Fun with Phone Scammer

[Arthur]

 

Had one of those calls from India telling me that their systems had identified a problem with my computer and that he could talk me through a fix.

 

I always like to waste the time of these guys so, adopting my best doddery voice, I played along. I always tell them that it's upstairs and I'll go and get it, wastes a few minutes. Then I just string them along, 'do I need to turn it on', 'it's always very slow', 'wait I need to get the plug' etc.

 

This morning it ended in a particularly satisfying manner.

 

 

So Sir, Can you press the Windows key.

 

Windows key, hmmm.......Yes, I've found that.

 

And with your other finger press the R key.

 

How many fingers am I going to need?

 

Two Sir.

 

So you want two fingers from me?

 

Yes Sir,

 

Okay, I'm giving you two fingers.

 

Thank you sir.

 

The two fingers I'm giving you, what should I do with them.

 

Press the Windows key and the R key

 

The R key, the R key.....is that the Rsole key?

 

Pause....the R for Romeo key Sir.

 

Do you mean R for Rsole? Is that the same?

 

No sir, R for Romeo.

 

I think we call that the Rsole key.

 

Romeo Sir, R for Romeo.

 

Oh, you don't want my finger on your Rsole?

 

Silence, realisation, phone slammed down.

[nomisd]

I had one of these a few months ago. The person asked for me by name so I thought ok. He then told me he was from the support desk of some IT company and that they had detected that my computer was sending "infractions" and that he could help me stop this. Phew, thanks for that, what do you need me to do?

 

"You need to let me get into your Windows operating system so I can stop it."

 

"Ah you see, you must have the wrong person as I have a Mac and don't use Windows"

 

"Yes, a Mac can send these viruses out too"

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes, we must stop your computer from infecting the internet"

 

"What, all by itself?"

 

"Yes, it is doing much damage"

 

"Okay, where are you calling from?"

 

"Manchester"

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yes"

 

"Okay and why should I give you access to my computer?"

 

"Because we are the company who deal with this"

 

"Yeah, I don't think you are, are you?"

 

At which point I put the phone down. In hindsight I should have kept that call going for much, much longer - the more they are talking to someone who is on to them, the less damage they can do with calls to less suspecting people.

 

[eastwestdivide]

Oddly, these calls seem to have stopped coming to me. Used to get maybe one a week, but haven't had one (or PPI) for a while now. My responses varied from "I don't believe you, I think this is a scam", to pretending to get confused, telling them "I think I'm wasting your time", telling them to "go away, scammer" if I was busy, to asking them for information identifying which computer has the problem - that ties them up really well.

Incidentally, if you ask them to prove they have information about your computer in particular, they ask you to look up a (Windows) Registry entry which, it turns out, is common to all Windows computers. Just for a laugh, I did it once - they read out a very long ID number which I typed into google and found results similar to the results of searching "CLSID scam". I was very impressed with the guy's command of English swearwords when he twigged I'd been wasting his time.

[Dan Griffin]

i had one a few weeks ago, came up as 'international' on my phone, so i answered, in a put on deep voice thus :-

 

"Hood residence"

 

"Hello Mr Hood".

 

"What do you want?"

 

"We have detected a problem with your computer sir,"

 

"Oh no, i need my super computer for planning my take over"

 

"ok sir, can you access your computer for me now?"

 

"No i am planning my next move to capture International rescue"

 

"Im sorry what did you say your name was?"

 

"I am The Hood. Global Puppet terrorist hell bent on capturing international recues and their machines, they will not fool me again!"

 

click, phone went dead.

[jwealleans]

http://www.419eater.com/

 

Some great ideas.

[Tony_S]

Speak Hindi that confuses them.

[robert17649]

My late father in law had one of these calls whch he went along with for several minutes before saying that his biggest problem was that he did not actually have a computer

[avonside1563]

http://www.419eater.com/

 

Some great ideas.

Yes there are, but I particularly like the fact that they are apparently helping you avoid being scammed and then include a paypal link at the bottom of their page

[jonny777]

My late father in law had one of these calls whch he went along with for several minutes before saying that his biggest problem was that he did not actually have a computer

 

My father still does this, even though he is 93 and has never had a computer. He has a rather cruel sense of humour, but I doubt he understands any of the technical jargon he is being told.

 

He had a Stannah stairlift salesperson phone some time back, and kept them talking for ages on the subject of his mobility and how able he was to climb stairs, etc. Only when they asked him a direct question about coming round to measure his stairs did he admit that he lives in a bungalow.

[kevinlms]

My father still does this, even though he is 93 and has never had a computer. He has a rather cruel sense of humour, but I doubt he understands any of the technical jargon he is being told.

 

He had a Stannah stairlift salesperson phone some time back, and kept them talking for ages on the subject of his mobility and how able he was to climb stairs, etc. Only when they asked him a direct question about coming round to measure his stairs did he admit that he lives in a bungalow.

Perhaps he wants to clean his gutters?

[Devo63]

I've received a number of calls like these over the years and inadvertently found a great method of stopping them. One morning I had just arrived home after a busy night shift and was just having a spot of breakie before going to bed for the day. The phone started ringing and when I answered I automatically announced "Christies Beach Police Station. How can I help you?". I heard an accented voice say sorry and the call disconnected. Funny thing is I've never had another cold call since that day even though I've been retired for the last three years. 

