BR toilets

[steve1]

Who was the genius who put the clips to hold the seat up too low to be actually used!

 

What a cretin.

 

steve (Currently sat in a tram on the way to Kirkcaldy)

[Mark Saunders]

Remember "Gentlemen lift the seat"!

 

Mark Saunders

[modfather]

Depends when the cretin who had too many last night ripped the seat off, and the trimmer with no time to do a full repair due to timetabling managed to get at least a seat fitted so the set could leave on time, god knows what kind of trouble you'd be in as a team leader for standing a set down with a non safety critical defect come morning peak.

[steve1]

Sorry Modfather but part of your answer doesn't hold.

 

It doesn't take a degree in engineering to realise that the clip is meant to hold the seat up. Therefore it should be positioned to do just that. It's just as easy to put it in the RIGHT place as the wrong, surely, however much of a hurry you are in?

 

steve

[Oldddudders]

BR toilets? Have there been any since 1996?

[Bernard Lamb]

Was I dreaming or did I really hear this over the PA system the other day.

Do not flush gold fish down the toilet.

 

Bernard

[Wheatley]

I think what Modfather is getting at is that the combination of clips, seat, and whatever interior trim panel the clips are fastened to is not necessarily the combination that was meant to be fitted, but was what was on hand at the time. When fitted in the correct combination all work perfectly well but not if mixed and matched. Keeping the unit out of traffic while the correct bog seat or clips arrive is not an option.

[APOLLO]

It's no use standing on the seat

The crabs in here can jump five feet

And if you think that's rather high

Go to the next coach - The Basta**s fly !!

 

Brit15

[Sheffield]

I was never sure whether "Gentlemen lift the seat" was a statement or an instruction.

[great central]

Was I dreaming or did I really hear this over the PA system the other day.

Do not flush gold fish down the toilet.

 

Bernard

EMT have some stickers on toilet lids:

 

'Please do not flush paper towels, nappies, junk mail, unwanted bills, mobile phones, your ex's sweater or goldfish down this toilet'

 

That list might not be quite correct but you get the idea.

 

Made me smile anyway.

[modfather]

Sorry Modfather but part of your answer doesn't hold.

 

It doesn't take a degree in engineering to realise that the clip is meant to hold the seat up. Therefore it should be positioned to do just that. It's just as easy to put it in the RIGHT place as the wrong, surely, however much of a hurry you are in?

 

steve

 

I'm speaking from a TOC maintenance background. The spares we receive are not what was fitted to the unit when it was built, often up to 30 years ago, they often don't fit/won't fit/have been modified or refurbished since. There is incredible pressure placed on team leaders to get trains out in the morning, I'm not the only one who has been shouted at come 5 in the morning because I have made a call and stopped a set due to something a depot manager disagrees with.

 

For example, in Bristol, 5 guys have to fuel, inspect, test and repair around 30 DMU vehicles a night in the unit shed in a 10 hour shift, plus setting up the shed, and cleaning down after. Priority has to be given to the most important repairs, which can affect the safe running of the set, these aren't always apparent from the daily logs, so we find them as they fall. Obviously we could spend time polishing the first units on shed to find the last unit on shed actually needs a few hours work to get it serviceable in the morning, which we then won't have.

 

By comparison a bog seat is down the bottom of the list. If it's there, it's ok. It might just be a seat clip, but if I go to move it, it's likely that the fixings will be seized, I could damage the clip in the process, and in all likelihood the captive nuts in the bulkhead will spin, by the time I've found a battery drill, drilled all the fixings out, marked, drilled and fitted new ones, with the appropriate tooling, I'll have wasted the best part of an hour, which is two 15x fuel point exams. Then a lovely punter will moan that there's two holes left in the toilet bulkhead wall, shouldn't I fix those... The two sets I haven't given the attention to come morning will affect the set leaving times in the morning, and lead to delays for at least half a day while control try to bring everything back in line.

 

Often the little defects like this will be kept back for doing on a B exam, assuming someone else hasn't decided that it's a trivial repair and not worth doing, in which case the defect gets cleared. 

[Bernard Lamb]

EMT have some stickers on toilet lids:

 

'Please do not flush paper towels, nappies, junk mail, unwanted bills, mobile phones, your ex's sweater or goldfish down this toilet'

 

That list might not be quite correct but you get the idea.

 

Made me smile anyway.

It seems that they employ the same jokers as Virgin.

It did make a change from the almost non stop racket about the next station etc etc. Especially as the announcement came about ten minutes after departing from said station.

To follow on from Brit15.

When you'r in these marble halls

Use the paper not the walls

If the paper can't be found drag your arse along the ground.

Bernard

[petethemole]

I once had a kitten that did that....on the carpet. Sorry, OT, but that just sparked the memory.

[Boris]

Who was the genius who put the clips to hold the seat up too low to be actually used!

 

What a cretin.

