for her food. I moved up and she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me because the cashier told her I paid for her food. She felt embarrassed. When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too! I paid for it, it was mine! Now she has to wait even longer. She’s gonna learn today you just don't mess with us old people. 3 17 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 4 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 1 hour ago, newbryford said: I blame the lockdown...... The page was locked down so you couldn’t see the top? ;-) 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Kylestrome Posted May 14, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, F-UnitMad said: Repeated FROM THE TOP OF THIS PAGE...!!!???!!??? First it was toilet paper, and now we're running out of new jokes! Edited May 14, 2020 by Kylestrome 1 7 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium newbryford Posted May 14, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 14, 2020 36 minutes ago, Kylestrome said: First it was toilet paper, and now we're running out of new jokes! I guess recycling jokes is better than recycling toilet paper...……... 2 1 6 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buhar Posted May 14, 2020 Share Posted May 14, 2020 I think @Baby Deltic panic bought a few weeks ago. 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Damo666 Posted May 14, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 14, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Kylestrome said: First it was toilet paper, and now we're running out of new jokes! OK then, here's one: **** A man owned a small business in a remote village. The local revenue commissioner got a tip that he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an investigator out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the investigator. "Well," replied the owner, "there's my Shop floor machinist who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him £1,100 a week plus free room and board. "The secretary has been here for 18 months, and I pay her £900 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit. He works about 16 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about £10 per week, pays his own room and board. But, I buy him a bottle of wine every Saturday night, and he also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to ... the half-wit," says the investigator. "That would be me," replied the owner. Edited May 14, 2020 by Damo666 20 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Damo666 Posted May 14, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted May 14, 2020 However, back to the non-jokes, here's a true story: With all this hot weather we’re having, I pulled into the car park at the local supermarket the other day and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Lab Retriever Puppy had some fresh air whilst I nipped in to get some milk. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the kerb backward, pointing my finger at the pup in the car and saying emphatically, 'Stay! Do you hear me? Stay ... STAY!!!' The driver of a nearby car gave me a strange look and said, 'Why don't you just put the handbrake on? 2 30 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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