Modelling mojo and state of mind

[jbqfc]

20 hours ago, 08221 said:

Stay strong John, you are amongst friends on here. Look after yourself please.

Thank you 

 

John

[Coldgunner]

Urgh, its all a bit of a rollercoaster. Been told we're getting a 5% payrise which you may say ain't bad, but falls someway short of inflation. But my real irritation today is that although my stats are great, I'm getting 2% bonus and not 3%. This is because of the complaint that was raised against me in the summer, that ultimately went no further (no verbal, no written warnings). Yet the ones who do sod all will probably still get 3%.

 

I went through about 3 weeks of hell not knowing if I still had a job, and now I'm being punished again for it. This is not fair!

[Blandford1969]

6 hours ago, Coldgunner said:

Urgh, its all a bit of a rollercoaster. Been told we're getting a 5% payrise which you may say ain't bad, but falls someway short of inflation. But my real irritation today is that although my stats are great, I'm getting 2% bonus and not 3%. This is because of the complaint that was raised against me in the summer, that ultimately went no further (no verbal, no written warnings). Yet the ones who do sod all will probably still get 3%.

 

I went through about 3 weeks of hell not knowing if I still had a job, and now I'm being punished again for it. This is not fair!

If the complaint was not upheld, and all the rules are written down can you challenge it?

[cctransuk]

6 hours ago, Coldgunner said:

Urgh, its all a bit of a rollercoaster. Been told we're getting a 5% payrise which you may say ain't bad, but falls someway short of inflation. But my real irritation today is that although my stats are great, I'm getting 2% bonus and not 3%. This is because of the complaint that was raised against me in the summer, that ultimately went no further (no verbal, no written warnings). Yet the ones who do sod all will probably still get 3%.

 

I went through about 3 weeks of hell not knowing if I still had a job, and now I'm being punished again for it. This is not fair!

 

Employers can't get away with this nowadays - ask (politely) for the justification for the discrimination, in writing.

 

CJI.

[Blandford1969]

1 hour ago, cctransuk said:

 

Employers can't get away with this nowadays - ask (politely) for the justification for the discrimination, in writing.

 

CJI.

Remember discrimination can only be found on a protected ground such as sex, age, gender, disability, etc. Better to start by looking for the policy and seeing what that says. It is also the case that once the words discrimination get used it gets others pressure up and does not always get the desired result. 

 

Better to stick with what the policy says and then challenging on the basis of the decision not fitting with the policy. 

 

If then there is no change and the person is classed as either having a disability or even is associated with someone who has a disability then at that stage it can be more of a discussion whether someone has suffered a detriment as a result of that. 

[Coldgunner]

I intend to challenge it, but I need to give it a few days for the emotion to fade and logic to come into play. I need to calm down and contemplate the next action. If I do fight back, I could be painting a target on my back.

[Yarravalleymodeller]

I'd like to share something of a condensed life story in hopes some of you might find some form of use in it and feel like there's hope yet(and because I need to remove some of the weight of it because I don't talk about it much) 

 

I read a lot of people here having a rough patch and well a rough patch is just that. A patch. 

 

I was born to parents both of which had some pretty interesting mental health issues, my mother has been through the mill with depression and my father is something I can't even define my guess is a personality disorder of some sort but either way he was very controlling of my mother and would threaten all sorts to get his way, a particular memory being that he would take us kids pop us in the car and crash it... 

 

This carried on for many many years and to be honest has never really abated just moved to new areas of creating drama. As a teen I was incredibly lost, full of drugs, full of anger, full of my own problems none of which really recieved any help from the places they should have, indifferent educational staff, indifferent parents, all the usual sources for guidance were lacking in any. I wound up in psychiatric care at various points I washed up at various places to try and escape some more useful than others, some downright worse than anything else going on. I fell victim to someone who abused me in that most vile of ways. I found myself at a complete loss. Amongst this mess I had a child who I haven't seen in more than a decade. All this before the age of 20.

