RMweb Gold Nick C Posted October 10, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 10, 2022 An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar. Barman says "Is this some kind of a joke?" 1 7 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium petethemole Posted October 10, 2022 RMweb Premium Share Posted October 10, 2022 7 hours ago, aardvark said: I must admit that this is my all-time favourite joke. It's nonsense, of course, in the way that Lewis Carroll wrote Jabberwocky. For the teller, the joke is in watching the listener's face as they try to fathom it. Priceless. It's also a very old joke, Dad used to tell it when I was little and I'm now 74. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcredfer Posted October 10, 2022 Share Posted October 10, 2022 23 hours ago, Hroth said: I rather enjoyed Messalinas 0rgy.... I'm very pleased for you... but, even more impressed, that you can still recall the events, after all these years..... 👻 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted October 10, 2022 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted October 10, 2022 10 hours ago, petethemole said: It's also a very old joke, Dad used to tell it when I was little and I'm now 74. Have you worked it out yet? 😁 2 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 My best mate's just called in floods of tears. He says his wife left him last night and she taken all his Bob Marley CDs and their satellite dish. Poor guy, now he's No Woman, No Sky 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 News flash! We've just been handed an urgent warning about Trimmets Treacle Puddings, which have caused several people to be sent to hospital with badly scalded feet. It seems people have misunderstood the instructions which read: 'Before opening tin, stand in boiling water for 20 minutes" 1 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
proton Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 10 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: News flash! We've just been handed an urgent warning about Trimmets Treacle Puddings, which have caused several people to be sent to hospital with badly scalded feet. It seems people have misunderstood the instructions which read: 'Before opening tin, stand in boiling water for 20 minutes" That would be for tins sold in Texas I assume... 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obi-Jiff Kenobi Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 Reminds me of a similar incident involving a stick deodorant, which bore the instructions “remove cap, push up bottom.” 14 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 In the Divorce Court today... A husband claimed his wife's mother kept shouting at him that he was driving too fast along the M1 — and to make matters worse she swore at him while he was untying her from the roof rack. 12 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 If you can make a woman laugh you are almost there. If you are almost there and then she laughs, that’s a different story. 2 1 9 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steamport Southport Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 7 1 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
33C Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 (edited) "Captain Picard, what do you model?" "N gauge" Edited October 12, 2022 by 33C Missing letter. 2 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Obi-Jiff Kenobi Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 I thought the captain was into creating his own clothes: “Make it sew.” 2 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
LimboBrit Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 14 hours ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said: Reminds me of a similar incident involving a stick deodorant, which bore the instructions “remove cap, push up bottom.” Man in Boots chemist. "Excuse me do you have deodorant?" Assistant: "Yes sir. Roll on ball?" Man: "No. It's for my armpits" 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold teaky Posted October 12, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 12, 2022 Which, of course, reminds me of the Not The Nine O'clock News version. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iS2N1mBsEdM 3 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 After a Robot fell asleep in front of a House of Lords committee their lordships declared it amazingly realistic. 1 1 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIK Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 After it is announced that King Charles is to appear on The Repair Shop, Prince Andrew makes himself scarce. 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckymucklebackit Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 4 hours ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said: I thought the captain was into creating his own clothes: “Make it sew.” 6 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted October 12, 2022 Share Posted October 12, 2022 4 hours ago, Obi-Jiff Kenobi said: I thought the captain was into creating his own clothes: “Make it sew.” That was the order to Engineering when the sewing machine jammed... 1 5 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Bernard Lamb Posted October 13, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted October 13, 2022 Johnny died and arrived in Hell. He was met by the Devil and was told that in the new kinder, gentler, more customer focused Hell, each person is offered three choices of torture. The Devil explained that these tortures run in 1,000-year cycles and you could pick which cycle to begin with. The Devil took Johnny to the first room where a man was hung up by his feet and was being whipped with chains. Johnny said he did not think that was where he wanted to start. They proceeded to the next room where a man was hung up by his arms and was being whipped by a cat-o-nine-tails. Johnny also declined this form of torture. The third room had a old man strapped to the wall naked, and a very beautiful young blonde woman was performing upon him. Johnny told the Devil this is more like it, and this was the one he wanted. The Devil said, "Are you sure? It lasts for a thousand years!" Johnny assured him this was the punishment he wanted. So the Devil walked over to the young blond woman and said ... ... "You can go now, I've found your replacement." 2 21 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Thorness Posted October 14, 2022 Popular Post Share Posted October 14, 2022 1 1 3 21 1 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dunsignalling Posted October 14, 2022 RMweb Gold Share Posted October 14, 2022 On 12/10/2022 at 07:48, LimboBrit said: Man in Boots chemist. "Excuse me do you have deodorant?" Assistant: "Yes sir. Roll on ball?" Aerosol or ball? Man: "No. It's for my armpits" 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 1 15 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
KeithMacdonald Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 "Trussed Up" 1 1 8 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hroth Posted October 14, 2022 Share Posted October 14, 2022 43 minutes ago, KeithMacdonald said: "Trussed Up" I look forward to many more "accidents" with his surname on Radio 4.... 2 1 1 3 Link to post Share on other sites More sharing options...
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