Tom D

Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations. Theirs will be first on the schedule. The older boy leans over and asks, "What are you having done?" The second boy says, "I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid." The first boy says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second boy then asks, "What are you going in for?" The first boy says, "Circumcision." "Whoa!" the smaller boy replies. "Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year."

Do you have a dirty mind??? An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a sample tomorrow.' The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. 'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. 'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.' The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?' The old man replied, 'Yep, but none of us could get the jar open.'

Hi John, Thanks for your response, from the picture and your description, I think I have a good idea how this formation works, I have a need for a double slip but the location would not allow due to a less than 1:8 crossing angle, your formation would fill that need, so thanks again for sharing. Tom

To add to all thats been said, great project, amazing track work. I was looking at the picture of the double slip with switched K's, it does not seem as though the blades would have enough travel to be able to open far enough on the different roads. Could you explain how the tie bars would operate and where you have soldered, as I really like the formation and would like to use one on my own layout.

After a very long Winter this year, driving to work I noticed following sign outside florist: "Spring has finally sprung, I was so excited I wet my plants!"

After everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for those who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

A Woman's perspective...... A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new . They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch." The man perks up. "So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision." The man agrees to talk it over with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?" "Yes I have," says the man. "And has she helped you make a decision?" "Yes" says the man "What is your decision?" asks the doctor "We're getting granite counter tops."

THE SENSITIVITY OF CANADIAN SENIORS. This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office in West Vancouver after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize and was writing to say thank you. Dear Lions Bay School, God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone. I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old lady.. My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio but she would never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could tell her to f**k off. Thank you for that wonderful opportunity. God bless you all. Sincerely,

A small Church had a very attractive, big-busted organist, and her breasts were so large that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably. The very proper Church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this, or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her very discreetly about the problem, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them over her breasts, which should cause them to shrink in size, but warned her not to taste any of the the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up, and you won't be able to talk properly for a while. The organist, reluctantly agreed to try it. The following Sunday morning the minister walked up to the pulpit and said .... Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will nothab a thermon tewday!

I've just read online that Robin Van Persie has declined the Arsenal offer and is considering the Man City offer of 220K per week. A few questions come to mind..... 1) What is there to consider?? (perhaps being on the same team as Carlos?) 2) Is he really worth that much money??? 3) What would anyone do with 220K per week!!! (I would sure like the opportunity to earn that much money)!

There is also a plan of woodside and some interesting pictures in "The Birkenhead railway (LMS & GW Joint)" by T.B. Maund.

Fantastic model, signal operation looks really good, love the model of the turbomotive, good luck with the exhibition. One question though, from the video clips it does appear that visibility through the roof is limited, is this the fact when you are close up to the model or is it just from the camera angle?

A store that sells new husbands has opened in Manchester England, where a woman may go to choose a new husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the merchandise increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 – These men have jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 – These men have jobs and love kids. “That’s nice,†she thinks, “but I want more.†So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking. “Wow,†she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with housework…. “Oh mercy me!†she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!†Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with housework, and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,459,137 to this floor. There are no men on this floor…. This floor only exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street, with the same rules. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited!

You know you’re getting old…… Everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work. The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals. You feel like the morning after but you didn’t have the night before. Your little black book contains only names ending in M.D. You get winded playing chess. You’re still chasing women, but can’t remember why. A dripping faucet causes an uncontrollable bladder urge. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. You look forward to a dull evening. Your favourite part of the newspaper is “25 years ago todayâ€. You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons. You sit in a rocking chair and can’t get it going. Your knees buckle and your belt won’t. You’re 17 around the neck, 44 around the waist and 116 around the golf course. The best part of the day is over when your alarm clock goes off. You burn the midnight oil until 9:00pm. Your back goes out more than you do. Your pacemaker makes the garage door go up when a pretty girl goes by. The little grey haired old lady you help across the road, is your wife. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass he could hardly speak. Before his second mass he asked the Monsignor for his guidance to help him relax. The Monsignor said, “next Sunday it may help if you put some Vodka in the water pitcher, after a few sips everything should run smoothly. The next Sunday the new Priest put the suggestion into practice, and was able to talk up a storm, he felt great. However, on his return to the rectory, he found a note from the Monsignor. Next time sip rather than gulp. There are 10 commandments not 12. There are 12 disciples not 10. We do not refer to the cross as “the Big T†The recommended grace before a meal is not “Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grubâ€. We do not refer to our Saviour Jesus Christ and his apostles as “ J.C and the boysâ€. David slew Goliath, he did not “kick the ###### out of him†It is always the Virgin Mary, never “the Mary with the Cherry†During communion it is never appropriate to say “Cheers†Last but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St Peter’s, as far as I know there is no St Taffy’s!!!

