Natalie

40 minutes ago, Mike 84C said:

Clive has got it right with his comment about flow around depot layouts and many being unworkable in real life. I find, I admire the loco's and pass on to other layouts. The constant moving from siding to siding is not an observed, loco arrives, serviced, parked and departs but a confection to give interest for the paying public.

   As modellers we should remember that real railwaymen do not like shunting, much better to stay in the cabin, keep warm, drink tea, play cards and rank up your locos as needed for departure. How do I know? got the tea shirt donkeys years ago.

  As an aside, I do remember  when I was driving on the  Festiniog, having to do a large carriage shunt  at the end of the day, maybe seven or eight separate moves. When the guard was asked why so many moves? He liked shunting! He was also a railway modeller.

Hi

Before the NHS finally broke me mentally I volunteered on the GCR as a Signalman where my old Inspector was also Inspector and Signalman there. 

Quite a few of the drivers were ex BR or drove on the Mainline and remarked that it was easy to tell that I had worked on BR as when shunting or running round I would send the loco the easiest (avoiding the crossover north of the station that had a very tight clearance in the stretcher bar and would be reluctant to go back in and relock the points- hot weather would require it to be barred into place) and quickest route possible and was back in the chair finishing off my tea.. Old habits are hard to break.

I was specifically requested one time when running round to send the loco via the goods loop rather than the platform as some photographers had apparently complained that they couldn't phot the motion. Those on the platform didn't mind however when the driver paused briefly in the platform if possible to allow passengers a close look at the loco. I was always taught to use the easiest route available and avoid fancy moves over connections that were either awkward to use or not used often. 

I'm not saying that how I worked was right and they were wrong- it was how I had been trained in my formative years.

I got some minor stick off some movements people at times as I would stick rigidly to the Rule Book and not deviate or cut corners. I was also taught that if you followed the rule book then you would generally  never end up in a Court of Law or an Inquiry. My philosophy has been proved I think following a number of incidents on the GCR where the Rules were not followed or sloppy practice was allowed to continue. I refer to 37198 running away right direction in a T3 and colliding with a TPO vehicle standing outside the home signal- although still within the T3 limits.

I suppose this had been  reinforced to me as by the time I was on the GCR I had retrained as a Nurse and had been required to be able to justify anything that I had done or not done and to document it clearly. We had an NMC Code of Conduct and Professional Standards to follow. Keeping to these reduced the chance of being struck off or a complaint being upheld.

Some people were of the opinion that I took it all too seriously and that we were 'only' volunteers who were participating in our hobby and anyway our trains couldn't do much damage as they were only going 30mph maximum. Anyone who has ever been involved in railway operation will be aware how wrong that belief and that most accidents occur at slow speed. If we had an accident it wouldn't be a cosy pretend 1950s one or a demonstration scenario- it would be the real thing with real injuries and suffering. Maybe having worked in A&E and dealt with the impact of trauma clouded my opinion.

On 28/10/2019 at 15:10, Ian Abel said:

I find Heinz rather bland and tasteless now

 

 He certainly was no Jet Harris...

John

I am devasted for you and my thoughts are with you. I trust that you find some comfort and peace in knowing that your support and love for Sandy was unconditional. You have both touched a lot of people here with your humanity, dignity and unbounded love.

Much love

Natalie 

xx 

16 minutes ago, Coombe Barton said:

They were all set to take her into A&E, but while they were here the consultant phoned and said take to to the hospice, which is a much better place to be.

 

More on the blog tonight

 

 

Hi John

Thinking of you both at this difficult time. A hospice can sound scary if you have never visited one. It is nothing like you thing. I had occasion to visit our local hospice at times as it was on site and on entering would be greeted by laughter and the smell of a chicken dinner cooking. Their philosophy was that you 'Come here to live.'

Palliative and pain management are dealt with much better by the hospice staff who knew far more than I ever did. It was also a much better environment to be rather than an acute medical ward where you were not able to give the increased levels of care that was required. I trust that Sandy will soon be comfy and back with you and the dogs where she belongs.

We are all routing for you both and send warm comforting thoughts. You are both much loved here and amongst friends.

Natalie 

xx

Time for my report on scripts as that is this week's hot topic.. 

In my previous house before I lost it the chemist was at the end of the street about 100 yards away so I used to give them my repeat request and collect the pills a few days later.

