It does exactly what it says on the tin. Not!

[melmerby]

Hi all

Ever bought something to find it was totally inappropriate for it's intended job?

Here's a few of the "doesn't do as it says" products we've had over the years:

 

SWMBO bought a sun lounger that unfortunately bio-degraded within 12 months of use in the sun. It was refunded by the shop.

 

Last year I bought some of B&M's black weed control matting. It is now shredding in the sun. Plenty of gaps for the weeds to grow through.

 

I bought a nice set of oven gloves which melted the first time I tried removing a hot pan from the oven. The seller I bought them from wasn't too happy when I demanded my money back.

 

Bought some baking foil only to find on the instructions "not for oven use" What do you use it for?

 

Packet of Almonds with the inscription on the back "may contain nuts" I just paid for nuts so I hope it's a bit more than "may"

 

Any more?

 

Keith

 

 

 

[PatB]

Those awful plastic butterfly thingies that are supposed to allow you to put screws into plasterboard. They spin, refuse to fold up as designed or simply won't tighten firmly. I've learned my lesson and use proper toggle screws or, for some jobs, the pointy inserts with a coarse thread on the outside and the hole for a self-tapper on the inside.

[kevinlms]

Those awful plastic butterfly thingies that are supposed to allow you to put screws into plasterboard. They spin, refuse to fold up as designed or simply won't tighten firmly. I've learned my lesson and use proper toggle screws or, for some jobs, the pointy inserts with a coarse thread on the outside and the hole for a self-tapper on the inside.

You mean these? I use them all the time and rarely have any problems. Don't make the hole too big & use screws that have the thread going all the way.

 

http://www.ramset.com.au/Product/Detail/87/RamToggle-Nylon-Cavity-Fastener

 

These on the other hand, I wouldn't give the time of day.

 

http://www.ramset.com.au/Product/Detail/90/WallMate-Plasterboard-Anchors

[34theletterbetweenB&D]

Earliest serious failure, a pair of slip on shoes made of 'Corfam' a synthetic leather (late !960s, folks).

They looked utterly fabulous at the low asking price, and the upper on my right shoe split right across as a I wore them the day after purchase.

 

Audiolab 8000 amplifier.

Rave reviews as the best thing in solid state integrated amplifiers at a very low price for the 'audiophile' perfromance on offer. Sounded terrible, ringing, howling, and emitting wolf tones in response to any large swings in dynamic range and frequency. Expired smokily during the shop demonstration while playing Faure. It was at this point I realised that almost all audio reviewers were actually hearing impaired due to youthfully excessive enjoyment of over amplified beat combos.

 

And now right up to date. Cashew butter.

I like peanuts and peanut butter, and like cashews even more than peanuts. So I was interested to receive a jar of cashew butter among my birthday gifts. Sad to report it has both the texture and the taste of linseed oil putty.

[BoD]

Anything by Ronco or K-tel.

[jjb1970]

Audiolab 8000 amplifier.

Rave reviews as the best thing in solid state integrated amplifiers at a very low price for the 'audiophile' perfromance on offer. Sounded terrible, ringing, howling, and emitting wolf tones in response to any large swings in dynamic range and frequency. Expired smokily during the shop demonstration while playing Faure. It was at this point I realised that almost all audio reviewers were actually hearing impaired due to youthfully excessive enjoyment of over amplified beat combos.

I think it's worse than that, if audio reviewers were giving straightforward reviews based on frazzled ears that'd be one thing but after many years of being a part time hi-fi enthusiast and somebody that still enjoys using some pretty decent gear I'm firmly of the opinion that many hi-fi reviewers are either deliberately or unwittingly just peddling snake oil and spin. A couple of links which put the case far more eloquently and convincingly than I can:

 

http://douglas-self.com/ampins/pseudo/subjectv.htm

 

http://seanolive.blogspot.com/2009/04/dishonesty-of-sighted-audio-product.html

 

http://www.roger-russell.com/wire/wire.htm

 

http://www.biline.ca/audio_critic/audio_critic_web1.htm#acl

 

The last article by Peter Aczel of the Audio Critic, he was one of that breed of individuals who was cantankerous to the point of being able to start a fight in an empty room and very opinionated but also very technically competent, informed and whose opinions were very hard to argue with.

[polybear]

Anything that's "new & improved".  Usually after the EEC have stuck their noses in and decided the decent stuff is far too harmful to (a) the user, (b) the environment, © next door's cat etc etc.

