bluebottle

The bit I liked best about primary school was when the teacher told me I could stay inside reading my way through the complete set of "Just William" books lined up along the shelf along the back of the room. I like to think that while the rest of the the lads were out flicking cigarette cards or playing "paper, stone" etc, Richmal Crompton's contribution to English Literature was giving me the edge when it came to the eleven plus. Edit: punctuation (dock a mark)!

I vaguely remember Frank Muir telling a story about a dog with a hare lip, though it was his dog that addressed everyone else as "Mark".

There is, in Wikipedia, a long list of places in the United States which are claimed to be named after Sir Walter Scott's novel "Waverley". However, nearly all of them are spelt "Waverly". AAUGH !!!

Good Lord, Andy - I thought that Job had a hard time of it! Liz was generally lucky with her head teachers; I can't remember her ever making a serious criticism of any of the three or four she worked with. On one occasion when HM inspectors were in, she came home looking shattered: her maths teaching had been failed. The next day, the head sorted it out: her methodology was considered "out of date and unsatisfactory". The head replied that Liz had been teaching according to the style laid down for the local Primary schools, and any opprobrium should be cast on Rotherham Education Dept. Liz's escutcheon was cleansed forthwith. When Liz died in 2010 I was given generous moral support and advice about pensions, and Helen and myself were invited as guests of honour when the school hosted a celebration of my wife's life.

Have I missed the bit where someone gets to tell the House Un-Prototypical Activities Committee to "Go ###### yourselves"?

I feel the same way about cross-country and road running, Bob. Twenty-odd years a club level runner before arteriosclerosis caught up with me. It's all I can do to keep up with Emily in a 10 metre sprint these days.

That made me jump - Bob's going to play the ruffians' game played by gentlemen? Ah, no - must be a good game on the telly. As you were.

Almost certainly a Phyrric victory!

Helen and Richard have been getting things ready for a holiday later this year, including applying for a passport for Emily. She was taken to the ASDA superstore to make use of the photo booth, this proving rather troublesome. Obviously, when the booth was designed, nobody had thought about it being used to snap two-year-olds. Even when the stool was screwed to maximum height, only the upper half of her face was in the preview, so it had to be set lower down with Emily standing on it. Richard, crouching down, steadied her legs and the slightly wobbly stool. This accounts for the slight unsharpness and the apprehensive expression... Details of her grandparents were also required, and, later, there was a delay while I searched, unsuccessfully, for my wedding certificate. Eventually, I remembered that my paperknife, a wedding present from a workmate, was inscribed with the wedding date!

Deleted accidental repeat posting!

"I went to see the doctor last week and he told me to strip off all over! - I wouldn't have minded, but I'd only washed for a stiff neck!" (© Al Read)

Yes, that's it, Colin. Thank you.

It appears that I may have been guilty of mistaken identity, and I apologise for any upset or embarrassment that I've caused. A period of silence follows, while I try to work out the misstep.

Don was a frequent and popular contributor to these forums; this was a good example of his posts, wherever he garnered the jokes from, and it was pleasant to be reminded of him. No need to do any scrolling; simply type the punchline or other key phrase - inside inverted commas - into the search box at the top of the page, click "Forum Index" in the Search section and click to go. In this case I had an answer in a couple of minutes.

Well, the P.O.'s competition is just across the road; the offie could sell you a book of stamps, but that's about it.

First posted by the late DonB on 4th August, 2011. Gone, but not forgotten.

It's not clear what's meant to be stationary, here. The Lottery? If it's the Post Office itself, I can vouch for the sign's accuracy; I've lived nearby for about forty years, and the PO hasn't budged an inch in all that time.

Son in law Richard did well at his pay review last month. He asked for 50% and got 25%, which was what he was aiming for, of course. He's responsible for graphic art and photography for the company, with a degree in the former and ten years experience in the profession behind him, and gets on well with his husband-and-wife employers. And, of course, he dotes on little Emily!

Browsing the internet this morning, always ready to snap up anything of interest on H. G. Wells, I came upon this offer: Need essay sample on The Elements Of ‘The Time Machine’... ? We will write a custom essay sample For Only $13.90/page No indication of the provenance of this service, and the opening paragraph of the sample offered didn't tempt me - "At the end of the 19th centrey there was an enoms sceintifical revlution, witch saw many new idears and inventions. This intest in sciens also was conved in the whiting of the time as whiter combind the newly found knolge of sciens with the scope of fiction, this enanbled whiter to whight beyond the sciens of the time ‘the sciens of our time had attackd but a little deparment of the human dieaease’." I'm giving my spell checker the rest of the day off to recover... Edit: lots of little bits of ice falling out of the sky. Bloody hail!

Whenever there's a programme on TV about 617 squadron, we can be sure to see what may be the only available piece of film showing a lancaster dropping one of Barnes Wallis's "earthquake" bombs. The narrator tells us that the bomber is launching one of the "tallboys" which sank the Tirpitz, and, in my mind's ear, I hear my dear departed wife say: "Yes, yes, I know, it's not a tallboy, it's a grand slam!"

Please don't shoot the spellchecker; it's only doing its best!

Dammit, my brain's been dulled by struggling with 40 down in the Radio Times Christmas Prize Crossword (Yes, I know that the answer, almost certainly, is "vicar", but I daren't write it in until I've worked out the cryptic part of the clue: "over 50%?". (Eh?) So, I've spent valuable browsing time trying to spot the connection between toilet ducks, artificial Christmas trees and the Religious Society of Friends! edit: typo.

This NHS website seems to cover the subject pretty thoroughly, Bob - https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/vaccinations/Pages/shingles-vaccine-questions-and-answers.aspx

I had that three years back. FWIW, not a single shingle so far ...