Modelling mojo and state of mind

[tomparryharry]

Hi folks,

 

I did intend to answer your post, but it ended up as a two page rant. Many apologies to all, and normal service will be resumed after this cup of tea!

 

Thanks,

 

Ian.

Edited March 29, 2018 by tomparryharry

[greatcoleswoodhalt]

I am slowly but surely emerging from the depression which has gripped me (on and off and to a greater or less extent) for more than a decade. I am now contemplating coming off ADs altogether, having already reduced to the minimum dose. There have been no ill effects, if anything the contrary. It is a slow process but I find my focus - for want of a better word - is returning, and I even have patience for such tedious tasks as ballasting. Is there a more tedious task?

 

The point of the post is to say that tunnels do eventually end, no matter how long and dark they are. Although I shall be on guard for the rest of my life, at least I know now what the enemy looks like and how best to react.

 

I find my depression a really difficult subject to discuss, so I’m grateful to have just found this thread (and your post).

 

Around two years ago (in my late 20’s) I began to struggle with sleep which was the precursor to anxiety and depression.  I returned to the hobby as an outlet, a distraction from life ultimately, and it has undoubtedly helped.

 

Restricted by space and inspired by the contained City Goods, work on Great Coles Wood Halt began.  Despite having every intention to work on the layout myself I found it hard to justify purchasing the necessary tools which I knew would be used just once on a tiny project.  Self-diagnosed OCD meant my first ‘proper’ layout would never be the quality I wanted, hence commissioning Mr Chris Nevard.  I subsequently created greatcoleswoodhalt.com and started a blog – something to focus on of an evening away from work, etc – it really doesn’t matter if it doesn’t get read, I just enjoy taking photos and producing something with the focus/research.

 

The low days are what they are, and despite being fortunate enough to be in a supportive environment, I know the hobby is there when I need it.

[tomparryharry]

Keep going John.

 

I hit, and continue to hit the depression moments. Reading posts on here have helped me enormously, and also provide the 'vital spark' when I see excellent work by a fellow poster/reader.

 

Ian.

[Tricky]

I love reading from you guys how our hobby is helping relieve stress. Some of you may recall me writing about my nervous breakdown (now exactly a year ago), and how getting on this forum helped tremendously and was a huge encouragement to me to spur me on. In this last year I have achieved far more than the countless years prior to that of modelling. I have also completed quite a few major DIY projects besides. I have also written for and contributed to MRJ, and entered the Cameo Competition - some things I can honestly hand on heart say a year ago was a million miles away from being possible or even anywhere near my horizon as I thought I wasn't good enough or no-one would be interested. How have I managed all this? I often ask myself the same question - and the answer is complex - but top of the list is my Christian faith and reliance on God. I appreciate this is not the place to vent my views on faith etc but I can't let it go unsaid as it's that important to me. That aside, since my breakdown, I don't have to pretend with people about who I am, I don't have to hide my love of model railways, and I can be who I am without having to force a 'face' that isn't really me. Friends, family, work colleagues all saw me at my most vulnerable and raw, and I had not a jot of embarrassment or shame about it and still don't. Most fellow human beings respond to that kind of vulnerability positively and no-one to my knowledge has judged me or put me down, or thinks less of me. Quite the opposite in fact. It even comes down to what colour socks I wear to work. Before I only would wear black, now I wear all the colours, spots, stripes that I have! It's because I'm not embarrassed about my own self image any more. I have a completely new normal.

I still struggle now and then but am learning to deal with it without pressing things down. I have also come to believe that anything is possible that you set your mind to. I don't very often say 'can't'; or if I do, it's 'can't yet'. Please.please be encouraged. Life is very short and no-one should have to live in fear. Learn to love yourself and a lot of other things become a lot easier.

[Poggy1165]

Looking at the world, I sometimes think there's something very wrong with people who aren't depressed.

 

The trouble is, it's a lonely battle. If you're lucky, you might find a very few people who understand and are sympathetic. But the great bulk of the population simply don't understand and, frankly, don't care. These are the sort who think you can "snap out of it".

 

My analogy is with flu. Before I first had a real dose of flu, I thought flu was a bad cold. Then I spent one week of Christmas in bed, barely able to stagger to the khazi or let the dogs out. That was flu! And it's on a different level to a cold, almost a different dimension. So with depression. Everyone on the planet feels low at times; but that isn't depression. Depression is another world.

[Tricky]

Agreed, most people simply don’t understand, neither can they. And there are a multitude of different illnesses under the heading of ‘mental’. I’m not letting it define me though. I won’t be on ADs for ever.

[rob D2]

I’m amazed by the number of people suffering from depression here, but also encouraged that modelling gives you some respite from it.

 

Keep fighting.