Hammerite is a prime example.  Used to be great when Mr Finnigan ran the show.  Now, when ICI (?) flog it it's cr*p

[Fat Controller]

Anything that's "new & improved".  Usually after the EEC have stuck their noses in and decided the decent stuff is far too harmful to (a) the user, (b) the environment, © next door's cat etc etc.

Hammerite is a prime example.  Used to be great when Mr Finnigan ran the show.  Now, when ICI (?) flog it it's cr*p

Hammerite has been owned by ICI for twenty years..

[melmerby]

And now right up to date. Cashew butter.

I like peanuts and peanut butter, and like cashews even more than peanuts. So I was interested to receive a jar of cashew butter among my birthday gifts. Sad to report it has both the texture and the taste of linseed oil putty.

I would agree about the nut liking but I've never plucked up courage (and the not inconsiderable sum) to buy Cashew Butter.

Following your comment I wont bother.

Just bought a new 1kg Meridian Crunchy (£6.99) - 100% peanuts, no palm oil, sugar or salt. The cashew equivalent was £17.99.

 

Keith

[Gibbo675]

Controversial, but both in general and also specifically;

 

Women ?!?!

Controversial, but both in general and also specifically;

 

Women ?!?!

For any Women reading the above post, it might just be me ?!?!?!

[melmerby]

Controversial, but both in general and also specifically;

 

Women ?!?!

What don't they do that they are supposed to do?

(Keep it clean and no swearing)

 

Keith

[Fat Controller]

I would agree about the nut liking but I've never plucked up courage (and the not inconsiderable sum) to buy Cashew Butter.

Following your comment I wont bother.

Just bought a new 1kg Meridian Crunchy (£6.99) - 100% peanuts, no palm oil, sugar or salt. The cashew equivalent was £17.99.

 

Keith

If buying cashew butter, don't buy the 1kg tubs; they go off before you finish them. Likewise almond butter.

[jonny777]

Anything that's "new & improved".  Usually after the EEC have stuck their noses in and decided the decent stuff is far too harmful to (a) the user, (b) the environment, © next door's cat etc etc.

Hammerite is a prime example.  Used to be great when Mr Finnigan ran the show.  Now, when ICI (?) flog it it's cr*p

 

 

Government supply computer screen wipes used to be great when they contained alcohol, and would also do a great job on my specs. However, they were replaced by non-alcoholic versions which are rubbish. 

[Dave47549]

.

 

Edited October 1, 2021 by Dave47549
Removed pointless guff

[Nearholmer]

Gibbo

 

Not a case of not doing what you hoped or wished it might say on the tin, if there had been one, which there wasn't, at all, is it?

 

Anyway, on safer ground: 99% of plasterboard fixings ever made (the toggle ones included, because they won't work in our house because of the insulation behind the board). Oddly enough, the 1% is about 50% of those metal pointy-ended ones (half the time they shear while being installed, even if you keeping backing off to get the dust out).

 

Kevin

[jjb1970]

Anything claiming to be made without compromise. Any manufactured product is a collection of compromises.

[kernowtim]

Nitromors paint stripper, the new stuff has had the nasty chemicals that make it work removed , so now you need multiple applications to get the same result.

Creosote.. Modern substitutes seem like watered down brown paint, and they don't smell like creosote either!!

[Enterprisingwestern]

Packet of Almonds with the inscription on the back "may contain nuts" I just paid for nuts so I hope it's a bit more than "may"

 

As an almond is a seed, I would think the warning may refer to the fact that it is processed on machinery which may previously have been used for nuts, hence the advice.

 

Mike.

[Gibbo675]

Gibbo

 

Not a case of not doing what you hoped or wished it might say on the tin, if there had been one, which there wasn't, at all, is it?

 

Anyway, on safer ground: 99% of plasterboard fixings ever made (the toggle ones included, because they won't work in our house because of the insulation behind the board). Oddly enough, the 1% is about 50% of those metal pointy-ended ones (half the time they shear while being installed, even if you keeping backing off to get the dust out).

 

Kevin

Mr Kevin,

 

The trick with the metal plaster board fixings is to drill a pilot hole a slight less than the core of the fixing so that the plaster board still grips it and is not relying upon just the thread for anchorage. The other advantages are that you will achieve much greater accuracy in placing the fixing and also assists greatly in reducing compression fracture of the plaster board itself, there is an equation for such fracture, I think by Helmholtz but would stand corrected on that one.

