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SHMD

RMweb Gold
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Status Updates posted by SHMD

  1. After 9 weeks, 10 customer site visits, 8 hotels, 12 flights(ish!), 5 very fast trains

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. DJM Dave

      DJM Dave

      186 mails?

      Lightweight ;-)

    3. muddys-blues

      muddys-blues

      Can you forward me a Viagra one please ? I am in need of some new supplies, did you get any ###### enlargement ones as well ? If so please fwd on ?

    4. SHMD

      SHMD

      NO! Actually, most of the spam were for personnel/dodgy finance loans. OK there was one for a certain Canadian Pharmacy for "medications you need"! :)

  2. I'm Spartacus!

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. bgman

      bgman

      What did the Romans ever do for you ?

    3. Kev_Lewis

      Kev_Lewis

      He's a very naughty boy!

    4. flapland

      flapland

      Belated happy 100th Birthday Mr Spartacus

  3. Das es sexa-nil. Das es zeben-nil. Das es...

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      ..on a status update!.........

    3. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      There really is no German equivalent. We just say LOL, too.

    4. Nelson Jackson

      Nelson Jackson

      Interesting.....

  4. I can see clearly now the banner's gone...

  5. ..took the train into Brussels today. Didn't stay long as there didn't seem to be anything to do! But I thoroughly enjoyed the ride on the ancient AM62 EMU though.

    1. Show previous comments  7 more
    2. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Belgium holds the modern-day record for the longest period spent without forming a government.

    3. trisonic

      trisonic

      Sorry - I meant I've never had "FUN" in Belgium, I've been happy there. I think I'm the only person not to like their beer either...

    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Belgian beer is Heaven on Earth.

  6. To me to you. to you, to you...RIP

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. RJS1977

      RJS1977

      The next best double act to Laurel & Hardy in my opinion...

       

    3. Tim V

      Tim V

      Well after my time, but my son loved them ...

    4. RJS1977

      RJS1977

      TBH I think their best stuff was too good to be hidden away on children's channels.

  7. Has wandered into a pub in Dublin and is now the proud owner of a pint of Guinness.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      It''s not true about you only 'renting beer'

    3. SHMD

      SHMD

      My beer gut is testamend to that.

    4. bgman

      bgman

      All the best for the morning ! :))

  8. The presidents brain is missing...

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Mikkel

      Mikkel

      I've got it. Needed a door stop.

    3. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Are you sure there's enough there to form a doorstop?

    4. Huw Griffiths

      Huw Griffiths

      I'm struggling to work out if it's "Whoops Apocalypse" or the all-new "Donald Duck" show.

       

      I guess it doesn't matter as it's "all fake news, folks".

  9. Stalybridge to Clapham Jn = £87.90p, First Class = £498.00p F#!? me

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      I've stuck the 87.90 on expenses...

       

      ...in other news...

       

      Today I saw a 47 (I think they put the wrong number on it though), a 56 (in Green!?), and two class 73s (Almost normal except for the yellow coaches in between them).

       

      Nothing else of note but Clapham Jn. was interesting in an overwhelming sort of way!

    3. SHMD

      SHMD

      ..I wont be having anything from the mini-bar either!!!

    4. gridwatcher

      gridwatcher

      You must get a Thai masseuse and free champagne all the way in 1st these days for that dosh?

       

  10. The ACME Thunderer!

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      Mine's got "Mailpost" on one side and "LMS" on the other.

    3. Re6/6

      Re6/6

      Useful for blowing down the phone when 'salesmen' call.

    4. Welly

      Welly

      Found one that my late Grandad used when he was a football referee.

  11. ..is proud to announce that the SHMD natural organic kitchen waste recycling centre is now at full capacity with the production of 3 eggs today. :)

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      ..and there's no weeds left in the garden there too. Actually, there's nothing left there. Think of it as a sort of

    3. Captain Kernow
    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      Not feeling cooped up, then.

  12. ...Helm! Where exactly did you say you graduated from? Sir, the HK&LB School of Navigation. “HK&LB” you say? Yes sir, with honours sir. Can't say I've heard of that one Helm. No sir, it's “The Hard Knocks & Loud Bangs School of Navigation”, sir, quite famous sir...

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. Northroader

      Northroader

      Clockwise or anti whatnot, sir?

    3. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      The gravitational engines have failed in the soup kitchen.

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      Soup is floating about.

  13. I know the site needs advertising (there's nowt for nowt in this world) but I have just opened VNC and a load of noise issued fourth about PS4 and “it's about the driver”. Really annoying, as I could not locate the offending (offensive) window, initially. It also makes RMweb unsafe for viewing at work.

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      and again!

       

      Nissan extra...

      "The adventure of your lives"!!!

