Modelling mojo and state of mind

[MrWolf]

I've been lucky enough to have never been invited to one. Such events seem to be limited to office workers, I went to one as a former girlfriend's plus one, it was interesting to be a fly on the wall though.

[didcot]

 I feel work colleagues are like extended family. You are forced together for long periods of time during the day and probably don't like each other. Why would you want to spend even more time with them after hours.

Well that's my cynical view!

[Northmoor]

1 hour ago, Coldgunner said:

I dispise work "do's". A load of people who have nothing to talk about but work. I never have leaving drinks, avoid xmas parties etc.

 

In fact, I volunteer to cover shift over the xmas party. No sod about, no issues to deal with and half the time I get a hamper or take-away on the company as a thanks.

I sympathise as if you don't enjoy them they can be exhausting.  A long time colleague of mine attended no more than one or two Xmas lunches in the nine years we worked together.  He always had some excuse of a piece of work he had to finish off, but it was clear that his social awkwardness would have made sitting on a table with people he didn't already know well, very uncomfortable.  It was a shame because we worked together a lot and he was an incredibly clever bloke; on drives to customer meetings we always had some really thought-provoking conversation.

I've had good and bad Xmas do's; one of the worst was when I learned a lot that I didn't like about some of the team.  Our kind admin lady had arranged everything and collected the money, but had allowed herself to be too kind to all those who insisted they only wanted to pay for one course, or they didn't want coffee, or they might or might not be back from a meeting in time etc.  When the bill came at the end we were over £10 short.  One of my senior colleagues, clearly furious, pointedly put a £20 note down so that the pub at least got a small tip (out of perhaps a £250 bill).  This team of consultants who were arguing over a few quid would in 2022 prices, be on high five-figure salaries.

[Poggy1165]

I am in a very odd state of mind at the moment. I seem to have semi-lost interest in 7mm scale modelling and my project has hardly been touched in 2022.

 

I have diverted into bus modelling/collecting. And just recently I have bought a Hornby B17 in 00 gauge to convert to 2871 Manchester City. I am now having thoughts that an 00 layout would be fun. This would be crazy!! 

 

I think I need to calm down.

[33C]

1 hour ago, Poggy1165 said:

I am in a very odd state of mind at the moment. I seem to have semi-lost interest in 7mm scale modelling and my project has hardly been touched in 2022.

 

I have diverted into bus modelling/collecting. And just recently I have bought a Hornby B17 in 00 gauge to convert to 2871 Manchester City. I am now having thoughts that an 00 layout would be fun. This would be crazy!! 

 

I think I need to calm down.

Don't panic! Your brain is having a re-boot to factory settings and normal service will resume shortly......🤪

[Coldgunner]

Eventful week, got stressed out at work on Thursday and what I can only describe as my brain shutting down occurred. I was looking at jobs, but not able to process them. I feel like I somehow broke. I've been off work the past couple of days as a result. I'm not sure how to process this. Is this a result of workplace stress? I'm not sure what's happened and how to deal with it. Yesterday I went out with mum, bought a new houseplant and some gardening bits to plant a load of chile seeds. I needed to switch off.

 

Come Monday I don't know what to do, I'm not sure if I need to speak to a professional, go back to work and speak to them about resolving the stresses or try and get myself signed off. Has anyone been in the same boat who could point me in the right direction?

[didcot]

That sounds very familiar. I described it as the shutters coming down and that would be it for the day. I couldn't read anything or retain information. Words just didn't make sense.

I would get yourself along to your GP Monday morning. 

Hope things improve. 

[Chrisr40]

Been in the same situation, it's the minds self defence mechanism kicking in. From a personal perspective I found it better to go through workload with my boss and focus on tasks I knew I could complete and use that to rebuild a sense of achievement and assurance in my abilities. You are worth more to your company doing something smaller well rather than nothing at all and being off poorly. I was off work for a year following a nervous breakdown with depression and anxiety and going back was a big challenge so I sympathise with you very much. If you can get some breathing room at work without actually not being there then that would be what I would aim for.

All the best and enjoy your horticulture-it does wonders for the mind.

Chris

[didcot]

I had 6 months off in 2014 and again 2018 due to depression and anxiety. I'd been suffering for a long time before. It wasn't until the 2018 episode that I finally got referred to the Adult Mental Health Trust. They sorted my medication. I'd had a terrible time on various different sorts. I take two different medications now and touch wood it's still working.  Still get the bad days, but they are fewer.

You may find a break from work stress is what's needed. I must admit the whole covid thing has worked in my favour as I can finally split my time between the office and wfh. That jas helped a great deal.

