The Forum Jokes Thread

[shortliner]

Did I read that sign right?

In an office:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

 

In a London department store:

BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

 

In an office:

WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

 

In an office:

AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

 

Outside a secondhand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:

CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

 

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

 

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

 

Notice in a farmer's field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

 

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

[Boris]

This kind of reminds me of a sign along an A road that said "slow children playing in road" - or drive faster and you'll score one.

 

Or the memo produced by The Management recently

 

"It has come to our attention that members of staff are amusing themselves by seeing who can urinate the highest up the lavatory wall. This has lead to complaints from the cleaners that they are now unable to reach the highest marked point on the wall to complete the cleaning in the facility concerned, in order to maintain hygiene standards, staff are requested only to urinate to a point where cleaning staff can reach without the use of a ladder.

 

A member of the cleaning department has already been suspended for urinating beyond the marked area and was identified by their initials some 7 feet above the urinal, so please take this as evidence the management team will be dealing with any infractions swiftly."

 

Of course everyone peed themselves laughing at this point.,..

[DonB]

Jumping on the band-wagon...........

 

Sign outside our village hall a couple of years ago............

 

Second-hand children's sale

 

we avoided purchasing!!!

[Horsetan]

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

 

Reminds me of the one about the laundry / tailor's shop:

 

"We'll Sew for You. We'll Clean For You. We'll Even Dye For You."

[DonB]

joke from other culture, probably politically incorrect!

 

forwarded by a Hindu:-

 

 

Husband and wife had a tiff.

 

 

Wife called up her mother and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with youâ€.

 

 

Mother said, “Nai nai beti, he must pay for his mistake, I am coming to stay with you.â€

[Buhar]

Temel and Durmus are walking through the market when they see a man auctioning the most enormous fish, he is explaining how he caught it by getting his friend to hold his ankles while he dangled off a bridge and caught the fish with his hands.

 

Seeing the price the fish is reaching Temel says "Right, we're going to do that too."

 

Durmus dangles Temel by his ankles then after a few minutes Temel shouts "Quick, quick, pull me up."

 

"Did you catch anything?"

 

"No, there was a train coming."

[DonB]

HOW TO START A FIGHT

 

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...

The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

 

______________________________

 

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'

'No,' she answered. I then said,

'Is that your final answer?'

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And that's when the fight started...

 

________________________________

 

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Nah, she can order for herself."

And that's when the fight started.....

 

________________________________

 

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she

kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

"Yes", she sighed,

"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we

split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

And then the fight started...

 

________________________________

 

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take

care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more

important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily

snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for

a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and

when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish

cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

 

________________________________

 

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

 

________________________________

 

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and

slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and

proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I

pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the

weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly

undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a

different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."

My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband

is out fishing in that?"

And that's how the fight started...

 

________________________________

 

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."

I bought her a bathroom scale.

And then the fight started......

 

________________________________

 

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she

processed my Social Security application..

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

 

________________________________

 

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,

"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.

I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........

[shortliner]

My mate Terry said

"Ever since it started to snow all my missus has done is stare through the window. If it gets any worse I suppose I will have to eventually let her in!".

[Diesel Dayz]

A woman walked past in a bar and I said 'Wow I'd like to give you one'.

She replied 'I wouldn't s**g you if my life depended on it!'

I said 'I was giving you marks out of ten you ugly old bag!'

[Diesel Dayz]

Just got home from christmas shopping to find all my doors broken into and everything was gone!

What sort of sicko does that to someones advent calendar?

[Ashcombe]

Remember, it takes a university degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one, but never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

 

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

 

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had a fatal accident.

 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

 

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

 

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

 

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order..

 

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

 

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

 

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

 

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

 

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

 

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

 

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

 

P: Aircraft handles funny..

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious..

 

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics..

 

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

 

And lets save the best one for last..................

 

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

Simon

 

 

 

I sent this to a friend who is a retired RAF Officer and he was delighted!

[Guest dilbert]

A Blonde was sent on her way to Heaven. Upon arrival, a concerned St Peter met her at the Pearly Gates. 'I'm sorry,' St Peter said; 'But Heaven is suffering from an overload of goodly souls and we have been forced to put up an Entrance Exam for new arrivals to ease the burden of Heavenly Arrivals.'

 

'That's cool' said the blonde, 'What does the Entrance Exam consist of?'

 

'Just three questions' said St Peter.

