RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted April 29, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted April 29, 2017 (edited) Or "I've had enough of cleaning the toilet, I'm throwing in the bowel!" Edited April 29, 2017 by Ian J. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TT3 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 This has gone to far, i'm throwing in the gavel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted May 1, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 1, 2017 Or "That's it, I've had enough of BGT. I'm throwing in the Cowell!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 I have had enough of railway modelling and am taking up Cockfighting. I am throwing in the fowl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Ian J. Posted May 1, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 1, 2017 D*mn, you 'nicked' one I'd been thinking of But I still have more "That's it! I've had enough of ornithology! I'm throwing in the owl!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold 96701 Posted May 1, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 1, 2017 I am no longer going to be lion, I'm throwing in the growl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Davis Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 I've had enough of grumpy looks, I'm throwing in the scowl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titan Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 (edited) I have enough of these narrow-mindedly jokes, I'm throwing you all down the gauntlet! Did someone mention 00 ? Well I am a hoopy frood who is not throwing his towel anywhere. Edited May 1, 2017 by Titan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium PhilJ W Posted May 1, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 1, 2017 D*mn, you 'nicked' one I'd been thinking of But I still have more "That's it! I've had enough of ornithology! I'm throwing in the owl!" You don't give a hoot then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Turpin Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 Owl. OK then: What's the difference between a constipated owl, and a cock eyed gamekeeper? ......One shoots but can't hit! the other....? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Dagworth Posted May 1, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 1, 2017 What's the difference between a seagull and a baby? A seagull flits across the shore.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted May 1, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 1, 2017 What's the difference between Jamie Oliver and a cross country run? One's a pant in the country,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Colin_McLeod Posted May 1, 2017 Author RMweb Gold Share Posted May 1, 2017 What's the difference between Jamie Oliver and a cross country run? One's a pant in the country,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Mike. When I first heard that joke it was Fanny Craddock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Fitness Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 ... between a market seller and a dachshund.. One bawls his wares out on the pavement... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cromptonnut Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 ... between a market seller and a dachshund.. One bawls his wares out on the pavement... Time for a song by Les Barker... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0jxkZrIB4U 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 What's the difference between a seagull and a baby? A seagull flits across the shore.... Actually I think the spoonerism fits the seagull as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 A neighbour of ours, years ago, had a very large, old garden shed, which needed a good clearing out, so he asked a few of us to give him a hand. Right near the back, we found a dusty old oil painting, quite large. Underneath it was a violin case, in quite good nick, but obviously ancient. We threw them in the skip he had hired, but he took them out again, saying they might be worth something. He took them into an antiquarians in York for an opinion. The expert took a very long look at the painting, feeling the texture and trying to work out the signature under years of grime. He then looked at the back to check for goodness knows what. Satisfied with that, he opened the violin case and examined that too, very thoroughly. "What you have here sir, are, I strongly believe, a Turner and a Stradivarius. I would have to get a second opinion to verify that, of course". Our neighbour nearly collapsed with the excitement and only just heard the expert carry on to say : "Unfortunately, ....Turner's violins weren't very good ....... and Stradivarius was a pretty bad artist.......". Hope that hasn't made it on here before. Original from Cooper T. One of his very best! Rembrant originally: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4C0SwKcKOtI&t=62s 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RJS1977 Posted May 1, 2017 Share Posted May 1, 2017 Jones the Steam and Dai Station had an 'animated' discussion in Ivor's shed. It ended in fisticuffs, fisticuffs, fisticuffs, fisticuffs.... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Gold Enterprisingwestern Posted May 2, 2017 RMweb Gold Share Posted May 2, 2017 When I first heard that joke it was Fanny Craddock. Updated for the modern audience! In my day it was Mrs Beeton. Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 Why do you never get hungry in the desert? Because of all the sand-wiches (groan) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liam Posted May 2, 2017 Share Posted May 2, 2017 What do you call a singer with a biscuit n his head? Lionel Richtea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RMweb Premium Sidecar Racer Posted May 2, 2017 RMweb Premium Share Posted May 2, 2017 • My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Turpin Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) Having had a long and tiring day, the teacher asked the class to give her a few sentences with the featured word of the day. 'Today's word is 'contagious' she announced. 'Jenny, please can you give me a sentence or two using the word contagious.' 'If my sister had measles, and I got too close, I would catch it because it's contagious.' 'Very good Jenny,' replied the teacher. 'Now can anyone else think of anything?' 'I can miss.' said little Johnny, with his hand in the air. 'OK Johnny,' replied the teacher, looking slightly nervous. 'Please do continue. 'The uvver day,' began Johnny, 'I was watching the bloke across the road from our house painting his garage doors green. He was only using a half-inch brush, and it took the contagious to finish!' The teacher went Edited May 3, 2017 by Dick Turpin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Turpin Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 (edited) • My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs? Then going off and interfering with the quire (edit - should have been spelled choir) boys.... Edited May 3, 2017 by Dick Turpin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Storey Posted May 3, 2017 Share Posted May 3, 2017 Then going off and interfering with the quire boys.... Ah, you mean the lads who delivered my morning paper? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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