Proceedings of the Castle Aching Parish Council, 1905

[Hroth]

I know this is a story about vinyl LPs , but its a stark warning not to store anything valuable with dumb relatives...

 

"You sold my 'toy trains' at a car boot sale for £15???"

 

 

[monkeysarefun]

Ok so I am sitting at home watching the rising floodwaters when this cockatoo appeared at the window and made me think I should start a wheeltappers thread called "People who dress up like  Aussie native birds".

 

 

However I only  got as far as this bloke.....

 

 

 

before I got distracted by discovering the Tartarians who are now my favourite conspiracy enthusiasts.

 

A brief outline of Tartarianism goes like this. All those massive public buildings supposedly built by the Victorians could not have been built by the Victorians because they rode around in horses and carts and  didn't have power tools. Also, why are their doorways so massive and their ceilings so high? Also, in places like Australia or New Zealand  with such a small population, how did they manage to build such huge public buildings when there were  so few Australians and  New Zealanders at the time who could build massive buildings. And why did they need such massive buildings when there were so few Australians and New Zealanders to use them - and who did all the elaborate carvings?

 

Victorians were riding around in horse and carts and yet they are expected to have built all these elaborate buildings? And why did they need 12 foot high doorways when they were all about 5 feet high back then? To Tartaria enthusiasts  there is a huge cover-up going on. 

 

Obviously they were actually built by an earlier giant race, namely the Tartars.  In the case of  the US, Australia and New Zealand, early settlers would come across these mysterious buildings in the middle of nowhere, build towns around them, and clumsily repurpose them so that is how say Ballarat got its elaborate Post Office for instance.

 

In the case of the UK and the old world, Tartarianism does get a little vague because it relies on the fact that prior to the Victorians no one noticed St Pancras station for instance, until the Victorians discovered it and repurposed it. It is actually the same age as the great pyramids and built be the same long-lost race, then it went unnoticed by anyone up until 1868 when the Victorians turned it into a railway station. To get around this cunudrum, they mention a great reset, which is when history was 'reset' and somehow restarted but with a different history which didn't have the Tartarian Empire in it. 

 

So why are there no Tartarians around now - what happened to their great empire? A huge mudflood occurred at some point in history, wiped them out and half-buried many of their buildings. That is why so many older buildings have those funny basement windows at footpath level. They aren't  basements but are in fact  the tops of floors that have been half submerged in mud. 

 

Searching for Australian Victorian architecture on youtube brought up  a great deal more Tartarian videos than actual videos on Victorian architecture as Tartarian enthusiasts wander around documenting buildings that have really big doorways and basement windows. But that means  they do get out for a walk around  rather than just sitting in their bedroom on the internet  like those  Qanon folk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by monkeysarefun

[Nearholmer]

Is this a real mad theory, or a mad theory made up as a joke?

 

Either way, the legacy of the tartarians lives on in more than buildings: they left us a very tasty sauce recipe.

 

Good luck with the ark-building.

 

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by Nearholmer

[alastairq]

Perhaps their demise had something to do with teeth?

[Hroth]

44 minutes ago, alastairq said:

Perhaps their demise had something to do with teeth?

 

Ground, as an aphrodisiac?

 

[Edwardian]

7 hours ago, monkeysarefun said:

Ok so I am sitting at home watching the rising floodwaters when this cockatoo appeared at the window and made me think I should start a wheeltappers thread called "People who dress up like  Aussie native birds".

 

 

However I only  got as far as this bloke.....

 

 

 

 

 

I raise you one Sir Rex Hunt

 

 

 

Am I trapped in a surreal parallel universe or have the other Brits here also woken up to find half their government* has resigned?

 

* And I use that term loosely.

 

[Hroth]

5 minutes ago, Edwardian said:

Am I trapped in a surreal parallel universe or have the other Brits here also woken up to find half their government* has resigned?

 

* And I use that term loosely.

 

You are Number 6....

 

I agree. I woke up this morning and switched on the radio* to find that Ministers and their juniors had been falling out of their trees like Norwegian Blues (to continue the parrot metaphor).  I spent the morning hoping that BoJo would come out in sympathy, though his replacement might be even more of a disaster.  I keep having nightmares of Rees Mogg standing beaming in his undertakers outfit on the doorstep of No 10...