 

The next decade and a bit featured much much work to try to overcome these things, many false starts, many backward steps. Many years of thinking there was nothing left so why bother. Many a day of trying to find something to keep busy, modelling has always been there even through the worst patches, you ever built a wagon kit while on drugs lol, well not at all proud to say I have. You ever considered doing the worst things to yourself then just sorta gone stuff it and sat down to paint a model instead, I have. 

 

The last 2 years were very interesting, crushing loss of a child, followed by elation at the aafe arrival of a child, horrific employment issues, watching people suffer greatly while at work in the hospital, watching people come in with a mild issue and be ventilated within hours, watching so much. On top of still carrying so much from the past. 

 

I like coming to read this threat, I have done so from position of lurking around for quite some time. 

 

All of you who have provided support to others, hats off to you, all of you who have reached out for support, equally hats off to you it's not an easy thing to do to admit you need something. 

 

Anyway this has rambled, point is, no matter how bad it gets it can turn around. Right now I'm holding a bright eyed 3 week old, about a year ago I was olding a premature 22 week gestation baby who passed in these same hands and I'm feeling odd about it all. Work bench beckons me thinks. 

 

 

[08221]

38 minutes ago, Yarravalleymodeller said:

 

@Yarravalleymodeller you are very brave - brave for keeping going, brave for sharing and brave for wanting to help fellow humans.

 

Whatever life throws at you in the future, stay strong and enjoy your new addition (and your modelling!) - you fully deserve to!

 

Take care 🙂

 

 

[33C]

1 hour ago, Yarravalleymodeller said:

I'd like to share something of a condensed life story in hopes some of you might find some form of use in it and feel like there's hope yet(and because I need to remove some of the weight of it because I don't talk about it much) 

 

I read a lot of people here having a rough patch and well a rough patch is just that. A patch. 

 

I was born to parents both of which had some pretty interesting mental health issues, my mother has been through the mill with depression and my father is something I can't even define my guess is a personality disorder of some sort but either way he was very controlling of my mother and would threaten all sorts to get his way, a particular memory being that he would take us kids pop us in the car and crash it... 

 

This carried on for many many years and to be honest has never really abated just moved to new areas of creating drama. As a teen I was incredibly lost, full of drugs, full of anger, full of my own problems none of which really recieved any help from the places they should have, indifferent educational staff, indifferent parents, all the usual sources for guidance were lacking in any. I wound up in psychiatric care at various points I washed up at various places to try and escape some more useful than others, some downright worse than anything else going on. I fell victim to someone who abused me in that most vile of ways. I found myself at a complete loss. Amongst this mess I had a child who I haven't seen in more than a decade. All this before the age of 20.

 

The next decade and a bit featured much much work to try to overcome these things, many false starts, many backward steps. Many years of thinking there was nothing left so why bother. Many a day of trying to find something to keep busy, modelling has always been there even through the worst patches, you ever built a wagon kit while on drugs lol, well not at all proud to say I have. You ever considered doing the worst things to yourself then just sorta gone stuff it and sat down to paint a model instead, I have. 

 

The last 2 years were very interesting, crushing loss of a child, followed by elation at the aafe arrival of a child, horrific employment issues, watching people suffer greatly while at work in the hospital, watching people come in with a mild issue and be ventilated within hours, watching so much. On top of still carrying so much from the past. 

 

I like coming to read this threat, I have done so from position of lurking around for quite some time. 

 

All of you who have provided support to others, hats off to you, all of you who have reached out for support, equally hats off to you it's not an easy thing to do to admit you need something. 

 

Anyway this has rambled, point is, no matter how bad it gets it can turn around. Right now I'm holding a bright eyed 3 week old, about a year ago I was olding a premature 22 week gestation baby who passed in these same hands and I'm feeling odd about it all. Work bench beckons me thinks. 

 

 

Churchill said, "When your going through Hell, keep going..." You have done that and then some! At all times, the modelling shines, like a beacon, always there, the fixed point, the happy place, where, like sleep, we find a refuge. Good luck to you!

[cctransuk]

14 hours ago, Blandford1969 said:

Remember discrimination can only be found on a protected ground such as sex, age, gender, disability, etc. Better to start by looking for the policy and seeing what that says. It is also the case that once the words discrimination get used it gets others pressure up and does not always get the desired result. 