Since I have been at my mum's I still have the same GP (I used to work with him when he was an SHO and trust him-shame he is into Dr Whooo) but distance and lack of personal transport means that my meds are now delivered.

This coincided with changing to electronic ordering so now I order what I need on Patient Access and the practice then send the script to the chemist who delivers it (well not the actual pharmacist as they of course are too important and busy for that sort of thing) in their little van. Usually got them the same day. The record from filling in the request to having the drugs in my mitts is 48 minutes...

Over the last few months or longer service has deteriorated in that the delivery often takes 2 days but that is no big deal really unless I have run out of my painkillers. The thing that seems to cause issues is getting hold of my HRT as apparently supplies of it are currently patchy. I can cope for a werk or so without it until the hot flushes rears their ugly head...

I forgot to enquire earlier- how is The Toe currently doing Dave? Have you managed to get rid of the infection or had a procedure on it yet. If still needed, assuming that you will be at the NEC I will happily carry out a wedge excision of said toe nail. I would consider it my moral duty to help a fellow human in need. I have the required equipment-just lacking a bit of subcut lignocaine (should say lidocaine since all drug names were standardised). Maybe rubbing a bit of Bonjela on the area would numb it sufficiently. Joking aside it is a painful and debilitating condition- i had numerous throughout childhood so I do hope that you have been finally able to get it resolved.

Best wishes and warm thoughts to all including Stewart (45156).

Nat (not Kelly!!)

x

12 hours ago, Barry O said:

Ey up!

 

Chris, I ring my pharmacy and they organise the rest, I then collect them when they are ready. Cuts out one trip.

 

Getting ready for our trip to Edinburgh. Gabe has provided a list of places to eat in the City Centre fot tomorrow evening. Should be fun..

 

Now a bit of forward planning. Is anyone going to Warley this year? As this is my last year part co-ordinating the demo areas i believe I can have time out of weathering and possibly attend a get together. Let me know if you are attending please.

 

Very positive thoughts to all who ail or are missing!

 

Baz

 

 

Hi 

I shall be attending the show with the Signalling Record Society stand located at C08 and Kelly will be about with the DEMU stand at C11. We shall both have name badges on in case you are not sure of who we are... I would like to meet up but on Saturday will be busy judging the best signalled layout for the Norman Cadge award.

I hope things are improving for people here and any suffering is not too prolonged. Thoughts are with especially John and Sandy- I have been through a similar experience so send you both much love and comforting thoughts.

Nice to see Debs around too. I have been wondering what this Awl is that people here seem to be in fear of... Apparently it is employed when there is train talk... I shall do some suitable baiting and find out if this fear is justified. Nice that you are feeling able to post again Debs. Anybody else I have forgotten then my apologies although I am sure GDB is currently nursing an injury or will be soon from what I have read in the past.

Unusually i currently feel good and have managed to keep the dreaded black dog safely ensconced..  This has been helped by the real black dog but mostly that things have improved somewhat at home with Mother following her THR 6/52 ago. She has made great progress with her mobility and is somewhat more mobile again. Not as much as previously but still much the level that she has been able to regain a lot more independence and is not so dependant on me at present. This has allowed me to have a short break at Kelly's  (all of 10 miles away- Kelly (D827) of course being my friend and NOT my partner despite what a lot of people seem to think! I'm much too antisocial, and miserable for that sort of thing...) and allowed Mother to have some independence, even if I am fairly near if needed. The separation, so to speak, has been of benefit to us both.

That's it from me you'll be glad to know...

Hi all

Further to my earlier post it occurred to me that most of you are probably unaware of my history and who was I to suddenly start spouting medical advice. 

As they used to say "Natalie Jones this is your life" -well some of it anyway. .

After leaving school in 1983 I went on a YTS course in clerical work with BR hoping for it to be a means to an end- which was a railway job. The course was based in Rugby- upstairs in the platform buildings in a classroom. Never someone who was confident, outgoing or indeed especially sociable the course tutor tried to get me "out of shell". Unfortunately I just found him creepy with his thick bushy beard.

