RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted July 12, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 12, 2022 And the late great Dave Allen, said that there is 2 things that you should know about God. She's black! 9 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted July 12, 2022 Share Posted July 12, 2022 4 hours ago, kevinlms said: And the late great Dave Allen, said that there is 2 things that you should know about God. She's black! Probably after his 7th tumbler.... 20 hours ago, F-UnitMad said: Definitely repeating yet again on this Thread, as I posted it myself, but as per the late Robin Williams, man was indeed created with both a brain and a 'thingy'. But only enough blood to work one at a time. 🙄 As has been proven, NO ONE can multitask! Choosing the ability to pee standing up was a good choice... Just think, you wouldn't want to pee when the thingy was active! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted July 13, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 13, 2022 22 hours ago, Hroth said: Probably after his 7th tumbler.... Sadly true of Dave Allan. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted July 14, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 14, 2022 1 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!" 1 18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted July 14, 2022 Share Posted July 14, 2022 21 minutes ago, Steamport Southport said: A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!" And here's the other one .. yes, it has been told before. Quote A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet. Yorkshireman: Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat. Vet: Is it a tom? Yorkshireman: Nay, I’ve browt it with us. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ardbealach Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 8 hours ago, Steamport Southport said: A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft begger!" Can I nominate this posting into "One of the top jokes of the year?" category? (Alisdair) 1 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 15, 2022 Share Posted July 15, 2022 No idea who wrote it originally, but I would expect it to be one of Barry Cryer's. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium J. S. Bach Posted July 15, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 15, 2022 5 hours ago, ardbealach said: Can I nominate this posting into "One of the top jokes of the year?" category? (Alisdair) Actually, I think that it should be buried; just like the dog's bone. 1 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 Might as well make it the full set? Quote A Yorkshireman’s wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words “she were thine” engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look. When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it’s been engraved “she were thin”. He explodes, ‘Blimey man, you’ve left the “e” out.’ The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason, ‘There you go sir, I’ve put the “e” on the stone for you.’ The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud, ‘E, she were thin.’ …:) 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 Another Yorkshireman takes dog to the vet: "Me dog has swallowed a condom, can yer do anythin' ?" "Leave him with me and come back in a few hours" says the vet. Half an hour later the vet's phone rings: "Don't worry about the condom" says the Yorkshireman. "The wife's found another in t'medicine cabinet" 1 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 16, 2022 Share Posted July 16, 2022 Not a joke. But the three most famous TV Yorkshiremen weren't even from Yorkshire. Compo - Biil Owen was from Acton Clegg - Peter Sallis was from Twickenham Foggy - Brian Wilde was from Manchester but brought up in Hertfordshire. and Michael Bates who played Blamire in the first series was Indian! 2 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted July 17, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 17, 2022 3 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium kevinlms Posted July 17, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 17, 2022 2 hours ago, PhilJ W said: Give the man a chance, he hasn't finished planting it yet! 1 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DavidB-AU Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 An attractive young woman told me she wanted a fling. Turned out she didn't mean a trebuchet. 1 2 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aardvark Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 6 hours ago, PhilJ W said: I gave this a "funny" even though it is quite close to what there is of my life. Mrs Aardvark is a digital gardener who maintains the gardening index. She stands on the balcony, points, and says "... and over there, I want ...". 1 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted July 17, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 17, 2022 7 hours ago, PhilJ W said: 4 hours ago, kevinlms said: Give the man a chance, he hasn't finished planting it yet! Its likely to get planted where there's no worries about manure. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 (edited) 7 hours ago, PhilJ W said: On the other hand, all he needs do is make one of the holes deeper, then plant the bush on top... (I think PhilJ Ws suggestion was a little more subtle than mine,,,) Edited July 17, 2022 by Hroth 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allegheny1600 Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 9 minutes ago, Hroth said: On the other hand, all he needs do is make one of the holes deeper, then plant the bush on top... Didn’t they do something like that in “Brookside” once?!!! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 2 minutes ago, Allegheny1600 said: Didn’t they do something like that in “Brookside” once?!!! In Liverpool its now considered "obvious" to plant people under the patio... 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted July 17, 2022 Share Posted July 17, 2022 Thanks to Bob Moran Quote artworks can be downloaded free of charge and featured in publications anywhere in the world Orwell Surprise https://www.bobmoran.co.uk/ 2 1 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LimboBrit Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 On 17/07/2022 at 02:13, PhilJ W said: I've just forwarded this to the wife. If you don't hear from me again you know what's happened 7 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post KeithMacdonald Posted July 18, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted July 18, 2022 One from the archive? A farmer drove over to a neighbour's farmhouse and knocked on the door. A boy aged about 10 answered. "Are your mum & dad home?" asked the farmer. "No, they went to town" (said the boy). "How about your brother Howard, is he here?" *No, he went to town with them." The farmer just stood there for a couple of minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and muttering to himself. The boy then says "I know where all the tools are if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "Well, no" said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really want to talk to you dad about Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant." The boy thought for a moment and then replied "You will have to talk to my dad about that. I know that he charges £500 for one of the bulls and £150 for a pig, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard." 4 19 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted July 18, 2022 Share Posted July 18, 2022 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium jbqfc Posted July 18, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted July 18, 2022 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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