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The Forum Jokes Thread

Colin_McLeod

By Colin_McLeod
in Wheeltappers

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Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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EHertsGER

EHertsGER

Posted
Posted

Isn't it ironic that the very place that fought so hard to get out of the (then) Empire is the last bastion of the Imperial system :rolleyes:

Well, we have some catching up to do..and now you have gone all non-European on us. Bloody confusing now butchers in Devon are flogging meat in pounds and ounces again...

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EHertsGER

EHertsGER

Posted
Posted

OOh / 00h can we have  gauge pronunciation war (just for a change like)?

So does 'P4' come put as something akin to 'pshaw!' as an expression of disgust (don't start on the P4/S4/Protofour tangle all over again, please!)

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EHertsGER

EHertsGER

Posted
Posted (edited)

He might be able to tone it down a bit :rofl:

 

:jester:

 

:punish:

 

(Hank B Marvin is one of my all-time guitar hero's!)

'Brain the size of a planet and I have to put up with Marvin jokes. I'm starving...' Edited by EHertsGER
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HeeleyBridge

HeeleyBridge

Posted
Posted

BREXIT

what an overweight Barnsley lass does when she sits on a plastic garden chair !

 

Aye, thannows ,  seen thaat befooer. Funniest when she has bowl o'trifle in one hand and pint o'lambrini in tother .. gooers @rse ower t*t and makes a complete Elvis or erself.

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raymw

raymw

Posted
Posted

After a seven-month deployment to the Western Pacific the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Abraham Lincoln was finally inching up to the pier at San Diego’s North Island Navy base. Looking down from the bridge the ship’s Captain noticed a sailor on the flight deck waving intently with semaphore flags. He also spotted an attractive young woman standing on top of a mini-van in the parking lot who was waving semaphore flags.

Always concerned about security and never having seen something like this before, the Captain barked at his duty signalman, "What message are those two people sending?"

The signalman concentrated intently and quickly reported, "Sir, he is sending FOXTROT-FOXTROT (FF) and she is sending ECHO-FOXTROT (EF)."

Not having any clue as to what these messages could mean, the Captain dispatched an armed Marine to escort the flag waving sailor up to the bridge.

The young sailor arrived, out of breath from climbing up the many ladders leading to the bridge, saluted smartly, and said, "Seaman Endicott reporting as ordered, sir!"

"Seaman", the said Captain gruffly, "who is that woman on the pier and why are you exchanging signals FF and EF with her?"

"Sir, that's my wife, sir, and she wants to eat first!"



 

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Andy Y

Andy Y

Posted
Posted

Last message about my dog

 

 

 

 

 

 

IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE RECENT E-MAILS ABOUT OUR DOG:

 

PLEASE BE ADVISED, WE ARE SICK AND TIRED OF ANSWERING QUESTIONS ABOUT HIM.

 

YES, HE BIT TWO PEOPLE WEARING BURKAS, TEN PEOPLE WEARING TURBANS, TWENTY

PEOPLE WEARING JEREMY CORBYN T-SHIRTS, TWO CAR DRIVERS WITH RAP MUSIC

BLARING FROM THEIR VEHICLES, FOUR JEVOVAH'S WITNESSES, TWO MORMONS, NINE

TEENAGERS WITH PANTS HANGING PAST THEIR ASS CRACKS, THREE MUSLIMS, AND A

PAKISTANI TAXI DRIVER.

 

FOR THE LAST TIME. . .THE DOG IS NOT FOR SALE!

>>

 

I had hidden this post after a report from a reader but decided that it may serve a purpose and say that I won't tolerate such offensive material. It is racist and I feel it's particularly inappropriate at this time.

 

In fact, posting content such as this may lead to immediate removal of site access.

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96701

96701

Posted
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I had hidden this post after a report from a reader but decided that it may serve a purpose and say that I won't tolerate such offensive material. It is racist and I feel it's particularly inappropriate at ANY time.

 

In fact, posting content such as this may lead to immediate removal of site access.

I've corrected your post. I hope you don't mind.

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raymw

raymw

Posted
Posted

Hi,
My intention was not to cause any offense, and if so, then the 'joke' should have been deleted either by me, or by a moderator. fwiw, my social studies paper, written many years ago, was about 'the psychology of humour', and many jokes pick on those who are a bit outside the perceived norm e.g. earlier someone mentioned about an 'overweight Barnsley lass' and others wrt  'bass players', even folk embedded in their mobile phones, etc. However, there is no anti prejudice legislation in place protecting such folk so I  should have realised, that in a public forum, the 'dog joke' could be seen as something that it was not intended to be. Anyway, something to reflect on http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong

 

 

Best wishes,

Ray

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Budgie

Budgie

Posted
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Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland.

 

"I think we'd have won 1-0," he replied.

 

"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.

 

"Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!"

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RJS1977

RJS1977

Posted
Posted

Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland.

 

"I think we'd have won 1-0," he replied.

 

"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.

 

"Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!"

 

Not only that, but two of them are dead...

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Giles

Giles

Posted
Posted

Hi,

My intention was not to cause any offense, and if so, then the 'joke' should have been deleted either by me, or by a moderator. fwiw, my social studies paper, written many years ago, was about 'the psychology of humour', and many jokes pick on those who are a bit outside the perceived norm e.g. earlier someone mentioned about an 'overweight Barnsley lass' and others wrt  'bass players', even folk embedded in their mobile phones, etc. However, there is no anti prejudice legislation in place protecting such folk so I  should have realised, that in a public forum, the 'dog joke' could be seen as something that it was not intended to be. Anyway, something to reflect on http://www.ted.com/talks/kathryn_schulz_on_being_wrong

 

 

Best wishes,

Ray

An absolutely brilliant talk on 'Wrongness' - well worth anyone pending ten minutes listening to...... Thank you for that!

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PhilJ W

PhilJ W

Posted
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Posted (edited)

Bobby Charlton was asked how he thought the England team of '66 would have fared against Iceland.

 

"I think we'd have won 1-0," he replied.

 

"Only 1-0?" asked the reporter.

 

"Yes," said Bobby. "Most of us are in our 70's now!"

 

 

Not only that, but two of them are dead...

And a couple more have Alzheimers, sadly.

Edited by PhilJ W
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kevinlms

kevinlms

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And a couple more have Alzheimers, sadly.

Not forgetting that Gordon Banks is blind in one eye, after his car crash.

 

But the question still remains, how many would the surviving members of the 1966 squad, beat the current squad by?

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