PGC

Apologies if this has been put on the thread before, but it's so good I think it's worth repeating. An old Pilot was so proud of his uniform that he wore it all the time. One day he sat down at his local coffee shop and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him, turned to him and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot.' She paused to think for a few moments, then said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.' Not knowing what to say next, the pilot said nothing and the two sat sipping their drinks in silence. A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and, seeing the uniform, asked, 'Are you a real pilot?' The pilot replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.

I would have thought they'd be easily scanned by copy bureaus such as Prontaprint, and I suspect they could then be imported into a good CAD/CAM package ready for digital manipulation, although never having used a high end CAD/CAM package I don't know the last bit for certain. Phil

If you're talking sales of products such as etched kits, I agree. I would have thought, with your skills and knowledge, Bill, that even you could tell the difference between the production or an etched kit and the reproduction of a drawing. Reproduction of drawings (or even Blue prints when copied using correct equipment) is a lot easier than production of an etched kit and can be produced just as one off's. Phil

Didn't see that one coming (the bar, that is!!!!!!!! )

Sad, but funny because it's so true!!!!!!!!! The latest BUPA plan: You're a sick senior citizen and the government says they are going to sell your house to pay for your nursing care. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison..... where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That’s great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They’re all covered. As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now. And who will be paying for all of this? It’s the same government that just told you that they cannot afford to pay for your nursing care. But there's a bonus, you get rid of 4 useless politicians while you're at it. Plus, because you're a prisoner, you don't have to pay council or income tax either! Is this a great country, or what?

...and talking of police vehicles!!!!!! Ethel is a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loves to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman is a sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerate her, and some actually join in. One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and a man stepped out with his arm out stretched. "STOP!" he said in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag on her lap and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper which she held up to him. "Ok" he said and she went on her way. Taking the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, another man stepped out in front of her and shouted "Stop! Have you got a valid tax disc from your vehicle madam?" Ethel dug into her handbag again and pulled out a beer-mat which she held up to him and he allowed her to carry on. Going down the final corridor before the front door, a third man stepped out in front of her. This one was stark naked and was holding a sizeable erection in his hand...... "Oh no", said Ethel, "Not the breathalyser again!"

On the subject of come-back lines (and if this is a repeat, apologies!) A gentleman of more mature years drove his brand new Lamborghini Gallardo convertible out of the car showroom. Taking off down the road he floored it to 100mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing!" he thought as he flew along and enjoyed pushing the pedal to the metal even more. Suddenly, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. "I can get away from him - no problem!" thought the gentleman as he floored it to 120mph,then 130mph then 140mph. Suddenly, he thought, "What on earth am I doing? I'm too old for this nonsense!" so he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him. Pulling in behind him, the police officer walked up the driver's side of the car, looked at his watch and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes. Today is Friday and I'm not working over the weekend. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go." The gentleman looked very seriously at the policeman, and replied, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman and I was seriously worried that you were bringing her back." "Have a good day, Sir", said the policeman .

I don't understand why these are in "safe storage" and not out for sale. With items like Sharman Wheels, there are severe problems with moulds, methods of manufacture etc. which is why they're not generally available, but surely there are no such issues with drawings, so why not get them out in the market place? If it came to it, I feel certain that it would be possible to get a professional scanning company to digitise the drawings and if done correctly, they could then easily be re-scaled to whichever scale the purchaser wanted, which would open a far larger customer base. Seems strange to me :-( Phil

You really just can't keep a good man down. Little Johnny strikes yet again!!!!!!! Little Johnny and Little Lisa are only 10 years old but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Lisa's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Lisa are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Johnny, you are only 10, so where will you both live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replies, "In Lisa's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely." Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, "Okay, then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Lisa." Again, Johnny instantly replies, "With our allowances, Lisa makes five bucks a week and I make 10, that's about 60 bucks a month which should do us just fine." Knowing him as he does, Mr. Smith is impressed Johnny has put so much thought into this. "Well Johnny, It seems like you have everything figured out. I just have one more question. What will you do if the two of you should have little children of your own?" Johnny just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Well, we've been lucky so far."

Somebody really should shut that door!!!!!!!!!!!

And Little Johnny strikes again! Little Johnny and Little Lisa are playing when suddenly Little Johnny pulls down his shorts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." Little Lisa starts crying and crying and runs home to her mother. The next day Little Johnny and Little Lisa are playing together again. Once again Little Johnny points to his private parts and says, "I have one of these and you don't." but this time Little Lisa just keeps on playing. "How come you're not crying today," asks Little Johnny. Little Lisa pulls up her dress and says "my mummy told me that with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."