[Northmoor]

My analogy is with flu. Before I first had a real dose of flu, I thought flu was a bad cold. Then I spent one week of Christmas in bed, barely able to stagger to the khazi or let the dogs out. That was flu! And it's on a different level to a cold, almost a different dimension. So with depression. Everyone on the planet feels low at times; but that isn't depression. Depression is another world.

You have my sympathy and probably from most of us on RMWeb.  I have suffered from stress; it was self-diagnosed, but my employer had a an Intranet page listing 12 typical symptoms and I'd had 9 in the previous year....... Fortunately I realised what was happening - and some of the contributory factors went away - before it became a proper breakdown.  

 

Totally agree about you description of depression.  I've fortunately never had it but do know that it is unlike anything else.  There are a lot of conditions which Joe Public use as throwaway terms, such as, "Oh I've got a migraine".  No they've got a headache, otherwise they'd probably be unable to keep their balance or see properly.  Again, I've never had a migraine but I know people who have and they can be absolutely debilitating.

[great central]

Well after my rather downbeat couple of posts something a bit more positive to share if I may?

On Tuesday at the club I started work on the repairs and refurbishment of our Carstairs layout along with several other members. Actually they started last week but I didn't get there til later on.

First job was to remove a bridge and try to sort out the points immediately below, something we'd never quite managed due to the bridge being a permanent fixture. Tested as much as possible by whizzing a coach over it I moved onto modifying the end where the replacement fiddle yard will connect up.

First job next week is to rebuild the bridge over Strawfrank Junction but this time keeping it removable.

Last night at home with the wife out for the evening I dug out a dormant project to improve a Lima class 87. The first issue is a better pantograph, I've adapted a Hornby high speed one, not overly accurate I know but given the lack of much else it'll have to do.

Felt quite pleased with myself that I'd actually sat down and done something so all being well a bit more later today.

[The Johnster]

You have my sympathy and probably from most of us on RMWeb.  I have suffered from stress; it was self-diagnosed, but my employer had a an Intranet page listing 12 typical symptoms and I'd had 9 in the previous year....... Fortunately I realised what was happening - and some of the contributory factors went away - before it became a proper breakdown.  

 

Totally agree about you description of depression.  I've fortunately never had it but do know that it is unlike anything else.  There are a lot of conditions which Joe Public use as throwaway terms, such as, "Oh I've got a migraine".  No they've got a headache, otherwise they'd probably be unable to keep their balance or see properly.  Again, I've never had a migraine but I know people who have and they can be absolutely debilitating.

 

I do not like the word 'depression' for this illness; people who have never suffered or encountered it's absolutely debilitating physical and mental symptoms are liable to assume that it is just an extended version of what they feel when they are a bit fed up.  It's older description, which my mother suffered with for most her life, 'suffering with one's nerves' was no better.  That said, I cannot provide a suitable name for it either.

[Lady_Ava_Hay]

 

 

 

 Good luck with it and welcome to the madness; let us know how you are getting on!

 

Not too bad! Main baseboard made, most of the track laid including six points. Currently cutting out a bit of sea on a dockside plus a drainage trench. Measuring 64 times and cutting once; I am determined not to make any unsalvageable mistakes which will destroy my reason to carry on and waste all that has been done.

 

Only one lesson so far learned to pass on. Don't use Gorilla glue; it seems to foam and cause unsightly glue mess which is then difficult to remove/disguise. 

 

I must admit that progress can sometimes be glacial. This is mainly due to my health than loss of mojo. 

[The Johnster]

Agree about Gorilla, but it's fine and very effective where it can't be seen!

 

If you've made that amount of progress in just around a month and a bit, I'd say that's not glacial at all, and quite reasonable for someone measuring 64 times before cutting.  The actual speed of progress can be as slow as tectonic plate movements, so long as it is progress and continual; it is when loss of mojo leads to a complete standstill that motivation loss comes into play.  Your approach is a good one, steady, measured (literally!), careful, and methodical, and should give you a satisfying model at the end of the day however long the day is.  It is much better than going in all guns blazing, getting it wrong, and losing interest as a result.  

 

Sorry to hear that health issues have interfered with the modelling, but it sounds to me as though your mojo is in good health!  Thanks for the update; looking forward to hearing more in time!

[96701]

I think I've given myself too many things to do. Nett result is that I have done nothing for months. I could do with a fellow modeller to come round occasionally to give me a hand........

[tomparryharry]

I think I've given myself too many things to do. Nett result is that I have done nothing for months. I could do with a fellow modeller to come round occasionally to give me a hand........

 

 

Sometimes that is the very answer. Having someone around to occasionally visit , and 'bounce' off ideas & topics is a brilliant idea.