One thing that did get me more vocal when the local mp for Rugby came it to give us one of those so-called inspirational talks they like to give to youngsters.  With him being a tory and me being to the left of Karl Marx I told him what I thought of the current Tha@ch*r government and I wasnt exactly complimentary let's say. Seemingly that shell shocked him to be confronted so vigorously by this stumpy blue-eyed blonde hair gobby cow. It did make me a bit more popular within the group ( who were mostly male) particularly those who were politically sympathetic with me.

In another attempt to make me 'open up' for my first placement I was allocated to the London Midland Region Press and Public Relations Office which was on the top floor of Euston House. Part of my duties involved collection and distribution of regional press releases throughout the building in addition to going over to Rail House also at Euston to collect any press releases from the BRB concerning the LMR. This included making special trips to see the Chairman's secretary to collect there. Very occasionally I would be despatched to 222 or The Kremlin to collect and deliver items.

I was given the use of an all stations LMR duty travel pass which also included the Underground.  Considering I was then still 16 and had only left school about two months prior I really did feel grown up roaming around the Underground on my own and working in London- 100 miles from home. 

My time in the PRO was wonderful and I really enjoyed it. It did indeed get me out of my shell as whilst there there were a few incidents on the Region.

One was a derailment- I think at Wembley with a 310 and liner train- which involved reading out a statement to any press that happened to be on the end of my desk phone- that was something in those days (eek that sounds really old)  to have your own desk and phone at work at the age of 16. 

We also found ourselves in front of tv cameras to read out statements.  Those more junior got the local news.  There was no media training just get on with it.

Another event was being part of the team involved in the relaunching of InterCity and the refurbished Manchester Pullman stock.  This involved the infamous press run from Piccadilly when 86311 failed at Stockport whilst the press just got themselves even more p!ssed than they had been. It was a great experience though and involved an overnight stay in a hotel in Manchester the night before after travelling theer on the down evening Pullman.

In between the placements we were required to participate in an outward bound course which involved caving, canoeing, rock climbing,  sleeping rough and a midnight hike. I was horrified to say the least.  Being forced to spend a week in the middle of nowhere with a group of people with no means of being on my own undertaking programmed activities and all the enforced jollity that went with it did not fill me with joy. In fact it scared the crud out of me. I would rather be listening to some music (50s greats like Gene Vincent,  Johnny Horton, Jerry Lee and Elvis) and reading a book. I also could not see how this was related to railway work (I can see some merit in it now) and more importantly wouldn't get me a job on the railway.  I managed to get out of it when our group went, I can't remember how exactly but I was caught up with soon after and forced to attend with a group of strangers from god knows where. 

It was December 1983 and I was to proceed to Hebden Bridge and would be collected from there and taken to the centre. Scenically it was stunning and this was increased by the fact that it had just snowed! It turns out that the group I was with were actually quite pleasant and I let my guard doon and had a reasonable time- not being as bad as I feared probably helped by not being forced to do activities I wasnt keen on. I did try most of them and found that I quite enjoyed them.  I did caving which I found fascinating and thoroughly enjoyed the midnight hike- maybe helped by the fact that the new snow lit everywhere up and it wasn't that dark. The only thing I didn't do was canoeing in a freezing cold rushing river which I felt was reasonable as I couldn't swim and still can't. 

Next placement was also at Euston House this time with Management Services.  I have no idea of what happened in there apart from there being a certain Mr John Farrow working their- he may have been the boss- and talking with him about rail tours. At this time late 1983/ early 1984 I don't think that he had organised that many.

At the end of this placement a couple of jobs became available for  Junior Railman Train Recorder in Nuneaton PSB which is where I lived. I was fortunate enough to be appointed and started on Feb 27th 1984 first meeting the Inspector at Coventry by the name of Ted Breakwell.

After about 6 weeks as the 'box lad' I was asked if I would cover a vacancy at Tamworth parcels office so a green-carded Nuneaton card could take my train recording job. As this meant that I was doing an adult job at Leading Railman rate I was promoted.  I was now 17 so was pleased to be getting a much higher adult rate- and it meant no weekends, nights or Sundays to work unless I covered in the powerbox.

Tamworth parcels office was quite an experience and involved me having to undertake some platform despatch duties as well as collect and load rhe parcels onto the trains. One amusing incident whilst there was the arrival of a gold record disc for Julian Cope. When he came in to collect it- with obligatory female hanging off his arm, I asked him for ID which was standard practice.  The female with him almost collapsed with incredulity as I said I had no idea who he was. He however found it amusing and I explained that I liked rockabilly and rock'n'roll and didn't listen to the charts.  It transcribes that he had been at No 1 in the charts. This was all witnessed in the adjacent booking office where the young clerk- Clive Greatorex his name- was freaking out at the presence of this seemingly major rock star and me with no idea as to who he was.