Apologies if I've posted this before - I don't think I have but I'm not going to check!!!!!!! Her Majesty the Queen was being shown round a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant they passed a room where they could see a man mast*rbating wildly. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital. "Ah." said the Doctor. "Now although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much spe*m that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his test*cles will explode." "Oh." said her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose I can understand." A little further on down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open, and through it you could see a nurse who was clearly giving a patient a bl*w job. "Goodness Gracious!" shrieked HM. "I demand an explanation for this kind of sordid goings-on!" The doctor said. "Same problem, but he's got better health insurance."

With Sally, the better half, visiting her sister in Scotland for the week, I've been able to get to the modelling bench a lot and have made use of this time. Last night I started putting together the tender body for the E4. Being a white metal kit of old heritage, there will be a lot of filling and messing about to make things as good as they should be, but that's part of the joy of kit building! When I built the chassis for the loco, I compensated it and wanted to do the same for the tender, so I ordered a pair of milled frames from Alan Gibson. When these arrived, I compared them to the side castings that include the axleboxes etc., and the wheelbase is different. Needless to say, the milled mainframes are correct! This was a little bit of a set back and I wasn't sure what to do. After a little thought, some whisky, a little more thought, some more whisky, some sleep (whisky induced!) and some more thought, I had a brain wave (whisky induced? If so, back to the bottle!). Would the white metal chassis block have the same wheelbase as the castings? Theoretically Yes, and after checking a definite Yes. OK, I'd use the white metal chassis block, but how to get compensation? To go with the Gibson frames, I had some MJT detailed horn blocks that I was going to use. These horn blocks include a plate with a hole for a bearing etched in, should a solidly mounted axle be required, so what I've done is solder the bearings in to the plates, cut away some white metal on the rear axle holes and stuck the plates in so the bearings allow the axle to sit at the correct height. I've then increased the depth of the slots for the middle and front axles and used the white metal retaining plates to hold the axles in the slots, with the axles sliding up and down in the slots. The next job will be to solder a wire across the rear of the loco mainframes as a draw bar and arrange for the loco to tender coupling (which will be solidly mounted on the tender) to sit on this wire, so transferring some of the weight of the tender on to the rear driving wheels to aid adhesion (as though, with a white metal body, the loco needs it!). I will then add some springs to the tender front and middle axles to keep them on the track.The theory's good - and so far it's holding up practically as well! In this photo, you can see the tender chassis with the body as currently completed behind. Here is the tender chassis turned upside down - it you were wondering what I was talking about with plates, bearings etc. added to the rear axle, you can see these at the right hand end - hopefully this clears up any confusion. This is a picture of the front of the tender - I don't know why you'd be more interested in this than the back (which I haven't got a picture of), but you are!!!!!! And here are a couple of pictures of how things are at the moment. In the background of the last picture, you can also see a couple of other projects I've got on the go - to the right is an ex Great Nothern section articulated all third. This is an Ian Kirk kit that I picked up second hand and partially built for £5. I've added MJT compensated bogies and truss rod underframe, and I've got some MJT cosmetic white metal bogie frames to replace the Kirk plastic ones so the bogies have some weight on them. To the left is a Weltrol (I believe Bachmann) that has been dirtied and I've added a boiler as a load, I'm now putting in chains etc. to hold it down, for which inspiration I'd like to thank Jonathan Wheelans. To go with the Weltrol I've also got a Trestrol kit from Macgeordie of this parish that, when built, will have a load of sheet metal plates, and to go with these wagons I've also got a DS kits Lowmac to finish that will carry a ships propeller that I bought from a model shop somewhere - the intention is to make up a nice little cameo train of low loader wagons carrying materials that would be used in the construction of a ship to a ship yard. Well, I hope you enjoy what I'm doing, I'm certainly enjoying doing it!!!!!! Phil

Following the previous few comments about inappropriateness of humour, I thought I would pass on a story told to me by a friend who has now returned to his homeland, Nigeria, because he was sick and tired of some citizens of this country hiding behind "racism" when it suited them. A plane was flying across the Atlantic when one of the engines started giving trouble, The Captain came on the intercom: "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a problem with one of the engines and we need to use less power. To accomplish this, we're going to lessen the load by getting people to jump out of the plane with parachute and life jacket, and we think the fairest way of doing this is by choosing nationalities alphabetically, so are there any Africans on the plane?" Needless to say, silence. After a few seconds of silence, the Captain asked "Are there any blacks on the plane?" Still silence. After a few seconds more, the Captain asks "Are the any co*ns on the plane?" A few seconds later, the voice of a young child was heard asking "Daddy, aren't we African, aren't we black, aren't we co*ns?" Daddy's voice replied "No son, today we are w*gs. Please bear in mind that if you offended by this, the person who told me this joke was himself African and black and quite happy to be called a co*n - he didn't take offence so why should you? Phil

