RMweb Premium MrTea Posted July 15, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 15, 2019 Via Richard Osman on Twitter: "We asked Amtrak what had happened to Helen’s luggage, but they told us that they can’t comment on individual cases." 10 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Reorte Posted July 16, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 16, 2019 That there's a HIghway to Hell but only a Stairway to Heaven speaks volumes about expected traffic numbers. 1 2 2 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 How do you attach a helicopter to your face? With a chin hook. 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted July 18, 2019 Share Posted July 18, 2019 How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Fill it with spring water! 3 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
manna Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 G'Day Folks 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bernard Lamb Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 This one is 50 years old but seeing the event is currently in the news I will repeat it. Fans of the GWR are very keen to tell people that the first man on the moon was named Armstrong. Supporters of the LNWR will point out that they had a Moon of their own. Bernard 2 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 1 hour ago, Bernard Lamb said: This one is 50 years old but seeing the event is currently in the news I will repeat it. Fans of the GWR are very keen to tell people that the first man on the moon was named Armstrong. Supporters of the LNWR will point out that they had a Moon of their own. Bernard Just a moon? The LMS had Mars, BR had Venus and the Union Pacific had Jupiter even the Liverpool and Manchester had a Planet! 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted July 19, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 19, 2019 But its hard to see Uranus. I know, hat and coat already on... 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dan Randall Posted July 19, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 19, 2019 Did you hear about the Judge with no thumbs? "Justice Fingers"..... 1 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 11 minutes ago, PhilJ W said: But its hard to see Uranus. I know, hat and coat already on... No its not! just nip over to Ireland, Q Class, Number 131 has been restored by the Railway Preservation Society of Ireland! 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted July 19, 2019 Share Posted July 19, 2019 A white rodent has been terrorising the local neighbourhood by holding up victims with a large knife. Police have warned the public not to approach him as he is believed to be armed and Dangermouse.... 3 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceptic Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 On 18/07/2019 at 18:43, jcm@gwr said: How do you make a water bed more bouncy? Fill it with spring water! I bought my ex a water bed. After that, we seemed to, just, drift apart. 1 1 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
andytrains Posted July 20, 2019 Share Posted July 20, 2019 Was she Welsh and had Leeks? 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
raymw Posted July 21, 2019 Share Posted July 21, 2019 1 1 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted July 21, 2019 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 21, 2019 A couple had been married for many years. One of the husbands habits that used to annoy his wife was every morning he used to let go an enormous fart. His wife used to say to him that one day he'd blow out his innards with the fart. One Christmas morning as she was preparing the turkey when seeing the giblets gave her an idea. She took the giblets upstairs and placed them in the bed behind her husband. About half an hour later she heard her husband fart followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of footsteps rushing to the bathroom. Half an hour later the husband came down, rather subdued, and said to the wife "You were right, my innards came out when I farted. But its OK, with the aid of some vaseline I was able to put them back." 10 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 (edited) Moose Trained by Yutte Hermsgervordenbroti Special Moose Effects Olaf Prot Moose Costumes Siggi Churchill Moose choerographed by Horst Prot III Miss Taylor's Mooses by Hengst Douglas-Home Moose trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms by Jurgan Wigg Mooses noses wiped by Bjorn Irkestom-Slater etc etc..... Edited July 22, 2019 by luckymucklebackit 2 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted July 22, 2019 RMweb Gold Share Posted July 22, 2019 We've got a new curry shop! It's got a hotline number...... 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted July 22, 2019 Share Posted July 22, 2019 Brit15 4 3 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 I've just spotted an albino Dalmation. Well, it was the least I could do! 1 14 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcm@gwr Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 On 10/07/2019 at 20:58, luckymucklebackit said: Not sure if this is the correct thread to post this but I'm posting this with a heavy heart.. As much as I love having my model railways, it takes up too much of my time and I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics such as cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give. I will be re-homing my collection Please don't ask any questions, as I can't handle talking about it. Below is a list of what's available. All FREE of charge, but to good homes only. Serious inquiries only please. Thanks for reading and understanding... 1. Dustpan and brush 2. Sponges 3. Dusters 4. Mop and bucket 5. Window cleaner 6.Hoover 7. Dishwashing liquid 8. Laundry detergent 9. Fabric softener 10. Laundry baskets 11. Toilet brush 12. Cleaning sprays 13. Scrubbing brushes My collection got too big as well, so I decided to get rid of anything I didn't play with anymore. Turns out I'm not allowed to sell my wife on E-bay! 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamiel Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Q. What is the difference between cats and Americans? A. Cats can understand sarcasm. I don’t wish to cause offense to any Americans, and I have said this to a good friend from Atlanta who thought it a valid observation, although pointed out some New Yorkers have their own quite harsh style of sarcasm. 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Storey Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 1 minute ago, Jamiel said: Q. What is the difference between cats and Americans? A. Cats can understand sarcasm. I don’t wish to cause offense to any Americans, and I have said this to a good friend from Atlanta who thought it a valid observation, although pointed out some New Yorkers have their own quite harsh style of sarcasm. Doesn't work with sarcasm - I worked in NY for six months, and they really do sarcasm, really, really well. Try using Irony. They almost entirely don't do that, as almost all their clothes are drip-dry? 2 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
davefromacrossthepond Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Well, I live in the U.S. and I can see the humor in it. Given how much y'all pick on yourselves in this thread it would be a bit "one way" for me not to be able to laugh at myself right? 6 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 Yes. I think there is quite a history of sarcastic comedy in New York and the rest of the North East. Especially from the Jewish and Irish immigrants. I don't think it transferred to other parts though. Jason 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamiel Posted July 23, 2019 Share Posted July 23, 2019 15 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: Yes. I think there is quite a history of sarcastic comedy in New York and the rest of the North East. Especially from the Jewish and Irish immigrants. I don't think it transferred to other parts though. Jason Yes, that is what my friend said. I am pleased that none seems to question that cats can understand sarcasm though. Jamie 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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