 

steve (Currently sat in a tram on the way to Kirkcaldy)

It could be worse, imagine needing a massive dump badly, ambling in there and finding (cue dramatic music) THERE IS NO TOILET SEAT!!!!!!!!!

 

Then imagine what you'd be sitting in and thank the fitter who used what he had in stock rather than getting one whose critical dimensions match the original exactly.  Squatting over the hopper on a moving train isn't exactly a recipe for clean shoes.

[Boris]

Passengers will please refrain
From flushing toilets while the train
Is standing in the station for a while.
We encourage constipation
While the train is in the station.
Cross your legs and grit your teeth and smile.

Piddling while the train is moving
Is another way of proving
That control of hand and eye is sure.
We like to keep our toilets neat
So please don't s**t upon the seat
Or, what is worse, excrete upon the floor.

In the carriage there's a chain
And if you pull it, it stops the train
There's a twenty-five pound fine if you're unwise
So, ladies if you're being molested
Wait until you've been divested
It isn't worth five fivers other wise

Gentlemen will please refrain
From passing water while the train
Is standing at the station in full view
'Cos railway workers (Tramps and hoboes) underneath
May cop it in the eyes and teeth
And they don't like it: how the hell would you
(But that's what comes of being underdog.)

Gentlemen please be discreet
When using the toilet lift the seat
The rocking motion may make you miss the pan
And lady passengers following on
May get it on their sit-upon
'Cos they can't stand and wee-wee like a man

[Danemouth]

Passengers will please refrain

From flushing toilets while the train

Is standing in the station for a while.

We encourage constipation

While the train is in the station.

Cross your legs and grit your teeth and smile.

 

Piddling while the train is moving

Is another way of proving

That control of hand and eye is sure.

We like to keep our toilets neat

So please don't s**t upon the seat

Or, what is worse, excrete upon the floor.

 

In the carriage there's a chain

And if you pull it, it stops the train

There's a twenty-five pound fine if you're unwise

So, ladies if you're being molested

Wait until you've been divested

It isn't worth five fivers other wise

 

Gentlemen will please refrain

From passing water while the train

Is standing at the station in full view

'Cos railway workers (Tramps and hoboes) underneath

May cop it in the eyes and teeth

And they don't like it: how the hell would you

(But that's what comes of being underdog.)

 

Gentlemen please be discreet

When using the toilet lift the seat

The rocking motion may make you miss the pan

And lady passengers following on

May get it on their sit-upon

'Cos they can't stand and wee-wee like a man

IIRC this can be sung to the tune of Dvorak's "Humoresque"

 

Dave

[Boris]

IIRC this can be sung to the tune of Dvorak's "Humoresque"

 

Dave

 

I think you're right, there are several videos of  it on youtube

[PhilJ W]

I think you're right, there are several videos of  it on youtube

Noooooooooo..........................

[4630]

This is currently being reported on one of the Yahoo groups;

 

Toilet gen! Sorry just had to post this funny info. 444044 on 1B65 2005 London Waterloo to Poole will make an extra 5 min stop at Winchester as all toilets on the train are out of order. This will allow people to go. Lol

[Boris]

This is currently being reported on one of the Yahoo groups;

 

Toilet gen! Sorry just had to post this funny info. 444044 on 1B65 2005 London Waterloo to Poole will make an extra 5 min stop at Winchester as all toilets on the train are out of order. This will allow people to go. Lol

 

LOL!!!!

 

WATERING STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[kenw]

Sorry Modfather but part of your answer doesn't hold.

 

It doesn't take a degree in engineering to realise that the clip is meant to hold the seat up. Therefore it should be positioned to do just that. It's just as easy to put it in the RIGHT place as the wrong, surely, however much of a hurry you are in?

 

steve

 

So would you rather the train you're on was a coach short while the Modfarther's mates find nice matching parts?

[kenw]

Passengers will please refrain

From flushing toilets while the train

Is standing in the station for a while.

We encourage constipation

While the train is in the station.

Cross your legs and grit your teeth and smile.

 

Or, in the case of a MkIV, while passing through a tunnel

[Bon Accord]

So would you rather the train you're on was a coach short while the Modfarther's mates find nice matching parts?

 

Surely a set can run with the offending toilet locked out of use?

Or are modern day regulations so barmy that cannot now happen?

[Boris]

Surely a set can run with the offending toilet locked out of use?

Or are modern day regulations so barmy that cannot now happen?

Shitters in Voyagers, nuff said.

[Bon Accord]

Shitters in Voyagers, nuff said.

 

I once took a trip in a Voyager from Edinburgh to Plymouth, this being back in August 2003. Even in first class it was a fundamentally grim and off putting experience with unserviceable A/C, train absolutely rammed and no working toilets, never mind the smell and vibration.

The return journey was somewhat convoluted as I made a point of totally avoiding all Vermin services and returned North up the East Coast as thankfully I had a full open ticket.

In the years since I've made a point of avoiding the awful things, so much such so that I've only set foot in a Voyager once since, and that was due to a train failure.