The Forum Jokes Thread

[kernowtim]

Apparently railway companies are going to start using biodiesel made from herbs in their trains.

Maybe ours will now run on Thyme..

[luckymucklebackit]

8 minutes ago, kernowtim said:

Apparently railway companies are going to start using biodiesel made from herbs in their trains.

Maybe ours will now run on Thyme..

 

Someone will make a mint out of that idea!

[newbryford]

Apologies for excessive use of the b word.....

[Jamiel]

The news said that people were offering emergency help for those in Whaley Bridge including the Women’s Institute who were …….
 

 this is where I got ahead of things and thought …….. 
 

….. going to make an emergency nude calendar.

[Gibbo675]

3 minutes ago, Jamiel said:

The news said that people were offering emergency help for those in Whaley Bridge including the Women’s Institute who were …….
 

 this is where I got ahead of things and thought …….. 
 

….. going to make an emergency nude calendar.

Hi Jamiel,

 

Crass I know, but might be swim-wear be more appropriate ?

 

Gibbo.

[Colin_McLeod]

The weather forecast this morning included a severe flood warning for Whaley Bridge. Not sure if this was "stating the obvious" or more bad weather.

[Reorte]

Ah, jokes about Whaley Bridge. I'm maybe a mile from the reservoir (maybe a little less as the crow flies), downstream. Not been kicked out my house though (there's always the possibility they don't know it's here mind you, it's tucked out of the way, although one of my neighbours contacted the police who said stay "for now").

 

Bring on the jokes though, most of the people around here would happily laugh at them!

[Reorte]

35 minutes ago, Colin_McLeod said:

The weather forecast this morning included a severe flood warning for Whaley Bridge. Not sure if this was "stating the obvious" or more bad weather.

 

It's been down as a severe flood warning since this started. The forecast has some yellow warnings for the general area for tomorrow due to the possibility of localised heavy showers. Should be OK though, with pretty much only the rain that lands in the reservoir and the valley sides adding to it, there's a channel all down the side and what looked like sluices at the top to divert the incoming stream in to it and thus bypass the reservoir.

[Titan]

Looks very similar to the Oroville Dam incident a few years ago. On the plus side it is on a much smaller scale, on a minus side in this case the erosion is on the dam itself rather than lower down the spillway, which is more of an issue.

[Reorte]

Anyway it's nice not having the constant noise of the A6 nearby for once. Pity it's been replaced by constant helicopters (the Chinook stands out, although I've not actually seen it).

[CameronL]

To change the subject - 

 

I went to an analyst recently, who tested me and told me I'm suffering from multiple personality disorder. 

 

I said "Don't be ridiculous. I haven't got multiple personality disorder - and neither have I".

[F-UnitMad]

On 03/08/2019 at 11:21, Reorte said:

Anyway it's nice not having the constant noise of the A6 nearby for once. Pity it's been replaced by constant helicopters (the Chinook stands out, although I've not actually seen it).

It did occur to me that it's sort of slightly ironic, seeing the RAF trying to block up a dam, rather than knock them down.

I don't think the Chinooks belong to 617 Squadron. 

[The Johnster]

On 02/08/2019 at 14:10, newbryford said:

Apologies for excessive use of the b word.....

Concur.  I know people who think they're The Bo**ocks but in fact are merely Bo**ocks.

[kevinlms]

On 03/08/2019 at 19:45, Reorte said:

Ah, jokes about Whaley Bridge. I'm maybe a mile from the reservoir (maybe a little less as the crow flies), downstream. Not been kicked out my house though (there's always the possibility they don't know it's here mind you, it's tucked out of the way, although one of my neighbours contacted the police who said stay "for now").

 

Bring on the jokes though, most of the people around here would happily laugh at them!

Not quite as bad as Denley Moor, where 'It were always raining'!

 

 

[Reorte]

7 hours ago, F-UnitMad said:

It did occur to me that it's sort of slightly ironic, seeing the RAF trying to block up a dam, rather than knock them down.

I don't think the Chinooks belong to 617 Squadron. 

 

In the midst of the random rubbish playing on the jukebox in the pub yesterday afternoon was something which included a brief bit of the Dambusters theme... Raised a few smiles but I think if anyone had put it on themselves they'd have been thrown in the canal!

[leopardml2341]

Wrong on so many levels.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[kevinlms]

[Steamport Southport]

On 31/07/2019 at 11:29, APOLLO said:

A polar bear attended the hearing into the sinking of the Titanic in Liverpool

 

"Any news on the iceberg, my son was on it ?

 

Brit15

 

That's the old Bill Tidy cartoon.

 

 

 

 

Jason

[davefromacrossthepond]

7 hours ago, kevinlms said:

I've always said, there is a huge difference between "ignorant" and "stupid."  

[The Johnster]

‘Stupid’ is a lack of awareness that the definition of ‘Ignorant’ is ‘unaware of, not knowing’, not ‘rude and contemptuous’.  ‘Ignorant’ is simply a lack of awareness, and excusable in the uneducated or ill informed.   

 

The internet is a device capable of achieving the apparently impossible situation of increasing awareness and stupidity simultaneously. 

[Ian J.]

1 hour ago, The Johnster said:

‘Stupid’ is a lack of awareness that the definition of ‘Ignorant’ is ‘unaware of, not knowing’, not ‘rude and contemptuous’.  ‘Ignorant’ is simply a lack of awareness, and excusable in the uneducated or ill informed.   

 

The internet is a device capable of achieving the apparently impossible situation of increasing awareness and stupidity simultaneously. 

 

It also allows people with narrow views to narrow their minds further to fit their echo chambers, as it allows them to find the small and widely spread out group of similar minded people who they would hardly stand a chance of meeting in a non-internet world.

[Gibbo675]

1 hour ago, Ian J. said:

 

It also allows people with narrow views to narrow their minds further to fit their echo chambers, as it allows them to find the small and widely spread out group of similar minded people who they would hardly stand a chance of meeting in a non-internet world.

Hi Ian,

 

That's put a rather different complexion upon contributing to RMWeb, we had all better watch out !!!

 

Gibbo.

Edited August 6, 2019 by Gibbo675
Poor Spelling

[Ian J.]

15 minutes ago, Gibbo675 said:

Hi Ian,

 

That's put a rather different complexion upon contributing to RMWeb, we had all better watch out !!!

 

Gibbo.

 

I think (I hope) we're a reasonably openminded group here. I think Andy Y and Co. keep a good eye out for anyone who gets a bit vocal about tightly held opinions. I've had a post or two removed due to minor transgressions, and that helps to remind me I'm not perfect and not to stay shuttered in my echo chamber.

[Gibbo675]

15 minutes ago, Ian J. said:

 

I think (I hope) we're a reasonably openminded group here. I think Andy Y and Co. keep a good eye out for anyone who gets a bit vocal about tightly held opinions. I've had a post or two removed due to minor transgressions, and that helps to remind me I'm not perfect and not to stay shuttered in my echo chamber.

It is the jokes thread after all.

 

As for opinions, there is nothing quite like the curtailment of free speech to accelerate an echo chamber, go figure ?

[Ian J.]

1 hour ago, Gibbo675 said:

It is the jokes thread after all.

 

Agreed. I'm not very good at jokes, unfortunately...

 

What's brown and sticky?

 

...

 

A stick.