CameronL

What's the palaeontological equivalent of a rivet counter? They exist in all walks of life.

That's evolution in action. If he managed to get it started it would certainly prevent him passing his genes on to the next generation.

I fell asleep with my eyes wide open watching the England vs Brazil football match last night, but I did notice that out of the Brazil squad, eight players had a single name ending in -o (Danilo, Beraldo etc). This habit seems to go back as far as I can remember Brazil in football (back to Rivellino and Jairzinho in the 60s). It made me wonder if users of this parish could adopt usernames ending in -o for a little bit of Brazilian cool. So, you could show your love of a particular one of the Big Four - Elemesso, Eleniaro, Essaro or GeeDubwaro. Or if your modelling preference was before 1923 you could be Pregroupinho, Emarro, Aycharo, or even Elbyesseearo. You could make reference to your scale of preference: Aycho, Scaylo or Gaijnarro. You could even salute your favourite engines: Paniero, Jinteo, Foremtio or Ayteffo. (Maybe fans of Class 37s or 08s might balk at Tractorro or Gronko). It just occurred to me that this is far from a new idea. In fact, Hornby did it in 1938 (Dublo), Best wishes all Cam (Brazilian name: Notymorcasho)

Let's see anybody pick the salad out of that one. The real challenge would be to wrap it in greaseproof paper "To Go".

Your layout is set in China! I doubt that many of The Elucidated Brethren of the Counted Rivet will be informed enough to take you to task over your choice of locos. Indulge yourself.

You think you had problems? Imagine what my last bike ride was like.

In spite of tight security, the team bus for Manchester City's trip to the match with Liverpool this afternoon has been revealed....

To reference another Blur song, might it end in the Death of a Party?

And also The Castilian off the North Coast of Anglesey. I knew someone who dived it in the early 80s, before the exclusion zone was set up. He came up with a shell, and reasoned that the propellant would have lost its bang and so only the percussion cap would still be live. So, he thought the best way to make it safe was to half bury it point down in his garden and throw rocks at it until he set the cap off. Fortunately a neighbour spotted this and called 999. The police turned up with a bomb disposal unit from RAF Valley. His first name was Ivor, so of course he was known as "Ivor the Diver". After this the nickname became "Ivor the Survivor".

You'll Never Work In Dis Bidness Again - Jimmy Buffett

A man in a bar spotted a beautiful woman sitting on her own. She had a notebook in front of her and was watching the other drinkers and occasionally making notes. He plucked up his courage and asked if he could buy her a drink. She accepted and, drinks bought, he joined her at her table. The conversation turned to why she was making notes and she said that she was observing the couples and the people who obviously wanted to be. He asked why, and she replied that she was a psychologist specialising in the psychology of sex. "Do you know a lot about sex then?" he asked. "Loads," she replied. "I could tell you all sorts." "Like what?" he enquired. "Well, I'll tell the best two races for good sex in the world - the Irish and the Native Americans. Oh, by the way.... you never mentioned your name. What is it?" "Geronimo Murphy."

I told SWMBO that, rather than regret her mistakes, she should embrace them. She gave me a hug.

I don't know, but the name sounds like what they caught from doing it

A couple of 37s pushing a snow plough might move the wrong kind of cat, particularly if they came in at high speed from the right of the picture.

That's death by natural causes in Russia these days.

What engines pull the cheese trains on Indian railways? Paneer tanks.

An old one, but a goodie... Two Scotsmen, Wullie and Tam, decided to go and see Scotland play Italy in Rome. As they'd never seen the city, they decided to fly over a couple of days early and play the tourist before the match. So, they arrived in Rome, checked in, and went off to see the sights. Their first stop was the Vatican. They were very impressed with the place, especially when the Pope appeared on a balcony and waved to the crowd. Anyway, after a day's sightseeing, Tam said to Wullie: "See me, Wullie, Ah'm drooth. Let's go and hae a swally." (I'm thirsty, let's go for a drink." "Right enough," replied Wullie. "Let's find oorsels a wee bar." So, they found a bar, and Tam walked up to the barman and said: "Howzit gaun, China? Can we have twa pints o' heavy, please?" The barman looked puzzled. "I'm sorry," he replied. "I not know whatta de Heavy is." "Ye dinna ken whit Heavy is?" replied Tam. "Whit kind o' bar is this? Heavy is beer." The barman's face brightened. "Ohhhh. We have da beer," he replied. "We have da Peroni and da Moretti and..." "Haud on a minute, pal," said Tam. "Yoor bum's oot the windae if you think Ah'm drinkin' thon pish. We want some proper beer." "Sorry, is all we have," the barman replied, looking increasingly worried. Wullie could see that Tam was about to lose his temper, so he said: "Hang on a minute. We only got tae Rome today. We dinna ken whit goes on in this toon. Tell ye whit, we went and saw ra Vatican today. Nice we hoose yer Pope's got there. He even cam oot on ra balcony and waved at us, so he did. Nice wee man, yer Pope. Whit does he have when he wants a swally?" The barman looked relieved. "Oh, he drinks the creme de menthe," he replied. "Gie us twa pints o' that, then," Wullie said. The barman, just wanting to keep these two Scots lunatics happy, served them as requested. A little confusion over exchange rates and the ease of contactless payment meant that neither realised what they were actually paying for their drinks. So, Wullie and Tam spent the evening drinking pints of creme de menthe. Next morning they slowly woke up in their hotel room. "Tam?" Wullie groaned. "Hoo are you this mornin'?" "Weel, ma heid's bangin'" Tam replied. "And ma mooth tastes like a wee furry beastie crawled in it and died - aboot a fortnight ago." "Mine too," said Wullie. "And ah feel like ah'm wearin' a balaclava." "Whit's so bad aboot wearin' a balaclava?" Tam asked. "This wan's inside ma skull. De ye really think that creme de menthe stuff is whit the Pope drinks?" "That's whit yer barman said," replied Tam. "Oh," Wullie said. "Well, it's nae wonder they carry him roond in a chair."

Some pictures of the Great Orme goats. First, where they should be on the Orme - And then where they shouldn't be, on Gloddaeth Street in Llandudno.

I used to know a man, very senior in the IT industry, who practised Corporate Origami. Make him CEO of a company and he could fold it easily.

Then maybe The Lotus Position isn't just for people who do yoga...

A friend of mine has an old MG sports car, but he's thinking about swapping it for something more practical, as his wife, who's 8 months pregnant, has difficulty getting in and out of it. He said to me: "I can't think of anything more difficult than getting a pregnant woman in an MG." I replied: "Getting a woman pregnant in an MG."

I just phoned a model railway helpline and said: "Can you help me, please? I'm a rubbish modeller. I'm trying to build a layout and I keep dropping track all over the place." The man on the other end said: "Can you hold the line?" I said: "No. That's the problem."

SWMBO just SCREAMED at me: "You NEVER listen to anything I say!" I replied: "That's a strange way to start a conversation."

My doctor told me I could stand to lose some weight. I hadn't realised it was that easy.