luckymucklebackit

Just heard that the Arachnophobia society have had to close down their website as members were afraid to go near it. Think about it

Seven Stars - Uriah Heep (from the LP Sweet Freedom)

House of the Rising Sun - The Animals

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Double Barrel - Dave and Ansell Collins

Franks Story... "Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event." Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster CurryJudge One: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick. Judge Two: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild. Frank: Holy , what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These char o's are crazy. Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner CurryJudge One: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang. Judge Two: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously. Frank: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face. Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curryJudge One: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans. Judge Two: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers. Frank: Call Sellafield, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting -faced from all the beer. Curry # 4: Barbu's Black MagicJudge One: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing. Judge Two: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry. Frank: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac? Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip RemoverJudge One: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive. Judge Two: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement. Frank: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those char o's! Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian VarietyJudge One: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers. Judge Two: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb. Frank: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone! Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation CurryJudge One: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers. Judge Two: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably. Frank: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach. Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint CurryJudge One: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence. Judge Two: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry? Frank: (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

Up Main Up Goods Up Slow Up Fast.........I could go on and on!!

Oops - need to pay more attention to last posts Jim

Halo of Flies - Alice Cooper

Next

Stretham, the clue being Stretham Old Engine

21st Century Schizoid Man - King Crimson

In the Year 2525 (Exordium et Terminus) - Zager and Evans

Johnny again....... Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?" Johnny: "Seven, Sir." Teacher: "No, listen carefully. If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you 2 apples, and another 2 apples and another 2, how many will you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?" Johnny: "Seven!!!" A very angry Teacher: "Where in the hell do you get seven from?!?!?" A very angry Johnny: "Because I've already got a bloody cat!!!"

Only the Lonely - Roy Orbison

Telegraph Road - Dire Straits

Seems as though I may have upset a couple of members of the Subo fan club

Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid!" Snow White, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo are sitting in a pub with their mates. Snow White says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the fairest in the land." Tom thumb says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the smallest in the land." Quasimodo says, "There's no doubt about it, I'm the ugliest in the land." Their mates tell them to prove it by going to the magic all-knowing mirror, and the three head off. A few minutes later, the door of the pub bursts open and Snow White runs in and says, "It's official...I'm the fairest in the land!" Shortly afterwards, the door again bursts open and Tom Thumb runs in and shouts, "It's official...I'm the smallest in the land!" Five minutes later, the door gets kicked in and Quasimodo storms in and bellows, "Who the hell is Susan Boyle?" Jim

Oscar Pistorius has sacked his legal team and hired Celtic. He said they're the only ones he knows who could lose both legs and still win Jim

These are pictures I took of 59104 on-shed at Motherwell on Sunday 28th July 1991 after a tip off from a friend. The loco was on a trial to assess haulage capacity over Beattock. As far as I know there are only two other shots of this loco during this trip, both taken on the test runs, which make these the first photos of a class 59 in Scotland. There have been two or three other visits by class 59s, 59201 and 59206 both in 1998. Hope these are of interest. Jim

Revolution 9 - The Beatles

Harlem Shake - Baauer

Its that Boy Johnny again!! Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a passionate embrace. Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. 'Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt.Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane...' At this point Mummy cut him off and said, 'Johnny, this is such an interesting story, let's save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight.' At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his story, 'I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.' Mummy fainted! And the Moral of this story: Sometimes you really need to listen to the whole story before you interrupt and form your own opinion! jim