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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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5 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

There was an island in Scotland where they used to tied down the sheep to stop them blowing away as it was so windy!

 

I think it's one that was later abandoned.

 

 

St Kilda, out about sixty miles on it's own in the Atlantic.  They had to tie the children down as well.

 

They made shoes out of dead gannets.  A pair would last about a week and then you'd have to kill another pair of gannets; gannet eggs harvested from the cliffs were a diet staple.  They also had the 'St Kilda post', messages sewn into an inflated sheep's stomach (I mean the stomach was inflated, not the whole sheep) and set adrift, it would take about a week to get to the Outer Hebrides.  This was how they were all rescued in the thirties when the food ran out and the crops had failed. 

 

Amazing place, now used by the military and for research.  Friend of mine's been there, lucky girl, I'd jump at the chance.  No trains though...

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On 28/07/2023 at 15:13, Steamport Southport said:

Stuffed one here in Kelvingrove.

 

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Mr Haggis perchance! ( An upright one, not Clockwise or anti-clockwise). Hair looks almost right.

 

Edited by andytrains
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7 hours ago, KeithMacdonald said:

Milo should get nominated for a Turner Prize.

Or would that be taking the p1ss?

Considering that Turner Prize nominations have included Damien Hirst's pickled shark and Tracy Emin's unmade bed, Milo wouldn't be the first Turner nominee to take the p1ss.

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6 hours ago, Sidecar Racer said:

I accidentally took my cats meds today


Don’t ask meow

A colleague of mine recently took her dog's medication by accident. I told her that it was OK to scratch behind her ears, but if she started sniffing anyone's bottom I'd report her to HR. 

 

On another matter, I'm just watching the England Ladies' footy. Won't give any spoilers about the score, but something occurred to me...

 

The are 23 ladies on the squad.

 

There are therefore at least 23 ladies in England who understand the offside rule.

 

How is this possible? Where ladies are concerned, there are some things which just defy all explanation. I can't even get SWMBO to understand the difference between scale and gauge.

Edited by CameronL
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6 minutes ago, CameronL said:

A colleague of mine recently took her dog's medication by accident. I told her that it was OK to scratch behind her ears, but if she started sniffing anyone's bottom I'd report her to HR. 

 

On another matter, I'm just watching the England Ladies' footy. Won't give any spoilers about the score, but something occurred to me...

 

The are 23 ladies on the squad.

 

There are therefore at least 23 ladies in England who understand the offside rule.

 

How is this possible? Whete ladies are concerned, there are some things which just defy all explanation. I can't even get SWMBO to understand the difference between scale and gauge.

 

That's debateable.

 

Most referees and linesmen can't get it right even when looking at it on the VAR screen!

 

 

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29 minutes ago, CameronL said:

How is this possible? Whete ladies are concerned, there are some things which just defy all explanation. I can't even get SWMBO to understand the difference between scale and gauge.

 

 

Just wait until you've got 23 ladies in the club...*

 

*Your local model railway club, I mean, of course.

Edited by Compound2632
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