 

One wonders if there is something that can be achieved by having other people visiting, a sort of 'area group' meeting, or just a running session might be the very good idea. One week here, one week there, sort of thing.

 

At least, for me, anyway.

 

Cheers,

 

Ian.

[sb67]

I think I've given myself too many things to do. Nett result is that I have done nothing for months. I could do with a fellow modeller to come round occasionally to give me a hand........

 

 

Sometimes that is the very answer. Having someone around to occasionally visit , and 'bounce' off ideas & topics is a brilliant idea.

 

One wonders if there is something that can be achieved by having other people visiting, a sort of 'area group' meeting, or just a running session might be the very good idea. One week here, one week there, sort of thing.

 

At least, for me, anyway.

 

Cheers,

 

Ian.

 

It's not a nice feeling to be snowed under with stuff to do, what's helps me is to forget about the big picture and just look at one project, no matter how big or small and focus on that. It would be great to have someone come round and help but for me that's not possible so the next best thing has been rmweb, found lots of inspiration to get going on here. I've also met a few people at shows and that has spurred me on to do stuff.

Steve.

[irishmail]

I think I've given myself too many things to do. Nett result is that I have done nothing for months. I could do with a fellow modeller to come round occasionally to give me a hand........

I think a lot of us are in the same boat, myself included,   we get into/ involved with so many things to do,  then do not know what to do that we can end up being 'busy' doing nothing.

[Coldgunner]

Coming from someone who's friends aren't into the hobby, and the g/f keeps it at arms length, its very much a solo activity.

 

I was a little shocked at myself on saturday. I went to the 16mm show and left by 1:30pm. I was honestly bored. I picked up a kit to build mind, and made headway on it, but the show just did not have the pizazz it once did. I'll defintely try Warley again this year, as I suspect it was just a bland show rather than my mojo (I hope).

[The Johnster]

Mostly a lone wolf as well, though I have friends locally in the hobby.  I get around the 'too much to do' problem by at least attempting, not always successfully it must be said, to not start a project until the last one is finished, but at the same time it is useful to have a few alternative small jobs on the go so that I have a choice of things to do that suit my mood at the time; picking out the string on a Peco parcel needs a different mindset to fettling locos, which needs a different one again to splash it on wipe it off weathering or fitting carriage windows with no smoking or first class transfers.

 

Not letting it get on top of you is important, particularly if you are a bit fragile in this sense, as loss of mojo shows you are not enjoying yourself, which is the ultimate aim after all.  Stating this is easier than actually finding the right balance for your particular needs.  My advice, FWIW, is to back off and do something else, have a cuppa or go up the pub, when the stress starts to build but before it becomes onerous, but you need to learn to recognise the early signs as it is all too easy to get absorbed into a job; then it's 3am, your eyes are stained, your neck hurts, and you are messing things up unproductively.  

 

Been there, done that!

Edited April 12, 2018 by The Johnster

[Northmoor]

Johnster is absolutely right - it's very important to have something else to move onto, but not too many things so that there is always a distraction of something else that's incomplete.

 

At work, I always found having three projects running in parallel was the optimum; less than that and I was likely to reach an impasse in both, more than that and I never really made enough progress on any of them.

[The Johnster]

The trouble is you don't always get the choice in work!

[tomparryharry]

You need inspiration, young Johnster!

 

Never mind, NEWGOG is on tomorrow!

Cheers,

 

Ian.

[The Johnster]

Thank you tph; luckily I am long retired and have no such pressure any more.  Next time you're in Lord and Butler's, ask Peter, who was my immediate boss when we worked in the Royal Mail sorting office up the road, about my omnipresent ability to not do any work if I could avoid it; I am genetically suited to complete idleness...

[Poggy1165]

Thank you tph; luckily I am long retired and have no such pressure any more.  Next time you're in Lord and Butler's, ask Peter, who was my immediate boss when we worked in the Royal Mail sorting office up the road, about my omnipresent ability to not do any work if I could avoid it; I am genetically suited to complete idleness...

 

I have always believed that if work was as good for us as they make out, the rich and powerful would insist on doing it all.

 

In reality, the sort of work most of us are forced to do frequently burns out the mind and/or the body at a relatively early age. The modern insistence on excessive work loads in the name of "efficiency" has made this process more acute.

[Northmoor]

I have always believed that if work was as good for us as they make out, the rich and powerful would insist on doing it all.

 

In reality, the sort of work most of us are forced to do frequently burns out the mind and/or the body at a relatively early age. The modern insistence on excessive work loads in the name of "efficiency" has made this process more acute.

 

"They told me hard work never killed anybody, but I figured, why take the risk?" - Ronald Reagan.

[APOLLO]

In Liverpool not many "worked for cunard" !!

 

Brit15