 

'Which are?' asked the blonde.

 

'The first,' said St Peter, 'is, which two days of the week start with the letter 'T' '? The second is 'How many seconds are there in a year?' The third is 'What was the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

 

'Now,' said St Peter, 'Go away and think about those questions and when I call upon you, I shall expect you to have those answers for me.'

 

So the blonde went away and gave those three questions some considerable thought (I expect you to do the same).

 

The following morning, St Peter called upon the blonde and asked if she had considered the questions, to which she replied, 'I have.'

 

'Well then,' said St Peter, 'Which two days of the week start with the letter T?'

 

The blonde said, 'Today and Tomorrow.'

 

St Peter pondered this answer for some time, and decided that indeed the answer can be applied to the question.

 

'Well then, could I have your answer to the second of the three questions?' St Peter went on, 'how many seconds in a year?'

 

The Blonde replied, 'Twelve!'

 

'Only twelve?' exclaimed St Peter, 'How did you arrive at that figure?'

 

'Easy,' said the blonde, 'there's the second of January, the second of February, right through to the second of December, giving a total of twelve seconds.'

 

St Peter looked at the blonde and said, 'I need some time to consider your answer before I can give you a decision.' And he walked away shaking his head.

 

A short time later, St Peter returned to the Blonde. 'I'll allow the answer to stand, but you need to get the third and final question absolutely correct to be allowed into Heaven. Now, can you tell me the answer to the name of the swagman in Waltzing Matilda?'

 

The blonde replied: 'Of the three questions, I found this the easiest to answer.'

 

'Really!' exclaimed St Peter, 'And what is the answer?'

 

'It's Andy.'

 

'Andy??'

 

'Yes, Andy,' said the blonde.

 

This totally floored St Peter, and he paced this way and that, deliberating the answer. Finally, he could not stand the suspense any longer, and turning to the blonde, asked 'How in God's name did you arrive at THAT answer?'

 

'Easy' said the blonde, 'Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his Billy boiled.'

 

And the blonde entered Heaven...

*

*

*

(What's worse I bet you are now singing it to yourself!!!!!!)

[DonB]

YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT UP,....COULD YOU???

 

Cardiff:- A seven year old boy was the centre of a Crown Court drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling as to who should have custody of him.

 

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree reasonably possible.

 

 

 

The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.

 

 

 

After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.

 

 

 

After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Welsh Rugby team, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anybody .

[shortliner]

On holidays at the Games in Delhi India, I saw a sign that said : English speaking Taxi driver.

 

I thought, what a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country?

 

 

[shortliner]

A very pretty young speech therapist

was getting nowhere with her

“Stammerers Action Groupâ€.

She had tried every technique in the book

without the slightest success. No-one was improving.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said

"If any of you can tell me, without stuttering,

the name of the town where you were born

I will have wild and passionate sex with

you until your muscles ache and your eyes water.

So, who wants to go first?"

 

The Englishman piped up.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham."

 

"That's no use, Trevor," said the speech therapist. "Who's next?"

 

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out

"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".

 

“That's no better.

There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.â€

 

“How about you, Paddy?â€

 

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out

" London ."

 

“Brilliant, Paddy!†said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

 

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said

 

 

 

 

"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".

<BR clear=all>

 

[DonB]

Roger , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old.

 

Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she

and Roger should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her

new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night

together.

 

After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the

expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and

there is Roger, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as

one. All goes well, Roger takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go

to sleep.

 

After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and

it's Roger. Again he is ready for more 'action'. Somewhat surprised, Jenny

consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Roger kisses his

bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.

 

She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it - Roger is back

again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25-year-old, ready for more

'action'. And, once more they enjoy each other.

 

But as Roger gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, 'I am

thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often.

I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good

once. You are truly a great lover, Roger.'

 

Roger, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: 'You mean I was here

before?'

 

The moral of the story:

 

Don't be afraid of getting old, Alzheimer's has its advantages.

 

P.S. Have I posted this before?

[shortliner]

A Londoner moves to Inverness - a comment on this years winter!

 

OUR FIRST WINTER IN SCOTLAND

 

 

DEC 20th

It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for years - the wife and I took out our hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful and peaceful.

 

DEC 24th

We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush covered with a beautiful white mantle. shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it. I did both our driveway and the pavement. Later that day a snowplough came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes and a carrot for a nose, and had a snowball fight, a couple just missed me and hit the car so I threw a couple back and joined in their fun.