 

Better to stick with what the policy says and then challenging on the basis of the decision not fitting with the policy. 

 

If then there is no change and the person is classed as either having a disability or even is associated with someone who has a disability then at that stage it can be more of a discussion whether someone has suffered a detriment as a result of that. 

 

My use of the word 'discrimination' was not intended to be taken literally, in the legal context.

 

If someone is treated differently from his immediate colleagues, his employers have discriminated between him and his colleagues - end of.

 

It would be perfectly reasonable in such a circumstance to request that they set out the reasons in writing.

 

If that reason then made reference to a complaint that had not been upheld, then I would say that there were good grounds to allege legal 'Discrimination'.

 

If the reason referred to some other perceived failing, then the matter would proceed, or not, on the merits of that perception.

 

As to 'painting a target on one's back'; I learned long ago that standing up to aggressive HR persons makes them wary of crossing swords with you in future - they look for easier prey!

 

CJI.

[Blandford1969]

5 hours ago, cctransuk said:

 

My use of the word 'discrimination' was not intended to be taken literally, in the legal context.

 

If someone is treated differently from his immediate colleagues, his employers have discriminated between him and his colleagues - end of.

 

It would be perfectly reasonable in such a circumstance to request that they set out the reasons in writing.

 

If that reason then made reference to a complaint that had not been upheld, then I would say that there were good grounds to allege legal 'Discrimination'.

 

If the reason referred to some other perceived failing, then the matter would proceed, or not, on the merits of that perception.

 

As to 'painting a target on one's back'; I learned long ago that standing up to aggressive HR persons makes them wary of crossing swords with you in future - they look for easier prey!

 

CJI.

The thing is if anyone tries this with someone who knows what they are on about all it does is get their back up and is likley to have the person marked out as a trouble maker which is not a good idea. I have had a number of Directors wanting person x or y going because of that. Not that they got the satisfaction as they were told it was not legal. 

 

As for determining discrimination as was once pointed out to me by the Chairman of an Employment Tribunal only they can do that. 

 

I work in HR and was on the end of treatment to push me out so even being inside is not safe always and standing up does not always put them in the box. I was pushed into another job, which definitely made my GAD worse and then when I had done what they wanted they threw me away. It was the best thing they ever did in the last few years as I feel much better and am back doing what I love rather than down a dead end. 

 

 

[Blandford1969]

7 hours ago, Yarravalleymodeller said:

Work bench beckons me thinks. 

 

 

We are all here for you. You have been through so much and that you have kept going shows amazing strength and us blokes are rubbish generally at talking about this stuff. Hope the modelling is good.

[cctransuk]

3 minutes ago, Blandford1969 said:

The thing is if anyone tries this with someone who knows what they are on about all it does is get their back up and is likley to have the person marked out as a trouble maker which is not a good idea. I have had a number of Directors wanting person x or y going because of that. Not that they got the satisfaction as they were told it was not legal. 

 

As for determining discrimination as was once pointed out to me by the Chairman of an Employment Tribunal only they can do that. 

 

I work in HR and was on the end of treatment to push me out so even being inside is not safe always and standing up does not always put them in the box. I was pushed into another job, which definitely made my GAD worse and then when I had done what they wanted they threw me away. It was the best thing they ever did in the last few years as I feel much better and am back doing what I love rather than down a dead end. 

 

 

 

I worked for forty years in Local Government, and came up against my fair share of HR would-be bullies.

 

The rot set in when they renamed Personnel as 'Human Resources'. Previously, they provided a recruitment service to other departments; then they got ideas of grandure and thought that they ran the place.

 

Believe me, I went through the phase of pandering to them but, eventually, learned that the only way to deal with them was to say 'Do your worst - but be sure of your ground'!

 

I caught them out rigging the outcome of a complaint / disciplinary hearing against me, and made them eat humble pie.

 

They left me alone after that!

 

CJI.

