"Anything You Can do, I Can Do Better ! Robinson and Downes.

[allan downes]

Today on family bathrooms.

 

Mr and Mrs Trebletwee with 50 million to spend on a " A nice, cosy country cottage deep in the Somerset countryside with a 50 acre veg patch and jam making facilities "  visit the local creamery with the bearded presenter who's working flat out at becoming prat presenter of the week, comment on a cheese taster with "Oh, Harrold, you could make this with your cheese machine that I bought you for Christmas "  at which, and looking somewhat vacant and totally lost, Harrold replied plastering everyone within 50 feet with well chewed missiles of cheese " Ha, so that's what it is, I thought it was a mini compost maker for my winter onions"

 

It got worse as the programme progressed and became totally unbearable by the end where Mrs Trebletwee seeked out the local WI head quarters whilst Harrold  ordered The amateur cheese maker monthly from the local newsagents. Both were retired civil servants - need I say more ?

Edited May 19, 2017 by allan downes

[Ian Smeeton]

Today on family bathrooms.

 

Mr and Mrs Trebletwee with 50 million to spend on a " A nice, cosy country cottage deep in the Somerset countryside with a 50 acre veg patch and jam making facilities "  visit the local creamery with the bearded presenter who's working flat out at becoming prat presenter of the week, comment on a cheese taster with "Oh, Harrold, you could make this with your cheese machine that I bought you for Christmas "  at which, and looking somewhat vacant and totally lost, Harrold replied plastering everyone within 50 feet with well chewed missiles of cheese " Ha, so that's what it is, I thought it was a mini compost maker for my winter onions"

 

It got worse as the programme progressed and became totally unbearable by the end where Mrs Trebletwee seeked out the local WI head quarters whilst Harrold  ordered The amateur cheese maker monthly from the local newsagents. Both were retired civil servants - need I say more ?

 

Allan, I think you need to build another windmill....soon!

 

This daytime TV is really getting to you, isn't it.

 

Regards

 

Ian

[Dave John]

"Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it."    CP Scott

 

He was right. I threw my last TV out of the window in 1995. Really. 

[monkeysarefun]

The big screen TV at work which we convinced management to buy us to run our IT system  monitoring tools on is permanently tuned to a channel down  here that is devoted to home building shows.

 

Which almost entirely consist of US couples who have built a dubious celebityness on some cable channel network in Nebraska or somewhere  by  buying ex crack houses and similar, jerry building extra bits on to them and then flogging them off to unsuspecting simpletons who would presumably  in the future watch that episode of the show about their new home and find out that it had until recently a swamp / Indian burial ground / asbestos dump in the basement, and that they'd paid 20 times what the cable channel  dubious celebrity couple had invested in getting the house from 'murder house' to 'habitable until bits fall off'

 

Apparently this is called 'flipping' and there's just so so many shows on about it. All day,  every freaking day.  Masters Of Flip. Flop or Flop. Flip this House . Flip That House, Texas Flippers... Desert House Flippers.....Zombie House Flippers.... .

 

For a change its a relief when the work experience kid at the TV station accidentally puts the wrong tape in and we get to see a random  episode of something else, such as  "Doomsday Castle" which is about a US (of course) 'doomsday prepper' (that IS a thing apparently) who is convinced society is about to end and that when it does everything will break down into marauding bands of the similarly deluded with big guns who are going to be intent on roaming the back woods of the south and stealing all the tins of cream corn and peaches that this bloke has been stock-piling.

 

So he builds a castle in a 'secret' location. (South Carolina hills, Coordinates: 34°58′41″N 82°43′38″W)

 

The highlight this week was the construction of the  'drawbridge'. Which gave father and sons some quality time firing all their different guns at sheets of various gauge steel in an effort to find which would stop the bullets of the previously mentioned fellow post-apocalyptic deluded. Once they had shot every gun they had and none of the millions of rounds had bounced back off the sheets  and hit father OR son, they were able to choose the right one.

 

Which was the thickest one, as any one else would have naturally assumed without needing to lay down firepower.

 

Weirdly though, they were able to mount the bullet proof steel sheet onto the outside of their mighty drawbridge by drilling through it with a 36V drill....

