shortliner

Somewhere in Ireland a teacher asks her class: "Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend? " Young Paddy raises his hand and says, "Trudy Glenn Miss”. "No Paddy ," says the teacher. "The answer is Maid Marion ". “But Miss, what about that song we used to sing: . . . . . . . . . ‘Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glenn’”. You’re singing this as you read it aren’t you ???

Remember they are a bit on the short side.

You look to have your motor-cycle handlebars on back to front - the brake/clutch levers should be on the front!

Ian ( Roundhouse) and Ray (Long Island Jack) - I was going to say that I really shouldn't encourage you ( but then neither of you needs encouragement ) - Have you come across these - found on Farcebook Beers in UK from around the world http://www.beerhawk.co.uk/

Ray - cross posted to Big Blue for you Best Jack

There is an echo in here- so sorry for you both!

A letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland ) Dear Mum & Dad, I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the station - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody horses to get in, no calves to feed, no troughs to clean - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or goanna stew like wot Mum makes You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the bullock paddock!! This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody dingo's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of p...!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload! Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer. I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is. Your loving daughter, Susan

Debs - great to see you back, and apparently in full working order - we've been needing someone to keep the rabble crowd motley crew in order

I don't know but they still taste like what the Izal was supposed to be used to remove !

It was also known as "Forces Air Mail Paper" for letters from overseas - you haven't lived till you've read a joined up 23 page letter from a mate or loved one.

For Ian (OD) we discussed IPhone 5 speakers in an earlier post - this may interest you - found on Farcebook 1st is standard speaker - 2nd is Iphone5 speaker

But you gotta get the "Very Large" size eggs and do them either boiled or poached - yummie-yum-yum!

A quick look on Ebay.co.uk for Iphone5 internal speakers lists them from about £1.89 upwards with free postage, even!

Ian, A looky on the Model Railroad Hobbyist site will garner you info about adapting/fitting IPhone5 speakers, which are available on Ebay for very cheap, and are alleged to be the beezneez for sound. There are around 8 pages here http://model-railroad-hobbyist.com/node/15636

Last Friday mid-afternoon, I posted a large package containing magazines to an address in California USA. I used the cheapest method, and the lass warned me it could take 6 weeks . Last night I had an email saying thank you for the magazines, which arrived yesterday - I'm astounded!

That deer is obviously Narrow Gauge

Without a doubt, the BEST mash-up EVER! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0tE6T-ecmg Not intended as a political post - merely very cleverly made - however if the Mods think it is too offensive - please remove it, I will understand.

Fine for those who live in towns and cities - but If I went from home to Inverness in one, the current battery technology wouldn't allow me to get home again before it was flat - The idea sounds great but, like much of the current wooly thinking of those in charge of the Nation, simply hasn't been thought through to its logical conclusion. And a 300 mile range - that sounds suspiciously like they have employed the VW people who worked out their fuel consumption figures!

I'm at the other end of the UK, in Jock's homeland, so we never met - but his fighting spirit, enthusiasm, encouragement, and kindness to others with problems less severe than his, should be an example to us all. Smooth rails and a comfortable ride, Mate. Oh bu99er! my eyes have just started raining!

I have found (from experience) that, if you go and explain what the situation is, MOST people are very, very understanding, and willing to accommodate short-notice changes and days off when needed - the ones they usually won't do it for are those who have "worked it" in the past

North of Inverness we have The Glen Ord distillery but I'm not sure if they still do tours, the Dalwhinnie at Alness, and the Glen Morangie at Tain . On the Black Isle just north of Inverness there is the Black Isle Brewery - with some good beers and out to the east is the Whiskey Trail with a whole slew of distilleries to keep people happy - I suspect it will involve a "designated driver" to be available though.

Noting the apparent lack of turnout at the polling stations - I wonder if there are far more doing as we do, and having a postal vote - so much more convenient. Shame we can't have flu jabs the same way!

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde started laughing. This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield. This time the blonde laughed even harder. Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car. The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny. The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!” A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and with a screaming voice said, “I have a complaint!” “How can i help you?” said the librarian looking up at her. “I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!” Puzzled by her complain the librarian asked “What was wrong with it?” “It had way too many characters and there was no plot!” said the blonde. The librarian nodded and said, “Ahhh. So YOU must be the person who took our phone book." “I got a compliment on my driving today,” said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield it said “parking fine”. A man in a pub asks for a beer. The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar." "One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?" "Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars." "Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"." The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day How do you get an old lady to swear? Get the old lady sitting next to her to shout bingo! Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 75 years old, how do you honestly feel?'' ''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just peed myself.''

sixoh8sixoh said " I promised an update at a later date. Went up to the Highlands with 5 Bulgarians (all living in London) and the Romanian GF on Saturday - we stayed overnight near Drumnadrochit. Did a tour including fish and chips at the Allanwater Café (Bridge of Allan), Doune Castle, Falls of Dochart at Killin, Glencoe, Aonach Mor (via Scotland's only gondola), Glenfinnan (missing Neil by a day!) Fort Augustus, Urquhart Castle, Inverness, Dalwhinnie Distillery, Blair Castle, Dunkeld, Queensferry to view the Bridges and back to Edinburgh." Yesterday we had a total shutdown of TalkTalk broadband in Northern Scotland or I'd have suggested some other Uisge Beatha. maltsters to visit - it died about 1030 and resurfaced sometime after mid-night