Whilst at Tamworth we had Tamworth Rail Week one event was to be the naming of a loco 'Tamworth Castle'. When the loco arrived from Tyseley complete with cinema coach and placed in the siding on the High Level we were were amazed to discover that it was a class 25 and additionally in a modified livery. We were disappointed however to find that the name wasn't on a nice shiny red cast plate but the letters applied directly to the body. We asked the accompanying staff member from Tyseley and he told us that GW style plates were cast and when they wwnt to fot them to the loco- discovered a spelling mistake.  Tamworth had been spelt Tamwoth. As there was not enough time to cast replacements- and not the funds- the name was merely painted on.

At times I also covered at Nuneaton parcel office where my infamous mix up of two parcels occurred- not helped by the fact that the customer hadnt put their detaiis on the parcel which they were supposed to do.  I ended up labelling them to the wrong destination and customer resulting in a piece of machinery destined for a power station was sent to a farmer and a sample of bull was sent to the power station instead.....

On reaching 18 I applied for and got a job as a traction trainee at Stonebridge Park depot. I never started as despite wearing glasses at my interview I was failed in the medical for wearing glasses. At the time new entrants to the footplate could not have corrected vision only existing. However I was otherwise fit and more importantly not colour blind so signalling was suggested to me as an alternative.  I had had no major interest in signalling at the time but had enjoywd my time in the powerbox.  Working on my own also appealed so I was despatched to the Signalling School in Carlow Street Camden where our instructor was called Lew. At first I found the block bells difficult to remember and struggled with the finer points of block working. However visits to London boxes to see it in action as well as to Manchester to have a go on the LYR training layout things began to fall into place and it started to make sense sufficiently for me to pass. As most of the others were going into North London line boxes it was necessary for them to be able to isolate the 3rd in an emergency.  I also had to go along and learn this- it was in the building at Willesden low level opposite the rear of the TMD at the junction with the link from the dc station up to Kensal Green Jun and the dc line. The event was of absolutely no use to me as I was going to be located at a box in the Midlands (Hinckley) with no electrification at all, the nearest being Nuneaton and 25kV overhead. Apparently I was the only signalman in the area trained to do an emergency isolation of the third rail should the need arise. ..

To avoid boring you all further I started as a signalman grade A at Hinckley later on becoming a grade B at Coton Crossing Tamworth.  When this closed I went to Lichfield TV on redundancy.  When a job became available at Polesworth as this was at the same grade but nearer- I was paid travelling to Lichfield as part of the redundancy- I was moved there so they no longer had to pay the travel.  Polesworth was also abolished and at the time signalling jobs in the area were not very abundant and I ended up at Narborough still as a B but getting travel expenses again. Before long I became a class 2  RDR Leicester Area Manual Relief Signalman  with Narborough as my home station. I signed for Hinckley (again! ), Croft Sidings and Narborough. I was supposed to go to Corby North but could never get to learn it. At the time Corby either had no passenger service or a limited one which meant that if I went there I potentially would be paid walking time from Narborough to Corby or an overnight lodge. It was considered easier to get the regulars to work their rest days which they invariably would do. Towards the end of my time I was sent to Melton Mowbray to learn but never had enough time to do so. 

At this time the prospect of Privatisation was looming and I didn't see any satisfaction in operating a box by a tracker ball system. I also thought I maybe should be doing something 'girly' and being interested in medical type stuff, the human body and maybe breaking my left shin in December 1989 had an impact on me. At the time there were adverts for nursing and I applied.

I attended an interview at the local nursing still- still on crutches with a full length plaster- and was offered a place to start in April 1991 which I duly accepted. 

I left BR in April 1991 and ever since have wondered 'what if I had stayed, what would I be doing and where.'

To cut a long story short I qualified as a level 1 nurse with the title of RGN- Registered General Nurse. This was the newer version of rhe SRN but no longer registered by the state- instead being independently registered.  The level 1 is the part of the register- now known as the NMC (Nursing and Midwifery Council) that your qualification is on. Level 1 includes adult general nurses such as SRN or RGN.  Different types of nurses are registered on different parts or levels. 