 

  Also, although the drawbridge might stop the rain of bullets from the gun-toting  fellow post-apocalyptic deluded,  they didn't think about what to do about any spanner-toting fellow post apocalyptic deluded, who would have been able to just undo the 8 nuts holding the drawbridge hinges to the base of their castle wall (and thus getting to the 8 nuts inside the castle.. )

 

I think you should pitch a TV show where your family bathroom seeking couples are dropped into Doomsday Castle.

Edited May 20, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[mullie]

Modern TV is great though I don't watch much of it as I am usually listening to music. You record the things you want to watch at whatever time of day they are on then watch those instead of the cr*p that is on at the time and you can skip the adverts. 

 

Don't watch 'Family Bathrooms' though SWMBO does. It is such an annoying programme and along with the many others of that ilk probably a contributor to the housing crisis in the UK. But then I live in second home land by the sea. That is a whole issue on its own as the locals don't like them but the area most definitely needs the money they bring to the local economy even if most of the work generated is low skilled and seasonal.

 

You're obviously bored Allan, you could always build a steelworks, that should keep you busy across a weekend!

[allan downes]

Modern TV is great though I don't watch much of it as I am usually listening to music. You record the things you want to watch at whatever time of day they are on then watch those instead of the cr*p that is on at the time and you can skip the adverts. 

 

Don't watch 'Family Bathrooms' though SWMBO does. It is such an annoying programme and along with the many others of that ilk probably a contributor to the housing crisis in the UK. But then I live in second home land by the sea. That is a whole issue on its own as the locals don't like them but the area most definitely needs the money they bring to the local economy even if most of the work generated is low skilled and seasonal.

 

You're obviously bored Allan, you could always build a steelworks, that should keep you busy across a weekend!

 

Truth is, Mullie me ol' mate, is that currently I am working on a client's a 4mm layout mounted on the dining table in our front room  where wifey watches a bit of telly during the afternoon which also includes Escape To The Country, aka Family Bathrooms, so I get bombarded with anyone one of the three mega naff presenters showing Mr and Mrs Meganaff around the English country side trying to help them unload their millions on a converted cow shed or whatever as they try to escape the modern World of inner city mayhem but dare not admit it but instead say it's because it would be a nice place to invite the family, grow acres of veg, make jam by the hundred weight, entertain and drink wine out in the garden in the evening after a long walk with their herd of dogs. 

 

Anyway, if nothing else, it's entertaining just to listen to a couple going through their mid-life crisis who cant choose a home for their selves, rely on presenters who can, and do, talk the hind legs of a donkey as they help Mr and Mrs Meganaff throw their wealth in peoples faces as they wallow in their 30 minutes of fame - IF they can get a word in edge ways !

 

 

Cheers.

 

Allan

[monkeysarefun]

Reading the reviews posted here  I kind of wish WE had Family Bathrooms on TV , , at least to  to give me a break from  half an hour every day of *($%*($@# 'Turtleman!

 

`Come back to life, Steve Irwin the crocodile Hunter, all is forgiven!

 

When I was little and Allan Downes had only built about a million things, we had only 4 TV channels, but there was always something to watch. Now I have around 30, plus my TV has Netflix and Amazon and stan (probably like your Dave?} and youtube and 3 terrabytes of things I accidentally downloaded from certain sites YARRRR , and I spend every evening searching through it all for something that interests me..

Edited May 20, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[mullie]

When I bought my last laptop, a Macbook it came with a really good pair of blutooth headphones, now they come in really useful!

[allan downes]

It's not just UK telly that drive a man to drink - just try sitting through an episode of America's " Say Yes To The Dress " !!!!!

 

Here you get US mothers botoxed to hell in a desperate attempt to look younger than their teenage daughters who are so far up their own axxxs that they need a white stick to get around

 

What these bimbo's mothers are buying for their 'me, me daughters'  runs into thousands of dollars just so that " Honeykins " can look beautiful for a day then prepares for a divorce a year later after which she settles down to a life of trying to raise a family of brats and living on alimony as she seeks justification for it all as she explodes into what her mother spends thousand of dollars to ward off - an American supersized butt - in a daily intake of MacDonalds mega burger and double fries.

 

Allan

[mullie]

Say Yes to the dress, another really annoying program but only watched rarely in our house. 

[Iain Popplewell]

TV don't get me going on about that. The only thing worse than daytime TV, is evening TV, utter tripe most of it.

