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Jim49

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Status Replies posted by Jim49

  1. Boris

    Today Mrs Boris dislocated my shoulder...

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Be grateful it wasn't something else!  That would make your eyes water.

    2. (See 2 other replies to this status update)

  2. Captain Kernow

    I think I might indulge in some tuneless whistling.

     

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Is there any other type of whistling?

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  3. Boris

    Curry night tonight!

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Was Boris ever a professional Darts player?

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  4. Boris

    Homemade curry tonight

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Gas masks to be issued to all locals

    2. (See 7 other replies to this status update)

  5. pH

    pH

    Flight delayed 6 hours 45 minutes. Oh joy! They appear to be flying in a replacement aircraft from Canada!

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Peter, are you by any chance flying AirTransat from Glasgow? Happened to us a few years ago but only just under 5 hours late.

      As above you should be able to claim compo of about 600 Euros per person for the delay due to the length of delay, the flight distance and the fact that you are flying from an airport within the EU. Good luck!

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  6. pH

    pH

    Are winklepickers making a comeback in the UK? I've just seen two guys wearing them on platform 8 at Glasgow Queen Street.

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      What do you by "a comeback" Peter. For some people out there, they were never out of fashion.

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  7. gwrrob

    Scenes that some viewers might find distressing.....

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Boris up to his tricks again?

    2. (See 7 other replies to this status update)

  8. Boris

    Due to popular demand Ant an Dec are reforming but will be known as PJ and Drunken.

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      As his actions have injured a young child in one of the cars he crashed into, that doesn't seem unfair.

    2. (See 11 other replies to this status update)

  9. Worsdell forever

    Caught Boris in the supermarket tonight buying healthy green food, gave him a slap.

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      I heard he was seeking Planning Permission for a natural wind farm.

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  10. Mad McCann

    Right, seeing as it's the solstice I'm going to get the garden incinerator going and run round it naked with holly on my head!

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      There must be a joke in there somewhere about getting pricked by Holly

    2. (See 11 other replies to this status update)

  11. Boris

    Ok, I'll report myself to the moderators now, tack and diplomacy failure has occured

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      It must have been really bad for you to 'fess up without a fight. I'll hate myself for asking but what was it you said or did Boris?

    2. (See 1 other reply to this status update)

  12. Swifty11

    Boris’ dad and Jamie Vardy’s wife. Welcome to I’m a celeb 2017...

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      I think you are being quite kind to them. Personally I doubt that they are good enough to be rated as crap!

    2. (See 3 other replies to this status update)

  13. Horsetan

    is getting cravings for Tunnock's Teacakes again. They never said this was a side-effect of the steroid regime.

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      I will be in Uddingston, the home of Tunnocks, later today. I will raise a TTC in your name at tea o'clock.

    2. (See 7 other replies to this status update)

  14. davefrk

    Remember when people used to repair their cars in the street? I've just finished putting two rear springs on madam's VW Touran and no-one complained....

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Please mind your language Sir! To some people "buy new" is a four letter word.

    2. (See 8 other replies to this status update)

  15. NGT6 1315

    Chekhov's Gun

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Mrs Slocum's pussy

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  16. 46444

    Totneshhhh! .....

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Ish it Sean Connery shpeaking?

    2. (See 5 other replies to this status update)

  17. gridwatcher

    It's 'taps aff' in Glasgow at 10 to 7 in the morning....

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Not a pretty sight!

  18. Londontram

    Well it fits, it was a bit of a tight squeeze to get it in I just hope the wife is satisfied now

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Well, you started it!

    2. (See 14 other replies to this status update)

  19. Boris

    Bloody cat! Eats the out the litter tray, craps in the food bowl and then gets jiggy with a boot. Its going to be one of those weeks

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      You have taught it well!

    2. (See 4 other replies to this status update)

  20. Indomitable026

    There's coffee in the ballast grinder

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Better than ballast in the coffee grinder?

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  21. Horsetan

    is watching a post-mortem on the telly

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Must be a very big telly.

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  22. Stubby47

    Will the good Captain be dining on whale sausages tonight ?

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Eat whale meat and blubber. Well, who wouldn't?

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

  23. davefrk

    Why do I get the feeling I shouldn't have called my hospitalised mother in law 'the old bat'...

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      You should hear what I call mine!

    2. (See 11 other replies to this status update)

  24. Horsetan

    is listening to his colleague getting very shirty with people phoning up wanting free advice over the telephone.....

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      Solicitors

    2. (See 11 other replies to this status update)

  25. Boris

    Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me

    1. Jim49

      Jim49

      You did mean "Election" didn't you?

    2. (See 6 other replies to this status update)

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