34theletterbetweenB&D Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 Every day, harassed wage slaves have their odour receptors applied to abrasives in the interests of convincing potential customers of the merits of yet another superfluously duplicated product or service. But what does the seemingly random output actually mean? Additive free. Pay us more for having taken them out. Bargain! You should if only you knew. Something under 10% of list price would be more like it. Breakthrough. Will fall out of the packaging unobserved, and do a lot of damage. Chemical free. Our ignorance knows no bounds. Class-leading. Shame it's a sink school. Comprehensive. Endless small print covers us from the product or service failing to deliver any of the purported benefits. Durable. Don't ever use it and it will be. Effective. Hopefully. Entertaining. Just the thought of someone springing the cash for this... Exclusive. If it was you wouldn't ever know about it. Free From. And you are going to pay for getting less too. FUN! We are so out of ideas. Golden. Just don’t scratch at it. Green. Give us it, in large wads... Hurry. The follow up revision will be better all around. Improved. A cost down version of something previously rather good. Just In! Would have been competitive a couple of years ago. King Size. Progress in miniaturisation is amazing. Limited Edition. To you and anyone else we can persuade to buy one. Masterpiece. From an ill-coordinated three year old, possibly Numbered Limited Edition. We found a number stamp in the basement. Organic. No factories involved, not one, ever. Original. Once. Precision made. By the standards of the early iron age. Quick! Before it is deader than last years Christmas Turkey Revolutionary. Already significantly obsolete Stylish. Well, if you need to be told this then your sense of style went West years ago. Tasteful. Close your eyes and hope. Unique. Incompatible with anything else. Vastly. Hyperbole never failed us yet. World changing. Let’s hope not. X-rated. Very tame besides the internet. Yes! This is going to cost you, one way or the other. Zero Interest. Hopefully you will not look to closely to your own interest as a result. 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
mike morley Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 One that never ceases to make my hackles rise; The word "exciting" used to promote anything, no matter how mundane or dull. My daughter works in marketing and I have promised her I will write her out of my will if ever I catch her using the word. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Tony_S Posted June 30, 2011 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 30, 2011 What does the term "Lifetime Guarantee" really mean? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 What does the term "Lifetime Guarantee" really mean? It means the product is guaranteed to last for its expected lifetime. Which is the length of time from when you bought it to when it breaks. It's never your lifetime unless the guarantee is underwritten by the Mafia. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold BoD Posted June 30, 2011 RMweb Gold Share Posted June 30, 2011 Whenever something goes wrong the 'powers that be' issue strict guidelines just to show that they are taking action. What on earth is a strict guideline? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium melmerby Posted June 30, 2011 RMweb Premium Share Posted June 30, 2011 And don't forget when something catastrophic has taken place - "Lessons will be learned" until, of course, the next time the same catastrophic thing occurs. Keith Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Williams Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 What on earth is a strict guideline? Something to do with Dominatrix standards, I think Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium spamcan61 Posted June 30, 2011 RMweb Premium Share Posted June 30, 2011 Improved. A cost down version of something previously rather good. Always a 'favourite' of mine, it's like they've found a way of making it cheaper, but think the punters might notice, so they add the 'improved' tag. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointstaken Posted June 30, 2011 Share Posted June 30, 2011 "We are working closely with our partners " = "we're all busy dodging the detritus from the fan". Dennis Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny Emily Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 I hate "new and improved" because, logically, something can either be new, or improved; it cannot be both at the same time. Usually it is used referred to my favourite food stuffs, which means I will no longer like them. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pennine MC Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Whenever something goes wrong the 'powers that be' issue strict guidelines just to show that they are taking action. Is that before or after they explore every avenue and leave no stone unturned? Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium John M Upton Posted July 1, 2011 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 1, 2011 'We are all working together to find out what happened' - 'We are in a room having a bun fight, throwing our toys out of the pram and trying to blame each other for the balls up' 'Government will take action' - 'Public inquiry that is quietly buried when the Minister thinks the press and public have forgotten about it' In the words of Jim Hacker on Yes Minister 'I don't want a public inquiry, I want to find out what happened!' Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium spamcan61 Posted July 1, 2011 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 1, 2011 'We are all working together to find out what happened' - 'We are in a room having a bun fight, throwing our toys out of the pram and trying to blame each other for the balls up' Ah yes, 'blamestorming' as we call it. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sailor Charon Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 What does the term "Lifetime Guarantee" really mean? When the mainspring goes, it slashes your wrist? 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Classsix T Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Quality Assured - We've done the absolute minimum to gain accreditation from a body that believes we know what we're doing. Master Craftsman - We gave them £500 for a window sticker. Investor in People - We pay wages. C6T. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
49395 Posted July 1, 2011 Share Posted July 1, 2011 Substitute - yeah right, if it was better than what it is substituting for then it wouldn't be a susbstitute, it would be the thing being substituted. (like Creosote and Creosote substitute. The substitute isn't even close IMHO) Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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