Mike J

Woke up with a terrible hangover at six a.m. this morning to the sound of my neighbour mowing his lawn. My first reaction was to get up and throttle him, but then I thought s*d it, he'll just have to mow around me.

Ditto what Sean has said. Always worth "looking in". Hope you and yours are all well by the way. Best wishes, Mike

A woman has sued a hospital stating that after recent treatment her husband had lost all interest in sex. A statement from the hospital replied, "All we did was correct his eyesight"

Well, it's over a year since the last NOEL 2 update. Progress has been slow due to many factors. NOEL 1 has been a sick layout and seems to require regular work after exhibitions. As the two layouts share everything except the scenic sections this has impacted on the building of NOEL 2. However, I can now report that the wiring on the layout side is more or less complete. Personally, I don't find photos of wiring all that exciting, so there are no photos today. When we do have something to show you it will be posted here first, but rest assured that things are happening, albeit slowly. Thanks for looking in. Mike For those who are not familiar with NOEL 1, the gallery link is below http://www.rmweb.co.uk/community/index.php?/gallery/album/1376-north-of-england-linescarworth-junction-n-gauge/

Fantastic, and quite a project for one person. This is a stunning piece of work. The station roof looks very impressive...right up there with the Lime street model, and the Bath stone is captured to perfection. I love it.

Not a joke, but this did make me laugh. There is, it seems, some poetic justice left in this world!

A man in hospital panics when he accidentally soils his bed sheets. He throws them out of the window and they land on a passing drunk who fights furiously to get himself free. A policeman approaches the drunk and asks what he is doing. The drunk replies "I think I've just kicked the sh*t out of a ghost!"

Lovely stuff MrSimon, I will have to read this thread more thoroughly, but I'm impressed by what I've seen so far. Sorry I've missed it up until now.

My mate told me he was thinking of getting a divorce because his wife hasn't spoken to him for six months. I told him to think it over very carefully because women like that are hard to find!

Chap goes to a job interview to work for the council. The interviewer asks "Are you allergic to anything?" "Yes, caffeine" replies the jobseeker. "Are you disabled in any way?" continues the interviewer. "Yes, I was in the army and was caught in a explosion that blew my testicles off" says the candidate a little nervously. "OK, you're hired. Congratulations! The hours are eight 'til three, but you can start each day at ten." "Why ten?" asks the puzzled new employee. "This is a council job and for the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our b****cks, so there's no point in you coming in!"

I was at a brothel in Amsterdam the other day and asked for the fattest, ugliest, saggiest woman available. "Is it some kind of fetish?" replied the madam. "No, I'm just homesick" I said. Disclaimer;- The previous three jokes are in no way indicative of my relationship with my beloved Connie...just thought I'd get that one in in case she stumbles her way onto RMweb!

My neighbour said to me today, "Mike, how come you've got so many cars?" "Well," I replied "Me and the wife have been doing a bit of swinging lately" "Oh , do a lot of them stay over then?" "Nah, it's just that every time she pulls a set of car keys out of the hat, the owner legs it as fast as he can and we never see him again!"

My other half wanted me to buy her a Siamese cat. A friend told me that they were very expensive, so I've bought two normal cats and glued their heads together!

Dave, Running before we can walk, when can we have LNER ones in 2mm, and is there any proposal to make bracket signals? No pressure! Best wishes, Mike Sorry....forgot to say....very impressive

BRM arrived 6.3.12. A great read and some nice shots of the layout. Congratulations to all involved. An outstanding piece of railway modelling. I can't wait to see this "in the flesh". Thanks for posting here, I'll keep watching. Mike

My other half has the curves of an A4 (a really good start), a lovely pair of forties, is as controversial as a Thompson pacific, works as hard as a V2, and is eastern region through and through...perfect!

Apparently Harry Redknapp has ruled himself out of the running to take on the England job, as he feels it will be too taxing!

I was in the supermarket the other day and the missus turned to me out of the blue and scowled "What a lazy t**t you are!" I almost fell out of the blooming trolley!

Nothing screwed up either! Nice work there Mick, the difference is in the detail. Looking forward to seeing the completed loco but I'm enjoying reading how you did it. Mike

Took me a few seconds Matt......doh!......Nice one.

Two blokes, Paddy and Mick were on a night out and got absolutely smashed. They decide that they have no chance of picking any girls up in their state of drunkenness, so Paddy suggests that they pay for the privilege. Upon arrival at the brothel, the madame immediately notices Paddy and Micks inebriated state and decides that the two sops will not notice if she gives the girls an easy night and substitutes two blow up dolls. The rooms are prepared, payment is made and our two heroes go upstairs to separate rooms for their night of fun. Later, on their way home, Paddy asks Mick if he enjoyed himself with his companion. "Not really" replies Mick, "I think mine was dead!" "Dead, what makes you think that?" says Paddy. "Well, she just laid there, never moved and never spoke the entire time" "If you think that's bad" retorts Paddy, "I'm sure mine was a witch" "A witch! Why do you say that?" enquires Mick. "Well, during foreplay I bit her on the bum, she farted in my face, and flew out of the window!"

http://www.rmweb.co....11-dsc02386jpg/ Greenscenes two part resin worked quite well for us on The North of England Line (N gauge). But I must say that Wills post above is very impressive. Mike

Thanks to Tony Gee for the update on Tony W' s health. Mr Wright has been a good friend and loyal supporter of our local show for many years and photographed our layout for BRM. We share a passion for East Coast steam and agree on so many things it's frightening. I can only add my best wishes to Tony, Mo and the boys, and my pleasure at hearing he has recently been out and about. Keep getting better Tony from Mike and the rest of us at Scarborough DRM.

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock that evening. The man hurriedly dressed and asked his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put his shoes on and drove home. "Where have you been?" his wife demanded. "I cannot lie to you" he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary and we had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes. "You lying pig...You've been playing golf!"

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess" "There's no need" replied his wife. "No" he insisted, "I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend and your mother!" "I know", she replied, "Now just rest and let the poison work."