[Yarravalleymodeller]

23 hours ago, 08221 said:

@Yarravalleymodeller you are very brave - brave for keeping going, brave for sharing and brave for wanting to help fellow humans.

 

Whatever life throws at you in the future, stay strong and enjoy your new addition (and your modelling!) - you fully deserve to!

 

Take care 🙂

 

 

It's a strange spot to be in given a volunteering position at a railway was the venue of the abuse incident mentioned. (Apologies for the woefully poor spelling in the post it was as stated written while trying keep the little one asleep)

 

To have had something so horrible happen in relation to something I get such enjoyment from and cannot separate from is always a bit difficult. 

 

There is left behind a deep distrust of a great many things I see in both real and model railways, a lot of behaviour that is very on the nose in terms of the way people act to manipulate young people involved in either. A great many questions unanswered as to who else the person involved did the same to, how he was allowed to carry on, why after all was said and done did the management of the railway in question not wish to discuss it or take it seriously given their own children were also involved in the outfit and accessible to the person. 

 

Everything else can almost be let go of, allowed to rest. These things though are bothersome. If you bring it up again too long after the fact people turn it around onto you for not challenging it at the time or not pursuing it sooner. So likely there will never be any real answer. I did think distance would solve it but having moved a world away it's still there and I'm going to railways here and seeing the same kind of behavioural trates in others as I can now see in him looking back and it is just a bit... whatever the word may be. 

[MrWolf]

28 minutes ago, Yarravalleymodeller said:

It's a strange spot to be in given a volunteering position at a railway was the venue of the abuse incident mentioned. (Apologies for the woefully poor spelling in the post it was as stated written while trying keep the little one asleep)

 

To have had something so horrible happen in relation to something I get such enjoyment from and cannot separate from is always a bit difficult. 

 

There is left behind a deep distrust of a great many things I see in both real and model railways, a lot of behaviour that is very on the nose in terms of the way people act to manipulate young people involved in either. A great many questions unanswered as to who else the person involved did the same to, how he was allowed to carry on, why after all was said and done did the management of the railway in question not wish to discuss it or take it seriously given their own children were also involved in the outfit and accessible to the person. 

 

Everything else can almost be let go of, allowed to rest. These things though are bothersome. If you bring it up again too long after the fact people turn it around onto you for not challenging it at the time or not pursuing it sooner. So likely there will never be any real answer. I did think distance would solve it but having moved a world away it's still there and I'm going to railways here and seeing the same kind of behavioural trates in others as I can now see in him looking back and it is just a bit... whatever the word may be. 

 

 

Creepy? Enraging? I remember a similar situation when I was in my early to mid teens of a man involved in voluntary work who would go to great lengths to tell young lads that they could always come to work with him if they found the other groups too boorish in a way that was genuinely creepy and unnerving. There were plenty of rumours and jokes but they were silenced because the individual apparently had learning difficulties. I remember turning up with a girlfriend of sorts one day and he never spoke to me again. 

Roll forward thirty five years or so and I am working on another, non railway volunteer program. There's a lot of people who have learning difficulties each of which has a support worker, who is supposed to deal with any issues. Two of these disabled young lads obviously have a thing for each other and like to sneak off together at the first opportunity. I and two other volunteers have seen them performing what can only be described on here as lewd acts and diplomatically tried to report it, as there's a lot of Joe Public and small children about. Nothing has been said for fear of causing offence.

What did happen was I had some bossy self righteous woman take me on one side and ask me repeatedly if I hated gay people? It was done with the standard interrogation tactics with which I am all too familiar and would have been downright nasty for anyone who didn't know counter interrogation techniques.

I countered that accusation nicely if I say so myself and pointed out that if I had done the same thing with a girl on site the police would have been there already. Much threats of being chucked off the project and being reported for hate speech ensued.

All the time in my head for reasons I don't quite understand I was remembering how in a previous life I had dealt with someone who had attacked me with a panga (machete to anyone who hasn't been to Africa) and the whole thing tipped up my CPTSD for more than a week. I was kept awake replaying both incidents.

