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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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46 minutes ago, CameronL said:

My wife is taking a real interest in my trains.

 

She's put together a spreadsheet that catalogues all my stock, with columns for engine/coach/wagon, manufacturer, RTR/kit/scratch, age.

 

She's been so thorough. It even has a column with everything's value on eBay.

 

If I were you I would start doing my own cooking and make my own drinks.:)

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9 minutes ago, CameronL said:

You may be right. Last night she seemed very miffed when I didn't want my mushrooms.

Hi,

 

Her name isn't Agrippina by any chance?.

 

Regards

 

Nick (fan of I Clavdivs).

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50 minutes ago, CameronL said:

You may be right. Last night she seemed very miffed when I didn't want my mushrooms.

 

 

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A wealthy widow marrying for the fourth time was asked about the unfortunate demise of her previous husbands. "Well," she said, tears in her eyes, "my first husband died after eating a plate of mushrooms." "How awful. What about your second husband?" "Oh," says she, sobbing into her handkerchief, "He died of mushroom poisoning too." "How tragic! What an appalling coincidence. How did your third husband die?" "He was hit on the head by a skillet." She was weeping uncontrollably by now. "No, how did that happen?" "He wouldn't eat his poisoned mushrooms!"

Edited by Compound2632
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8 hours ago, CameronL said:

My wife is taking a real interest in my trains.

She's put together a spreadsheet that catalogues all my stock, with columns for engine/coach/wagon, manufacturer, RTR/kit/scratch, age.

She's been so thorough. It even has a column with everything's value on eBay.

 

Be afraid (be very afraid) when an extra column appears on the spreadsheet. Which says how much each item sold for. :o

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Two old friends caught up for lunch. Jake and Oliver hadn't seen each other for over twenty years. "How have you been?" Oliver asked.

"I've been good," Jake said, ordering from the menu "I'm married with two great kids. Work is a bit dull but it pays the bills. How about you, how have you been?

" Oliver puffed up his chest in pride "Well, I've been great! I've spent the last twenty years living the dream. Moved out from living with my parents early. I was lucky to be in a privileged position that I didn't need to find work. I've spent most of my time with hobbies like reading and going to the gym. Money hasn't been too much of an issue for me either. And the action! I wasn't much of a player when I was younger.

" Jake couldn't help but listen and feel a bit envious about Oliver living the good life for the past 20 years. The two friends parted after lunch. Later that night Jake was having dinner with his family when the phone rang. "Excuse me, is this Jake?" a voice asked. "Yes it is, how can I help you?" Jake replied.

"I'm trying to track down Oliver. You're listed as one of his contacts" the voice continued. "Okay"... Jake asked confused "Can I ask who this is?"

"This is Oliver's parole officer."

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