Funny name for a woman!!!!!!! Phil

In my post of yesterday, I promised some pictures of the Gresley full parcels brake (Pigeon brake) that I've been building, so here they are! In the background of this picture can be seen some of the other projects I'm working on. The partially built white metal bodied loco is a Nu-cast (ex Stephen Poole for people who can remember that far back!) BR ex GER E4 2-4-0.As I model in EM, I had to carve away some fairly large chunks of white metal to allow the wheels and coupling rods to fit - they do now! Unfortunately, I carved a little too much metal in places and wasn't sure how to fill the holes. In an attempt to give me a backing for filling the hole, I superglued some 5 thou plasticard strips in, and it seems that the superglue reacted with the plasticard and moulded it fill the holes for me. I think this is very lucky, and I'm hoping that when I get tot he painting stage, the filled holes will not show. As the chassis for the kit was one of the typical 1980's affairs of armour plate thickness brass side members with screw in spacers, I bought some milled mainframes from Alan Gibson and soldered these together with Comet spacers to produce the chassis. The wheels are Romfords as provided with the kit and the motor is a Mashima 1020 with flywheel driving through a High Level Roadrunner gearbox at 54:1. The chassis is compensated on the three point principle with the rear axle fixed and a beam between the front pony truck axle and the front driving axle. I have deliberately set the pivot point of this beam at two thirds towards the pony truck so the weight distribution will be two thirds on front driving axle and one third on pony truck axle. All wheels have pick ups from .35mm phosphor bronze wire and the chassis runs rather well, even though I say it myself! Next step, the tender, which I started on last night and have had to work out a few problems, but I'll be doing some more work on it tonight. As well as the E4, you can also see a Heljan Class 15 - this needs detailing and dirtying. I bought a glossy finish loco as it's the only one I could find that had no yellow warning panels on the ends, so the finish needs toning down a little! That will wait until I've got my spray booth up and running, which will be a few months yet, but there's no hurry as the loco's not needed until next March. You can also see the Thompson 6W PBV that I've mentioned elsewhere - I have finished the glazing and just need to number the opposite side, then weathering's the next step, which will also happen later in the year. The last two photos were taken when the club (Mid Essex Model Railway Club) took our layout, Blackwells Brewery Company (available for exhibition, should anyone be interested!), to the recent Northampton show. I must admit to a touch of nepotism here, as the locos are all mine! In the foreground is the Y7 that appears elsewhere in my blog entries and is finished apart from coupling links, weathering, painting of cab details, coal, driver and fireman etc. The green loco is a High Level RSH kit that depicts Birkenhead - the real loco was built for Birkenhead power station although I believe it never worked there but was sold instead to Kew power station where it worked until being sold in to preservation. If I've got these details wrong, please feel free to correct me! The red loco is also a High Level kit for a Hudswell Clark Coronation class loco while the loco poking it's front out of the engine shed is the J17 that had disgraced itself so was put on static display for the day! Phil

Dave Franks of Lanarkshire Model Supplies supplies a buffer (his ref B016) for the LMS CCT with clipped tops and bottom. I've bought a few as I have both a CCT and Lime GUV to upgrade! Phil

This reminds me of the saying about marriage being a three ring circus, The engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffering!!!!! Phil