People are scared to speak up, let alone act for fear of being blamed or accused of something themselves. You only have to Google the thousands of child abuse cases in places like Rotherham, Rochdale, Oldham and Telford. The injustice is maddening.

[Yarravalleymodeller]

1 hour ago, MrWolf said:

 

 

 

I hear ya, done some time working in psychiatric care, very interesting to have been both patient and staff. There is a duty to protect individuals with such impairments from making such choices if they are not capable of making such choices about their actions. However it is always a hot button issue as to weather the individual is capable of making the choice, or in what you've said, making the choice but failing to make the connection of appropriate place to act it out as the two are different things. As many court records will show there are plenty of people capable of consenting to do things yet lacking the sound judgement to do them or relishing in doing them in inappropriate venues. 

 

There is also a burden carried in the sense that it could be raised, but does that risk burning everyone elses work and reputation by association when their work and their reputation should not be effected, especially those who have come into the picture in the years that have passed. 

 

If I were to kick up a fuss now thousands of hours of good peoples work goes on the chopping block, all for me to gain an answer I may not even gain. 

[Northmoor]

Well done @Yarravalleymodellerfor opening up here.  It would be so easy to say the behaviour should have been reported, but none of us could understand how we would behave in the same situation.

Jimmy Saville didn't get away with what he did because his victims didn't report it.  He was allowed to get away with it by senior individuals in government organisations (the BBC was only one of the culpable) and even charities who should of all people, have had the interests of their "customers" at heart, who all turned a blind eye to the multiple rumours circulating.  They always decided that the organisations' reputations were more important than what was happening to the victims.

[Blandford1969]

You know I thought escaping my last employer (well they made me redundant) would help shake off the anxiety. Yes being out of work for a couple of months was challenging but it seemed to stay away. 

 

I finally started a new job in October, great. Then this week my boss asked if I would take on 2 other departments and their people and that anxiety either whilst awake or in my dreams was back with a jolt. Even while typing I can feel it in my legs and some of those other darker feelings have popped up a few times, which are always kept in check by not wanting my family to be dramatically worse off financially .

 

As for modelling I'm back to just looking at it and moving things around, whilst the mess around me increases again. 

[Yarravalleymodeller]

1 hour ago, Blandford1969 said:

You know I thought escaping my last employer (well they made me redundant) would help shake off the anxiety. Yes being out of work for a couple of months was challenging but it seemed to stay away. 

 

I finally started a new job in October, great. Then this week my boss asked if I would take on 2 other departments and their people and that anxiety either whilst awake or in my dreams was back with a jolt. Even while typing I can feel it in my legs and some of those other darker feelings have popped up a few times, which are always kept in check by not wanting my family to be dramatically worse off financially .

 

As for modelling I'm back to just looking at it and moving things around, whilst the mess around me increases again. 

You can always so no to more responsibility, much easier to stop climbing the ladder and take a break where you are than climb it only to have to climb back down and then back up having taken on too much. Look after you cause if you aren't looked after who looks after your family? Best to make sure there is enough coming in and you're 100% before chasing lots coming in at the expense of anything coming in at all if that makes sense. 

[33C]

3 hours ago, Blandford1969 said:

You know I thought escaping my last employer (well they made me redundant) would help shake off the anxiety. Yes being out of work for a couple of months was challenging but it seemed to stay away. 

 

I finally started a new job in October, great. Then this week my boss asked if I would take on 2 other departments and their people and that anxiety either whilst awake or in my dreams was back with a jolt. Even while typing I can feel it in my legs and some of those other darker feelings have popped up a few times, which are always kept in check by not wanting my family to be dramatically worse off financially .

 

As for modelling I'm back to just looking at it and moving things around, whilst the mess around me increases again. 

Say yes, I will take on those 2 other departments AND the 2 other salaries that go with them. He doesn't get 3 for the price of one.... if you don't want the agro, tell him to hire more staff. It's just a money saving exercise to make management look good whilst you have all the responsibility. Alternatively, ask for (a lot) more money and watch the colour drain from his/her cheeks! Don't forget, firm's are finding it difficult to get staff who are qualified so Name Your Price!