 

And the adverts Oh my God! I turn the sound off whilst they're on.
 
Mind you  the odd gem does come up very occasionally, did anyone watch Britains Greatest Bridges on channel 5? It was excellent a program not dumbed down and presented by a proper engineer who had an obvious enthusiasm for bridges. Fantastic! if they sold it on DVD I'd buy it. (they don't)
 
 Oh another thing whilst I'm in my moaning about modern life mode, what the hell is the use of that stupid Blxxdy BBC light switch in the top left corner of the post a reply box. Because if you accidently click on it, and no one would deliberately click on it I'll tell you, cos it makes the writing of your post look flipping ridiculous.

Edited May 22, 2017 by Iain Popplewell

[Iain Popplewell]

 Another aggravation of modern life, having to tell the post mistress what is in the parcel you want to post. Ridiculous! All the parcels I post are ones our lass is sending to friends and relatives, I never have a clue what's in em so I randomly mutter something like, "Oh it's just baby clothes, scarves, jewellery." I know it'll be something in that ball park. I know it doesn't convince the post mistress but what can she do she can hardly say I'm lieing or that I haven't a clue what's really in em. Crazy!

 

 Untill last week that is, when for once, I did know what was in the parcel. You see I've recently bought a second hand lathe and I've been buying bits for it.(I tell you what I can tell you about chucks, cross slide gibs, and HSS tooling is amazing. Especially since a month ago I knew nowt.) The problem is I don't really know fully what I'm doing, not unusual for me I know, and I bought a bit for my micro lathe which was way too big, so I had to post it back to the firm I'd bought it from.

 

 So I go up to the counter to post my parcel;

 

Me.      "May I post this please?"

 

Post mistress.    " Yes, put it on the scales. What's in it?"

 

Me.      " It's a Magnetic Stand for a Dial Test Indicator"

 

 That took her back a bit I can tell you!

 

I said " you're really glad you asked that aren't you?" and I revelled in her discomfort as she struggled to decide if a dial test indicator was an allowed postal item.

 

 A small victory I know but  it amused me.

 

 

PS. Don't think for a minute I'm suggesting we should all lie about what's in the parcels we post. Always declare any explosives or weapons you may post, and never under any circumstances fail to declare any tins of model paint, it's dangerous stuff.

Edited May 22, 2017 by Iain Popplewell

[olivegreen]

I have just returned from a couple of weeks away for work (without internet connection…yes, that is really possible, even in 2017 !) and have just been reading the last lot of posts: hilarious, but so true. They may be off-topic, but thanks for posting them.  And if anyone should think otherwise (and forgive the generalisation) French TV is just as awful as everyone else's.

Mike

[mullie]

 Another aggravation of modern life, having to tell the post mistress what is in the parcel you want to post. Ridiculous! All the parcels I post are ones our lass is sending to friends and relatives, I never have a clue what's in em so I randomly mutter something like, "Oh it's just baby clothes, scarves, jewellery." I know it'll be something in that ball park. I know it doesn't convince the post mistress but what can she do she can hardly say I'm lieing or that I haven't a clue what's really in em. Crazy!

 

 Untill last week that is, when for once, I did know what was in the parcel. You see I've recently bought a second hand lathe and I've been buying bits for it.(I tell you what I can tell you about chucks, cross slide gibs, and HSS tooling is amazing. Especially since a month ago I knew nowt.) The problem is I don't really know fully what I'm doing, not unusual for me I know, and I bought a bit for my micro lathe which was way too big, so I had to post it back to the firm I'd bought it from.

 

 So I go up to the counter to post my parcel;

 

Me.      "May I post this please?"

 

Post mistress.    " Yes, put it on the scales. What's in it?"

 

Me.      " It's a Magnetic Stand for a Dial Test Indicator"

 

 That took her back a bit I can tell you!

 

I said " you're really glad you asked that aren't you?" and I revelled in her discomfort as she struggled to decide if a dial test indicator was an allowed postal item.

 

 A small victory I know but  it amused me.

 

 

PS. Don't think for a minute I'm suggesting we should all lie about what's in the parcels we post. Always declare any explosives or weapons you may post, and never under any circumstances fail to declare any tins of model paint, it's dangerous stuff.