Initially on qualifying hospitals were not recruiting permanent staff and only using agencies or the bank. Result is you sign up for those in order to get work.

After a while I applied for a staff nurse job in A&E- where I had been working as well as peads and theatre all of which I enjoyed.  I was successful and in time undertook further training for PALS (Paediatric Advanced Life Support), ALS (the adult version), wound closing such as gluing,  hairtyes and suturing,  taking blood ( I could cover as a Sister Drac if needed) siting iv cannulas, giving iv drugs, triaging, prescribing analgesics and requesting X rays. Had forgotten but could also pass male catheters and suprapubic ones. This is not meant to be bragging but to illustrate how much the nurse role had developed in recent years.  When I started my training all those procedures were carried out by doctors.  I will admit that I loved the extra skills because not every nurse was able to but mostly it was more holistic care in that instead of waiting around for a doctor we could sort things out ready for when the doctor was able to see them.  It made the care that we gave less fragmented. 

In time I became a grade E Senior Staff Nurse in the newly expanded Emergency Medical Unit or EMU as it was known.  This had originated as part of A&E which we also covered but had outgrown the location significantly.  I sort of moved with it. Our remit involved assessment and instigation of a treatment plan for Medical patients admitted either via A&E or their GP. Then in theory they would be transferred to the appropriate ward for the rest of the stay.

My role included being the nurse in charge when needed which was something that I enjoyed.  However this would bring me into conflict with non clinical management types trying to tell me which patients to move and when. The big concern was the 4 hour trolley wait and the big rush to get them out of a&e round to us so that they would not 'breach'. This seemingly was with no regard for what was happening with the patient at the time or whether we had a bed available.  If the receiving ward did not have their bed ready then obviously we could not transfer our patient to them to make our empty bed. I was told that I would just have the patient in our corridor which I refused to do. In one instance we had a patient who was not long deceased and had his rels with him grieving.  I was told to hurry them up so we could perform last offices as A&E wanted the bed. Not a chance I told them. Care for our patients extended after their death whilst they were still my ward and I was not going to stop our care purely to pacify a non clinical penpusher with a clipboard. 

Needless to say that I was constantly in front of management and nurse directors being told off.  I was constantly refused promotion to an F grade Sister despite fulfilling the role every shift. I looked after the night shift and did the off-duty (the ward shift roster). However my life was made hell by them as they tried all sorts of tactics to get rid of me one way or the other.  They ultimately succeeded as they claimed to have cctv footage of me stealing medication and taking it. The cctv was covert. I was suspended and reported to the police who fortunately took one look at their supposed evidence and backed me up saying that I took my own meds from my pocket and had neithet taken nor stolen any meds from the drug cupboard.  The police were not impressed by the hospital and accused them of wasting their time with false allegations.  This made no difference with management who were trying to claim serious gross misconduct and unfit to practice.  As I was getting no support from the union (the rep was a member of management) it seemed that was it for me. I was told that my best option was to resign and I would not get reported to the NMC otherwise I would be fired and likely get struck off. I had little option really but to resign to save my registration.  My mental health was suffering too and my stepfather was undergoing major surgery for a life threatening cancer which shortly afterwards took his life.

When I felt able to I signed up with an agency and was getting regular work in similar departments at other hospitals but this time without the bullying. One of my placements was to a cat b male prison which I took to. They had very few permanent nursing staff and it seemed quite disorganised procedurally.  I ended up sorting it out and was offered a permanent job which I accepted. I looked after a number of areas within the prison and soon found that because of my previous A&E experience I was the one to attend any emergencies or medical incidents on the wings. At times I could be the only permanent nurse on the site with the rest being agency.  The implications of this were although they were cleared to work there they weren't cleared enough to carry either a radio or keys which I could. The result was that I had to assist them getting around if there was no officer about but only I had keys to the medical areas. 

As much as I enjoyed the role after a year I was getting tired and having regular migraines even at work and was really struggling to manage with the long shift of 0700-2000 in addition to the hour long drive each way I ended up having a breakdown,  took an overdose and ended up as a patient on my old ward. I had also stopped eating properly. I was signed off sick and ended up having to give my notice. 