 

The people that really annoy me are the door to door sales mob. I have a clear "Do Not Knock" sign on my front door but they still turn up at inconvenient times. Most leave when requested but you still get a few who want to push their products or to try to engage you in converation. If they don't leave after a second request I just say "I have asked you to leave this property on two occasions. Under Section 17(A) of the Summary Offences Act* if you do not leave the property immediately you can be arrested and charged with trespass. You are also not permitted to re-enter the property for a period of twenty four hours." It is surprising how fast some of them can move!    (*South Australian legislation)

 

Dave R.

[APOLLO]

I used to have a small plastic guitar the kids threw out that played a loud screeching quite annoying "song" when you pressed a button. Great.  When a scammer phoned I would put them on hold whilst I connected them to the homeowner / etc and play the guitar into the mouthpiece. They usually hung up after 10 seconds !!

 

Brit15

[28XX]

Ahh. Good evening and thank you for calling Data Resources. Before proceeding please let me have your account number.

 

(No number is given)

 

We have not detected a valid account number. Accordingly, we have accessed your company details from telephone records. charges for this call are now accruing at £98 per minute, the non-contract rate.

[cromptonnut]

I had regular calls from a conservatory company wanting to quote me for a new conservatory.  I kept telling them that I wasn't interested but the calls kept coming with more discounts and better offers.

 

So eventually I said fine, send someone round and I'll explain why I really don't want a new conservatory.

 

When they arrived, and realised that I lived on the third floor, they understood why I didn't want a new conservatory.

[phil-b259]

Speak Hindi that confuses them.

Or Welsh - that works quite well with the beggars on the streets / stations in Paris apparently

[cromptonnut]

Or Welsh - that works quite well with the beggars on the streets / stations in Paris apparently

 

I still remember a few phrases of Simlish.  That has a similar effect.

[jonny777]

I use an answerphone, which may not get rid of the callers initially; but eventually they give up.

 

Most messages I get are just silence.

 

I can block 30 numbers, so I do; although the callers change to a similar or consecutive number sometimes.

[Kenton]

 

The people that really annoy me are the door to door sales mob. I have a clear "Do Not Knock" sign on my front door but they still turn up at inconvenient times.

 

Ah yes, the jahova witness mob!

 

When I point to the sign "No sales persons entertained on this doorstep" they respond by saying they are "not selling anything" to which I reply something to the effect of "you are trying to sell religion".

 

It must be something abut our area but we regularly get invaded by the hoards of these pests. They usually appear while I am catching my brief power nap after a long night's shift (a time when my temper can be a little frayed) getting me out of bed they are greeted with nothing more than a frown which seems to have them scurrying away to pollute some other residence.

 

The other problem in the area are the charity hawkers. You know the sort, You have a big house so you must want to buy one of my artistic splurges, "I'm a lost soul and my god has given me this talent at painting". They always appear late evening because their "art" is best appreciated in total darkness.

 

Most telephone calls to this household go straight to answerphone. I just can't be bothered to give them time of day.

[Tony_S]

Or Welsh - that works quite well with the beggars on the streets / stations in Paris apparently

The false "please sign my petition" while I pick your pocket is popular in Paris. The request is always in English. I don't reply in English.

[BoD]

I usually tell them I have trouble with my hearing (which I do) and that I don't have my hearing aids in.  I then tell them that they must speak slowly and clearly. 

It is surprising how many decide that they are not capable of doing this and give up at this point.

By the time I have asked them to spell out their name for me and the name of the company a couple of times the rest tend to give up too.

[wombatofludham]

Or Welsh - that works quite well with the beggars on the streets / stations in Paris apparently

 

I've recorded a bi-lingual Welsh-English answerphone message.  It's telepest Domestos.

 

Originally it was only in Welsh but I got fed up of some of my lower-wattage family and friends saying "I didn't understand what you just said..." It's an answerphone ffs, work it out...

[TheSignalEngineer]

Ah yes, the jahova witness mob!

 

My father used to annoy them. One of their opening gambits used to be "Do you have a Bible in the house?". His reply was "several, which version of your chosen text shall we discuss?" Having studied Theology they didn't usually prolong the conversation with him more than a couple of minutes

[DavidR]

Last Thursday morning we had just been advised that my Polish father-in-law had died (mother-in-law died on Jan1st), so wifey and I were quite upset. Then the phone rang

Usual twaddle from India pretending to be microsoft.

I said I wasn't falling for it as they were scammers, but he kept on and on.

(By now I was getting very angry,but  usually I'm quite mildly-mannered. I lost it.)

"Why don't you just f*** off?", I bawled down the phone. he rang off.

We had quite an enjoyable flight to Katowice on Thursday evening thinking about this. 

[The Stationmaster]

Or Welsh - that works quite well with the beggars on the streets / stations in Paris apparently

 

The key trick with the begging scum in Paris is not to reply to them in English - German, Welsh, Polish, even French;  but especially complete gibberish with a weird accent as the best way to get rid of them.  I think they are mainly after Americans who presumably are gullible enough to fall for the nonsense they peddle?

[Kris]

I always make it a matter of principle to make them hang up.

 

They don't seem to like being asked about their previous criminal offences.