The Forum Jokes Thread

[Steamport Southport]

Or maybe it's the fact the names are easily translated into Welsh from the original Roman/Latin names.....

 

Should have a proper name like Lerpwl.

 

 

 

Jason

[CameronL]

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read  too....

 

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[rocor]

12 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said:

Or maybe it's the fact the names are easily translated into Welsh from the original Roman/Latin names.....

 

Should have a proper name like Lerpwl.

 

 

 

Jason

 

On the subject of being easily translated into Welsh. When using Google to translate from English to another language, playing back the spoken text usually sounds as though it was recorded by a native speaker. Not so English into Welsh, which sounds as though it is being spoken by a Dalek. DIFODI!, DIFODI!, DIFODI!.

[Reorte]

12 hours ago, 96701 said:

There are a number of things that get my goat when sitting on Cardiff or Newport stations listening to the announcements and seeing the multilingual displays. One is Llundain Paddington, but the main infraction with the Welsh pronunciations is Manceino Piccadilly. I have no problem with English towns that used to be part of Wales being given their original Welsh names, but since when has Manchester been in Wales to warrant them calling it something else? As a Lancastrian, I find it to be extremely arrogant. After all, Peking became Bejing, Bombay became Mumbai so who the hell thinks that they have the right to mispronounce Manchester? Crewe, Wilmslow and Stockport don't get such "special" treatment.

 

Rant over.

Probably because there's no Welsh word for those. If the Welsh versions are part of a Welsh language announcement then I don't see how it's any different from saying Munich or Paris (with the "s" heard) in English. Some places simply have different names (or variations of them) in different languages; I'm not at all fussed about the French calling England "Angleterre."

 

Sometimes there can be historical or political baggage that makes it a bit problematic but I'm unaware of any reason that should be an issue in this case.

Edited June 27, 2020 by Reorte

[Chris116]

Hardly a joke but I have always wondered why every country calls other countries and their cities by any name other than the one the locals use. In my view we should not call Praha, Prague and the French should call us English etc. 

 

 

[J. S. Bach]

3 hours ago, CameronL said:

This was allegedly posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take it down immediately (for once, the 'IMPORTANT' note at the end is worth a read  too....

 

 ...snip...

 

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

 

McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION

Marketing Department

Military Aerospace Division

 

 IMPORTANT:

 ...snip...  Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct context  ...snip...

 I read that some years ago although some of the wording may have been a little different.

 

Absquatulation: to flee; abscond

 

Note: I just had to look that up. However, it will probably not go on my Favorite Words List of which bloviate is leading the pack now. BTW, bloviate is almost onomatopoeic.

Edited June 27, 2020 by J. S. Bach

[PhilJ W]

[Hroth]

All I have to say about Welsh cultural appropriation

 

Rygbi

Snewcer

 

Mind you, many years ago my father was putting some petrol in the car at a garage in mid-Wales (Summer hols, thirsty car) and you could hear the welsh mechanics talking about a problem vehicle in the workshop.  Lots of welsh with pure english technical terms! 

[Reorte]

3 hours ago, Chris116 said:

Hardly a joke but I have always wondered why every country calls other countries and their cities by any name other than the one the locals use. In my view we should not call Praha, Prague and the French should call us English etc.

 

My guess is that the different names come from them being significant places for many centuries, so they might've started off the same but drifted over time in different directions as the languages themselves have. Some are simply direct translations - "Royaume Uni" for the UK for example.

[96701]

5 minutes ago, Reorte said:

 

My guess is that the different names come from them being significant places for many centuries, so they might've started off the same but drifted over time in different directions as the languages themselves have. Some are simply direct translations - "Royaume Uni" for the UK for example.

Lifted from Wikipedia:

 

This name gradually evolved in three directions, into Sciropscire, which became Shropshire; into Sloppesberie, which became Salop / Salopia (an alternative name for both town and county), and into Schrosberie, which eventually became the town's name, Shrewsbury. Its later Welsh name Amwythig means "fortified place".

[PhilJ W]

[Baby Deltic]

[BR60103]

9 hours ago, Hroth said:

All I have to say about Welsh cultural appropriation

 

Rygbi

Snewcer

 

Mind you, many years ago my father was putting some petrol in the car at a garage in mid-Wales (Summer hols, thirsty car) and you could hear the welsh mechanics talking about a problem vehicle in the workshop.  Lots of welsh with pure english technical terms! 

Living near Toronto, which styles itself as the most multi-cultural city, we can hear radio ads for (say)

Hilary's Apteka, Ceteri jedno sest devet  College Street.

 

[CameronL]

20 hours ago, J. S. Bach said:

 I read that some years ago although some of the wording may have been a little different.

 

Absquatulation: to flee; abscond

 

Note: I just had to look that up. However, it will probably not go on my Favorite Words List of which bloviate is leading the pack now. BTW, bloviate is almost onomatopoeic.

I agree. Considering the simple meaning I think it's a bit sesquipedalian.

