Dave Hunt

Now that really is ‘orrible. I once got bitten on the thumb in Singapore by a small green spider and my thumb swelled up and was painful for a while but that……. Dave

You mean blunt nosed and cocked up tails? Dave

An ex-work colleague of Jill's has three offspring aged 48, 37 and 26. Dave

Unfortunately, Puppers, I have a contract with CC Industrie to provide AD cover when the redoubt is threatened. Since I am an honourable sort of bloke I couldn't possibly renege on that deal; well, not unless an offer was made that I couldn't refuse that is. Offers should be sent on signed but otherwise uncompleted cheques to Hunt Towers. Dave

Sorry, I should have said weak excuse. Dave

The lemon drizzle cake I supplied to the church social went down very well but Jill had the foresight to save a couple of pieces for our supper, which have now been consumed leaving us cakeless. Hence we can sleep peacefully in our bed without the possible patter of tiny feet great big paws and hoofs of marauding bears and hippos. It was a sacrifice but worth it. Dave.

For quite a few years now we've had Greenthumb put various dressings on our grass (I think lawn is a bit pretentious where our garden is concerned) every three months but last week Jill decided that all it really does is cost something like £180 annually and make the grass grow thicker and more quickly ( I did have the temerity to say wasn't that the idea ? but was pointedly ignored) meaning it has to be cut more often. Hence she has cancelled their regular visits. Should the grass now become patchy and less attractive I must remember not to say, "I told you so". Dave

Further to my last, an acquaintance was trying to get car insurance by phone and when asked whether the car was normally parked overnight in a secure, locked garage replied that yes, it was. This resulted in the insurance rep telling him that this would raise the premium. He obviously asked how this could possibly be, only to be told that most people who claimed that their cars were locked in garages in fact lied so the company policy was to load the premiums. Needless to say he went elsewhere. I don’t know which company it was though. Dave

There goes another reason for car insurance to go up 50%. Dave

Reference the snakes post above, I was once flying a sortie out of Cyprus when my wingman announced that he had to recover to Akrotiri ASAP. I asked what the emergency was and he said that they had a snake in the aircraft. It turned out that his back seater had been finding his helmet uncomfortable and had taken it off to see what was wrong when a small snake had slithered out of it and dropped to the cockpit floor. After they had landed it took a long time to find the snake, which turned out to be fairly harmless, but that didn’t lessen the back seater’s horror at what had happened and since the front seater had a dread of snakes he hadn’t been too happy to think that one was crawling about in his aeroplane either. Dave

It can now be revealed that this evening I made two lemon drizzle cakes for a church social tomorrow. For security reasons this could not be revealed until the cakes had been transported under cover of nightfall to a secret location where they will remain until official consumption time. The storage premises are guarded by personnel from CC Industrie’s special security force trained in anti-ursine and pachyderm measures. Good night All. Dave

Aaarghhh, now I'll have to spend it getting my eyesight restored! Dave

When I was involved with training Saudi Tornado F3 crews at Coningsby, instead of living in the Officers' Mess they were allocated quarters housing, four to a house. They were also allocated cleaners for the houses (well, the Saudis were paying) and one of the cleaners told me that there were more whisky bottles and empty bacon packets left lying around than she had ever seen before. Dave

I assume that a line between your house and a gasworks was to take away the pachyderm effluvium to be used in methane extraction? Dave

Thank you for all the suggestions about spending my windfall guys. I have, however, decided that it will be spent on various bits for my layout, basically to avoid creating ill-feeling among those left out should I choose one of your suggestions ( although I can confirm that Oldddudders’ idea didn’t even get onto the starting blocks). Dave

Just won £150 on Premium Bonds. Now, what can I spend that on? Dave

Happy Star Wars day - May the Fourth be with you. Dave Ah, just noticed that Roundhouse beat me to it 😗

Bear, I guess a head to head with a few really big spiders would be out of the question? Dave

Mention of Happy Days led my thought process to Ron Howard who starred in the 1973 film American Graffiti, which was basically about a bunch of ex-high school kids in Modesto, California, in 1962, much of the film consisting of kids in hot rods cruising up and down Main Street. One night in the late '80s I happened to drive down the main street of Modesto and was amazed to apparently be in a scene from the film, surrounded by kids in hot rods cruising up and down. Dave

I don't think so. He was one of the leads in Hello Dolly in 1969 but Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em didn't start until 1973. Dave

Sorry, I should have said hospitality and catering staff. The only senior officer on the ship we were on seemed to be the Chief Engineer who, appropriately enough, was Scots. Dave

What a shame, you have my sympathies. Still, it will save me a disappointment next time we visit Ludlow. I'd be interested to know how you get on with your next outing. Dave

Saga cruise ships are similarly virtually 100% Philippino in the hospitality department. Our cabin stewardess looked to be in her early 30s and had two children at home being looked after by her mother. Her contract was for 8 months with no days off then 4 months at home and apparently she and her colleagues were relatively well looked after, including help for their families if in trouble. She said that she was lucky to work for Saga as the jobs were much valued. Dave

I think that Keeping up Appearances is being shown on Drama at present. It has often puzzled me as to why someone as talented as Michael Crawford, who could sing, dance and act with the best of them, allowed himself to be part of something as dire as Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, which must be in line for the award of the worst sitcom (allegedly) ever produced. Facile, ridiculous and quite unfunny would be reasonable descriptors I think. Dave

Thanks for the warning. Jill is out today and hasn't used her iPad yet but when she does I can expect something like, "This damned thing has done it again and I can't find what I want. Here, see if you can fix it." Bu**er. Dave