 

Mr Gibbo.

[Gareth Collier]

Not purchased but most Windows updates seem to cause more trouble than they solve.

 

A Lidl temperature controlled soldering iron. Only two temps, cold or hot enough to melt the polar ice caps and then gave up the ghost within a week.

 

Royal Mail uniform waterproofs, fine as long as it doesn't rain.

Royal Mail footwear. You're allowed 2 pairs a year but they're so cheap they're bald in 6 weeks.

[Andy Hayter]

Hammerite has been owned by ICI for twenty years..

 

And ICI in turn has been owned for 11 of those 20 years by AkzoNobel - owners of Berger paints.

[eastglosmog]

Cat pill dispensers.  Never found one that does not require an extra two hands to make it work.

[New Haven Neil]

Audiolab 8000!  Tested one back in the day - thought someone had stolen the bass.  Tried a Creek.  Bought Musical Fidelity - which has just died, 30 years later.

[melmerby]

As an almond is a seed,

As are all nuts.

 

It's the bit that germinates to make a new plant.

BTW Peanuts aren't nuts they are legumes (peas!)

 

Keith

[34theletterbetweenB&D]

Women then. After spending five years atop a Himalayan peak stood in a headstand wearing solely a  loincloth and with snow alone to eat, I got the authoritative dope. I believe this covers all aspects whether or not described 'on the tin'.

 

Element: woman                                                      Symbol: Wo

First description: Adam (attrib)                             Mass:  typically 60Kg, wide range, upper limit indeterminate

Location:  Widespread. Urban concentrations, but ubiquitously present in conjunction with Element man.

Physical:

1. Naturally occurring organic supple semi-solid - final term should not be used near the Element [ see (2)]

2. Phases: solid, liquid, vapour, gas, plasma, with no measurable net energy exchange with ambient [see (3) C (5)(6)]

3. Phase changes ranging from deep frozen to incandescent without warning, severe risk of contact injury

4. Skilled handling is required to obtain and maintain a temperate flexible melted state [see (1) (2) (3)]

5. Bitter if inappropriately used [may prevent melting (4), lead to frequent events noted in (2) (3)]

6. Wide range of natural grades occur, ranging from pure virgin grade to coarse ore [see I&T (2)]

7. Typically yields to gentle pressure on selected points in melted phase [see (4)]

8. Surface typically concealed by deposits of fabric, leather, and powdery and paint like substances [see I&T (2)]

9. Reliable sources cite instances of a ‘hot’ isotope exerting dangerous forces; approach with caution [see C (4)]

Chemical:

1. Continuous metastable exchange reactions with all allotropes of Element couture [see (4),  I&T (2)(4)]

2. Unlimited surface absorption capability for large quantities of expensive organic compounds [see (4)]

3. Bonds rapidly and permanently with noble metals, translucent crystalline materials [see (4)]

4. Most powerful reducing agent characterised for all known allotropes of Element wealth [see I&T (1)]

5. Spontaneously combustible from any phase, flashpoint indeterminate, no source of ignition required [P(1)]

6. High explosive detonation: external shock, abrasion, undetectable slow build up of internal pressure

7. Exposure to catalysts such as exotic climate, romance, poetry; produces range of interesting effects [see P(2), (4)]

8. Rates and extent of reactions vary widely within an example, without reference to any detectable external factor

Uses, principal:

1. Decorative: selected specimens in demand for films, stage, sports car occupancy, trophies [see P (8)]

2. Relaxation: universally applicable where Element man (Ma) needs to feel at ease [see (3), C (7)]

3. Spontaneous production of further examples of Elements Wo and Ma. [see (2)]

Indicators and Tests:

1. Rapidly reduces any wealth by contact: ‘Wonga method’: sole safe, reliable, ethically approved test [C(4)]

2. Very pure specimens will turn bright pink when natural exterior surface is fully revealed [P(6)]

3. May turn a shade of green, freeze, boil, vaporise, detonate, in proximity to a better example [P(2)(3)(9), C(5) (6)]

4. Over time will display many unpredictable changes of colour, surface texture and appearance [P(8) C (1)(2)(3)(8)]

Edited July 13, 2018 by 34theletterbetweenB&D