Tangoman69

Just bought Cluedo: Swingers Edition. Turns out they all did it In every room.

I just found a half frozen tiny bird as I walked home, so I put it in my pocket to give it a chance of survival . When I showed the wife, she told me how much she loved me for being so kind and sensitive, so I thought I'd try for a kiss & a cuddle, as she was in a good mood !! She said "Please, not in front of the chilled wren".

It’s what the government wants, and it keeps me in a role for a while longer!

Been very slow progress over the past 10 months, dabbling here & there when I can. Still need to continue with the detailing around the palisade fencing and weathering of the track before starting on my car park extension.

Jools, it sounds like you’ve been truly through the ringer mate, you’ve not had the best last 3 years. But the project above looks like it should be tackleable (if that’s a word!) in small steps. Remember, we re not all Alan Downes, James Makin to name a few great modellers, it’s a hobby that we do at our own pace. Sometimes I have an absolute cracking period where I get loads done, then nothing for months. Stick with it and all the best with your conditions.

Four old retired guys are walking down a street in London. They turn a corner and see a sign that says. "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10p." They look at each other and then go in, thinking, this is too good to be true: Graeme, the old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room. "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?" There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced martinis-shaken, not stirred and says. "That'll be 10p each, please." The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40p, finish their martinis and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with the bartender again saying. "That's 40p, please." They pay the 40p, but their curiosity gets the better of them. They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a £1 yet. Finally one of them says. "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a 10p a piece?" "I'm a retired tailor." The bartender says. "And I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery Jackpot for £25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs 10p wine, liquor, beer-it's all the same." "Wow! That's some story!" One of the men says. As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there. Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender. "What's with them?" The bartender says. "They're retired people from Yorkshire. They're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price."

An airline captain was teaching a very pretty new blonde stewardess the do’s and dont’s of her trade. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. “ You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here, "she cried," one is the bathroom, one is the closet and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

An elderly woman was preparing her will and she sought help from her close friend. She told her that she had two final requests: Firstly, she wanted to be cremated and secondly, she wanted her ashes scattered over the Carpark of her nearest Aldi Store. Her Friend found that her second request was highly unusual and she asked her "Why Aldi?" She replied. "Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."

Where do these people hide when they're not on holiday? The Beach was too sandy THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 1. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 2. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax." 3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish." 4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price." 5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room." 6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow." 7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned." 8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared." 9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers." 10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun." 12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair." 13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller." 14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service." 15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners." 16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning." 17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes." 19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked." BE AWARE ... THEY WALK AMONG US and THEY VOTE!

OMG you must spell check first !!!! Just one little spelling mistake Let me tell you friends, that one simple spelling mistake--even a typo--can make your life hell. I recently penned a short, romantic note to my wife while I was away on a fishing trip, and I missed one small "e". No problem you might say. Not so. This tiny error has caused me to seek Police protection to enter my own house. I wrote, "Hi darling, I'm enjoying and experiencing the best time of my whole life, and I wish you were her!"