Then of course are the problems when the post office lose it, something which seems increasingly common. Oh and the delivery of parcels when you are out! Our 'sorting shed' is only open between about 8am and 1pm which means it opens after I go to work and closes before I come home. Unless my wife can pick it up, not always possible because we both work full time, a parcel can sit in the 'shed' for around five days. What price progress!

 

This thread is becoming home of the grumpy's again!

[Iain Popplewell]

I have just returned from a couple of weeks away for work (without internet connection…yes, that is really possible, even in 2017 !) and have just been reading the last lot of posts: hilarious, but so true. They may be off-topic, but thanks for posting them.  And if anyone should think otherwise (and forgive the generalisation) French TV is just as awful as everyone else's.

Mike

 

 As if I wasn't already one of the Grumpy's again, I'm due to go on holiday in two to three weeks time and yes you've guessed it, I'm of to France. Dinan actually which is just down the coast from Olive Green's des res St Malo. Actually he says he's near to St Malo I bet he lives in Dinan, just my luck crap TV guaranteed. Lets hope the weather's good.

Edited May 22, 2017 by Iain Popplewell

[The White Rabbit]

This thread is becoming home of the grumpy's again!

 

I knew I felt comfortable here! 

[Iain Popplewell]

I knew I felt comfortable here! 

 

 Thank God somebody's happy!

[mullie]

 As if I wasn't already one of the Grumpy's again, I'm due to go on holiday in two to three weeks time and yes you've guessed it, I'm of to France. Dinan actually which is just down the coast from Olive Green's des res St Malo. Actually he says he's near to St Malo I bet he lives in Dinan, just my luck crap TV guaranteed. Lets hope the weather's good.

Crap TV in French, now there's a thought!

[monkeysarefun]

Oh another thing whilst I'm in my moaning about modern life mode, what the hell is the use of that stupid Blxxdy BBC light switch in the top left corner of the post a reply box. Because if you accidently click on it, and no one would deliberately click on it I'll tell you, cos it makes the writing of your post look flipping ridiculous.

I don't have anything to say, I was just trying out that little switch you were talking about..

Edited May 22, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[Dave John]

Just took the pup for a walk. Now, as you may have gathered I just don't do tv. But on the way back I measured the video display on the bus shelter on the Great Western Road. Sad like me have a tape measure in the pocket when waliking the pup.  5 foot by 3 foot and held on by four m8 allen head ss bolts. 

 

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 

 

Much has been written about backscenes. It seems to boil down to mood. And ambient lighting. Now, take a 10 foot layout, thats 2 displays, eight bolts. 

 

You see, I liked allen downes Idea of a layout that by swapping buildings you could run as SR or GWR. But the backscene?  It might sound a bit mad, but if you  "acquired" a couple of these large tv like bus shelter tvs , and then got someone who knows about CGI to program it, then you could have fully animated backscenes from any period.

 

Probably a bit much for me to cope with, but an idea for the next generation of modelmakers to think about. 

[Iain Popplewell]

 Not a bad idea Dave moving trees and clouds in the backscene it could really work. Initially I thought pregrouping might be difficult as only black and white film from this era, but with CGI anything is possible even colour haystacks and moving haywains. Shire horses plodding their lonely furrows across partly ploughed fields. I like it.

 

Maybe  in the future model railway exhibitions will be held in bus shelters just to take advantage of the built in back scenes.

 

Being serious though I think it might work. Mind you it won't be me doing the CGI. I can't even use the BBC light switch on RMWEB.(see earlier rant.)

Edited May 23, 2017 by Iain Popplewell

[allan downes]

Good Gawd, what have I started. You guys can't surely mean there's worse things to life than Family Bathrooms !

 

 

Cheers.

 

Allan

[monkeysarefun]

No actually,  there really really is.....

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmd1b2Lf6yU

Edited May 23, 2017 by monkeysarefun

[allan downes]

No actually,  there really really is.....

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmd1b2Lf6yU

 

What a God awful family !

[olivegreen]

No actually,  there really really is.....

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmd1b2Lf6yU

 

Good grief.  I take back my earlier comment about French TV.  Who actually watches that stuff?

(I am excepted, of course, because I merely clicked on the link out of curiosity etc etc …. ! )

Edited May 23, 2017 by olivegreen