Edited August 6, 2022 by didcot

[Northmoor]

1 hour ago, didcot said:

That sounds very familiar. I described it as the shutters coming down and that would be it for the day. I couldn't read anything or retain information. Words just didn't make sense.

I would get yourself along to your GP Monday morning. 

Hope things improve. 

This sounds very much like what happened to me at a previous employer, although the seeds were sown during a period at the one before that, where I simply couldn't retain information from one day to the next.  I would remember that a colleague had gone through some reporting task with me the previous day, but barely recall a single instruction he'd said.  Neither employer showed much sympathy, the second even less so (they'd never known me in the previous years when I'd been a high performer, instead of a weak one).

You are right that the symptoms can affect everything; I found I struggled to even read an interesting book or magazine.  It is a frightening feeling when your brain simply doesn't want to allow you to think about anything.  @Coldgunner;  as @didcot says seeing a GP as early as possible may provide some relief and @Chrisr40makes a good point about raising it with your manager.  It is much better to admit to a problem and how it is going to affect you, before it does affect your performance and this is used against you.  With me the effects were so slow and pernicious - probably over 5-6 years - that I didn't notice the changes in my own behaviour and everyone just assumed this was the normal me.

[johnb]

Get professional help. Start with your GP and they will refer you on. These days there is a lot of help available, but one has to ask and also stress the urgency.

In Hertfordshire there is the 'Wellbeing' sevice to which one can self refer, how widespread that is I don't know.

 

All the very best, be assured that there is a route through the morass. It does however take time to get results, so get started as soon as you can.

 

[Coldgunner]

When it rains it pours, I've also discovered this week a complaint has been raised about something me and a few colleagues said in Teams chat. Nothing sexist/racist/homophobic etc, just seems a 3rd party has taken exception to some banter between long-time colleagues. Its an anonymous complaint but it doesn't take a genius to work out who it was. Pissed off as its just added to the current stresses and strains. We've got some good people fighting our corner thankfully.

 

I thought I could trust this person, but now I feel utterly betrayed. I know to the outside it may seem like we're a nasty bunch, but if I shared the actual comments, you'd wonder what on earth the complaints are about. Apart from one or two I have a close bond with, any personal thoughts and feelings are not being shared outside of my very limited circle.

 

I have returned to work but explained I'm taking a passive role for a while, which they're happy with.

[MrWolf]

You have my sympathies there, it's a typical example of the passive aggressive workplace politics that are responsible for a good deal of regressive issues in British industry.

I have had personal experience of that kind of manipulative and malicious activity, where someone doesn't like the fact that you are perceived as a capable and trustworthy employee and as such a threat to those around you and those just above.

Most of these people aren't very good at their jobs or very often coasting and the only way they can make themselves look good and put you back in your box as it were, is to make you look bad. They also know that they can play the "safe place" rules and come out looking like the victim with more weight to their spurious case if you respond to their actions in any way.

As you say, you're back to work in a passive role and they're happy with it. All it does is tell the complainant that they can get away with it and get their own way, it doesn't do you or the company any good, but they're so fearful of legal proceedings nowadays they don't even want to hear the evidence, they just take the complainants word.

 

There's more than one way to skin a cat though.

[Coldgunner]

Thank you, you've got that spot on. They eventually fall trip themselves up and show themselves for the toxic influence they are.

[westernviscount]

One thing I have learned; I have never worked with a friend. I did convince myself several times to the contrary as they seem so much like friends, but I was wrong each time. 

 

I might as well quote Rimmer from Red Dwarf the few times I have made a leaving speech..."over the last few years I have grown to think of you as...people I met."

 

Never mind the rule of thumb, I employ the rule of arm's length when it comes to work. 

[Blandford1969]

13 hours ago, Coldgunner said:

Thank you, you've got that spot on. They eventually fall trip themselves up and show themselves for the toxic influence they are.

Just take your time in getting back into things. If you know they are toxic and blimey there are some of them around be if they are playing games and some of them do just think about not saying or doing anything they can latch onto. Really easy to say, but harder to do.  You have always got us on here you can anonymously let off a bit of steam.

[didcot]

You have my sympathy. 

 

We have to do all sorts of training along those lines. Unconscious bias is 4 hours I will never get back. It caused all sorts of arguments. One colleague stormed out. His parting shot was his bias wasn't unconscious, he knew it was bull@#it!

[MrWolf]

23 minutes ago, didcot said:

You have my sympathy. 

 

We have to do all sorts of training along those lines. Unconscious bias is 4 hours I will never get back. It caused all sorts of arguments. One colleague stormed out. His parting shot was his bias wasn't unconscious, he knew it was bull@#it!