[cctransuk]

19 minutes ago, 33C said:

Say yes, I will take on those 2 other departments AND the 2 other salaries that go with them. He doesn't get 3 for the price of one.... if you don't want the agro, tell him to hire more staff. It's just a money saving exercise to make management look good whilst you have all the responsibility. Alternatively, ask for (a lot) more money and watch the colour drain from his/her cheeks! Don't forget, firm's are finding it difficult to get staff who are qualified so Name Your Price!

 

Exactly - then delegate most of your new responsibilities to those immediately below you.

 

If they, too, ask for more money, be supportive and help them argue their case(s) - the case being that someone has to do the work, and no-one will do it for nothing.

 

As has been said, we are currently in a situation where there's not enough staff to go round!

 

CJI.

[Vistisen]

I have only stumbled accross this thread recently. I am humbled by the openness and decency shown here. My own life is charmed compared to many others. I consider myself lucky/blessed by comparison. Deep respect to all those who can share with us the sometimes horrifying things done to them. Unlike many threads on RMWeb, the tone of this one is so positive. Long may it continue to be so.

Edited December 10, 2022 by Vistisen

[Blandford1969]

On 10/12/2022 at 15:04, cctransuk said:

 

Exactly - then delegate most of your new responsibilities to those immediately below you.

 

If they, too, ask for more money, be supportive and help them argue their case(s) - the case being that someone has to do the work, and no-one will do it for nothing.

 

As has been said, we are currently in a situation where there's not enough staff to go round!

 

CJI.

Thanks to all for the supportive and helpful comments. Its sometimes difficult to see the wood from the trees. Certainly delegating is my plan. Just re writing the HR policies into something that is clearer and fairer is a good few months of work. I have already suggested using the persons salary to take on staff in an area that says they are too overworked to help them. And yes I will ask for some more as it seems only fair. 

 

Goodness knows where it will go, but the thing is the people are nice there. 

Edited December 11, 2022 by Blandford1969

[Coldgunner]

Getting there I think. Been having serious black dog due to an old trauma that's resurfaced, as well as all the crap with work. SAD has really kicked in due to being the first xmas and birthday without dad too. Feel like everything has come along at once. I've been talking openly with friends and family and getting through it, but my modelling mojo has gone again. New year will mean a new start for me. I'm starting to think about a job change as I don't feel very valued.

 

I know that come the new year I will be happier. I'm planning a trip to Brussels in the spring, as I really want to see Bond in Motion, as I missed it in London. Can then make my excuses to have a trip on Eurostar and also visit the Belgian railway museum.

[Yarravalleymodeller]

10 hours ago, Coldgunner said:

Getting there I think. Been having serious black dog due to an old trauma that's resurfaced, as well as all the crap with work. SAD has really kicked in due to being the first xmas and birthday without dad too. Feel like everything has come along at once. I've been talking openly with friends and family and getting through it, but my modelling mojo has gone again. New year will mean a new start for me. I'm starting to think about a job change as I don't feel very valued.

 

I know that come the new year I will be happier. I'm planning a trip to Brussels in the spring, as I really want to see Bond in Motion, as I missed it in London. Can then make my excuses to have a trip on Eurostar and also visit the Belgian railway museum.

SAD is an odd thing really, marked by both seasons in the sense of weather seasons but also cultural/emotional seasons as eluded to with Christmas and the loss of your father, my condolence. Vastly impractical as it is as an aide to most people I found the year or two I spent doing the back and forth between the UK and Australia to be very beneficial to breaking down some of those ties of seasons being marked by traumatic experiences which had become seated in the flow of each subsequent years events. What was a cold Christmas confined to home by pressures of bad weather and shorter daylight hours leading to rumination on past events in a cycle that was unhealthy became an all together different outlook. It's a very hard thing to explain with lots of odd perceptive outcomes such as the sky somehow seeming bigger and the curiosity for new  things flooding back at a times usually consumed with old things but definately worth a go if the means are available to do it.

 

Belgium does sound gun though, never did get to ride eurostar before abandoning the northern hemisphere🤔