I've been off line for some time, so just getting caught up with some of the topics. In opening Andy's original link, I clicked on the "Route Engineering Report", where it outlines the Euston station modification, and describes the link between HS1 & HS2 as being a single line at Old Oak Common and suggests any International security or immigration will be addressed either at the originating station or on the train during the journey. Reading the number of posts on this topic, both for and against, on a website where people have a genuine interest in railways only serves to highlight what must be happening amongst people who have no interest in railways at all. I believe that only History will be the judge of whether this was the right decision.

A small island off the coast of Scotland has 200 inhabitants, whose spiritual well being is cared for by a Vicar and a Priest. These gentlemen get around the island on bicycles. One day the Vicar is cycling down the road, and sees the Priest walking toward him. He stops and asks the Priest where’s your bike? The Priest replies, somebody stole it! The Vicar responds, I don’t believe it, we know everyone on this island, and no one here would steal your bike! Well says the Priest, when I woke up this morning it wasn’t there! I have a solution, says the Vicar, when you preach this Sunday’s sermon, preach the Ten Commandments, when you get to the Commandment “Thou shalt not steal†stop and look around the congregation, the guilty person will be so overcome by guilt that they will return the bike! That’s a good idea says the Priest I’ll do it. The next Monday the Vicar is cycling down the road, and sees the Priest cycling toward him. He stops and says, so the sermon worked, you got your bike back. After a fashion says the Priest. What do you mean says the Vicar? Well I started preaching the Ten Commandments, but when I got to “Thou shalt not commit adulteryâ€, I remembered where I left my bike!

Hi Gordon, As always your work is 1st class and truly inspirational, always looking forward to the next installment. I had problems with 1:80 gradients around curves (mainly starting after unforseen stoppage) so where possible I had to increase the gradient on the straight sections and ease the gradients on the curves (minimum 30" radius). Have you found the same? Best regards, Tom D

Hi Gordon, Glad to see you're back in the groove. I trust that the surgery was successful and that you have made a full recovery (based on your recent efforts, that does seem to be the case). Looking forward to the new Eastwood Town. Best regards, Tom D

I was born in Liverpool, near St Michaels railway station, there were two railway served oil terminals at the Dingle oil terminal & Herculaneum dock, what was interesting was that there was a tunnel to the south of St Michaels called Fulwood tunnel, which had a number of railway sidings inside. My late father told me that these sidings were used during WWII to hide oil tank wagons. Tom D

I don't like Mondays - Boomtown Rats

Hi Tom, It does include Salwick. Regards, Tom D

Hi Tom, The book in question was apparently used to discuss signalling issues around the various sites, but it is extremely beneficial to modellers as it details track configurations, slips, trap and catch points etc. and also shows the type of signals in operation and their specific location. With regard to Kirkham, it has all of the Kirkham layouts shown in detail, and perhaps a bonus for you is the front cover photograph (the only one in the book), which shows Jubilee 45718 passing Kirkham North Junction in 1962. I would have liked to send you copies of the information, but I believe this would infringe on the copyright. Tom D

There are detailed track plans of Blackpool Central, North & South stations and Spen Dyke & Bloomfield Road in 'British Layout Plans of the 1950s' Volume 5 from the John Swift Collection, this book was published by the Signalling Record Society. I think it would be a tremendous undertaking to model, but that would be something to see. Tom D

Hi Gordon, It would be a shame for you to lose the traverser, its a petty you couldn't raise it 150mm and lose one of the lower loops. However, its good that you came out of Hospital ok, and that you have moved forward with your layout that's probably good therapy in itself. Good luck with the back surgery when you have it.