 

* The Morning Radio Blues. Even though the Today program isn't a patch on its Humphries/Naughtie heyday when they would intensively grill members of the government until they were very crispy indeed...

 

[Edwardian]

8 hours ago, monkeysarefun said:

before I got distracted by discovering the Tartarians who are now my favourite conspiracy enthusiasts.

 

A brief outline of Tartarianism goes like this. All those massive public buildings supposedly built by the Victorians could not have been built by the Victorians because they rode around in horses and carts and  didn't have power tools. Also, why are their doorways so massive and their ceilings so high? Also, in places like Australia or New Zealand  with such a small population, how did they manage to build such huge public buildings when there were  so few Australians and  New Zealanders at the time who could build massive buildings. And why did they need such massive buildings when there were so few Australians and New Zealanders to use them - and who did all the elaborate carvings?

 

Victorians were riding around in horse and carts and yet they are expected to have built all these elaborate buildings? And why did they need 12 foot high doorways when they were all about 5 feet high back then? To Tartaria enthusiasts  there is a huge cover-up going on. 

 

Obviously they were actually built by an earlier giant race, namely the Tartars.  In the case of  the US, Australia and New Zealand, early settlers would come across these mysterious buildings in the middle of nowhere, build towns around them, and clumsily repurpose them so that is how say Ballarat got its elaborate Post Office for instance.

 

In the case of the UK and the old world, Tartarianism does get a little vague because it relies on the fact that prior to the Victorians no one noticed St Pancras station for instance, until the Victorians discovered it and repurposed it. It is actually the same age as the great pyramids and built be the same long-lost race, then it went unnoticed by anyone up until 1868 when the Victorians turned it into a railway station. To get around this cunudrum, they mention a great reset, which is when history was 'reset' and somehow restarted but with a different history which didn't have the Tartarian Empire in it. 

 

So why are there no Tartarians around now - what happened to their great empire? A huge mudflood occurred at some point in history, wiped them out and half-buried many of their buildings. That is why so many older buildings have those funny basement windows at footpath level. They aren't  basements but are in fact  the tops of floors that have been half submerged in mud. 

 

Searching for Australian Victorian architecture on youtube brought up  a great deal more Tartarian videos than actual videos on Victorian architecture as Tartarian enthusiasts wander around documenting buildings that have really big doorways and basement windows. But that means  they do get out for a walk around  rather than just sitting in their bedroom on the internet  like those  Qanon folk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Having spent my adult life attempting to eschew various forms of elitism and authoritarianisn in favour of tolerance, equality and democracy, it is depressing to be forced to the conclusion that there really are vast numbers of absolute f-king morons out there.

 

With the vote.

 

6 hours ago, Nearholmer said:

Is this a real mad theory, or a mad theory made up as a joke?

 

Either way, the legacy of the tartarians lives on in more than buildings: they left us a very tasty sauce recipe.

 

Good luck with the ark-building.

 

 

 Actually it may be both.

 

There was a very good series on R4 charting the rise of Qanon and the irresistible conclusion is that its origin was in hackers making up the most bat sh1t crazy stuff they could for the sake of it.

 

Next thing you know, POTUS is promoting an insurrection.

 

You could not make this stuff up, except that, ultimately, someone did. 

[Nearholmer]

What I can’t work out is “why now?”, what has caused this sudden awakening to the fact that the PM is an integrity free zone, who fosters lying and incompetence within those he has thrall over?

 

The one I find really interesting is Rishi Sunak, whose resignation letter implies that the PM is preparing to buy some popularity by signing us all up to pay a huge mortgage into the future. Bribing the electorate with its children’s money?

 

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by Nearholmer

[Regularity]

4 minutes ago, Nearholmer said:

What I can’t work out is “why now?”, what has caused this sudden awakening to the fact that the PM is an integrity free zone, who fosters lying and incompetence within those he has thrall over?

Because until now, it looked like Boris’s bluster would see all of them through (as in to and beyond) the next general election. Now they think he is an electoral liability, because not only is he lying to the voters, but to them, and expecting them to cover for him.

[Edwardian]

1 minute ago, Nearholmer said:

What I can’t work out is “why now?”, what has caused this sudden awakening to the fact that the PM is an integrity free zone, who fosters lying and incompetence within those he has thrall over?