 

There's a whole industry built around all that BS. The utter hypocrisy of such ideologies is borne out for example in that I know first hand that a homeless person is not eligible for assistance to get into accommodation unless they have dependant children, are dependent on drugs or alcohol, or are "newly arrived"

Once you do get somewhere to live there is some help to get the necessary items for living, from the state, charities and community enterprises. IF you meet their criteria, which isn't the same between providers.

One in particular, states that a single person is not eligible for assistance to buy a cooker.

Presumably because all single people eat nothing but takeaway pizza sat in front of the TV.

Yet we are told that the way to eat cheap and healthy is to cook fresh food and batch freeze it for later. It's good for physical and mental health as well as your self esteem.

 

I know that it's a little off topic, but this kind of thing destroys the mojo and state of mind in the vulnerable who are genuinely trying to rebuild their lives.

[MrWolf]

1 hour ago, Blandford1969 said:

Just take your time in getting back into things. If you know they are toxic and blimey there are some of them around be if they are playing games and some of them do just think about not saying or doing anything they can latch onto. Really easy to say, but harder to do.  You have always got us on here you can anonymously let off a bit of steam.

 

Don't feed it and it will die before long.

[Blandford1969]

1 minute ago, MrWolf said:

 

Don't feed it and it will die before long.

Sadly from bitter experience some will go on a very long time, one went on with me for 3 years till the day I left. 

[MrWolf]

Just now, Blandford1969 said:

Sadly from bitter experience some will go on a very long time, one went on with me for 3 years till the day I left. 

 

I was trying to sound positive. Perhaps I should have said Don't feed it and it will just be irritating background noise, like a builder's radio.

I have had a similar experience and the really annoying thing is that these bullies operate within the "safe space" of the working environment, so as long as they don't do anything physical, they can carry on unchecked. They're sad losers who still act like they're at school.

Speaking of which, I remember about two years of torment at school because I don't like football and all that the teachers could say was to "keep away from them" (Do your job!!!) . Not sure how that works when you're stuck in the same classroom five days a week.

It came to a head down the fields on the edge of our village one Sunday afternoon when three of them thought that they had me cornered. I picked up a big stick and beat the absolute **** out of the main aggressor, number two got one round the ear and ran off with number three.

Monday morning it was all round school - leave him alone, he's a psycho, can't take a joke.

Joke my a55.

But of course when you grow up, you get in trouble for such things and the bullies know it.

[Barclay]

Reminds me of trainspotting as a teenager - me and a mate had found a great spot where a footpath crossed the line just outside town. One day a few bigger lads came along and gave us some grief. A lot actually and my mate lost it and piled into one of them. The other guy ended up on top and I 'helped out' at which point they ran off. They must have borne a grudge though because next time we were there they came at us, and there were more of them. This time discretion was the better part of valour and we legged it across the field, onto our bikes and with help of a steep downhill piece of road we were off, doing 30+ with the wind in our hair and laughing our heads off. We didn't go back there for a while though...

 

At work? Yes much tougher in a different kind of way, but Karma is your friend.

[didcot]

I have this theory. Lift a manhole cover and you will find that @#it floats.

Much like my so called betters at work!

[Coldgunner]

5 hours ago, MrWolf said:

 

Speaking of which, I remember about two years of torment at school because I don't like football and all that the teachers could say was to "keep away from them" (Do your job!!!) . Not sure how that works when you're stuck in the same classroom five days a week.

It came to a head down the fields on the edge of our village one Sunday afternoon when three of them thought that they had me cornered. I picked up a big stick and beat the absolute **** out of the main aggressor, number two got one round the ear and ran off with number three.

Monday morning it was all round school - leave him alone, he's a psycho, can't take a joke.

Joke my a55.

But of course when you grow up, you get in trouble for such things and the bullies know it.

 

That sounds familiar to me, I had someone bully me for a while in secondary. Eventually after several minutes of poking me in the side with a pen during science, I stood up, headlocked the ****** and punched him a couple of times. Similar thing happened to a good friend, very much a gentle giant built like the proverbial house. Cornered his bully alone, grabbed him by the collar and threatened to smack him.

 

Not a peep after that :D

Edited August 10, 2022 by Coldgunner

[simonmcp]

Apparently there is a new culture of doing "The bare minimum" at work emerging. Blamed on lockdown, I experienced this with a colleague back in 2003. He openly told me that is what he did, I was left to do all the work he should have done. It prompted me to look for another job, I got one with much better pay and conditions.

 

I now work two jobs which has its downsides - both jobs would like me to do more work than I can fit in. Has stopped me modelling for the last 8 months.