Steamport Southport Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 The best two from Family Fortunes and are probably somewhere on YouTube. Name a bird with a long neck Naomi Campbell Name a dangerous race. The Arabs 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 One from a Radio Merseyside phone quiz Presenter: Which composer wrote the 1812 Overture? (Noises off on the phone line) Contestant: Eh, yerwhat???? ... pause... Jack Clusky? 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted May 20, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 20, 2020 2 hours ago, tomparryharry said: Ground floor:- Non-smokers First Floor:- 20 a day Second floor:- Cigars Third floor:- Pipe smokers Under the front wheels:- Bagpipe players FIFY! Mike. 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 1 hour ago, Steamport Southport said: The best two from Family Fortunes and are probably somewhere on YouTube. Name a bird with a long neck Naomi Campbell Name a dangerous race. The Arabs Both answers would seem to be perfectly accurate..... Julian 1 5 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted May 20, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 20, 2020 3 8 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibbo675 Posted May 20, 2020 Share Posted May 20, 2020 18 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: Hi Phil, You need "Man Scripts": Gibbo. 3 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted May 20, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 20, 2020 19 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: They may claim to be thinking but I am never sure that it is the right label! 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
peanuts Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 8 hours ago, PhilJ W said: my usual reply to that statement is "did it hurt " 1 5 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 21, 2020 49 minutes ago, peanuts said: my usual reply to that statement is "did it hurt " Mine is, I wondered where the noise was coming from. Mike. 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Kylestrome Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 21, 2020 37 minutes ago, Enterprisingwestern said: Mine is, I wondered where the noise was coming from. I thought that was my line! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 5 minutes ago, Kylestrome said: I thought that was my line! Mine is, 'Do you need to sit down?' 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 21, 2020 I went to the AGM of the Pessimists Society. It was very disappointing - the room was half empty. 6 1 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-UnitMad Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 10 hours ago, PhilJ W said: Unfortunately, that "something" is never anything related to model railways. Indeed it always seems to be something designed to deprive you of any modelling time at all. 2 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Deltic Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 45 minutes ago, BoD said: I went to the AGM of the Pessimists Society. It was very disappointing - the room was half empty. I went to a pantomime for 'Help The Paranoid'. It was a great show until one of the characters shouted "he's behind you!". Absolute pandemonium broke out in the auditorium. 2 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Geevor Clayton Loco Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 With great power comes great electricity bill. 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 12 hours ago, Gibbo675 said: Hi Phil, You need "Man Scripts": Gibbo. The "Question" Mrs Luckymucklebackit uses frequently starts with "Would you like to.....". It is no more of a question if I would like to do something, it is a mandatory instruction whether I like it or not! JIm 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 21, 2020 4 hours ago, peanuts said: my usual reply to that statement is "did it hurt " But did her reply hurt? 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 21, 2020 19 minutes ago, luckymucklebackit said: The "Question" Mrs Luckymucklebackit uses frequently starts with "Would you like to.....". It is no more of a question if I would like to do something, it is a mandatory instruction whether I like it or not! JIm A question with a choice for you to make is just as dangerous. 'Would you like fish or chicken for dinner?' Sounds very much like you have been given your preferred option for dinner. DANGER. If you say 'I'd like chicken tonight', then it's an open invitation for her to say, 'Well, I'd prefer to have fish'. You have fallen into the trap, guess what you're having for dinner tonight? Now if your memories good, next time you get asked the same question, you'll remember that the last time, we had fish SO it must be the chicken turn = Man Logic! WRONG, when will you learn that you can't win this game of words? It's the turn of fish again. 1 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium iands Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 21, 2020 Just like when you get two ties for Christmas, a blue one and a red one. You get smartened up for Christmas dinner and come down wearing the blue tie, to be immediately met the question - and what's wrong with the red tie? 2 8 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Chris116 Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 21, 2020 1 hour ago, iands said: Just like when you get two ties for Christmas, a blue one and a red one. You get smartened up for Christmas dinner and come down wearing the blue tie, to be immediately met the question - and what's wrong with the red tie? The answer to that is "Nothing, but I couldn't find my other neck", then make sure you are out of arms reach and she doesn't have anything heavy to throw at you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 21, 2020 2 hours ago, iands said: Just like when you get two ties for Christmas, a blue one and a red one. You get smartened up for Christmas dinner and come down wearing the blue tie, to be immediately met the question - and what's wrong with the red tie? The red one is holding my trousers up. Mike. 4 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted May 21, 2020 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 21, 2020 3 hours ago, iands said: Just like when you get two ties for Christmas, a blue one and a red one. You get smartened up for Christmas dinner and come down wearing the blue tie, to be immediately met the question - and what's wrong with the red tie? If you say it's a cack tie you'll get a very spiky response! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
rocor Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 4 hours ago, iands said: Just like when you get two ties for Christmas, a blue one and a red one. You get smartened up for Christmas dinner and come down wearing the blue tie, to be immediately met the question - and what's wrong with the red tie? Show that you are wearing the red one as well (where you wear it is up to you), and say, you could not decide which one to wear, so it ended up a tie. 2 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devo63 Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 I have always loved to live dangerously. I'm also a bit of a masochist. Growing up in a household with my Grandmother, my Mother and two sisters, whenever I was asked to help out with something I would reply "I can't do that - it's women's work". My distance record was five feet of movement before being beaten to a pulp. Dave R. 11 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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