 

Bozza can lie all he likes, it's only when Bozza makes them tell his lies for him and they are made to look like idiots as a result that they suddenly get an attack of principles. 

 

14 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

You are Number 6....

 

 

 

Now ex-Minister for Information, the Honourable Member for The Village, summed it up well in his resignation speech this morning ....

 

 

 

 

1 minute ago, Nearholmer said:

The one I find really interesting is Rishi Sunak, whose resignation letter implies that the PM is preparing to buy some popularity by signing us all up to pay a huge mortgage into the future.

 

Is this a case of a Chancellor resigning with his legacy intact (the Covid support package) before the fact that the economic problems we face are intractable comes home to roost?  That way he can still be a future PM, having stayed loyal for long enough.  

 

But what's Gove the Knife up to, I wonder?

 

 

[Nearholmer]

Yes, RS must be looking to the future, and my betting is that he didn’t want to get enmeshed in a “borrow and bribe” plan, because it is BJ’s loose financial habits as much as his lying that annoy a large proportion of his party.

 

TBH, I think the Tory ship is being driven onto its own private rock by economic winds, some of their own making: it’s blindingly obvious there is a need for redistributive taxation to even-out the pain across the populace, and for investment from the public purse to build a footing for recovery, but they are pathologically  incapable of countenancing either to the degree needed.

[Ian Simpson]

I suspect I might be more sympathetic if Bozzo made DMUs out of wine crates, rather than buses:

Boris Johnson says he makes models of buses to relax - YouTube

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by Ian Simpson
Failed attempt to get more than a link to the YouTube clip to show on-screen.

[Caley Jim]

I rather liked Sir Keir Stammer's comment at PMQs.  'Is this the first know case of a sinking ship deserting the rat!'

 

Jim

[Regularity]

This is going from the sublime (people with birds on their hats) to the ridiculous (Tartarians). But this is now purely in the realms of fantasy: Sir Kier Starmer has made a funny comment.

 

No, that’s too much. 

[monkeysarefun]

5 hours ago, Ian Simpson said:

I suspect I might be more sympathetic if Bozzo made DMUs out of wine crates, rather than buses:

Dishevelled barrage balloon Boris Johnson says he makes models of buses to relax - YouTube

 

Jeez does he always waffle on like that? Took him a minute to finally get out that he made model buses from wooden crates.

 

Imagine if you had to land the plane because everyone else had had the chicken and he came on the radio to guide you down..

 

"Its the um the um the um.."

 

"STICK?   LEVER?  BUTTON?!?!SOMETHING ELSE???"

 

" No no no  you um you um you pull the um pull the um..."

 

"STICK? "LEVER?!?" "CABIN STAFF!!?"

"No no you um you um"  KABOOOOOM!

 

 

Edited July 6, 2022 by monkeysarefun

[teaky]

6 hours ago, Caley Jim said:

I rather liked Sir Keir Stammer's comment at PMQs.  'Is this the first know case of a sinking ship deserting the rat!'

 

Jim

I agree but I genuinely laughed out loud when he referred to the revised cabinet as the "light weight brigade" and it was made even funnier by the obvious outrage of the UnCultured Secretary.

[Edwardian]

5 hours ago, Regularity said:

This is going from the sublime (people with birds on their hats) to the ridiculous (Tartarians). But this is now purely in the realms of fantasy: Sir Kier Starmer has made a funny comment.

 

No, that’s too much. 

 

Bless him.

 

He reminded me of Pooter, who, IIRC, proudly titles a chapter in Diary of a Nobody as "I make a joke" 

[Edwardian]

Apparently 44 members of the government have now resigned and Gove has been sacked for telling BoJo to resign.

 

Guess who has not resigned?

 

At this rate HMQ will need to call him to the Palace to tell him he can no longer form a government.

 

Tomorrow should prove interesting.

 

Honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up.

 

[Hroth]

8 minutes ago, Edwardian said:

Apparently 44 members of the government have now resigned and Gove has been sacked for telling BoJo to resign.

 

Guess who has not resigned?

 

At this rate HMQ will need to call him to the Palace to tell him he can no longer form a government.