This entry to my blog doesn't have any pictures, not because I haven't got things to take pictures, of, but just because I haven't taken any yet! The latest instalment of the J17 is most frustrating. The loco has taken a very long time to build; I started it some 15 years or so, and it was the first chassis I'd tried to build using compensation. Some of the quality of my workmanship was sadly lacking in the skill department, so the chassis didn't really run as well as I'd liked - it ran forward OK but wouldn't run backwards properly. When I looked closely at the chassis, there was quite a lot of play in the bearings, to the point where the driven axle could move backwards and forwards, even though the bearing itself was soldered in the chassis! As I'd used MJT detailed hornblocks (in case, prophetically, I needed to take the chassis apart!) I've taken the bearings out and replaced them - I've now got to put the wheels back in and get it running sweetly. As well as swearing at the J17, I've been working on the E4 that I've been building and have started building the tender. The loco itself runs sweetly enough but there's quite a bit of detailing work to do - I will take some pictures of that and post them in the next entry to this blog. I've also started putting transfers on the Thompson 6W PBV - I've tried both HMRS Pressfix transfers and Fox - I personally prefer Fox as they work so much better for me. The instructions say to put a drop of washing up liquid in warm water - having done that, the transfers are very easy to get off the backing sheet and slide in to place. Again, I'll take some pictures shortly and post them here. The last thing I've been working on is a Gresley 51ft non-corridor pigeon brake van. This is an Ian Kirk kit that I've had in the store for some time. I've used MJT compensated bogies and I've added one of their turnbuckle underframes. I've also used some of their etchings to add door steps in the solebars and the guard's ducket to one side (No, I don't know why they only put the ducket on one side - if someone can elucidate, I'd love to hear your theory), while I used Dave Franks (Lanarkshire Model Supplies) buffers and vac pipes - they're very good quality and I'll definitely be using them again. The model is now built (finished last night) and ready for the paint shop - again I will take some pictures and post them here shortly. I'm really pleased to say that I'm thoroughly enjoying my modelling at the moment, so there should hopefully be another update to the blog shortly. Happy modelling! Phil

I understand the problems of chemicals, low flash points etc., but there are several people on this thread who have built these things and used them over an extensive period of time, and they're still writing to tell us about their success, so I guess they're still alive and haven't blown themselves up. It seems to me that a lot of people forget to differentiate between domestic and professional use. In IT, which is the world I operate in, I get to talk to so many people who buy a computer, plug the bits in, power it on and connect it to the internet, so they think they know about IT. What they don't realise is that behind the scenes in a commercial environment you have to deal with firewalls, DHCP and DNS servers, VLANs, switches, hubs, routers, IP addressing, MAC addresses, packets etc., and when the "IT savvy" people are presented with these areas of expertise, they start to realise that in reality they know very little about IT. In the same way, if I was setting up a professional spraying company, would I be prepared to take a chance with a domestic filtration unit? No, but for light use that I'm going to put the unit to, I'm prepared to take the chance, while at the same time being aware that it may not be suitable for use if something happened and I needed to turn to spraying as a profession. To paraphrase Angrymeerkat, "you're not safe walking across a field in Ukraine because a plane might fall out of the sky" (Apologies if this seems in-sensitive, it's just trying to show that the worst can happen, but in reality, what are the chances?) Phil PS - I'm the H&S person at work, and I don't poo-poo them, I just treat the zealous ones as people to steer clear of because they make life difficult for no reason.

It seems the other way round, B&Q http://www.diy.com/nav/fix/plumbing-central-heating/ventilation-air-treatment/extractor_fans___kits/-specificproducttype-extractor_fan_kits/Manrose-100mm-Basic-Inline-ShowerFan-Kit-11478349?skuId=11989056 costs £24.98 and Screwfix £26.99. Also, the Screwfix unit say's it has a timer whereas the B&Q one doesn't. Phil

Thanks Ian - that's another one in the eye for the H&S mob!!!!!!!!! Phil

Ian Out of interest, how long have you been using your unit, what paints do you spray through it and how often do you use it? I reckon that if you are using yours extensively as you say, you're spraying enamels through it and you still haven't blown your house up, it must be a relatively safe unit and counters the arguments of the naysayers who belittle these units. Thanks Phil

Looking at the B&Q site, the manufacturer of the unit is Manrose. I did a quick Google search - they're based in Slough so I 'phoned them up. All their fans are IP44 rated. When I asked if the motor in the B&Q unit would be an induction motor, the reply was "No, it's just an ordinary axial motor". Surely every motor of any kind is axial as it goes round, or am I missing something? Because of that, I decided to give up asking technical questions of the technical department! I then decided to use Google again to find out what an axial motor is, and I found this link. To my mind, this means an axial motor is brushless and therefore highly unlikely to spark. However, that's a guess - anyone want to shoot my theory down in flames? Please feel free to do so - I'm willing to learn! After I'd been told about the IP44 rating I decided to try and find out what it means. From this link the first figure of the IP44 rating means that the fan is protected against most screws and wires of less than 1mm diameter. The second figure means that water splashing against the enclosure from any direction shall have no harmful effect on the fan. I explained that there is some discussion on a modelling forum about the use of the extractor kit for a spray booth, and the immediate response was that they're not suitable, but surely that would be the natural response if the unit is being used for a purpose for which it wasn't designed. However, to my mind, the unit must be suitable, as I really wouldn't like the idea of having a motor to which water could get access - even though it's a long time since I did 'O' level physics, I do seem to recall that water and electricity aren't natural bed fellows! Phil