CameronL

There is...

I wonder how they got it out... Difficult lie like that, my club of choice would be a pitching wedge.

Swords of a Thousand Men - Tenpole Tudor

An elderly couple went to the doctor, complaining that their sex life wasn't what it used to be. After sending them for various tests, the doctor met them again to explain the results. "There's nothing really wrong with either of you," he explained. "It's just that your husband is a bit old for much of a sex life. But don't despair! We're involved in the trial of a new drug to aid male sexual performance. If you're willing to sign up to the trial, you can see how it works for you." The couple agreed and signed the forms. The doctor gave them a bottle with one large blue pill in it. "Take it with food," he said. "And please come back to let me know how it worked." Several days passed and the couple were back to see the doctor again. "How did it go?" he asked. "Fantastic!" the wife replied. "As soon as he took it, he was like a wild animal! He swept all the dinner things off the dining table, threw me onto it and made such passionate love to me that the table broke." "It isn't supposed to produce such a strong reaction," the doctor replied. "Sorry about the damage. I'm sure that the manufacturer will pay for replacements." "It's OK," the lady said with a smile. "We won't be going to that restaurant again."

The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades - Timbuk 3

Some things don't improve with repetition. If you look at the amount of effort dung beetles put in to be satisfied, fulfilled little bugs at the end of it all they still spend all their time pushing balls of cr*p about. (Is there a metaphor there?)

Milnthorpe, Cumbria. Near to the only set of traffic lights in the village. Bear in mind you have to have enough hair to leave a mullet once it's been cut, so there might be a problem if you're not like this to start with...

What's the manta with that? Do you think we need to ray-z the tone above excruciating fish puns? Don't skate around the subject.

And gags like that are whelk-ome too. That Rich, eel mussel in on any chances.

SWMBO: "It must be a hairdresser's." Me: "Or a fishmonger. "

On a short break with SWMBO in the Lake District, and visited the South Lakes Safari Zoo. They have a rhino there with a head at each end...

Matthew 18:20. And Jesus said: "For where two or three are gathered together in my railway room, I am there among them, AND I'M DRIVING."

One here from The Defence Journal. It had me believing it for a minute.

The problem is, that's quite believable, which is what makes it a good spoof. If it was really implausible no one would fall for it. Like a merger of the EM Gauge Society with the Scalefour Society, for instance.

What's the palaeontological equivalent of a rivet counter? They exist in all walks of life.

That's evolution in action. If he managed to get it started it would certainly prevent him passing his genes on to the next generation.

I fell asleep with my eyes wide open watching the England vs Brazil football match last night, but I did notice that out of the Brazil squad, eight players had a single name ending in -o (Danilo, Beraldo etc). This habit seems to go back as far as I can remember Brazil in football (back to Rivellino and Jairzinho in the 60s). It made me wonder if users of this parish could adopt usernames ending in -o for a little bit of Brazilian cool. So, you could show your love of a particular one of the Big Four - Elemesso, Eleniaro, Essaro or GeeDubwaro. Or if your modelling preference was before 1923 you could be Pregroupinho, Emarro, Aycharo, or even Elbyesseearo. You could make reference to your scale of preference: Aycho, Scaylo or Gaijnarro. You could even salute your favourite engines: Paniero, Jinteo, Foremtio or Ayteffo. (Maybe fans of Class 37s or 08s might balk at Tractorro or Gronko). It just occurred to me that this is far from a new idea. In fact, Hornby did it in 1938 (Dublo), Best wishes all Cam (Brazilian name: Notymorcasho)

Let's see anybody pick the salad out of that one. The real challenge would be to wrap it in greaseproof paper "To Go".

Your layout is set in China! I doubt that many of The Elucidated Brethren of the Counted Rivet will be informed enough to take you to task over your choice of locos. Indulge yourself.

You think you had problems? Imagine what my last bike ride was like.

In spite of tight security, the team bus for Manchester City's trip to the match with Liverpool this afternoon has been revealed....

To reference another Blur song, might it end in the Death of a Party?

And also The Castilian off the North Coast of Anglesey. I knew someone who dived it in the early 80s, before the exclusion zone was set up. He came up with a shell, and reasoned that the propellant would have lost its bang and so only the percussion cap would still be live. So, he thought the best way to make it safe was to half bury it point down in his garden and throw rocks at it until he set the cap off. Fortunately a neighbour spotted this and called 999. The police turned up with a bomb disposal unit from RAF Valley. His first name was Ivor, so of course he was known as "Ivor the Diver". After this the nickname became "Ivor the Survivor".