 

Anyway, to continue the aeronautical theme here's a joke my Dad, who was a rear gunner in Wellington Bombers during WW2, told me. I've never told it to a member of the RAF who didn't love it -

 

On Radio 4 one afternoon the announcer, in his very plummy Radio 4 accent, said "Good afternoon, and welcome to our series Heroes of World War 2 in which we look at the exploits of people who really did make a difference during that conflict. Today we shall be talking to Squadron Leader Stanislav "Stan" Kolanska of the Polish Airforce, who flew with the RAF from 1940 until the end of the War. Such was his prowess that he was responsible for the downing of 37 Luftwaffe aircraft, for which he was awarded the DFC. Not only that, but for single-handedly attacking and destroying a V1 flying bomb site he was awarded the Victoria Cross. Also, when shot down over occupied France he was rescued by the French Resistance to whom he gave such help and support in their fight against the Occupiers before being smuggled back to Britain that he was given the title Le Renard Volant or "The Flying Fox" and after the War was personally presented with Le Croix de Guerre by General Charles de Gaulle. Stan, good afternoon."

   "Good afternoon", says Stan in his very strong Polish accent.

   "Now, Stan," went on the announcer, "There are many stories from your incredible service with the RAF, but I feel that we must start with your very first operational sortie, during which you shot down no less than three Luftwaffe fighter aircraft flying bomber escort. Stan, could you please tell us that story?"

   "Vell," says Stan, "My squadron, ve vas vectored on to a raid coming in over the Lincolnshire coast. Now the Scvadron Leader had told me to stay close to him, me being a novice, but it vas a bit of a cloudy day and ve got separated. I vas flying along and suddenly I saw underneath me three German Fokkers. I had the sun at my back and I don't think those Fokkers even saw me. Vell, I swooped down on them and got von of the Fokkers straight avay. I used the speed from my dive to come back up underneath them and got another von, so that was two of the Fokkers. But the third von vas a difficult Fokker. I had a real scrap vith him - he shot avay part of my starboard ving, part of my tail, but in the end I got that Fokker too. I flew back to my airfield and had my three kills confirmed. So that's the story - three of those German Fokkers on my first sortie."

  Rather flustered, the announcer says "I feel I should point out that the 'Fokker' is in fact a Luftwaffe fighter aircraft, properly known as the Focke Wulf Fw 190 Würger."

   And Stan says "Vell, that's true, but these Fokkers, they vas in Messerschmidts." 

Edited June 28, 2020 by CameronL
Typo

[SM42]

10 hours ago, BR60103 said:

Living near Toronto, which styles itself as the most multi-cultural city, we can hear radio ads for (say)

Hilary's Apteka, Ceteri jedno sest devet  College Street.

 

 

Wow that is a really targeted add. Hilary's dispensing chemist, 4169. College Street if I've undertsood your phonetic spelling. 

 

The best translation I've heard from English to Polish was on of all things Postman Pat.

 

Mrs Goggins picks up the phone and says "Poczta Zielone Dal eh".

 

Dzien Dobry pani Goggins.

 

Found it really odd that the town of Greendale was translated, rather than  left in the orignal form.

 

Andy

 

Poczta - post office, Zielone - green, Dal eh - Polish pronunciation of Dale

 

 

Edited June 28, 2020 by SM42

[rocor]

In 1950 a BBC radio news reporter is travelling up from London to their Manchester studio,  as he is driving, he listens to the regular news reports on the car radio. The big news at the time was the trial of the the scientist Klaus Fuchs for giving information about Britain's nuclear weapons program to the Soviet Union.

The London Station pronounced the scientist surname as Fooks. Once his radio was picking up the reports transmitted by the Manchester station the unfortunate Fuchs, was now pronounced somewhat differently. When the reporter reached his destination, he queried why the name was being pronounced this way, and was told "you might might get away with that sort of language down south, but they would not fooking put up with it up here.

 

Edited June 28, 2020 by rocor

[2750Papyrus]

There was also an Antarctic scientist of this name in the mid 50's, which led to a newspaper headline

"DOCTOR FUCHS OFF AGAIN".

[Ruffnut Thorston]

 

This just in...

I was over visiting elderly  friends, now the lockdown is easing.

They had a man in doing some painting and decorating for them.

Having a chat with him at the correct social distance it turned out that he was a British Airways pilot on furlough, trying to earn a few quid.

I must say he made a terrific job of the landing.

---------------------------

 

 

Also, in other news...

 

Thieves have stolen all the road signs in
Yorkshire.
 
Police are still looking for LEEDS.

 

[Enterprisingwestern]

1 hour ago, CameronL said:

I agree. Considering the simple meaning I think it's a bit sesquipedalian.

 

Anyway, to continue the aeronautical theme here's a joke my Dad, who was a rear gunner in Wellington Bombers during WW2, told me. I've never told it to a member of the RAF who didn't love it -

 

On Radio 4 one afternoon the announcer, in his very plummy Radio 4 accent, said "Good afternoon, and welcome to our series Heroes of World War 2 in which we look at the exploits of people who really did make a difference during that conflict. Today we shall be talking to Squadron Leader Stanislav "Stan" Kolanska of the Polish Airforce, who flew with the RAF from 1940 until the end of the War. Such was his prowess that he was responsible for the downing of 37 Luftwaffe aircraft, for which he was awarded the DFC. Not only that, but for single-handedly attacking and destroying a V1 flying bomb site he was awarded the Victoria Cross. Also, when shot down over occupied France he was rescued by the French Resistance to whom he gave such help and support in their fight against the Occupiers before being smuggled back to Britain that he was given the title Le Renard Volant or "The Flying Fox" and after the War was personally presented with Le Croix de Guerre by General Charles de Gaulle. Stan, good afternoon."