 

DEC 26th

It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish - grey.

 

JAN 1st

Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars. Fell on my ar$e in the driveway. Went to a physio but nothing was broken.

 

JAN 5th

Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought her a 4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and did considerable damage to the right wing. Had another 8 inches of white sh*te last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush - That b*st*rd snowplough came by twice today. Where's that bloody shovel.

 

JAN 9th

More f*****g snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a paraffin heater which tipped over and nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd Degree burns on my hands. Lost all my eye brows and eyelashes. Car hit a f******g deer on the way to casualty and was written off.

 

JAN 13th

F****** b******d white sh*te just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box, the little s*ds next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back - I'll shove that carrot so far up the little b*****d it'll take a good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch the a*****e that drives the snowplough. I'll chew open his chest and rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the b******d hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling and then he accelerates down the street like Michael "f*****g" Schumacher and buries the f******g driveway again.

 

JAN 17th

16 more s*dding inches of f*****g snow and f*****g ice and f*****g sleet and god knows what other white sh*te fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice - pick. Can' t move my f*****g toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 and more f*****g snow forecast.

 

BU99ER THIS, I'M MOVING BACK TO LONDON

 

 

[jbqfc]

Before Marriage

 

John: At last, I can hardly wait!

Jane: Do you want me to leave?

John: No, don't even think about it!

Jane: Do you love me?

John: Of course, always have, always will

Jane: Have you ever cheated on me?

John: No, Why are you asking?

Jane: Will you kiss me?

John: Every chance I get

Jane: Will you hit me?

John: Hell no! Are you crazy?

Jane: Can I trust you?

John: Yes

Jane: Darling?

 

After marriage read from the bottom back to the top

[Horsetan]

FOOTY NEWS:

 

The Chilean miners have released a Statement thanking Manchester United for inviting them to Old Trafford.

 

The miners' spokesman also added that he thanked Manchester City for their invitation to see the Eastlands trophy room, but the miners had regretfully declined the invitation. This was because it was too soon for most of them to be visiting another small, empty, desolate place.

[Sidecar Racer]

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls

and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

 

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

 

Finally, after many such glances from her, he said “Its golf balls.â€

 

Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time,

deeply thinking about what he had said.

 

 

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer,

she asked -

 

 

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

[jeff alvey]

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

 

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last penny."

 

"I invested that penny in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for threepence."

 

"The next morning, I invested those three pence in three apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for ninepence. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of £2 2s 6d."

 

"Then my wife's father died and left us two million pounds."

[DonB]

LABOUR PAINS:

 

 

 

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

 

 

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labour pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were interested, Both said they were very much in favour of it.

 

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer..

 

The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

 

At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

 

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

 

When they got home they found the postman dead on the porch.

[shortliner]

On their way to get married, a young couple was involved in

a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the

Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While

waiting, they began to wonder if they could possibly get married in

Heaven.

 

When St. Peter arrived, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don't know.

This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out†and he

left.

 

The couple sat and waited for an answer for a couple of months. While

they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to

get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal

aspect of it all? “What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven

together forever?â€

 

Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat

bedraggled. “Yes,†he informed the couple, “You can get married in

Heaven.â€

 

“Great!†said the couple. “But we were just wondering, what if things

don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?â€

 

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.

 

“What’s wrong?†asked the frightened couple.

 

“OH COME ON!†St. Peter shouted. “It took me 3 months to find a priest

up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a f ******

lawyer?â€

[DonB]

Christmas Carols

 

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an

unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot,

named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the

perfect gift.

"How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.

"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet." was the shop owner's

reply. The shop owner held a lighted match under the parrot's left foot.

Chet began to sing: "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..."

The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then

Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with: " Silent Night, Holy

Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as

quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she

was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?" "No," the

young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you."

So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left

foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned: "Jingle Bells!

Jingle bells!..." The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and

out came: "Silent Night, Holy night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the

lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it," he

answered, eager to please his wife. So they held the lighter between Chet's

legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang

out loudly like it was the performance of his life:?"Chet's nuts roasting on

an open fire...."

[Horsetan]

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys

as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas

pressure.

 

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed

Santa even more.

 

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about

to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows

where.

 

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the

toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

 

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of

rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the

cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the

cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the

kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the

straw off the end of the broom.

 

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door,

yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas

tree.

 

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely

day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

 

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

 

Not a lot of people know this.....