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The Forum Jokes Thread


Colin_McLeod
Message added by AY Mod,

Sexist, racist or religious jokes aren't funny - keep them to yourself!

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Two Scouse scallys in the Benefits office. 
 

1st scally: ‘wha yurrear fer, la’?

2nd scally: ‘I wanner grant’. 
1st: ‘wha fur’?

2nd: ‘a pare uh shoes worrul fit me’. 
1st: ‘duncher mean a pare uh shoes darrul fit chur’!

 

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1 hour ago, The Johnster said:

Two Scouse scallys in the Benefits office. 
 

1st scally: ‘wha yurrear fer, la’?

2nd scally: ‘I wanner grant’. 
1st: ‘wha fur’?

2nd: ‘a pare uh shoes worrul fit me’. 
1st: ‘duncher mean a pare uh shoes darrul fit chur’!

 

 

A true story in a similar vein from about 60 years ago, my mothers favourite anecdote;

While mum and me were in Gowers and Burgons in FirVale, (then as now, not the most salubrious part of Sheffield, but at least back then we didn't go around wantonly breaking the law and infecting everybody with a deadly virus), we were behind a mother and her young offspring, and the mother said something to the child which he didn't hear, so he said eh?, to which his mother slapped him across the back of the head and shouted at him "don't say eh?, say you what?"

 

Mike.

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1 minute ago, Steamport Southport said:

Same thing.  :prankster:

 

Absolutely not. Ask any Brummie. Black Country folk aspire to Birmingham. Take the Birmingham Railway Carriage & Wagon Co., whose premises were in Smethwick, definitely in the Black Country. 

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43 minutes ago, Compound2632 said:

 

Absolutely not. Ask any Brummie. Black Country folk aspire to Birmingham. Take the Birmingham Railway Carriage & Wagon Co., whose premises were in Smethwick, definitely in the Black Country. 

Yoh'm jokin', ay yer?? It's the other way round - that's why the BRC&W had to be built in Smerrick!! :blum:

 

Who'd want a dreary accent like Brummie, any road - that sounds like a wet November evening!! :nono: 

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14 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

Yoh'm jokin', ay yer?? It's the other way round - that's why the BRC&W had to be built in Smerrick!! :blum:

 

Who'd want a dreary accent like Brummie, any road - that sounds like a wet November evening!! :nono: 

 

Well, I come from Sutton Coldfield, where sex is what coal comes in.

 

We had a parish priest from Coventry - he really did sound the most gloomy individual imaginable, despite doing his best to keep the content of his homilies upbeat.

 

When my children were young, Winnie the Pooh was in the repertoire of bedtime stories. Eyeore was easy to characterise with a West Midlands accent.

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20 minutes ago, F-UnitMad said:

Ah yes, one of Jasper Carrott's finest tales is about when he met a girl from Sutton Coldfield, & went to meet her parents.

 

I think that is one of the reasons why I thought it was a made up place name. I'd never heard of the place in any other context or saw it on maps, but Jasper Carrott always mentioned it.

 

 

Then again when I was about 9 or 10 it was on the news that a volcano had erupted in St Helens and I was wondering why I couldn't see it as St Helens was only down the road....

 

 

:laugh:

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9 hours ago, Nick C said:
6 hours ago, raymw said:

can beat that......

 

23 hours ago, raymw said:

And, in a recent English test the teacher saw that John where Jack had had had had had had had  had had had had the teachers approval

 

Amateurs...

 

The Solicitors Rolland and Anderson had a new sign painted.  Unfortunately the sign writer made a mistake between "Roll" and "and", and "and" and "and", and "and" and "And", and "And" and "erson"... 

 

If I got that right that's thirteen consecutive repeated words and grammatically correct. Although if I have cocked it up no doubt someone will point it out in seconds...

 

Edited by Titan
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On 11/01/2021 at 18:30, peanuts said:

Just saw a man get hit in the head with a power tool.

Everything was fine then... bosch!

Where my mother grew up, that was the kitchen sink.

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14 hours ago, Steamport Southport said:

 

I think that is one of the reasons why I thought it was a made up place name. I'd never heard of the place in any other context or saw it on maps, but Jasper Carrott always mentioned it.

 

 

Then again when I was about 9 or 10 it was on the news that a volcano had erupted in St Helens and I was wondering why I couldn't see it as St Helens was only down the road....

 

 

:laugh:

Since the mid-50s, Sutton Coldfield has been well known as the site of a major television transmitter. (Michael Caine voice, Not many people....)

 

 

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10 minutes ago, Hroth said:

Since the mid-50s, Sutton Coldfield has been well known as the site of a major television transmitter. (Michael Caine voice, Not many people....)

 

Yes, though renewed at some point. The original had a distinctive white cylindrical top, vaguely reminiscent of the rubber on the end of a pencil; at least so thought my brother (who is seven years my junior and hence in awe of everything his big brother does - or at least was so, back in 1974) who, seeing it from his push chair, exclaimed "Stephen's pencil!" 

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15 minutes ago, Hroth said:

Since the mid-50s, Sutton Coldfield has been well known as the site of a major television transmitter. (Michael Caine voice, Not many people....)

 

The first to bring television to people outside London, I believe.

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