   "Good afternoon", says Stan in his very strong Polish accent.

   "Now, Stan," went on the announcer, "There are many stories from your incredible service with the RAF, but I feel that we must start with your very first operational sortie, during which you shot down no less than three Luftwaffe fighter aircraft flying bomber escort. Stan, could you please tell us that story?"

   "Vell," says Stan, "My squadron, ve vas vectored on to a raid coming in over the Lincolnshire coast. Now the Scvadron Leader had told me to stay close to him, me being a novice, but it vas a bit of a cloudy day and ve got separated. I vas flying along and suddenly I saw underneath me three German Fokkers. I had the sun at my back and I don't think those Fokkers even saw me. Vell, I swooped down on them and got von of the Fokkers straight avay. I used the speed from my dive to come back up underneath them and got another von, so that was two of the Fokkers. But the third von vas a difficult Fokker. I had a real scrap vith him - he shot avay part of my starboard ving, part of my tail, but in the end I got that Fokker too. I flew back to my airfield and had my three kills confirmed. So that's the story - three of those German Fokkers on my first sortie."

  Rather flustered, the announcer says "I feel I should point out that the 'Fokker' is in fact a Luftwaffe fighter aircraft, properly known as the Focke Wulf Fw 190 Würger."

   And Stan says "Vell, that's true, but these Fokkers, they vas in Messerschmidts." 

 

You are Stan Boardman and I claim my £5!

 

Mike.

[tomparryharry]

A young lad was taking spotter notes at an industrial complex. Into view came a magnificent large diesel, bulled up to the nines. It adorned its nameplate:- CORSAIR.

 

"I suppose you named that after the broad gauge locomotive" said the  youthful chap. 

 

"Nah. We just crushed a Ford on the level crossing....." 

[CameronL]

3 hours ago, Enterprisingwestern said:

 

You are Stan Boardman and I claim my £5!

 

Mike.

No, sorry. Born a little further down the M62 (Manc and proud). Dad told me that joke sometime in the 80s - I didn't even know it was a Stan Boardman. I gather it got him banned from ITV. I've never been banned from anything (unless you count the Tufty Club for persistent jaywalking).

[The Johnster]

23 hours ago, Hroth said:

All I have to say about Welsh cultural appropriation

 

Rygbi

Snewcer

 

Mind you, many years ago my father was putting some petrol in the car at a garage in mid-Wales (Summer hols, thirsty car) and you could hear the welsh mechanics talking about a problem vehicle in the workshop.  Lots of welsh with pure english technical terms! 

Best of this I ever came across was at a National Eisteddfod in Llanelli some time back; you expect proper Welsh at the 'Steddfod.  I was in the 'food court'  marquee, and amongst the Pysgod a Scodiau  (Fish and Chips) and Hufedd Ia (Ice Cream) was the most wonderful sign above a stall, perfect Welsh phonetics; 'Nwdls'.  

 

Welsh for toes is 'bys troedd', nothing to do with bistro but a translation reveals 'foot fingers', which I suppose is really what they are; I'm typing this with my hand toes...

[Stanley Melrose]

4 hours ago, 2750Papyrus said:

There was also an Antarctic scientist of this name in the mid 50's, which led to a newspaper headline

"DOCTOR FUCHS OFF AGAIN".

Ah that would be the Liverpool Echo and the headline to which you refer was above the second article about the good doctor.  The first was headlined:

 

DR FUCHS OFF

 

This was when he set out on his epic journey but was forced back for some reason.  The headline you quote was when he set off for the second time.

 

The Echo was famous for its somewhat dubious headlines when I lived in Liverpool almost 60 years ago.  For example:

 

DOCTORS COMPLAIN - LACK OF OPENINGS FOR YOUNG MEN

 

NO WATER SO FIREMEN IMPROVISED

 

BALLOON RACE - 6 DROP OUT

[Gibbo675]

8 hours ago, Sarahagain said:

 

Thieves have stolen all the road signs in
Yorkshire.
 
Police are still looking for LEEDS.

 

Hi Sarah,

 

Marcus Aurelius would tell you that all roads lead to Rome.

 

Geoff Boycot would tell you that all lanes roam to Leeds.

 

Gibbo.

[Compound2632]

9 hours ago, SM42 said:

Mrs Goggins picks up the phone and says "Poczta Zielone Dal eh".

 

Dzien Dobry pani Goggins.

 

Found it really odd that the town of Greendale was translated, rather than  left in the original form.

 

They're used to doing it with German names, The Lower Silesian towns of Zielona Gora and Jelenia Gora were formerly Gruenberg and Hirschberg (Greenhill and Deerhill).