During this time my mental health spiralled out of control,   I had stopped eating and drinking which resulted in another week in hospital. 

To try and cut this short I had weekly CBT sessions for a couple of months until they were stopped abruptly because of cuts.  Apart from being on Sertraline that is the sum of my mental health treatment and that stopped 5 years ago. Result of being left to cope on my own is having to try and deal with any crisis as it occurs and try not to resort to destructive behaviour which is very difficult as I think I posted about a few weeks ago. I'm also having to now deal with anxiety which I cannot ascertain the cause of so I can fully relate to the traumas that Rick's wife is experiencing.  She is lucky to have Rick as he seems to be very supportive of her which does help to reduce the anxieties. 

Alongside this I managed to get my self a duodenal ulcer which eventually cleared up but does recur from time to time but is no big deal in the scheme of things.  Add a diagnosis of anorexia which never progressed to a dangerous state but constantly reminds me of its presence every time I see my reflection or just look at myself as to me I look like an awful fat blob especially since I put weight back on. But so far I haven't slipped back into my restrictive eating although at times it has been close.

Hopefully I don't sound like a hypochondriac or someone with Munchausens but I just wanted people to know that whatever life throws at you and however bleak it may feel you can get through it with love and support.  I'm not saying it is wasy- far from it- but I have found that by understanding how my depression and anxiety affects me and learning to recognise the triggers or falling towards 'meh' I have been able to lessen the effects and its impact. 

One of the things that I have found really helped me is being a part of the railway world. Attending shows whether as an exhibitor or punter and having others concerned for or looking out for my welfare does me the world of good.  Regularly reading ER after being introduced to it by Kelly has me feeling a part of something.  Reading about the Neighbour Upstairs at the Hill of Strawberry or Sheila's zumba class, Chrisf and The Tie, the blocked drain, idiotic drivers, swimming at Salford Quay (as in literally? ), John and Sandy with their journey- thankfully arriving at the desired destination, not remembering the amazing courage of Mal who is an inspiration to those of us with ailments and whatever- worrying and stressing about it won't change or heal you. I really wish that I had his strength and courage and not forgetting the inimitable Ben the Border Collie and the Big Brown Eyes just to name a few have now become an important part of my life. I enjoy reading of your daily experiences in whatever form they take be it aches, pains, joy, sadness, sailing, sheds, baking and despite rarely posting myself (thank gawd i hear you all cry) feel a part of something that make carrying on in this life worthwhile.  I hope that all here do manage to experience peace of mind and thanks to you all for  opening up and sharing parts of you. You may never realise the positive impact you can have on someone in a time of distress. 

Anyway I am going to go know as my own real black dog- the glorious Patterdale,  Minnie the Mop, is wanting some fuss. I am sorry for the length of this nonsense and for getting all philosophical and stuff.  I only meant to add to my earlier post that I am am a registered nurse- albeit not active as run out of practice hours.  It has been quite cathartic writing this although I have now a headache and blurred vision from peering at this small screen and virtual keyboard for so long. 

Best wishes to all of you and I hope any suffering or distress is soon alleviated.

G'night awl.

5 hours ago, BSW01 said:

Good morning everyone 

 

A bit late on parade this morning, I must have needed the rest. Thankfully Sheila had a good night's sleep, which she is still participating in at the moment. She mentioned earlier that the strapped up wrist is feeling much better today, so hopefully the worst is over. She's going to have some lovely bruises in the next couple of days. 

 

Off now to complete the Sainsbury’s Grand Prix, back later. 

That sounds good about Sheila's wrist. I was thinking that maybe she has a # scaphoid as they are quite common in the circumstances described and tend not to be as painful or movement limiting as a colles # is.

Does she have tenderness at the base of her thumb and specifically in her anatomical snuff box.  This is located at the junction between the long bone in the hand for the first finger and the base of the thumb- it is covered by triangular section of skin. 

This was always a very difficult #  to identify on an x-ray initially and we would it treat as a # based on the history and examination.  This could result in having a POP applied from below your elbow to the knuckles but also including the thumb which would be maintained in an outstretched position.  This could also be achieved with a splint or a crepe bandage. Usual review would be bring back to # clinic in 2/52 and re-xray. It would generally take about 5-6/52 to heal.

