Tim Dubya

Arsenic in the sausages is not recommended

It's ok CK. Will be driving Maid Marion into work on Monday, so will compact his lunchbox!

I trust that he enjoys the attention that you provide

Daft bu**er....hope it wasn't an Eagle?

Even an eagle wouldn't have had sharper claws !

A seagull did that to me. I then asked the misses for a tissue - "Why?" she asked, "It will be miles away by now!"

Just disappeared down the plughole...

It's a gert big train, not a gurt big train.

It was a big'un whatever it was...

Rose tinted glasses !

SLW class24 - I Choo choo choose you!

Queen of the North

What's ya post code I'm coming over !

As in cumin… oh, never mind…

Not just in my garden, there's also some Great Tits in next doors...

My eyesight has got so bad that I initially read the post as "Has anybody seen my career?"

that's not too far off the truth today

I think I'll ring the bell and get off before you show me your atom bomb.

so.... if I give up looking for them they might appear, dependent on the correct digits entered in the right order by someone who knows them.

or I could just wrap some sandpaper around a small block of wood.... where would be the fun in that?

A feather duster is not going to be of much use in this scenario.

ah, but for the tidying up...

Did you hear the Greater Spotted Hogs Pudd sing?

Just add chips !

Hogg-a-log!

Oxwellmains.

Partridge

Sheep farming referee

Informative/Useful

Doctors: a soap opera for pond dwellers who don’t have any gossip of their own.

You rang...

Very tempting and five of your five-a-day!

Sorry to hear about the back.

I think I might have heard something about some guy prescribing liberal applications of the "Old Glen Mc Sozzle" (I'm not sure about the name).

Other "5-a-day" options are also available - based on pears - barley - and grapes.

Decisions ... decisions ... .

Thanks.

These are similar in some respects to my appeal for hangover cures from yesterday - could there be a connection?

Tattoo Removal?

We'll see, but as it has the ability to destroy itself, it can probably remove most things from where they're stuck!

I peeled off the "Do Not Use On Vehicles" sticker, it's probably what turbocharged it?

Paint stripper

No but ebay has come up with the goods - still waiting for the "active sales operation" to get its a**e in gear and crack on with my order from 20 months ago!

You'll have to wash 'em thoroughly before you paint 'em, then.

No use waiting for the sales one to arrive matey.

Glad someone's given it a good home!

Is it the nice blue one, by the way?

she is indeed no:88 in the blue.

That my friend, is a superb use of the English language!

Thank you

Mrs has just got in and the words "in", "fit" and "state" have been mentioned.. bye.

I had two of 'em on me this morning, one taking some out the other putting some in, getting my money's worth before it all goes up the swanny.

Graeme, always keep it clean mate

Lets just hope they've got the mixture right this year.....

so far so good, I'll have a gin just in case

Perhaps she was thinking of "Health and Efficiency". Did she wink at you?

Just means it was over and done with rather quickly... ...are you sure it was a compliment?

I'm always quick

You'll end up with egg on ya face !

You shouldn't have been playing that snog, marry or avoid game on them!

In all fairness I could only comment on Holland & Barrett porkless pies...

Oo-er. The effect of the Horlicks must not have worn off yet. The More I look at the top of that Porkless Pie, the more I see the face of a bl**dy great lion licking its lips and staring back at me.

bloody hell, you right there. Who'd have thought - a vegan lion!

I had a P then B4 I knew it I'd parted with some more of my readies. (Merry Christmas Dubya, I say).

I'll have a vowel...

'You live a boring existence, pah'.

So do woodworms .... Parp!

I saw it twice today! (one of the advantages of having a desk that overlooks Reading station!)