    3. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      I’m using ad blockers as well but have RMweb on my whitelist.

    4. Tim Hall

      Tim Hall

      Never had an ad, not aware of blocking them either.

  14. Anyone fancy a "Spangle"? I'm sure i've still got some somewhere - and they've only gone a little bit furry in my pocket!

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Oh dear, you shouldna said this...

    3. MarkC

      MarkC

      ...this is not going to end well...

    4. Captain Kernow
  15. A (DC) loco travelling down hill will take less current than if it was on the level. What about a loco on a level rolling road, is current the same as on level track? What happens to the current if one end of the rolling road is elevated???

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      If raised treadmills are harder to run on then why aren't ladies, (in high heals), always walking down hill?!?

       

    3. MarkC
    4. Tim V

      Tim V

      I just checked, the light in the fridge won't go off...

  16. Is trying to find the 'Parliamentary' time from Stockport to Stalybridge. More specifically 'how' to find the 'Parliamentary' time from Stockport to Stalybridge?

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      Thanks all.

      The reason why I ask is because at 6:45 this morning one of the info boards was displaying "This train from Stockport terminates here"!

       

      I thought they had moved the P' to an earlier time to further discourage custom!

    3. SHMD

      SHMD

      I remember "the Buffet" opening at 10:00am-ish when Dot had it. I know it's open at tea time :)

    4. 25901

      25901

      They have a web site

  17. HELP! - CUT-n-PASTE has stopped working in RMweb!!!

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      AAARARAGGGAHHHHHAGGH!!!>>>>>>.......

    3. SHMD

      SHMD

      ..Now on Chrome..

    4. skipepsi
  18. Well, my one month secondment to China is over but they want me to extend another 2 weeks. I said I'm not sure, I would have to ask the wife. They (China) said no problem, they can find me another wife!!! 8-/

    1. Show previous comments  6 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      LOL!

      I've been away for five weeks now and am trying not to think of

    3. Judge Dread

      Judge Dread

      See if you can get me a replacement one.

    4. Blue Max

      Blue Max

      what is the benefit in kind taxable rate for a second wife, should kmow what to declare on P11D

  19. Time gradients vs Gravity? The speed of time.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. SHMD

      SHMD

      And that's another thing. The quantum chaos of vacuum and the speed of particle/anti-particle pair generation with real matter and position change (speed)?

    3. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      That is a valid issue to point out. May I suggest you consider a neutrino restraining field?

    4. SHMD
  20. COM, I'm issuing an executive order to the Galley to jettison that batch of “Tartare du Thon” through the starboard airlock – I'm convinced it's not cooked! Sir, the port airlock is still full of Tomato Source and you want the Starboard one filling with raw tuna. No, just “Tartare du Thon”. (Sniggers.)

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      You may also have some cold custard.

    3. Hroth

      Hroth

      Tomato Source?

      I suppose the IT dept has been having a core dump again...

    4. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      Fire all phasers!

  21. The first, (of maybe 35), Brass Bands has just fired up for this evenings village entertainment. I AM going to enjoy this.

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Mike G

      Mike G

      Ear defenders

    3. dhjgreen

      dhjgreen

      Punchinello this time

    4. SHMD

      SHMD

      Fodens Band came 1st in our village and at 8 other venues as well last night.

      A very professional outfit indeed.

  22. "Let us turn ours into a country of mushrooms by making mushroom cultivation scientific, intensive and industrialised!"

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. jimmer

      jimmer

      Kept in the dark and fed on fertilizer?

    3. Crisis Rail
    4. Barry O

      Barry O

      Patriotism north Korean style!

  23. Errr...this should work -

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. NGT6 1315

      NGT6 1315

      BTW: Are these Sheldon quotes from scenes cut from The Big Bang Theory?

    3. SHMD

      SHMD

      There are a few from the Simpsons here.

    4. Captain Kernow

      Captain Kernow

      You didn't try it on with Marge as well, surely not??!!

  24. C3H8O or C3H7OH or CH3CHOHCH3?

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. MarkC
    3. SHMD

      SHMD

      +50% H20 and a drop of Fairy?

    4. KalKat

      KalKat

      IsoProp won't do it, and the less said about Propanol ...BUT - Definitely don't drink the CH3C(O)CH2CH3!

  25. Right. Wife and kid safely/(definitely) on the plane going on holiday far far away. I've nipped to tesco's for the ingredients for the hottest jalfrazi possible plus a slab of beer. This holiday is costing me an arm and a leg so I've already got my feet up, the fire on and the TV tuned to endless Top Gear. I intend to enjoy this break as much as possible doing precisely nothing!

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. Tim V

      Tim V

      Wish I could get away with this...

    3. SHMD
    4. Horsetan

      Horsetan

      When the cat's away, the mouse will play....

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