 

Tomorrow should prove interesting.

 

Honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up.

 

 

I wonder how long it will be before the 1922 committee rewrites their rule book. Or perhaps the Men In Grey Suits will just turn up tomorrow morning with a forceful suggestion and a ticket to The Chiltern Hundreds....

 

The only problem is, who will replace BoJo and will they be any better?

 

Interesting Times, eh?

 

[monkeysarefun]

4 minutes ago, Hroth said:

 

I wonder how long it will be before the 1922 committee rewrites their rule book. Or perhaps the Men In Grey Suits will just turn up tomorrow morning with a forceful suggestion and a ticket to The Chiltern Hundreds....

 

The only problem is, who will replace BoJo and will they be any better?

 

Interesting Times, eh?

 

 

This blokes over there at the moment, UK born, has PM experience.

 

 

[Hroth]

23 minutes ago, monkeysarefun said:

 

This blokes over there at the moment, UK born, has PM experience.

 

 

 

He's had his eyes superglued open too?

 

Luckily he'd have to join the conservative party, get elected as an MP, and then toady to enough other conservative MPs to be elected as leader.  I think there's enough failsafes in the system to keep the b@stard out.  The main problem is that if theres a General Election, Kier Hardie Starmer will be our next PM and lord knows what'll happen then...

[Edwardian]

I note Peter Bonehead, MP for Moronic Xenophobes, still supports the PM on the basis of Bozza's personal mandate for Sticking it to Foreigners. Most of the Absolute Morons have, however, turned on him. Boris was a socially liberal Conservative* with no personal following in the Parliamentary party who only gained the support of the nationalist populists of his party because he promised to get BREXIT done. They want a low-tax, deregulated post-BREXIT landscape that Covid and the cost of living crisis has made impossible to implement. In other words one should be very suspicious of many of those who are trying to rid us of Boris and their reasons for doing that. This will play out in the subsequent leadership election. We could hardly end up with a more bumbling, more dishonest PM, but we could end up with a more hard-line populist nationalist, ready to flout domestic and international norms to push British particularism, and neglect those suffering from high inflation and low income in favour of unbridled opportunist capitalism with a nasty underscoring of human rights erosion. The alternative is a more centrist leader who is plagued by nationalist populist potential rebels, Either way a lurch even further to the right seems a reasonable possibility. The worse is yet to come.

 

Meanwhile, failed leaders in denial seems to be a developing trope in western countries.

 

* To the extent he ever had any policy other than "Boris for World King"

 

EDIT: As at 8.10am, the total of resignations from government has topped 50. The PM is yet to announce his resignation, or, indeed, to brief anything since last night. There is no sign of life from No.10 so far today. It feels so deliciously Italian to wake up without a government! 

 

 

 

Edited July 7, 2022 by Edwardian

[alastairq]

It's the '1970's all over again, is it not?

The danger from my viewpoint is that we end up with another ''Margaret Thatcher,'' methinks?

 

In any event, not a good time [over the next few years] to , yet again, be a public servant [a euphemism....I was once an UnCivil Servant, ]....Especially since the CS hasn't really recovered from the last 20 year long pay freeze. [The only way i could square that freeze...also a recruiting freeze....was to consider my job, in my mind's eye, as one gert tax rebate. If the Country, and the Public [who I have no love for whatsoever, being at one time a double-decade bus driver] got any real benefit from my employment, that would be purely a coincidence.....

Oh? Wait a mo, they could sack me and employ someone who will give a t@ss.....Erm...  Just a moment. There was a recruitment freeze.......

As may be gathered, I had no real belief in the societal idea of 'career'...

[Hroth]

27 minutes ago, Edwardian said:

It feels so deliciously Italian to wake up without a government! 

 

It'll be Proportional Representation next, and then we WILL be up the Cloaca Maxima!  Although with the way things are going, and if BoJo is pushed off the plank, we will, as you say, end up with a doctrinaire nutjob of one sort or another. Then we'll be up the swannee even sooner.

 

I think I'll go and hide under a stone, like the tortoise at Pompeii.....

 

 

12 minutes ago, alastairq said:

As may be gathered, I had no real belief in the societal idea of 'career'...

 

How about in the sense of an uncontrolled plunge towards inevitable disaster?