I would suggest that if Sheila is still experiencing pain or it is limiting her movements or use of her hand then it would be best to get it checked out. 

Dave H- I have always had ingrowing toenails which cause infection.  Antibiotics are usually only part of the treatment and need to have cleared up the infection before any surgical intervention is attemped. This is to prevent any infection cross contaminating any surgery. It used to be usual to remove the whole nail but it tends to grow back in the same so tends not to be favoured anymore.  The replacement is a wedge excision where only the small section of nail which is ingrowing is removed and then a chemical is applied to the area and nail bed to stop it growing back. This procedure is done normally as a minor op under local rather than a full blown theatre case. Some gp practices do offer such procedured so it is possible that yours might do. If they suspect that you are diabetic as they appear to do this might impact on where any procedure may be carried out. 

21 hours ago, friscopete said:

Its just a thing dumb kids do .I watched my late  friend demolish a phone box  in seconds when we were at the local grammar  school .All because he couldnt get through to his MUM .He ended up a policeman   .Another fine upstanding lad  I went to school with used to break in anywhere he could .He stole food ,guns ,ammo ,anything ..he was our favorite source for  stolen 22 ammo .He later became a teacher  who dabbled in model railways.His father would have died on the spot if he had known .Our villages known drug dealer to the local  kids was the son of an officer in  the drug squad ..if his parents had bothered to look out of their upstairs window they could have seen him in action .

Its very sad  to see our models defiled stolen etc but kids are dying for less.

Strange I was never involved in criminal activities whilst at school (nor as an adult either) nor were any of my friends or were my brothers or sister. I wasn't aware of a local drug dealer- let alone watched them in action.

So no it is not a thing dumb kids do it is something that criminals who are also kids do.

Thanks to all those who have responded. It is appreciated and has been helpful.

Sorry for writing in medical acronyms,  bad habit Im afraid.  THR and TKR are as suggested being total hip and total knee replacement.  #NOF is fractured neck of femur ie top of femur- can also result in shaft of femur. Either way not injuries to have if you can help it.

I have some of the AgeUK booklets and some things to maybe look into. I am not keen on attending support groups as I tend to suffer from anxiety as well as being anti social and preferring to be on my own. Misanthropic is the umbrella term I think. I also have some elements of aspergers and tend to need a logical approach but am often accused of being deliberately awkward- generally if I am saying something challenging or not wanting to be heard. I can't understand a lot of the reactions i get as it is not like i am refusing to help and forcing mother to have to do these things herself. I have no problems with helping. It just feels like I am not being acknowledged or listened to and my onion is of no interest.  Maybe i am just being paranoid and over sensitive. Absolutely the last thing I want is for mother to fall and get a # and not survive the surgery or rehab. I have seen it happen countless times.  I do not want my mother to die as that is the worst thing that could ever happen to me. It is far easier to look after someone who is not a loved one- not that you don't care about those as well- but the emotional bond is not as intense.

I can fully understand suddenly not being able to do the things that you previously could- it wouldn't impress me much either- but it is not my fault and not a situation of my choosing.  I do note the comment about "always hurting the ones you love/ nearest to you."

Unfortunately my way of dealing with really acute situations like this is to cut myself or if really stressed to od- neither of which I ever did before I had a breakdown about 7 years ago.  I am aware of the triggers and will usually enact the 'flight' part as it gets me away from meds, blades and shards of glass etc.  It is all about control of the situation and having the ability to escape it.

The cup idea sounds good. I might suggest that. You never know. We can get around the carrying part by the use of an apron front pocket. 

Anyways I just wanted to both thank and reassure people here (though slightly not helped by the efforts of Spurs in managing to throw away 3rd place to a far worse performing team) that I am in an improved place atm. Got the black dog Minnie the Mop by my side literally which is a huge help and comfort. 

I'll check back in later and maybe give some context into why things have been such a strain on my mental health and why I feel like I do. 

Seemingly this week is Mental Health Awareness week. Message to HMG- there is more than br#@&t going on in the country.  Try to show some compassion and care for your fellow citizens and humans and stop slashing funding to mental health care and regarding it as a failure/ weakness on the part of those affected. It is a very real illness which devastates and destroys many many lives daily- lives which mean something and are important to someone. 

 As someone apparently said 'tomorrow is another day' and a new horizon too. 

Nite awl.

Hugs

Nat

x