DonB

from murky depths

(Is anybody there?) with choice butchered

to delight non-vegitarians

Christmas Carols One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's reply. The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot. Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..." The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy Night..." The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you." So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..." The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life:?"Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

and farmyard products

Prompted by my Grandson, who wanted to know how bidding worked, I visited Ebay for the first time since mid-'08, only to find that I'm no longer a "Registered User", and my "account has been suspended". Don't know why, as both Ebay and Paypal accounts show zero debt and credit balance. Have 100% positive feedback still showing. Still waiting for Ebay to respond to query after 3 days. I can look at the sales pages, but can't bid, or sell if I wanted to, (which I don't at the moment, grandson might have other ideas).

LABOUR PAINS: A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer.. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.

the natural, organic

rivalling genuine guano

for model farmyards

Ahhh..????.. similar to the "Rapid prototyping" process which I saw demonstrated during my pre-retirement days?. That was a "wet" process, taking many hours to build up the item required. You seem to imply that the printing is quite quick to enable you to modify your design in a sensible time-frame. Modfather mentions a book, Title / Author?

it rots socks

then boo'd off

by Superman when

sorry, Don't understand how you get a 3D print to become a model? what do you get when you print? Do you have to transfer to metal and "Bash" eventually. Sorry if this has been explained before.

in tomato sauce

Venus in ascendance

throughout the night

of cow-dung fertilizer

but tastebuds tingled

and added Curry

Roger , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and it's Roger. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more 'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.' Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here before?' The moral of the story: Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages. P.S. Have I posted this before?

YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP,....COULD YOU??? Cardiff:- A seven year old boy was the centre of a Crown Court drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling as to who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree reasonably possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Welsh Rugby team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anybody .

libellous packaging stating

With salacious inuendo