Jump to content
RMweb
 

The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
Message added by AY Mod,

Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

Recommended Posts

15 minutes ago, DavidB-AU said:

 

More of a clot.

 

Well yes. Clotted cream is a better substrate for jam on a scone than the ordinary variety, thought it's the people who use the "ready-whipped" abomination from a can who pass all understanding.

 

Depending on the cream available, I personally will apply jam first or after the cream...

 

  • Like 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • RMweb Premium
1 hour ago, Hroth said:

 

You should always test the depth of an unknown watercourse before wading in!

 

Not a watercourse but a lake. When my son was four we visited Furzey Gardens in the New Forest, in late March IIRC.  We were looking at the big carp in the lake, which come to the shore to be fed, when Martyn slipped on wet clay and fell in.  I immediately stepped forward to fish him out but my feet didn't touch bottom so I had to tread water as I grabbed him and passed him to his Mum.  I climbed out ok but was totally soaked, as was the lad.  There was a blanket in the car so he was wrapped in that and SWMBO drove home to Southampton as fast as was sensible.  Hot baths followed.  There wasn't time to even think about the depth but I was surprised.

  • Friendly/supportive 14
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • RMweb Gold
19 hours ago, Reorte said:

Closest I've come to that was just very wet feet, when I stepped on what I thought was a rock but turned out to be a bit of dirty old polystyrene floating on the water.

 

Video, or it never happened...

 

Did the same thing myself once, stepping on a rock that turned out to be a bit of rock-coloured mud!  Went into the mud up to my thighs and none of my so-called mates would help me out because they were laughing so much.

  • Funny 3
  • Friendly/supportive 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Part of the campaign to Give An Old Joke A Home ...

 

One morning a nun was walking through the cloisters of her convent when she saw another nun coming the other way. She smiled and said "Good morning, sister."

 

The other nun smiled and said "You got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."

 

The nun was puzzled by this. She had been polite and friendly, and given the other nun no reason to think that she was in a bad mood.

 

She walked on, and soon met another nun. Again, she smiled and said "Good morning, sister."

 

The other nun smiled and also said "You got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."

 

As the nun continued her walk through the cloisters this kept happening. No matter how polite and friendly she was, her greetings were met with the comment that she had got out of the wrong side of the bed. She began to feel quite frustrated by it.

 

Finally, she met the Mother Superior coming the other way. "Good morning, Mother Superior," she said. "And please don't tell me that I got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning."

 

"I wasn't going to," replied the Mother Superior. "But why are you wearing Father Murphy's shoes?"

 

  • Like 2
  • Round of applause 1
  • Funny 16
Link to comment
Share on other sites

15 hours ago, PhilJ W said:

Watch out for a new e-ay scam. I ordered a bottle of expensive perfume for the wife and received a model railway locomotive instead.

.Chanel Number 5 / Black 5

Yves Saint Laurent / GWR Saint Lady of Shallot

Estée Lauder / SR Leader

 

It could have been an honest mistake.

Edited by CameronL
Thought of another one.
  • Like 1
  • Interesting/Thought-provoking 1
  • Craftsmanship/clever 1
  • Round of applause 2
  • Funny 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

36 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

Tip for today....

 

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician.

 

 

 

 

 

You'll never hear the end of it…

I booked a speaker to talk about transcendental numbers but he just went on and on......

  • Like 2
  • Funny 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, kevinlms said:

Tip for today....

 

Never discuss infinity with a mathematician 

 

You'll never hear the end of it…

I knew a mathematician who wouldn't stop talking about squares of numbers, cubes of numbers and other such indices.

 

He was overpowering.

  • Like 1
  • Craftsmanship/clever 1
  • Funny 5
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...