RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted September 2, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 2, 2017 On Eastenders, the big giant comet crashed into the London Borough of Walford... Devastation was everywhere.... Current losses are 2 cans of lager, and a half-eaten packet of chips. The big giant comet is suing for irretrievable loss of character, and is taking evasive action, should it come into contact with Coronation Street, Hollyoaks, or Emmerdale. Fred the Office Boy Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clearwater Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 "The only certainties are death and taxes" Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 On Eastenders, the big giant comet crashed into the London Borough of Walford... I initially misread that as "Watford", and thought: "There is a God after all". Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nearholmer Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 There's no certainty about taxis round our way; you can phone for one, and it never turns up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold tomparryharry Posted September 2, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 2, 2017 I initially misread that as "Watford", and thought: "There is a God after all". That's why there is a Watford Gap. It's where my old & rubbish jokes go to die. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Yesterdays alien news There are strange goings on in a quaint Northern townWhich the folk there are trying to keep quietIt’d cause a sensation but they’re playing it downFor they’re frightened of starting a riot‘Cause they’ve pit men with arms that are thirty feet longAnd their heads are as smooth as boiled eggsAnd the man who sells pies has got three great big eyesAnd the rugby league hooker is green with six legsCHORUS: For the Martians have landed in WiganAnd they’re wearing flat caps on their domesAnd they’ve paid all their subs to the working men’s clubs‘Cause Wigan reminds them of homeNow the Martians had lost all their bearings one night‘Cause the compass had gone up the spoutAs they landed on t’slag heap the captain said, “RightWe’re home lads, so let’s all pile out”Well they soon realised that they’d made a mistakeSo some digs for the night they all bookedWhere they’d trotters and hotpot and fresh Eccles cakeAnd when they tasted black puddings, those Martians were hookedCHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan…Now the Martians play bingo and speak local lingoLike, “Sithee,” and “Ey up owd flower”From the pier every day you can go t’Milky WayOr a UFO trip round Blackpool TowerSo next time you’re passing through Wigan, look outAnd remember the things I have saidBeware of the ones who have clogs on their feetAnd aerials stuck out the tops of their headsCHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan… You see them round town every Friday & Saturday night - Can't miss em !!!!! Brit15 4 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Yesterdays alien news There are strange goings on in a quaint Northern town Which the folk there are trying to keep quiet It’d cause a sensation but they’re playing it down For they’re frightened of starting a riot ‘Cause they’ve pit men with arms that are thirty feet long And their heads are as smooth as boiled eggs And the man who sells pies has got three great big eyes And the rugby league hooker is green with six legs CHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan And they’re wearing flat caps on their domes And they’ve paid all their subs to the working men’s clubs ‘Cause Wigan reminds them of home Now the Martians had lost all their bearings one night ‘Cause the compass had gone up the spout As they landed on t’slag heap the captain said, “Right We’re home lads, so let’s all pile out” Well they soon realised that they’d made a mistake So some digs for the night they all booked Where they’d trotters and hotpot and fresh Eccles cake And when they tasted black puddings, those Martians were hooked CHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan… Now the Martians play bingo and speak local lingo Like, “Sithee,” and “Ey up owd flower” From the pier every day you can go t’Milky Way Or a UFO trip round Blackpool Tower So next time you’re passing through Wigan, look out And remember the things I have said Beware of the ones who have clogs on their feet And aerials stuck out the tops of their heads CHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan… You see them round town every Friday & Saturday night - Can't miss em !!!!! I can't believe there wasn't any mention of pies in that song. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold ian Posted September 2, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted September 2, 2017 I can't believe there wasn't any mention of pies in that song. There was - line 7. Pay attention at the back there! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Kazmierczak Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Looks like then, I'll never get around to detailing all those Lima Mk2s I bought in the late 1970s. And as for all those Hachette Mk1s....... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horsetan Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 There was - line 7. Pay attention at the back there! Oh, so there is. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
APOLLO Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 The song !! Brit 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthBrit Posted September 3, 2017 Share Posted September 3, 2017 Should I tell the wife to cancel the double glazing salesman? He should be coming round in a couple of weeks time to give us an estimate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Saunders Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Should I tell the wife to cancel the double glazing salesman? He should be coming round in a couple of weeks time to give us an estimate. No but change the spec' to mirrored glass to reflect the flash you will see shortly before hearing the bang! Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
34theletterbetweenB&D Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Should I tell the wife to cancel the double glazing salesman?... This is always a good move. Tell him you are double booked with one of the other DG businesses and need a new date. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Rixon Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 On the off-chance that anybody is interested in the astronomy that inspired this thread, here's some details: the population of stars that come near to the sun for the time span ±5 million years from now. Error bars are shown and are indeed huge. Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
sp1 Posted September 25, 2017 Share Posted September 25, 2017 Yesterdays alien news There are strange goings on in a quaint Northern town Which the folk there are trying to keep quiet It’d cause a sensation but they’re playing it down For they’re frightened of starting a riot ‘Cause they’ve pit men with arms that are thirty feet long And their heads are as smooth as boiled eggs And the man who sells pies has got three great big eyes And the rugby league hooker is green with six legs CHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan And they’re wearing flat caps on their domes And they’ve paid all their subs to the working men’s clubs ‘Cause Wigan reminds them of home Now the Martians had lost all their bearings one night ‘Cause the compass had gone up the spout As they landed on t’slag heap the captain said, “Right We’re home lads, so let’s all pile out” Well they soon realised that they’d made a mistake So some digs for the night they all booked Where they’d trotters and hotpot and fresh Eccles cake And when they tasted black puddings, those Martians were hooked CHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan… Now the Martians play bingo and speak local lingo Like, “Sithee,” and “Ey up owd flower” From the pier every day you can go t’Milky Way Or a UFO trip round Blackpool Tower So next time you’re passing through Wigan, look out And remember the things I have said Beware of the ones who have clogs on their feet And aerials stuck out the tops of their heads CHORUS: For the Martians have landed in Wigan… You see them round town every Friday & Saturday night - Can't miss em !!!!! Brit15 Didn't Mike Harding write a book titled 'When the Martians Landed in Huddersfield' ?....... Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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