Things that make you :)

[Ceptic]

7 hours ago, manna said:

 

Keira's 'Bloomer's' middle left hand side ?

 

manna

 Strewth !. What avast behind !

[kevinlms]

I've just been reading about someone here in Oz, who allegedly cancelled an internet service over 3 years ago.

 

When he attended the bank for another matter (presumably about a loan), the bank manager pointed out that the internet provider, was still deducting payments after all this time!

 

Why oh why, don't people check their bank statements EVER? Don't they get personal responsibility for checking their own statements, to avoid this sort of error?

 

Good luck getting a loan, when you can't demonstrate following the basics.

[Ozexpatriate]

2 hours ago, kevinlms said:

Don't they get personal responsibility for checking their own statements, to avoid this sort of error?

It doesn't help when banks (and other financial entities) want you to go paperless and stop sending statements.

[stewartingram]

Or electricity/gas suppliers invite you to go paperless then ask you to read the meters and email them across.......but totally ignore what you send them and estimate instead. (repeatedly).

 

Stewart

[newbryford]

5 hours ago, stewartingram said:

Or electricity/gas suppliers invite you to go paperless then ask you to read the meters and email them across.......but totally ignore what you send them and estimate instead. (repeatedly).

 

Stewart

 

Even better - they invite you to change to a smart meter to remove meter readings. Then change provider and then they advise you that they don't do smart meters............... yet [*]

Actually - that didn't make me smile - it made me

What will make me smile is when they have to send a meter reader because I refuse to read my meter for them.

(I have actually read the meter and their estimated bill isn't too far out)

 

[*] I will also raise another smile when the new provider comes and fits another smart meter at their expense.

 

[melmerby]

8 hours ago, newbryford said:

 

Even better - they invite you to change to a smart meter to remove meter readings. Then change provider and then they advise you that they don't do smart meters............... yet [*]

Actually - that didn't make me smile - it made me

What will make me smile is when they have to send a meter reader because I refuse to read my meter for them.

(I have actually read the meter and their estimated bill isn't too far out)

 

[*] I will also raise another smile when the new provider comes and fits another smart meter at their expense.

 

Or they invite you to have smart meters (Feb 2016) and several years later still haven't fitted them, then more recently they check the very old meters because of their age, say they need replacing, arrange for new non-smart meters to be fitted asap and still don't come and fit them.

[melmerby]

14 hours ago, stewartingram said:

Or electricity/gas suppliers invite you to go paperless then ask you to read the meters and email them across.......but totally ignore what you send them and estimate instead. (repeatedly).

 

Stewart

Don't have that problem with E.on

Fill reading in on web page, automatically calculates what you owe with an e-mail confirmation following shortly after.

 

[Sidecar Racer]

[luckymucklebackit]

Now if you hid a small balloon under the chicken breast and attached it discretely to a rubber bulb pump it would be really scary!

[Sidecar Racer]

[Sidecar Racer]

[manna]

G'Day Folks

[Tangoman69]

Apple does it again!
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from £499 to £699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This is considered a major social breakthrough ... because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

[Tangoman69]

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy hair, long graceful legs all the way up to her arse. You know the kind. So I'm in my room and figure, what the hell, I'll give her a call.

"Hello?" the woman says. God, she sounded sexy.

"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, we'll do it. Bring all your implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks.We'll go hot and heavy all night Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whip cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"

She says, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

[Tangoman69]

A women is in court charged with stealing a tin of peaches.
"How many peaches were in the tin ?" asked the judge. 
"Four",she replies.
He tells her she'll serve one month for each peach.
As she is being led away, her husband shouts from the gallery, "And, she stole a tin of peas !

[kevinlms]

He sat at the dinner table

With a discontented frown.

The potatoes and steak were underdone

And the bread was baked too brown.

 

The pie was too sour and the pudding too sweet,

And the roast was much too fat;

The soup so greasy, too, and salt,

'Twas hardly fit for the cat.

 

"I wish you could eat the bread and pie

I've seen my mother make.

They're simply great, and 'twould do you good

Just to sample a loaf of her cake."

 

Said the smiling wife, "I'll improve with age --

Just now I'm but a beginner;

But your mother has come to visit us,

And today she cooked the dinner.

[JeremyC]

Seen today a lorry carrying a tractor approaching the Queensferry Crossing.

 

 

(Note my wife took the photo as she wasn't driving!)

[manna]

G'Day Folks

[AY Mod]

Our local Chinese takeaway is shut at the mo.

 

[kevinlms]

6 minutes ago, AY Mod said:

Our local Chinese takeaway is shut at the mo.

 

Did you write it, for your other job?

[AY Mod]

57 minutes ago, kevinlms said:

Did you write it, for your other job?

 

In my best handrighting I did.

[Classsix T]

1 hour ago, AY Mod said:

Our local Chinese takeaway is shut at the mo.

 

I've seen worse. 

However if you deconstruct the penultimate line, it is not actually far from being a colloquial English appreciation. "You ARE royal customers" might have scanned better but, hey, even if they meant something else, I'd feel good but hungry sloping off home to open a five year old Toast Topper.

Glass half full and that... 

 

C6T. 

[AY Mod]

1 minute ago, Classsix T said:

even if they meant something else,

 

If you imagine the sign's content being dictated to the writer it becomes clearer.

[Classsix T]

N

14 minutes ago, AY Mod said:

 

If you imagine the sign's content being dictated to the writer it becomes clearer.

I 'get' that Sir thanks, but I'm one that never found Mind Your Language/Benny Hill funny the first time around so was deliberately avoiding such.

 

C6T. 

 

Besides, they've blatantly jammed in the letters to indicate the pluralisation of their clientele, so, ner... 

Edited August 6, 2019 by Classsix T

[Classsix T]

On 05/08/2019 at 15:15, JeremyC said:

Seen today a lorry carrying a tractor approaching the Queensferry Crossing.

 

 

(Note my wife took the photo as she wasn't driving!)

I'm reminded of Chihuahua - Great Dane cross breeds for some reason... huh. 

 

C6T.